Life is good

Alright shit has been a bit busy the last couple of days. Stress over the condo mostly but we got the word on tuesday that our mortgage commitment went through and we are good to close on friday! WHOOOOO HOOOOO! Thank god, I will not have to murder a roommate or watch sports center (not as much at least) every fucking night!

On to a different topic I had another dream about the Ex last night. It was so bizarre, it included me, the Ex and Pink. Yes, the singer pink! My Ex was with Pink and I was trying to get him back. The weird thing it never ends, which I mean I try and then right before I do I go blank, stop or wake up. I think I am subconciously freaking out do to the commitment ahead. ALL I know is S. better not mess up big time or I will rip his balls off, and make him eat it for breakfast, hehe.

I think I found my halloween outfit or should I say outfits. I can't decide so I will show you the three I purchased. I like them all and have dislikes of each of them. I don't know what to do. It is getting harder and harder to find a costume and I am getting older and older to be wearing them either so I have to enjoy it while I can.

This is a classic and S. loved it the most, of course the tighter or shorter (ah hell he wishes I would go naked) he loves it more. I think it looks hot but the fishnets kind of show lines underneath the costume because it is so tight.



The next one looks great except the tube top isn't as flattering as I had hoped. I do not have huge tits so it doesn't help lift rather push down. My stomach looks great but it is kind of bright as well.



The last I have not tried on but it is in order. I think this could be hot but hopefully the same issues with stockings will occur as with the sheriff costume.



Sometimes I just wish I had a perfect body and looked like a porn star, then I wouldn't care because everything would make me look hot.

Buying a condo sucks

OK, OK I know I have control issues but this condo shit is so retarded. Basically we have been working toward this condo the last month and a half. All of the participates are always saying "Everything is on track, etc" but I find out last week it is not! It is not at all, with all the problems with foreclosures, and mortgages the undersriter is giving us a really difficult time. First off I do not understand this since S. and I make more than enough (coimbined we make how much the condo is being sold for) and we are not buying a 250,000 dollar house it is a one bedroom condo aka apartment that we technically own. Seriously these problems would not bother me except the closing is supposed to be this friday! WTF! Hmmmm going to continue to chew on my nails.
In other news the "moving out of the apartment" party we had this weekend was a blast (ironic since we might not get it now) with the whole crew there including my sisters. I had just enough booze to feel drunk but not sick drunk and I kicked ass on the beer pong table. I surprise guys since they think I am just a girl in a hot skirt but oh no I become BEER PONG QUEEN and won over 12 games in a row, and lets face it by the twelf game I couldn't even see straight which is why I lost. Hey a woman can only do so much. I think I remember belting the pong ball at my opponents head in hope that a lost eye would continue my winning streak.

Nightmares...

Holy shit I had the most bizarre nightmare last night. I will not go into the whole long drawn out version but short story is that S. hit on some girl right in front of me and I broke it off. I proceeded to warn the new girl, and as I was walking out I saw my ex of 4 years (guy I was with before S. and all through college) and we reconnected. It has always been a back and forth of the ex and S.
The ex and I were engaged but I was so young and not ready and he had never been with anyone else. I remember when I was engaged with the ex I started having dreams and nightmares then too. I woke up so pissed and realized it was a nightmare. It was so vivid I was ready to walk out and needed to calm myself. The only good thing is right at that moment S. put his strong arms around me and cuddled, felt really good but my heart was running a million miles a minute. How can dreams be so real, and why am I dreaming about an ex? Sometimes just sometimes I feel like a guy. I have to remember to not freak out. I think I am starting to wig out a bit since the condo closing is coming closer and that is the first thing that really links us together. Why can't I just relax, and stop thinking like a man? Isn't the man supposed to be freaked out about commitment? I want to marry him and I love him but these dreams are not helping me!

Updates and other random thoughts

- I got a response for that interveiw but I am trying to make the appointment for furthur in the month so I don't take too much time off work (and the THC is out of my system), plus i figure they took 4 months to get back to me, a couple fo weeks can't kill their precious HR and company. On the other hand I could be fucking myself, but it won't be the first time.

- Only 10 days until the closing of the condo! THANK you god because if I have to watch one more baseball game or ESPN show I am going to castrate every man I see.

- My sister and safety guy are going fabulous so hopefully neither one of them will fuck it up.

- Ever feel like you have different groups of friends. I have about 4 close girlfriends in state that are constants. Two and two seems to be how it is and the weird thing is unless I am there the 4 will not meet up. They actually like each other but will not make any effort for each other. They will all call me but not each other....weird.

- Was able to have sex last night after all the gyno hoopla and can I tell you I don't know how women (who do not have kids that is) can go a week without it. Either you are a lesbian, your man is not doing it right, or you are not in tune with your body so your poor man doesn't even have a chance.

- Started looking at halloween outfits let me know which one you think is the sluttiest, because that is what halloween is all about...LOOKING like a slut and no one saying a damn thing about, even better you can win a contest! Gotta love that holiday. Now remember my legs are my best feature, I have a flat stomach but my boobs are huge, so being 5'10 and legs to my boobs looks fabulous.


I love this one because I think she looks bitchy. Below is just a sluttier version, but would have to try it on definately to not embaress myself, hehe!


I think this hot but adorable and I would be able to make my boobs look bigger with this top because of more fabric coverage.


I love the idea of the senorita and I think it is totally hot but i don't know if everyone would get it and after being drunk all night I don't know how well slurring words in spanish will go.


I love the mermaid but not sure if my tiny titties would be able to hold up the shells?


Last but not least my favortie the rag doll, but I would defiantely have to lose five pounds only because no body carries my size which is M/L and I tried on the one below and it would need 5-8 pounds gone to get into the skirt. Legs and stomach looked great just couldn't zip it up all the way.

I was thinking about money and how I have absolutely no idea how I have none. I don’t go crazy buying coach bags or shoes…Marshalls is a huge treat for me yet I still seem to work paycheck to paycheck. This notion is enhanced ten times in the fact that I made way less (I am talking like 35,000 dollars less) when I was in college and grad school and somehow I was able to afford more. Granted I have more bills but it just gets me thinking, what is the point of making more money when you are just going to spend it on crappy things like a mortgage, food and a car?
New revelation: I need to move to a warmer state and just live as a beach bum or a stripper (hey I won't be eating as much so my body should look fabulous).
On another note I am playing match maker to my sister and safety guy. Remember him he hit on me and I was and still am with S. so that was never going to happen, so I figured hey my sister looks just like me and overall is a nicer person. They have already gone on two dates, now it is out of my hands and maybe my sister can become the wife and mother she always wanted to be. Say a prayer, that is really her only dream and it may not be mine but I want my sisters to accomplish all of their dreams.

No drinking yet I got no sleep?

Uhhhhhh I am so tired and irritated. I hate going to work lethargic because the job is so boring it is already hard to stay awake, focus and work.
I just want to rant a bit.....S., some friends and I met up with some of S. friends who came in from San Diego. The guy is nice and I will refer to him as rocker guy (he has long hair and a go-tee) and we all hung out at a bar. I went home early since I have to go to work in the morning and S. stayed out since he had today off (bastard I am jealous). I put my earplugs in, wash my face, put my face mask on (have to love the nightly rituals) and proceed to bed.
Well two hours later I am woken out of a dead fucking sleep to S. plastered and falling all over the place, crashing into everything. S. is not very good with shots so when he does he becomes a retard with no motor skills. As he climbs into bed he starts to toss and turn then completely falls and crashes off the bed. FINE (as my anger starts to rise more and more) stay on the floor at least then you aren't tossing all night keeping me awake. Then he aparently tried to grab a pillow and caused other things like nightstands to fall over. GRRRRRRR I am getting more and more irritated and awake. Finally he gets up a little later (right when I am about to fall asleep again) and crawls into bed. THEN he starts to snore...MOTHER FUCKER!

Side Note: I have this wonderful trick on how to train a man to not snore. Just close his nose so he is forced to breath out of his mouth. Now the first couple of times the guy will either breath out of his mouth or jerk awake feeling like he was suffocating...but either way over time it will get to the point that all you have to do is graze his nose and thank god for Pavlov's law the man will roll over.

Back to the story..so I touch his nose and he rolls over. Finally I can get some sleep. Wake up and start to walk around and see the room is trashed and S. totally pissed all over the floor (should have known better he would have stayed on the floor all night otherwise) which I stepped in. Holy shit I love this man and don't get me wrong I have come home drunk too, but I do not create this much havoc. So I get ready and I couldn't help myself. I reset the alarm for 9am put it the loudest I could and across the room so he can't hit snooze or off. Whoopsees, second mistake...mentioning to his rocker friend who was sleeping on our couch that S. pissed himself. Hey I figure those two are very calm and nice in comparison to the thoughts of torture i wanted to inflict on S. for ruining my whole night.

Love to be a woman except..

I will be honest that most days I love being a woman. I will never complain that men have it better (at least right now) than we do, especially being in my mid twenties. Life is crazy but being a somewhat attractive woman (I am cute more so than model) you can take advantage of a lot of things. Getting out of tickets, free drinks, etc. but there are a few times that I cannot stand being a woman. And that time is…..

The visit to the GYNO (as a dark errie sound plays in the back)

Where else can you be asked to place your vagina on full display to be poked and prodded at without even getting some drinks or dinner before!? Actually most times it is not too bad but today I had to have a little procedure done and sometimes I feel like the doctor is not really caring about how my cervix is feeling. Plus because of liability now there usually has to be more than just your doctor in the room. Ahhh soon they will tell me that they need eight doctors in their to help spread out the insurance costs they have. So I sit here at my desk popping Tylenol to help my cramps and think maybe I can speed home, cry my way out of a ticket and make myself feel like a sexy lady again?

P.S.: Oh and on a side note I can’t have any sex for a week! When mentioning this to S. he says “What, I need to have a chat with this doctor” as I am laughing I realized how he was trying to cheer me up. Sometimes he is really a great guy and knows how my sarcastic sense of perversion makes medical procedures not seem so serious.

P.S.S: I called back for the interview and lied that I was out of town on business but would love to set up an interview when I get back. AKA..need to stall so my system can clean out all the THC it collected from a cab driver. Damn you HR groups and taking forever to get back.

Hmm weekend and a possible interview!

OK so the weekend was once again a druken blur...hmmm I need to relax with the booze when you get yet another scrape and ruin your jeans and you have the following converstation with a cab driver (hey I was responsible and took one home).

Me: Hi, can you take me home to..... its off exit 26.
Cabbie: Ohh I brought you home last night didn't I?
Me: Oh shit yeah you did and you sold me that great weed and let me smoke in your cab, can I light up?
Cabbie: No problemo you can do whatever you want...you are so beautiful do you know that
(Side Note: I looked like a drunken mess)
Me: Ohhh thanks thats nice, just trying to get home.
Cabbie: You know what?
Me: What?
Cabbie: I will give you as much weed as you want and the ride for free if you give me one hour in a hotel room with you.
(Side note: Now most women would be offended by this but I could not help but laugh that he thinks that would be enough to convince me to sleep with him)
Me: Laughing so hard, Uhhhhh sorry I am not a hooker and I am a good girl, but thanks for the offer.
Cabbie: Are you sure?
Me: Hahha, yeah I am sure!
Cabbie: Well here have this anyways (hands me a marlboro pack)
Me: Ohhh thanks (I open it and it does not have ciggerettes rather a big bag of weed)
Me: Ohhh I can't pay for this and I am not going to sleep with you...
Cabbie: Ohhh don't worry about it, just take it.
Me: I repeat I am not going to sleep with you for anything
Cabbie: It's not a problem just take it.
Me: I AM NOT GOING TO SLEEP with you
Cabbie: No I know, don't worry
Me: Uhh ok (as I stuble out of the cab, throw a 20 at him and bolt)

As I get into my apartment I just about fell over thinking I was just given a free bg for nothing but I was also apparently so hooker looking after drinking all night that someone thought I was, hehe! Maybe its a sign from god that I either need to stop drinking or hookers get alot of great perks. Need to ponder over that?

On my professional forefront I got a call back for an interveiw for a job that I applied for like 4 months ago. WHAT the fuck why do big companies post jobs for ever but take forever to answer. Oh well I am going to set one up to see if I can get more moeny out of them. Updates will follow as for now i will pretend to work as an engineer and start bartedning my weekends away (hmm maybe I should look into being a hooker, hehehe)

Going for an interview

Wish me luck I am going for an interveiw to see if I can get a barteding gig with a catering company just for Saturdays. I can make an extra 15 dollars an hour and tips. I just need to make anywhere from 50-100 dollars extra a week for spending money so I don't touch my check except to pay bills and save. How funny is it I went to college and graduate school and still going back to bartending! Hey what can I say its quick easy cash!

HAPPY day

Soooo Happy! Today is a half day and S. and I are doing fabulous! Whoo hoo! I know I bitch alot (keeps me sane and from stabbing coworkers or S. hehehe JK) but sometimes I really sit back and can see how amazing my life is.

Morning sex...

OK to all the men out there I want to clear something up. I love "morning" sex but do not love "hard, throbbing dick, pointing in my butt crack, waking me out of a dead sleep, expecting me to be wet right away groggy" sex! Do not get me wrong if I wake up out of a nice sleep role over and see your amazing body glistening in the morning light and snuggle up then it is a go, hey even slightly caress me or go down town gently and I am sure morning sex would be fabulous! Plus lets not forget that breaths stink and my face mask has a tendency to make me look oily in the morning, not exactly sexy material. Ahh who the fuck am I kidding i don't care if I look sexy, I still love to have sex but getting jolted out of a dead sleep for cock isn't appealing in the least. Sorry S and all the men out there!

Registries and my clit

Can I tell you how bizarre and fun creating a registry is?! I just made two registries online because everyone kept bitching that I didn’t have one. Sorry masses I am not a money grubbing gold digger only getting married for gifts, but it is nice finding things to get for our new condo. Who knew you could purchase a asparagus steamer (ok, ok I didn’t get any more retarded non-needed kitchen stuff except this) because I love ASPARUGUS. I also found adorable casual china and a lot of other stuff. It’s funny though because I still think about people spending too much. So I made it easy on people poor or rich (hmmm do I even know anyone rich, hehe) by registering at Macy’s and also Target. I think it was better that I did it online because I could picture myself going insane with products around me in the stores and registering for too much. The most expensive thing I registered for S. and I was a DYSON vacuum which I am hoping my grandmother will get it for me. I don’t think I am going to get expensive china since I am pretty sure I will NEVER use it, honestly I can only remember one time my mom used it in my childhood and that is because we mentioned how no one ever uses china anymore. Well hopefully people will get most of the shit on the registry so I can dump all the un-matching shit we have now, hehe!
ON the condo front our closing is on September 28 so it is coming up quickly and I am excited. It will be so nice to be out of a house full of testicles and cocks (except S. of course). I am trying to save as much as possible which is going pretty good and everyone would be proud of me…I turned down going out last night and even some pot. Pot just makes me fucking eat all day and night; booze doesn’t make me eat but makes me spend more. FUCK how wonderful drugs and alcohol are, hehe!
Hmm do you think anyone would notice if I brought my clit massager into work and took a long break, all of a sudden I feel extremely horny……(total random thought I know)

Grrrr hungry...

How is it possible I am starving at nine in the morning. Granted I did not eat breakfast but I never eat breakfast. I am about to bust out the Wonton Soup I brought but that is my lunch. How is it I forget to bring money when I am hungry. All I would need is two hard boiled eggs right now (best thing to help curb appetitie and lots of protein). GOD DAMMMMMIT!. Alright I guess its the Wonton or I am going to start eating coworkers.

Long weekends are fun

Ahhh sorry for the previous post as you can tell I was wasted and drunk! Not that I don't always want S. attention but sometimes (I know this is hard to believe, hehe) I am an attention whore with him, hehe! Example, I got pretty drunk this weekend (God, I love 4 day weekends) and he went to a bar with a friend (down the street) but here is the kicker didn't mention he was going so here me and my friends are at this house and my fiance and my friends husband apparently just took a walk. Uhhh ok normal sober Me would just get ahold of him make sure he is ok and go on with my bad self....but drunk Me gets mad goes to the bar has a shot and then goes to another bar without them and telling S. to make a point. Then I come back and proceed to argue with him till I pass out. Now the weird thing is I do care that he doesn't tell me where he is going....the night before he thought i had left the party we were at and got worried, but apparently it is ok for him to leave. I guess the booze basically ruins my delivery. I get irritated at him and myself for different reasons. With him it feels like a double standards sometimes. Its ok for him but not for me, but i do the same thing as well. Ahhh apparently i had called up an ex that night I got pissed at S. as well. I didn't meet up and have would not have done anything but it is so childish for me to like call this guy I know likes me still and use him to make me feel better. SHIT, I need to grow up, not drink so much, or lock S. in a closet for only me to take out (as needed).

I'm drunk

I am so drunk....toooo much wine and too much fun. I am here at my frineds house consuming so much wine, shots and beer that I realize that I love S. but I don't know if he can give me everything I want. I am here and there is a girl who when we were broke up he tried to have sex with. Now I only know this because he was being honest with me but now I knwo which makes me feel shitty. Part of me knows in the futere he will not give me attention like he .....somewhat does now which is going to suck so much. How di you make it stay fresh. How do you compete with everyday bullshit? How do you amek yourself feel pretty when you are 50? I don't know....I just don't fucking know! Fuck men and fuck myself because I care.... I am sure I will wake up tomorrow not so drunk and not worry so much. But for now I am wasted and worry about my man not caring.