The laziest woman in the world update!

Happy New Years to everyone!

I want to say happy new years to my bloggers and hope everyone had a great holiday! I was unable to blog at all due to my fear of losing anonymity at home. There have definitely been times when I wanted to write but god forbid the history came up and I was found out. I need this place to be raw and crazy, even if it is one sided.

The last 11 days off from work was fabulous and at the same time totally and completely unproductive. I basically accomplished nothing, slept in till 11am everyday and my condo is dirtier than when I first started vacation. I did order centerpieces (I really need to get on the fucking ball with this wedding), scrubbed the shower, cleaned sporadically and celebrated my youngest sisters 21st birthday. That is it! Over 11 wonderful days and that is it.

I did the Christmas visit etc which was tedious but fun, but overall I was a useless piece of shit. Plus I can feel myself getting fatter and fatter as we speak considering since I broke my foot the gym has been null and void. All of the Christmas parties, and get togethers filled my fat ass with chocolate, cookies and lots of booze. I can totally understand how people who just sit around gain weight. I would just sit in front of the TV and all of a sudden I would be hungry. It’s like nothing else would register in my brain except food.

So I will highlight a little bit of fun I did have over the holidays.

Sister’s 21st birthday: It was a blast but hobbling around with a broken foot is not as fun as one would expect. Honestly I just thought people would be fooled and think my limping was a sign of drunkenness. No such luck and somehow even though I had the broken foot and was on pain killers and drinking my two girlfriends ended up puking all over the place that night. Classy, I know.

Christmas Eve: I attended the annual Christmas eve party for my fathers side of the family. Now this is the huge Irish catholic drunk family which looks like a huge house party than an intimate family affair. This year my sister invited her boyfriend Safety guy who I am friends with and I hooked her up with. He mentioned his fear of how “meeting the family was a big step, blah, blah, blah” So I replied “ Well Safety guy you do know what happens when you meet the family right? We suck your soul out and your whole fucking life with crumble into nothing.” He laughed and eventually went. I am sure he did not expect me to pay two of my little cousins to approach him and ask for his soul, hehehe! Have to have some humor right?

Christmas: Christmas was fun, and low key which I like. S. got me the regular, typical good gifts. Gift cards, perfume, body stuff, etc. I was happy since this year there was not much I wanted. I still think the best gift was the huge pack of batteries (I think it was 30 AA batteries) he got so my vibrator and clit massager would never be without, hehe! Gotta love this man.

New Years: Went to an amazing dinner with three of my girls (S had to work until 11pm) and drank fabulous wine and had amazing sushi. We all got a little dressed up and tried to feel high class before the inevitable drunkenness to follow. I got back and partied it up until 5:30am in the morning. This late night extravaganza never happens anymore (not since my raving drug induced days) but I had S. three male cousins (and in the wedding) over crashing at our place. Try being the host to four guys after being drunk. I basically have no food anymore in my condo. It was a blast and I felt the after effects yesterday. There are more stories involved with New Year’s that I will post later but for now I will get back to my crappy job and remember that 2008 is hopefully going to be a new and amazing year!

(P.S. Looking at this post I cannot believe how little I can fucking right about due to my slothness over my break. I need to not eat, actually work at work and get on the fucking ball!)

Save the wine!

This little bugger

plus

divided by

Equals

(P.S. this is not my foot aka I shave my legs but the swelling and blackness are dead on. My foot is like a big balck fucking sausage!)

Can you believe it! I was so embarressed! There I am at this posh party starting to walk down the stairs as I tell the group of 15 in front of me "Hey everyone I would love to PLAAYYYYAHHHHH! I swear I fell in slow motion. The dog, steps and wine all came crashing together and as I fell forward all I could think was "SAVE THE WINE!" Not save the dog, or save me but rather the really great tasting red wine I had in my hand. So I broke my foot but the dog and wine was ok (I didn't spill a drop which everyone gave me a round of applause for, hehe).

On a side note percocets with wine are the best combo ever at night!

Thanksgiving, war and an electric knife.

Whoo hoo finally had sex last night! I honestly can say a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I was a little scared as I got on top and started the motions. I had a horrible nightmare the night before that I broke his back while fucking him. Apparently he was in good enough shape to work it! 

Besides that update I wanted to discuss the holiday thanksgiving coming up and how I really could do without it. Thanksgiving is ok but I find myself more a supporter of partying holidays like Halloween and New Years. Thanksgiving is boring to me and too much work. GREAT most women across the U.S. have to wake up at 4 in the morning to start a turkey while the men sit around with beers and have fun. I feel for all women but when it comes to my own family there has been a war with split forces.

There are three sides to this war. One side is my mother and I, against my three sisters, while my father is neutral like Switzerland. Basically my three sisters want to have the traditional thanksgiving with the turkey stuffing and crap where as my mother and I just want to go to a nice restaurant for a thanksgiving dinner.

In the past parts of my family contribute something and we all come together at the rents house, but the past two years my oldest sister has been MIA and the youngest has never contributed a thing. So usually it is my mother, one sister and me (with S. help of course) who did all the work. Somehow S. and I got conned into making the sides which is a feat within itself. Having to wake up and make 6-8 sides after a night of partying (the night before thanksgiving is considered one of the busiest bar nights of the year) is more difficult than you think. My eldest sister one year went to her husband’s family and last year brought food to elderly people with no family (she is a saint).

So this year my mother and I were like “Fuck it” lets just go out to a nice dinner so nobody has to work hard or clean up. OHHHH no my sisters just couldn’t let that happen. God forbid we do not have a normal thanksgiving. I on the other hand think spending time with my family is what is important not slaving away in a kitchen.

What is funny about my sisters bitching about it is that the eldest cannot cook to save her life (she is the epitome of D.I.N.K. yuppie who orders take out) and the youngest sister is the baby whose life is too important and busy to be bothered with such things. Uhhhh, OK so why the hell do you want this massive dinner?

My mother and I finally surrendered but under certain rules…I am not cooking. I will purchase wine, booze and S. said he wants to make his special green bean casserole AND that is it. My mother isn’t going to do anything, hehe. After 28 years of cooking for all of us I figure we are old enough to cook for her.

On a different note…how in the hell does my father always seem immune to this shit, he isn’t involved, he doesn’t have to cook, NOTHING!? I love him but seriously how is it most men I know (work with a lot of them) do not get flustered about this holiday, only the women?

Fuck that! I say all women unite and do nothing, I mean anything on this holiday. MAKE the men cook and clean while we sit and watch “Sex and the city” reruns. Let them wear an apron and worry about gravy! How is it after all of the hard work you see a man carving the piece of shit bird? I say take that electric knife and shove it where the sun doesn’t shine. Hmmm need to calm down I am starting to sound like a man hater, which I am not but sometimes I just do not get tradition (apparently my sisters do?)

What are all my Blogger friends doing for Thanksgiving?

My addiction

Hi my name is Quarter life crisis Girl and I have an addiction. I am addicted to Craigslist forums. I constantly look on different forums during the day that it is starting to affect my work and mood. I get mad at everyone when people do not post.

I am so serious that I love the forums on Craigslist…including LTR, women’s issues, wine, and fixit. I love sometimes going on forums that I have no business being there and checking out people and sometimes the crazy trolls. Divorce is a sad one to go into because you see the bitterness. Frugal is funny to see how ridiculous people can be to save. I am a girl at heart so women issues and LTR are definitely where I spend a lot of time. The rant and raves are pretty funny as well. People for the most part already know the answer but just want to hear it over and over again. He slept with my dog and cat should I stay with him? I impregnated other women should I tell my wife? WHAT the hell? Now do not get me wrong I am no better since I love to lurk on these forums but sometimes I am amazed that these people can even type let alone function in society. Sometimes there are truly heartfelt stories where I feel for them and offer some help and sometimes I just fall out of my chair laughing hysterically because the stories are that good.

I cannot access certain parts of CL from work for obvious reasons. The kink forum and personal ads are off limits, yet I can look up naughty blogs? Weird I know, but I gather the IT team looks at websites that are visited the most (aka Myspace, Meet up, etc) and ban them. Websites with any type of sexual content, booze, or fun is off limits. Alright I know we should be working like busy little bees all day long but come on lets get serious, nobody is getting paid enough to not surf a bit online at work. So I continue to feed my addiction with CL and of course all the crazy, great, honest, true to life or lives I wish I had blogs. So to all I say LOUD and PROUD I am addicted to CL and you my fellow bloggers. Now where are the donuts and bad coffee?

A little background on the family

OK, I am going to explain a bit about me and my family. I overall can say i have a normal upbringing and feel very blessed with my family. After 30 years my parents are still married and mostly happy. I also have three sisters. YUP I said three so my poor father was stuck with 5 women at the house and at one point we all had our monthly friend. Sometimes I am in shock he isn't in a mental ward bouncing against some walls. So onto the explainations of my family...

My father: Irish catholic man who came form a family of 11 kids so having 4 was absolutely no big thing. He is extremely kind, patient, laid back and smart. All of these things make him amazing but at the same time after he came back from Vietnam (at least this is what my mother says) he was not the same. He is not an alcoholic but for such a brilliant man he isn't really doing anything with his life. He is a janitor. I am not bashing this and would never put down my father but he has a bachelor degree and is an amazing artist. So explain to me how he is just a janitor? It appears that my father does not do anything over the top unless he believes he can do it 100 % which lets face it is not most things. Hence he does nothing. Basically my father is not a father who takes care of the family monetarily but emotionally. He is so amazing with children and my grandmother sometimes it even amazes me. So overall I cannot compalin about my father except for that time that he forgot me at the baseball field on the bad side of town for 4 hours (Imagine a 13 year old girl trying to steer cleer of crackheads in her powder blue catholic school softball uniform, hehe)

Mother: Ahhh my mother...she is definately the leader of our family. A scrapper, intelligent, organized, hard working, over stressed, dramatic, crazy women. She is one strong cookie and definately (except for my little sister) raised us to be the same. She put herself through school, grew up in the sixties, went to woodstock, burned her bra and has owned her own successful advertising agency and raised 4 daughters. Pretty damn impressive. She is my hero and best friend and as I get older we are closer and closer. I love her but over the last ten years I have realized that as stressed as she is she feeds off of it. She loves it no matter what she says. She in turn can be very negative, complaining alot and that is fine for me but to be so cynical sometimes is almost unhealthy. She has a tendency to baby the youngest as well so they have this horrible hate love realitonship which I then get the call from Momma dukes (after a couple glasses of wine) and have to hear about their ridiculous squabble.

Oldest sister Mrs. DINK: Mrs Dink is an amazing sister who has pretty much had the perfect life. Everything has always fallen into place for her. Beautiful, smart, been with the same man for ten years, married, husband is really well off, etc. etc. etc. Now even though her husband and her are total YUPPIE's and DINKS (double income no children) she is also the most caring person ever. To make myself feel bad all I have to do is call her. She helps elderly people, mentors mentally handicapped children, teaches a CCD class, etc. Did I mention she works for a Non-profit company? She is amazing but sometimes I am remind that I did nothing this last week to help the world except not try to puke after too many drinks at the bar.

Second sister Ms. Insecurity: My second sister is also a sweet gentle thing. She has always been kind of insecure considering she had a learning disability growing up so she felt different from my sister and I. She constantly compared herself to us and being so skinny like a bean pole as a kid and not sticking up forherself made her an easy target. I can tell you I got into numerous fist fights as a kid sticking up for my older sister. She has gown so much and definately come into her own but I sometimes worry that her trusing niave ways still makes her an easy target. Now that she is in her late 20's she is starting to feel like her clock is ticking. See here lays the major difference between Ms. I and me she wants nothing more than to get married, have babies and be someone's trophy wife. Do not get me wrong I want a family but Ms. I will basically ask you if you want to impregnate her on the second date.

Me: Ms. Know it all partier. So I have to write about myself don't I. Well lets see i am outgoing, pretty, fun, tall (5'10'') and know how to have fun. I have gone the furthest in school (Science masters and working on my MBA, but definately love to have a good time. I am agressive, but caring and would do anyhting for my family and a good friend. But I also have this annoying habit where i think I know everything and will debate just to debate (always playing the devils advocate). I also was the big partier as a teenager (raves, clubs, house parties, etc) and still am. I am more calm but still party more than my siblings including my younger sister. So I know that I have flaws as well but luckily the people about me love me anyways.

Youngest sister: Only child: Now Only child is called that because although biologically she isn't an only child in reality she is. She is 6 years younger than I am she is the baby. Hence overall she is rotten spoiled brat. She has everything done by my mother and does not appear to appreciate any of it. Besides being rotten, she is gorgeous, smart and extrememly talented singer. She goes to college for Opera right now and can blow your mind with her voice. Sometimes when she sings I forget how she knows how to bend my parents to her will. She is also very strong and bitchy and I say that in a good way. I do not believe Only child will be swindled by anyone and if she could just get off my mom's tit she will be even stronger.

So that is my family and while I talk about bad stuff overall we are all very close and have been lucky to live in such a loving intact family where i basically have 5 best friends for the rest of my life.

Lobsters and Fat!

It never ceases to amaze me how my weekends can be equivalent to a rollercoaster ride. Alcohol is sometimes so great but other times it is just the perfect elixir for disaster. Friday we somehow started to drink and by the end of the night I was crying to S. He actually dealt with it very well and took care of me. Saturday I cleaned, worked out and watched a movie before everyone came over to drink. I stayed relatively (you cannot expect me to say no to wine) sober and passed out until we woke up to go to a big state beach in R.I.
It was gorgeous out and very crowded. Not to sound awful but I can totally see how America is becoming an obese nation. It is one thing to be an adult and large but when I saw children between the ages of 3-10 and they were obese! I wanted to fucking smack the parents but when I would see the parents they were knowing on some friend chicken or giving some candy to their beastly children. I understand that weight is hard to keep in check but dooming your poor children before they even hit puberty. Let’s not forget how awful childhood is for most kids without adding 50-100 extra lbs. I think that is why deep down inside I have always fallen in love with thin tall guys. I want to make my children’s chance of having one less thing to worry about higher than if I get with someone with a crappy metabolism. (I know this all sounds horribly shitty but come on lets face it, everyone has body issues so adding to it makes it worse). I am not perfect but I work out 4-6 times a week and try to eat mostly healthy (not yesterday but sometimes you need to indulge).
After the beach we went to this restaurant that was a high end all you can eat buffet. For 70 dollars you can have as much lobster, prime rib, crap legs, sides, desserts as you can handle. Well S. definitely made this place loose money considering he downed 4 lobsters, 2 steaks and everything else under the sun. So overall the weekend was good and bad but I guess that is what makes life so interesting!

Back to normal...

So with summer as most people are my schedule is fucked up! So many parties, BBQ's, weddings, drinking, beach, etc. You get the idea hence I have no set schedule...but I am taking it back goddammit! I am going to make my life bornig and border loser if it takes everything I have. I want to go back to laundry, cleaning, and the gym! I want to get up go to work, go to the gym, clean, eat dinner, watch TV and thenhave great sex a ciggerette and pass out next to S. Hmmm what the fuck is wrong with me! Before I wanted a life, now i have it and I want no life, hehe! Uhhhhh can we say I am totally a gemini!

Dating update...

Ok so let’s recap with the dates…

Hot gym boy- BORDER LINE RETARDED. This was such a waste of a good looking guy, have avoided his calls and he has since stopped trying to contact me. Thank god!

Rec. Boy- had a really good time with him, a sweetheart. Good kisser but I didn’t have that I want to get in your pants feeling. Definitely going to see him again since I am not sure it is because of him and our chemistry or because I am still bitter, hehe

Financial Guy- Sweetheart but way too metro sexual for me. I might date him again but he is kind of far so I don’t know if it is worth it.

So I am chatting with others online but……There is this adorable, sexy R &D guy I met in training and I actually was excited and turned on by him. I was actually thinking naughty thoughts and he was fun. ONLY down fall, he is year younger than I. This could be bad since I just left one mid twenties guy who in the end didn’t want to grow up. Plus we work in the same building so I don’t know if it is so smart to shit where you eat. I will have to get a better “feel” (hmmm and not just figuratively) for him and see if this could be a good thing or a bad thing.

Greek guy- Low and behold (and no surprise) he called late last night and told me how he wants me but…he has a girlfriend. I told him just friends and figure your won shit out because I can’t promise anything right now. I will write about him later since he have done this song and dance for about 2 years now.

This dating thing isn’t half bad and I am thinking of S. less and less, and I feel stronger and stronger. Its not that I don’t miss him but the clean break (which I should have done along time ago) has definitely helped me gain clarity and understand that it is for the best and basically see him for the piece of shit he is. I found this great quote

“I don’t miss him; I miss who I thought he was!”

So god dam true. Well I will keep you posted of my dating shenanigans….