Friday, November 30, 2007

I love her!

Ok, I am exhausted (Repeat after me I AM NOT GOING TO MURDER MY FIANCE) from no sleep again but I love ALICIA KEYES and her new song. I love her voice, lyrics and the fact that she is one hot curvy chick! I do wonder somtimes if she is a lesbian which hey maybe I could turn to the other side for her!?

Thursday, November 29, 2007

Hilarious

I THINK YOU'RE THE FATHER OF ONE OF MY KIDS

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him.

She says hello.

He's rather taken back because he can't place where he knows her from.

So he says, 'Do you know me?' to which she replies, 'I think you're the father of one of my kids.'

Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, 'My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery???'





She looks into his eyes and says calmly, 'No, I'm your son's teacher.'

The "List"

The other day for some odd reason I started to think of my “list”. Everyone has the “list” of their sexual partners and how different parts of your life and outlook change the type of lovers you have. I think pre-sex was the best training for me to have a really healthy sex life. I figure hey why not share with everyone (plus as time goes it gets more and more difficult to remember) in the internet world.

When I was younger I was a tomboy, sports, and a lot of guy friends. This actually helped me not have sex until I got to college. I would hear true insight at what men think and how sex is. Plus lest not forget how fertile my family is on both sides. My father comes from a family of 11 kids and all married which gives me something about 45 blood cousins (crazy sexual Irish Catholics with no protection).

I basically realized I did not want to be a practicing post for most men, because face it I didn’t know my body and most men around that age don’t either. So when all the girls I knew said sex was so great, years down the road admitted that sex then was a mish mosh of awkwardness like two fish flopping on the sand. Plus the big O didn’t occur for a majority of my girlfriends, while the teenage guy pounding away got his. Do not get me wrong this is not all the guys fault I didn’t even start masturbating till college, so how do I expect a man to know how to please me when I didn’t? I couldn’t fathom having sex which wasn’t going to make me feel great for the risk of being knocked up. I wasn’t going to let crappy sex ruin four years of partying which was on the horizon.

I did have one situation which I still debate with friends as to whether it is considered sex but I will list that with the others. So without no further ado the list!

1. First love (oh to be young and naive): He was the first guy I got butterflies for and who also broke my heart. I never cared about someone before, even if they broke up with me. This is the debate: He was the first guy I did anything with included a debacle of a hand job (rug burn), and getting naked. We basically attempted to have sex when I was 16 and when I say attempted I mean he put it in, I freaked and he took it out. No thrusting, no pain, no movement, and no ejaculation…so do you consider that sex for the first time?
2. Senior guy: I was a freshman, he was a cute senior, I was drunk and just decided to do it. Nothing special, wasn’t forced (I showed up at his door later that evening) and honestly didn’t even want to be with him. I think my curiosity at that point was so high about what the fuss was about that I just did it with this nice guy I knew wanted to be with me, so if I got emotionally attached it would last at least a little while. Well needless to say I was so disappointed…that’s it? This is what everyone is talking about? It didn’t hurt, it pretty much didn’t do anything. At the end I started to get dressed and he stammered “Aren’t you going to stay over?” I looked back and replied “Uhhh no thanks, don’t feel like doing the walk of shame, thanks and we're still friends right?”
3. Big Dick boy: This guy who I met was white but had the biggest dick I have ever encountered! I mean like 8-9 inches. This was a huge change and actually not for the better. I couldn’t be on top and other positions were uncomfortable. I dated him about 4 months but still didn’t orgasm but didn’t quite wince as much.
4. Latin Lover: This was a great experience not that I orgasmed but I finally felt some passion and the guy’s dick was perfect. We did it in the basement bathroom of our dorm because we both had roommates that knew we had boyfriend/girlfriends. I can say one thing Latin men say the most amazing things to you and are so much fun in bed…downside usually sluts so a relationship is never going to happen.
5. Short guy: He was a guy I dated in the summer that I met on E at a rave. We talked and talked but when we stood up he was about 5 inches shorter. I am 5’10 so you get the drift. I dated him for the summer and fucked him in my car near a lake. Good times but I never found my panties.
6. Virgin: I took a guy’s virginity in college. I was so drunk and invited him back, started having sex, went to turn on the lights, fell over a fan, continued to have sex till I got sick and passed out. Sooo romantic for the guy. In my defense I didn’t know I took his V card till a mutual friend told me. I actually felt so guilty I continued to date him and guess what? I fell head over hells in love with him and was with him for 4 years! He and I explored each others bodies; I finally experienced an orgasm and anal sex. We did everything under the sun and both found our sexuality together.
7. S. : He was the first time I had ever truly cheated. The guy in college that I was seeing never made it official but with Virgin boy we were engaged! I don’t know what happened but I fell for S. immediately mentally and physically. The sexual tension was so high I felt like orgasming when he looked at me. I resisted for over three months and we hung out a lot. S. and I became a couple after I crushed poor virgin, who to this day I fell awful about.
8. Threesome: On one of S and I breakups, I found out S. was already sleeping/dating someone else within a day or two of breaking up. He had met her at the bar the night we broke up and took her home. I was enraged, hurt and distraught so one night while hanging out with two good friends of mine (not my normal group but grad school peeps) my girlfriend (who has been with both sexes) started hitting on me, one thing lead to another and my other guy friend was coming over anyways so when he got there we invited him in. The weird thing about the threesome was that both parties wanted me so a lot of focus was on me. They wouldn’t fuck each other only me. I can honestly say it was fun, different and at some points way to much stimulus. I held that secret as a “fuck” you to S even when we got back together. I thought” Hahha, something you always wanted and I got it without you!” He eventually found out and still isn’t truly comfortable about it. Hey you fucked me over and I had a threesome.
9. Greek boy: He was another one when S and I broke up (only twice over 4 ½ years) and he was such an amazing person. He could have been the only man that swayed me from S. He was adorable, tall, dark, handsome, hilarious, smart, rich, and sweet but one major problem. He was awful in bed and weird about it too. I think he had a virgin whore complex? He really liked me and I him, so he couldn’t just fuck me. I was the virgin and fucking me would make me a whore. Hmmm I like being both. So we have done the back and forth thing, always calling over the last three years when both of our love lives are in peril. But timing and his lackluster performance has made it so my children will never be Greek and I will not be rich. DAMMIT, hehe.
10. Hot Idiot Boy: He was the one guy I slept with this last time S and I broke up (remember all the whining I did at the start of the blog when I thought it was over) and he was so gorgeous but seriously needed a helmet! I thought he was devoid of any personality and retarded. His sexual techniques were far from spectacular and too fast for my liking. In his defense I was super aggressive and acting like a porn star out of anger at S. so that might make anyone not perform to well the one time you have sex.

So there you have it my 10 ½ guys (hmm some say 11) I have on my list. Not everyone knows about all of them, and some do but now all my Blogger friends know. I think 11 over 8 years isn’t too bad? Let me tell you thank god for the two 4 year relationships I had because I have a feeling it would be in the 30 if I wasn’t.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

So busy

I have been insanely busy at work while trying to secure a new job. I have a interveiw next week but we also have an Audit so I am trying to figure out a great lie for my boss, while trying to study for the interview. I also got a response back from another company located in San Diego. My job would still be in the Northeasy but training there would be cool (never been to Cali). I have been spending alot of time on the internet looking at other companies, putting out resume after resume in hopes of a career change. So I have been neglecting my blogger, my outlet, my sanity. I will update more stories at lunch but for now back to the corporate slavery I love!

Monday, November 26, 2007

Thanskgiving 2007

I can honestly say I had a great thanksgiving! In a previous post I spoke how the sisters wanted to cook and they did. The only thing i prepared was green bean casserole and I brought a bunch of beer and wine. The food was overall pretty good, no major disasters and I met my older sister's new bulldog puppy called Stella. Oh my god the dog was so adorable and almost made me run out the house and purchase a dog. I restrained myself because a one bedroom condo would definitely be torture for any type of dog.

Alot of partying went on since I had a four day weekend. The girls all went out on Friday to downtown and besides one girlfriend leaving early we all had a blast. Sometimes it is nice to go out, drink, dance and flirt. It reminds me that I still have it. I of course was a good girl and did not do anything more than chat, flirt and imagine in my head what sex would be like with this cute guy. Hey men have their porn and we have random guys at the bar.

Last night S. made dinner for me and my parents and it was nice and low key. My parents are hilarious and my dad keeps showing me how cool he is. He made us look up this hilarious clip on you tube and I about pissed my pants. I feel like they are finally seeing me not only as their daughter but an adult.

I am back to work and it is great because my two bosses are out! Whooo hooo so it is nice and quiet. I will get some work done but not really, hehe. I also had a phone interview for a new position and I got offered a real interview. Only problem is that it is the week of an audit we are having here...hmmm how do I lie about getting out of work to go try for another job?..say a prayer that I get the job.

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Curse of the bartender

I have aquired a great skill over the years due to working as a bartender for years. It is the ability to hear numerous conversations at once. During graduate school I bartended at numerous restuarants and bars and over time you learn to listen more carefully to the customers and hone in on 5 different customers at once. Most importantly this was used so you can interact with a drunk person on a intimate level and that meant more drinks and tips. People want to feel that even strangers care about them and their lives.

Yet this skill I have aquired makes it very difficult at work to concentrate. Example my crazy, pathetic, pubic hair chest, mid life crisis coworker is going through an on and off divorce. (He cheated on her for years because she got fat, nice guy huh?) So I constantly hear his conversations with his ex wife and his lawyers. Then I can hear my boss repromanding a hourly worker for being late the 5th time in the last two months. I overhear the ladies talking shit about some other lady who happens to be 10 pounds lighter.

I guess what sucks about this skill is that over time it just makes me realize how shitty people truley are. Do not get me wrong I am no saint but seriously I thought as we got oldr the whole "talking behind someone's back" would become less and less aparent. Errr apparently it is just replaced with "being civil". How is it we cna rationalize talking shit and being overall horrible and say we are just being professional?

I think that is one of the things I hate about corporate world. Everyone is fake...I have always been the type of person to let you know how I feel about you. If I don't like you I do not become some dramatic bitch I just won't go out of my way to be friends with you. I would want the same thing but in corporate world it is all about politics..or is it soothing everyone's ego?

Is all this ego soothing equivalent how schools are giving ribbons to everyone at school instead of the winner? What is happening to people? I am thinking to deeply before a 4 day vacation! Everyone pray my work will let us out early!!

Have a Happy Thankgiving Everyone!

Monday, November 19, 2007

I have been tagged!

One of my favorite blogs "Girl and Cents" (Alison) tagged me (much obliged) so I guess I will bare my soul about 7 facts that you may not know.

1. I sucked on my thumb until I was 12 years old...I was very ashamed of this but for some reason my spark of interest in boys helped aleviate this nasty habit.

2.I hate my feet, my big toe looks like a head! My feet are huge and I can tell you many shoes on display for a six are not as cute when brought out in a ten.

3. I do not get off from having sex by being on top and I didn't like the "rabbit". All of my girlfriends live my it, but I do not. I love my clit massager and plain pink vibrator as for being on top I think I am too lazy and I enjoy doggie style better.

4. I am working in a field that I have not gone for school for at all! It is so true that most jobs are all about who you know. I applied for 10 jobs in my field and made it to second interveiws with no hire. My first interview at this corporate comapny (through a friend) I got it within two weeks.

5. I have set my sister up with two guys in the past 4 years and both wanted me first. I figured "hey she looks like me but she is nicer and has a bigger bust!" She still doesn't know that her current boyfriend and an ex both asked me out first.

6. My foavorite snack is "roasted garlic" triscuits with veggie cream cheese. At one point I thought triscuits was going to discontinue this line of cracker so I wrote letter after letter making complaints how my main staple of food would be destroyed if this were to happen. Safe to say it was not discontinued but my friends all still pick on me for caring about crackers.

7. I give better advice to people than I take myself.

I now tag some of my peeps:

Confessions of my so called life

A girls Relationship with seattle

Habitat for INhumanity

Friday, November 16, 2007

Retarded Friday!

Hahahaha! I just realized it is Friday, Hahaha, all day I thought it was thursday until the Janitor said "almost time for the weekend!" My reaction "Huh" As a wave of confusion, disbelief and then happiness came rushing over me. Big glass of wine....HERE I COME and fuck this crazy place.

P.S. I got a 4% raise, hmmm they act like I should be grateful. Uhhh isn't that less than the normal rate of inflation? Well at least it is friday!

Thanksgiving, war and an electric knife.

Whoo hoo finally had sex last night! I honestly can say a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I was a little scared as I got on top and started the motions. I had a horrible nightmare the night before that I broke his back while fucking him. Apparently he was in good enough shape to work it! 

Besides that update I wanted to discuss the holiday thanksgiving coming up and how I really could do without it. Thanksgiving is ok but I find myself more a supporter of partying holidays like Halloween and New Years. Thanksgiving is boring to me and too much work. GREAT most women across the U.S. have to wake up at 4 in the morning to start a turkey while the men sit around with beers and have fun. I feel for all women but when it comes to my own family there has been a war with split forces.

There are three sides to this war. One side is my mother and I, against my three sisters, while my father is neutral like Switzerland. Basically my three sisters want to have the traditional thanksgiving with the turkey stuffing and crap where as my mother and I just want to go to a nice restaurant for a thanksgiving dinner.

In the past parts of my family contribute something and we all come together at the rents house, but the past two years my oldest sister has been MIA and the youngest has never contributed a thing. So usually it is my mother, one sister and me (with S. help of course) who did all the work. Somehow S. and I got conned into making the sides which is a feat within itself. Having to wake up and make 6-8 sides after a night of partying (the night before thanksgiving is considered one of the busiest bar nights of the year) is more difficult than you think. My eldest sister one year went to her husband’s family and last year brought food to elderly people with no family (she is a saint).

So this year my mother and I were like “Fuck it” lets just go out to a nice dinner so nobody has to work hard or clean up. OHHHH no my sisters just couldn’t let that happen. God forbid we do not have a normal thanksgiving. I on the other hand think spending time with my family is what is important not slaving away in a kitchen.

What is funny about my sisters bitching about it is that the eldest cannot cook to save her life (she is the epitome of D.I.N.K. yuppie who orders take out) and the youngest sister is the baby whose life is too important and busy to be bothered with such things. Uhhhh, OK so why the hell do you want this massive dinner?

My mother and I finally surrendered but under certain rules…I am not cooking. I will purchase wine, booze and S. said he wants to make his special green bean casserole AND that is it. My mother isn’t going to do anything, hehe. After 28 years of cooking for all of us I figure we are old enough to cook for her.

On a different note…how in the hell does my father always seem immune to this shit, he isn’t involved, he doesn’t have to cook, NOTHING!? I love him but seriously how is it most men I know (work with a lot of them) do not get flustered about this holiday, only the women?

Fuck that! I say all women unite and do nothing, I mean anything on this holiday. MAKE the men cook and clean while we sit and watch “Sex and the city” reruns. Let them wear an apron and worry about gravy! How is it after all of the hard work you see a man carving the piece of shit bird? I say take that electric knife and shove it where the sun doesn’t shine. Hmmm need to calm down I am starting to sound like a man hater, which I am not but sometimes I just do not get tradition (apparently my sisters do?)

What are all my Blogger friends doing for Thanksgiving?

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Daily Rants

Can I just rant a bit about life?

How is it that thanksgiving has not even passed and Christmas commercials, decorations, music and crap is being plastered everywhere? Every year it gets started earlier and earlier…by the time I am forty Christmas will be celebrated and after new years I will want to rip my eyes out due to sale signs for Christmas being put up again.

No sex in four days!!!! This shit is bothering me and even worse I have not masturbated either. I know this sounds strange but S. is home all day and it is a one bedroom condo. I don’t feel like its right to just leave and do my thing? See I have a whole set up of lights off, candle set, music on…basically I truly fuck myself but masturbation has always been a backup or used for erotica during sex. I know it is not right to feel this way but I feel like it would just put it right up in his face that you can’t fuck me right now. He said he felt good enough last night for me to be on top but I am too petrified to even do that. God forbid I start riding him and go buck wild without realizing he is crying in pain and really fucked hi back up for good! How could I live with myself and even more how would you explain it to the doctor?

Work sucks, work sucks, work sucks….the interview process is not going great, shit the getting a call back is not going great. I am basically trying to change fields but within the same type of companies. So I have to do a little more networking or start sleeping with bosses? Any takers? (Hmm did I mention I haven’t had sex in four days?)

I will reiterate how much corporate companies suck for anything more than a higher paycheck and better benefits. Yesterday I had to go to a focus/training/waste of my fucking time seminar group thing. Basically our company was under a huge global company but we decide to separate and become a stand alone company. We are still a global force but lots of changes have and will continue to occur. So they have us in groups of ten with all different departments, standing for two hours going over stupid colorful maps trying to shove down our throat the mission of the new company and how much we should love all the ridiculous hard work that is coming. All the while they are bashing the old company…when it suddenly hits me. Didn’t they do the same fucking thing the last time they switched companies? They always make it sound like big better changes are going to occur, and they are all about the customer! BULLSHIT…it is going to be the same crap day in and day out and nothing will matter but the bottom line. Fucking strategic department!

I need to go on a diet starting soon; I can feel my pants getting tight. I gauge my weight by my clothes since I cannot at this time go out and buy a whole new wardrobe if I gain a few. I guess being poor has its advantages.

That is my rant and I can honestly tell you I feel so much better and relaxed after I purge all my annoyances on my blog. Blog I love you and your way to make me feel cleansed of all the stupid, annoying (really not the end of the world but drives me nuts) things in life.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Whooo it has been crazy at work ever since my coworker became free of this horrible corporate prison. Hmmm jealous a bit (hey I am trying to go on interviews and I have a few networking things coming up.)? Well the weekend was a big one and sometimes I do not know how life becomes so crazy for me. I think I am a magnet for drama from men and women all around me, whether you are a friend, family member or some fucking stranger on the street.

Friday night was quite calm I just visited a friend for a while and then crashed out early. On Saturday I went to an amazing dinner date with S. which was to die for. Granted I wish we had made reservations so we didn’t have to wait but the Hen I had was amazing, and you wouldn’t believe me if I told you. I ate spinach, which I fucking hate; I had it prepared almost like it was pan seared. It made to the texture different which is what I always hated about the limp wet spinach my mother forced me to eat as a kid.

After dinner we met up with S. boss who is a nice guy but the typical I am 50, want to look 30 so I can score chicks kind of guy. He works out all the time (not bad) but his attitude is kind of pathetic. YOU are not 30 anymore; it is ok to embrace getting older. Some of the hottest guys out there are better looking older…Brad Pitt, Robert Redford to name a few. Besides that he was fun and we had a few martini’s before we met up with Truck driver at his apt (which was actually S. and I old apartment too.) so S. could play darts and I could hand out with TD new girlfriend (she is so great and I am so happy for TD). Well more and more of my friends come over including MAC girl, Best friend couple, and others. We were all hanging around having a good time when all of a sudden (well not all of a sudden but like 10:30pm) the guys wanted to go to downtown. Ewww I really didn’t want to go. For some reason no one would go unless I went….makes no sense since in the past I have never stopped anyone from going out. After badgering me I was like sure just for a bit.

As we get into the bar (mind you everyone is drunk) we order drinks and make it up the stairs. No sooner do we get up there S. best friend (who is married to my best friend) wanted to dance, since his wife did not come out, S. decided to help him out by being a wing man. So I see S. trying to talk to this woman, who looks at S. and looks at best friend and is not having it. She gave the shoo away and S. is a bit drunk so he can be persistent. I couldn’t help myself and was like S. leave the woman alone she doesn’t want to dance with best friend. Well S. for some reason got all annoyed at the girl and me and went for a drink with best friend. On a side note, I can’t help but tell S. to stop because I hate when I go to bar and some guy nice or not does not get the hint and leave me alone. So even though S. had good intentions for best friend (which best friend didn’t care about the girl he just wanted to dance) I still think persistent guys can be annoying.

At the same time MAC girl came back from the bathroom and through the crowded club I can see she is pissed and annoyed. Some guy and girl were bothering her. The club skank thought Mac girl was rubbing up against her man, and the guy wasn’t helping the situation. After words were exchanged MAC girl just wanted out. OK, fine she wants to leave right after we got there. (Fuck I am thinking in my head…why are people still acting like they are in high school and why is MAC girl falling for it.). I told our other friends that I would bring her back and be back within twenty minutes. Well low and behold I go out and find that we are blocked in! So after trying to drive around (actually hit a car, but didn’t care since it was the fucker blocking about 15 cars in) and getting my car stuck the tow truck arrive like 45 mins. later. A huge fight ensues (not me but the ghetto fabulous of the town) and somehow I get sprite splashed in my face even though I didn’t say a fucking word! I was about to fucking slap someone when the cops showed up and broke it up. I was so fucking pissed the whole ordeal took over two hours. Needless to say I was not happy. I wasn’t pissed at my girlfriend directly but in my head I was thinking, I wouldn’t be here if you didn’t want to go. I would never say that and of course logically and sober I know it wasn’t her who blocked us in or the stupid attendant who ruined the night for us. Finally make it home and pass out around 4pm.

I realized that next morning that downtown is not for me. I prefer house gatherings or pubs. I will only go to the clubs unless I have too (birthdays, etc).

Next morning I get breakfast and went shopping with MAC girl. Can I tell you how much I love Trader Joe’s? I do not know if you have one but it basically is a great organic grocery store; imagine Whole foods on a smaller level. After that we went to Best Buy and I bought a jacket. Adorable red long pea coat for the winter…makes my long legs look even longer.

That day S. was going over to a coworker’s house for a football game while I was out with MAC girl. Around 7pm I invite cheap friend and some others over to watch “Tell me you love me” (Best HBO series EVER) and drink some wine. No sooner do my friends call I get a call from S. best friend. He is not doing so well. Well? What is he drunk? Errr no he hurt his back…and when I say hurt his back S was gray, couldn’t move and actually cried! I have seen S. with a broken nose, and arm and he never cried. The poor thing was completely falling apart. I felt so bad. He has been home the last three day’s basically on his back and on pain killers. Only good thing is he was able to make it to the bathroom last night.

So basically I am trying to get a shit load of work done now while fighting with insurance company about S. coverage for an MRI. This is such bullshit, fucking insurance companies suck. I love how you do not even talk to a human until about 20 minutes go by and then they are fucking retards! Grrrr ok sorry I need to go out have a cigarette and cuss at some people (JK.)

P.S. back injuries suck since you cannot have sex!

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Short update

I can't write to much since I was out yesterday and work is fucking crazy! My boss sucks and the work load is insane. Basically S. is out of commission since he might have a slipped disk or something so I spent yesterday tending to him (will post more on that) and I will explain why I am getting to old to go to the clubs (somebody threw sprite in my fucing face!). I will take a lunch tomorrow to blog my little head of but for now just have to make it through the day and make sure S. is ok.

P.S. Insurance companies and Human resources can suck my pink asshole!

Friday, November 9, 2007

Coworkers and stripclubs!

Thank god I made it through yesterday and surprisingly enough I am not hung-over. I watched as the clock slowly ticked toward 5:00 pm. I hate when you just watch the clock, instead of feeling like 5 minutes it feels like 5 hours.

Once the “school” bell rang I bolted to the bar. Apparently everyone else did because cute R&D boy cut me off in the parking lot. I almost got mad and then he flashed his adorable smile at me. I am a sucker for cute…just can’t help it.

As I walk to the bar all I can think of is the crisp clean take of a Blue Moon beer. This beer has become a staple for me if I am not drinking wine, shots, or anything else. It is my beer of choice and something about its light but not watery flavor hits the spot every time.

I ask the bartender for a tall one and realize he is slurring…wait, what, how can this be? The bartender is more shit faced than anyone there, at 5pm no less! I asked him if he was ok with a smile on my face. Poor thing just got dumped and like a good dumpee he was self medicating. I guess I should clarify it was more like self mutilation/killing. He would take a shot with anyone who ordered it. Now with a group of 40 co-workers that would mean the bartender took about 12-15 shots in 2 hours. Poor thing could barely keep his eyes open or function by the end. I appeased his ego a bit when he started to hit on me, but its hard to take someone serious when his eyes continually roll in the back of their head when they are talking to you.

The happy hour was thrown for a co-worker of mine whom we will name Indian guy. In the beginning he and I didn’t particularly care for each other but over time we have grown respect and had a good time. It seems sometimes you become friends because you have to band together against “the corporate” beast.

My goal was to get Indian guy so shit faced he wouldn’t remember. I think I may have achieved it a little too much. Shot after shot (as well as the bartender) he gave the following speech.

Indian guy: “I just wanted to give a speech. You may think I am going to miss you….but I won’t! If you go into NJ and think of me you won’t be able to find me because there are too many Indians, but hey there aren’t too many bald one so you can try.”

Everyone is laughing at this point but I am not sure if they are trying to appease and diffuse the situation or they thought he was being sarcastic. I think Indian guy was both sarcastic and somewhat truthful. Who really stays in contact with colleagues except when you need someone? Unless you were friends during work to the point of hanging out besides happy hour you will most likely never talk again after a coworker leaves.

Around 8:30pm we decided to take it to the strip club and S., MAC girl, and my sister met us as well. I got S, and Indian guy a dance (not together you perverts) and paid women to grope me in front of other guys. Gotta love the strip club! Actually it was kind of nice to see that most of the women had real boobs except one girl who had these softballs….have to say it was a bit scary looking when she leaned back.

By the end of the night I just wanted to get home and for some reason S. said some shit that annoyed me so we started bickering…which lead to some hot sex.

I have come to the realization that I am a complete submissive. I love to be dominated! I am so in control in life and everything that in the sack I want to be over taken and have no control whatsoever. I even got a little kinky last night because I asked him to choke me. Not painful choke but just like holding me down. It was really hot (he looked a bit surprised and slightly scared but got into it after a while) and I have a smack on my ass to prove it.

So I ask of you out there what is the kinkiest thing you have done (hmmm there are a few including a threesome and dressing up as a school girl)?

Thursday, November 8, 2007

Damn work

Hmm can't write much have to finish a big projet before Happy hour tonight and the strip club. Thank you Asshole doucebag Boss I love last minute projects before a fun night. Thank you for stripping my life force a little more everyday. Will report in tomorrow with news of tonight's debauchery, I promise!!

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

Old friends does not always mean good friends.

Ever have that friend that sometimes you think “Why am I friends with this girl?” Well Drama girl is that for me. Let me give you a little background on her first before I rant about last night’s drama.

Drama girl and I became friends in high school. We both went to a all girl private school and she was a year ahead of me. Maybe I should have realized how we became friends that Drama girl was all about drama.

I was sitting in Latin class with my friend School teacher and we were talking in class. I was telling a funny story about a date or something trivial when the teacher started yelling at me for talking. I sulked and kept quiet when out of nowhere a blond hair girl started yelling at the teacher to shut up and let me finish the story. To a teacher she yelled this. I turned around in disbelief as Drama girl got sent to the principals. We were friends ever since then. Drama girl was rough around the edges and so was I but I was an over achiever at school. Involved in everything from sports, NHS, musicals, art club, you name it I was involved in it. Drama girl was known around the school as a troubled girl who was trying everything and anything to get thrown out of school because she wanted to be in public school. I remember the dean of students taking me into his office and having a “talk” with me to examine whether being friends with Drama girl was in my best interest.

Now as we all know in high school your biggest concern is a boy you like, and which friend is getting a car first. So Drama girl and I flourished as friends. She is an only child of a divorced family so we always got to stay out late and I would just lie to my parents that I was “sleeping” over Drama girls when in fact we were sneaking into clubs or hanging out with boys. She was dramatic at times but when you are that young everything seems to be that way. She would cry about some boy and I would clean her up over and over again. She would listen as I lamented about not having big enough boobs to get Johnny’s attention, etc. For a while High school teacher and I got her to realize the world does not always revolve around her and things were good.

College came and I went away to PA for college while most of my friends went to state schools. I stayed in contact with all of them, came home during summers, etc. I was a little out of the loop which was expected but I never felt ostracized or anything. Actually whenever I came home I felt like nothing had changed and my girls still loved me. Now in college I had basically no drama and not to much responsibility so I was always upbeat and able to deal with the drama. It didn’t wear away at me and I felt like a confidant that was needed. (I have my own control issues which is a completely different blog)

When I came back home to attend grad school in state I was excited to be with my girls again (Drama girl, High school teacher, MAC girl, Hairstylist). I came back and we had a great year of partying and fun, but Drama girl was bartending and partying a lot so she had a second group of work friends so it was a perfect balance of time spent with her. Right around this time though Drama girl decided she was going to move down to FL since she went to school in she never went away and that it would be good for her to be on her own (she never moved out of her house while attending college). I was happy for her but knew I would miss her. All aside I do love Drama girl and she can be fun, smart and a good friend when she is not drunk or fucked up, I digress.

So for the next 3-4 years she was down in FL and we would do the catch up calls and visits, etc. but for the most part since there was little time to spend there was little time for drama.

Well fast forward to today….Drama girl moved back and brought her man with him. She has been home only about 2 weeks and has already gotten so smashed and proceeded to tell all of us girls what bad people we are. Last night the guys got together of my place to watch the game and all the ladies went over to Hairstylist place for a girls night. She was so drunk and a nasty drunk at that. Last night I wanted to murder her. She brought up an issue she had with something I said; now even though she was drunk I could understand where she was coming from and I apologized. I am not perfect, I fuck up, I am flawed, it happens but she kept harping on it. UHHHH hello I just fucking agreed with you and apologized. What the hell am I supposed to do; I can’t go back in time and change it. Fine then she starts to tell me I am a bitter person and it is all due to S. and the biggest mistake of my life is to marry him. Ahhh OK you have your right to your opinion but in the end it is my decision. Fine after listening to her slur and cry, laugh, and make no sense I got her back in.

The girls are more and more irritated with her since last night we all wanted a fun girl’s night with wine and Drama girl was being a nasty horrible drunk. She would tell my girl Hairstylist to fuck off and think we were giving her looks, etc. WHAT! Are we still in high school?

So she starts bitching about wanting to go over to my place to be with her man. OK I will bring you back there but I am coming back to the girls’ house to hang out. I bring her drunken ass over and drop her off when she asks why I am leaving? I just told you I was and she was getting mad. At this point I am like fine, be mad I don’t fucking care. I told the guys have fun and went back to the girls’ house.

All the ladies are mad and irritated at Drama girl ruining the night and we continued to hang and drink wine while trying to salvage some part of the evening. About an hour later the guys came home so I went back to my condo and I asked S. how the rest of the night was with Drama girl was. He continued to tell me how Drama girl wanted to talk to him and she went on and on about how happy she was for me and him. How we are perfect for each other and how we are going to be so happy. FUCK THAT….you are so hypocritical it makes me want to puke. I got so fucking heated. She was yelling at me for something of the similar nature and then you go on and on for an hour telling S. the complete opposite. Fucking Christ I can’t handle her and all this shit. I do not have the stamina and truth be told….we all have enough bullshit in our lives with family, relationships and work to have a person who is supposed to be my friend act this way.

So I ask myself why am I friends with her…I know we have been friends forever and she is good in a lot of ways but maybe I am changing or she isn’t? I don’t have the ability to deal with the constant drama day in and day out like I could when I was younger. She told me I was getting bitter and maybe I am a bit. I don’t know if it is bitter as more…I am not taking shit anymore so don’t think you can spoon your crazy off on me anymore. So I am not the QLC girl who would just smile, and bend over and take it. Not anymore and I am tired of over extending myself as well. So I have changed and if she considers it bitter I guess I am. I say it proud too because I have had a lot less emotional distress because of it.

I am very irritated and I am sure Drama girl and I will continue to be friends (it’s been like ten years) but sometimes with anyone you love, you just don’t like them very much right now.

Monday, November 5, 2007

Worth all the pain

All I can say is every woman in America should go to a male review! It is so much fun and not as bad as you would think. The show is campier than anything, but the guys definitely show the women a good time. I will give you a play by play of the evening so you can get an idea of how much fun the night can be.

I get out of work and as I am driving home realize that I have a great plan to save me and the ladies some money. If you are a bachelorette party the bride gets in free and everyone else is half price. So we split the money down the line evenly but we saved everyone like 15 dollars by purchasing a tiara, sash, and beads for the ladies. I am the only one with a ring so we decided it would be my mock bachelorette party. Hmmm I like the sound of that.

So we meet up at my girl Social work girl’s house and start to drink…started out with a shot and a vodka mixed drink. My girl Party girl (can party like an alcoholic man) gave me a different shirt to wear in sprit of my mock bach party. Now this shirt was a white baby T with two pink hand prints on the boobs and showed my midriff off quite nicely. After a few laughs and shots we drive to the venue and continue to drink. We get in and realize I am the only “bachelorette” which causes more and more people to offer shots. Hmmm Quarter life crisis girl turn down a shot? I THINK NOT….this ends up bad later but fun at the time. Before the show started they did a raffle for the ladies where you can win the chance to rub down the dancers before they hit to floor. Well, well, well guess who won….Oh yeah I did!

So as I go in the back and rub down this amazing specimen he basically smacked my ass as I was leaving. Errr this is definitely different than the female strip club where touching and grouping is highly forbidden. I am giggling and return to my girls. Eventually the show starts and I am put in the hot seat for a bit. Basically the hot seat in on the stage and the dancer gives you a lab dance and when I mean lap dance I mean he puts his face in your crotch, caresses you as he gets naked, hehe! It was fabulous and I did enjoy his nice tan ass. The ladies got some great pictures and video….hmm remembers to never run for president. After that I continue to drink….now this is where it gets hazy. Uhhhh more like I don’t remember a fucking thing.

Apparently we went to three more bars and I just kept drinking…until the upchuck reflex kicked in. I was very good about not puking anywhere public but the next thing I remember if being put in a cab home. I remember slurring something about not taking the long way home and screwing me out of money to the cabbie which made no sense because I just threw him a twenty anyway without waiting for the change. I somehow made it into my condo. (Thank god for old people who go to bed early) and passed out. I woke up with the worst headache and hangover and realized I am getting old. So old that I slept most of the day away and did not drink at all while attending a party on Saturday. So basically the whole weekend was kind of ruined due to some hot stripper’s ass, but hey I wouldn’t have it any other way!

Friday, November 2, 2007

Catholic guilt and testicles

Whooo hoo it is Friday which everyone knows for corporate bitches like myself is the best day of the week. All I have to do is pretend to work for about 6 of the eight hours today until that wonderful clock turns to five. Tonight holds a great treat as well. As I mentioned before….ALL MALE REVUE! Ohh yeah, I know I seem really excited but I also feel like it pushes to my female lib side as well. I constantly feel like women get the shaft. I know we are emotional, nesters, etc but come on who doesn’t like looking at hot guys getting naked. Plus I understand the whole fantasy concept. I love S. and fantasizing about another man does not make me love him any less or want to cheat. That is probably why strip clubs don’t bother me as it does some of my other girlfriends. Do not get me wrong if my man was going every night wasting money on other chicks’ tits then I would be pissed but the occasional stag or trip with the guys just doesn’t phase me. Plus usually means some hot sex at the end of the night too.

On the work front I am kind of bugging out because another person is leaving from my department which means way too much work and not enough people. This is compounded by my complete lack of motivation because I too want to leave. I have been putting resumes out there and hoping for the best. I wanted to yell at him because now I am going to look like a bigger bitch for leaving anytime soon. I know I shouldn’t care since they wouldn’t give two shits about me but sometimes my catholic guilt (years of private school will do that) gets to me. Only good thing is that it shouldn’t be an overnight thing, since we all know corporate job hunting and hiring is about as slow as my grandmother, but still it takes awhile to train at my work so I would basically be fucking over my department.

Ok, OK need to stop worrying about my job and think of six packs, glistening bodies and balls in my face. A smile is already starting….

P.S. question for everyone what is the shortest you have stayed at a career type job before you left?