Holy old....

So again I have no excuse for my complete laziness on this blog. Yes life is crazy but so is everyones.

Honestly the big issue over the last couple of years is that I work form home now. You may be wondering "Working from home that must be fabulous?" It is but the main issue is that my husband does not and has never known about this blog. Considering it started due to our breakup and what I felt was a break down, I prefer to keep him out of my blog.

So with alot of changes going on (most of them good :-) we have really only had the shared computer and I can not risk him seeing it in the history, etc. So with that being said I am going to bring you up to pace.

I am one year away from 30! What the hell! Can I tell you that the gray hair and the wrinkles are starting. It is so crazy. I literally look into the mirror and am like..."Who is that old hag?"

As for turning old, at the same token J and I have bought our dream house so we have moved from the one bedroom condo to a four bedroom with two and a half bathroom house on a culdesac in an adorable neighborhood. Perfect for having babies in. Yes I said it! Babies! I will brouch that subject at a furthur date. We have been waiting to find a good tenant for the condo and are going to tighten our belts to keep this great house and the condo.

Luckily I won a 4 day luxury vacation in Rivera Maya in Februaury for being such a great sales person (eyes roll) but however I won it, it couldn't be more perfect timing. We had saved over twenty five thousand dollars over the last year and it was so nice to have that coushin, but it wasn't really a cusion but a goal. Not all of it is gone but most of it and we have a 30 year huge mortgage to show in a new construction gorgeous house. Scary but great at the same time. So after years of partying (god I love to party) and good times it is time to settle. And when I say settle I mean going back to cheap liquor and house parties.

I don't wanna grow up I'm a toys R us kid.

Why oh why do I decide that partying to 4:30am on Saturday night is a good idea? I never recover well and usually sleep away the day. Well that is exactly what I did! I partied so fucking late, and then slept in until 3:30pm! I haven’t slept that long since college and I feel like a piece of useless shit.

Overall the weekend was fun; I hung out with friends on Friday and then went to a catered party on Saturday night. Left early and started to party hard core, until 4:30am rolled around and I forced S. to pass out with me.

I did get some wedding stuff done this weekend including some bridesmaids dressed picked out and also registering. Can I just tell you that registering is fun and weird at the same time? I basically go around with this scanner that beeps whenever to want something and scan it. It kind of felt like Christmas, but I couldn’t bring myself to go too crazy since I realize people have there own bills as well. I did pick out a breathalyzer, and some great sheets, hehe! Gotta love BED, BATH and BEYOND.

I also picked out flowers and was so thankful for the amazing deal I got where I basically saved about a thousand dollars. So I changed my motif a bit but hey saving a thousand dollars and not putting a deposit down rocked (she said I was trustable, OH YEAH!). So instead of orchids only I am using Lilies, daises, roses and carnations. It should be gorgeous and if not then I will be the first bride to not carry any tacky looking flowers.

Well enough about wedding shit (seriously I feel super pretentious discussing it) and discuss job opportunities. So that guy who gave S. his card appears to totally be able to help me get a job as a pharmaceutical sales rep! OHHH fuck YA! I am so psyched and need to get the hell out of this job. I need something new and better and not a fucking cubicle. I would work out of my home; get a company car, corporate credit card, and hopefully more money. More importantly I would have a future in a career I would actually like, and lets face it the perks are amazing! I am waiting for a call back with that company and have a phone interview with another company this Friday. So everyone once again say a prayer, sacrifice an animal, or something to help me get one of these jobs.

Another UPDATE one of my longtime girlfriends just had a baby, which is actually super bizarre to think about because we used to smoke pot, date older guys, get thrown down to the principal office and generally be a pain in the ass. Now she has a little spawn of her own. It almost makes it real that everyone is growing up. Yeah weddings and houses are being bought but to me real adulthood begins when you have a child. It is no longer about you and your life changes. Well that is what they say right? So I am going to visit her and her new husband (she will be his third wife, crazy huh?) and the new baby. Hopefully I won’t freak out and run away screaming “I don’t want to grow up, you can’t make me!”

Great Quotes about Alcohol!

IN the spirit of all the parties that surround the Holidays I thought I would include some great quotes about Alcohol...which is my first love, hehe! Write back soon to update on the foot (percocets rule), and the wonders of corporate christmas!


"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink

I feel shame. Then I look into the glass and think

about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes

and dreams .. If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out

of work and their dreams would be shattered.

Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this wine and let their

dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."

~ Jack Handy



WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the
Hell happened to your bra and panties.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they

wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're

going to feel all day. "

~Frank Sinatra



WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are
tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."

~ Henny Youngman



WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are
laughing WITH you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not."

~ Stephen Wright



WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk,

we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin.

When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all

get drunk and go to heaven!"

~ Br ian O'Rourke



WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."

~ Benjamin Franklin



WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a
spaz.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Without question, the greatest invention in the

history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the

wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does

not go nearly as well with pizza."

~ Dave Barry



WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends
over and over again that you love them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To some, it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group.

Salvation in a can!

~Dave Howell



WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically
converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin,of Cheers.

One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory
to his buddy Norm. Here's how it went:



" Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move
as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the
slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first This natural
selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and
health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the
weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate
as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we
know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and
weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer
eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more
efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few
beers."



WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are
whispering when you are not

Save the wine!

This little bugger

plus

divided by

Equals

(P.S. this is not my foot aka I shave my legs but the swelling and blackness are dead on. My foot is like a big balck fucking sausage!)

Can you believe it! I was so embarressed! There I am at this posh party starting to walk down the stairs as I tell the group of 15 in front of me "Hey everyone I would love to PLAAYYYYAHHHHH! I swear I fell in slow motion. The dog, steps and wine all came crashing together and as I fell forward all I could think was "SAVE THE WINE!" Not save the dog, or save me but rather the really great tasting red wine I had in my hand. So I broke my foot but the dog and wine was ok (I didn't spill a drop which everyone gave me a round of applause for, hehe).

On a side note percocets with wine are the best combo ever at night!

Thanskgiving 2007

I can honestly say I had a great thanksgiving! In a previous post I spoke how the sisters wanted to cook and they did. The only thing i prepared was green bean casserole and I brought a bunch of beer and wine. The food was overall pretty good, no major disasters and I met my older sister's new bulldog puppy called Stella. Oh my god the dog was so adorable and almost made me run out the house and purchase a dog. I restrained myself because a one bedroom condo would definitely be torture for any type of dog.

Alot of partying went on since I had a four day weekend. The girls all went out on Friday to downtown and besides one girlfriend leaving early we all had a blast. Sometimes it is nice to go out, drink, dance and flirt. It reminds me that I still have it. I of course was a good girl and did not do anything more than chat, flirt and imagine in my head what sex would be like with this cute guy. Hey men have their porn and we have random guys at the bar.

Last night S. made dinner for me and my parents and it was nice and low key. My parents are hilarious and my dad keeps showing me how cool he is. He made us look up this hilarious clip on you tube and I about pissed my pants. I feel like they are finally seeing me not only as their daughter but an adult.

I am back to work and it is great because my two bosses are out! Whooo hooo so it is nice and quiet. I will get some work done but not really, hehe. I also had a phone interview for a new position and I got offered a real interview. Only problem is that it is the week of an audit we are having here...hmmm how do I lie about getting out of work to go try for another job?..say a prayer that I get the job.

Weddings and my persona

Well I start my other new job tonight….Bartender! Yes I am reverting back to collage and graduate school days to help carry the wedding load. Nice to see my advanced degree and experience is worth something right? So in the next few months my life is going to suck. I am going to most likely be working 5-7 days a week. Hence I will have very little life but a nice wedding? Is that a good trade off? Can I just rant for a second….the wedding industry is fucking crazy and inflated. They completely over charge for everything because they can. I so wanted to do Jamaica but my 91 year old grandmother made that impossible so I am stuck hosting a huge Irish catholic breeding wedding. I come from a family of 4 daughters and my dad is from a family of 11 children. Tack on spouses and the lack of birth control and you have somewhere around 60 immediate cousins. Hey don’t get me wrong, I am glad my family enjoys sex even in their old age (ewww) but come on.

Well onto other things, I am waiting to hear from that job. I asked two friends from work to write me recommendations and my coworker Safety guy (whom is recently dating my sister who I set her up with) sent me back a mock response and I just about pissed myself.

From: Safety Guy
Sent: Thursday, October 04, 2007 1:51 PM
To: Quarterlife Crisis Girl
Subject: FW: reference check

Remember all those times you called me douche bag. Well now it’s time for payback. See below for my response (in red).

________________________________________
From: New Company HR lady
Sent: Thursday, October 04, 2007 1:29 PM
To: Safety Guy
Subject: reference check

Dear Safety Guy.

Quarterlife Crisis Girl has applied for a position at new Whiz Bangy Science Company and has listed you as one of her references. Would you be so kind as to complete the following reference questionnaire and e-mail your reply? Thank you,

Applicant’s name QuarterlifeCrisis Girl

Reference Name Safety Guy
Safety & Environmental Department



How long have you know the applicant? About a year and a half.


In what capacity did you interact with her? I’ve never actually worked on a project with her, but I’ve gone out drinking with her on a number of occasions.


Please describe the applicant's job responsibilities. Not sure. All I know is she spends way too much time bullshitting with other employees. Plus when she doesn’t call in sick she is usually hung-over. On the rare occasion that she isn’t hung-over, she is screwing off on the internet or sending out raunchy emails.


Could you provide a specific example where the applicant took a process from start to finish and was the real driving force behind its completion? She’s really good at opening a beer and finishing it. Does that count?


What was the applicant’s greatest strength? She doesn’t forget anything, especially when you piss her off.


What is an area the applicant can continue to work to develop? She sucks at beer pong.


Would you hire the applicant? Actually when you flat out ask the questions, I would probably say no. But I would definitely recommend partying with her.


Nice to know I still have the title of “BEST PARTY ANIMAL EVER”



Cited from: http://www.robertburridge.com/newsletter/artsyfartsy_may07/index.html

Buying a condo sucks

OK, OK I know I have control issues but this condo shit is so retarded. Basically we have been working toward this condo the last month and a half. All of the participates are always saying "Everything is on track, etc" but I find out last week it is not! It is not at all, with all the problems with foreclosures, and mortgages the undersriter is giving us a really difficult time. First off I do not understand this since S. and I make more than enough (coimbined we make how much the condo is being sold for) and we are not buying a 250,000 dollar house it is a one bedroom condo aka apartment that we technically own. Seriously these problems would not bother me except the closing is supposed to be this friday! WTF! Hmmmm going to continue to chew on my nails.
In other news the "moving out of the apartment" party we had this weekend was a blast (ironic since we might not get it now) with the whole crew there including my sisters. I had just enough booze to feel drunk but not sick drunk and I kicked ass on the beer pong table. I surprise guys since they think I am just a girl in a hot skirt but oh no I become BEER PONG QUEEN and won over 12 games in a row, and lets face it by the twelf game I couldn't even see straight which is why I lost. Hey a woman can only do so much. I think I remember belting the pong ball at my opponents head in hope that a lost eye would continue my winning streak.