Friday, August 31, 2007

A little background on the family

OK, I am going to explain a bit about me and my family. I overall can say i have a normal upbringing and feel very blessed with my family. After 30 years my parents are still married and mostly happy. I also have three sisters. YUP I said three so my poor father was stuck with 5 women at the house and at one point we all had our monthly friend. Sometimes I am in shock he isn't in a mental ward bouncing against some walls. So onto the explainations of my family...

My father: Irish catholic man who came form a family of 11 kids so having 4 was absolutely no big thing. He is extremely kind, patient, laid back and smart. All of these things make him amazing but at the same time after he came back from Vietnam (at least this is what my mother says) he was not the same. He is not an alcoholic but for such a brilliant man he isn't really doing anything with his life. He is a janitor. I am not bashing this and would never put down my father but he has a bachelor degree and is an amazing artist. So explain to me how he is just a janitor? It appears that my father does not do anything over the top unless he believes he can do it 100 % which lets face it is not most things. Hence he does nothing. Basically my father is not a father who takes care of the family monetarily but emotionally. He is so amazing with children and my grandmother sometimes it even amazes me. So overall I cannot compalin about my father except for that time that he forgot me at the baseball field on the bad side of town for 4 hours (Imagine a 13 year old girl trying to steer cleer of crackheads in her powder blue catholic school softball uniform, hehe)

Mother: Ahhh my mother...she is definately the leader of our family. A scrapper, intelligent, organized, hard working, over stressed, dramatic, crazy women. She is one strong cookie and definately (except for my little sister) raised us to be the same. She put herself through school, grew up in the sixties, went to woodstock, burned her bra and has owned her own successful advertising agency and raised 4 daughters. Pretty damn impressive. She is my hero and best friend and as I get older we are closer and closer. I love her but over the last ten years I have realized that as stressed as she is she feeds off of it. She loves it no matter what she says. She in turn can be very negative, complaining alot and that is fine for me but to be so cynical sometimes is almost unhealthy. She has a tendency to baby the youngest as well so they have this horrible hate love realitonship which I then get the call from Momma dukes (after a couple glasses of wine) and have to hear about their ridiculous squabble.

Oldest sister Mrs. DINK: Mrs Dink is an amazing sister who has pretty much had the perfect life. Everything has always fallen into place for her. Beautiful, smart, been with the same man for ten years, married, husband is really well off, etc. etc. etc. Now even though her husband and her are total YUPPIE's and DINKS (double income no children) she is also the most caring person ever. To make myself feel bad all I have to do is call her. She helps elderly people, mentors mentally handicapped children, teaches a CCD class, etc. Did I mention she works for a Non-profit company? She is amazing but sometimes I am remind that I did nothing this last week to help the world except not try to puke after too many drinks at the bar.

Second sister Ms. Insecurity: My second sister is also a sweet gentle thing. She has always been kind of insecure considering she had a learning disability growing up so she felt different from my sister and I. She constantly compared herself to us and being so skinny like a bean pole as a kid and not sticking up forherself made her an easy target. I can tell you I got into numerous fist fights as a kid sticking up for my older sister. She has gown so much and definately come into her own but I sometimes worry that her trusing niave ways still makes her an easy target. Now that she is in her late 20's she is starting to feel like her clock is ticking. See here lays the major difference between Ms. I and me she wants nothing more than to get married, have babies and be someone's trophy wife. Do not get me wrong I want a family but Ms. I will basically ask you if you want to impregnate her on the second date.

Me: Ms. Know it all partier. So I have to write about myself don't I. Well lets see i am outgoing, pretty, fun, tall (5'10'') and know how to have fun. I have gone the furthest in school (Science masters and working on my MBA, but definately love to have a good time. I am agressive, but caring and would do anyhting for my family and a good friend. But I also have this annoying habit where i think I know everything and will debate just to debate (always playing the devils advocate). I also was the big partier as a teenager (raves, clubs, house parties, etc) and still am. I am more calm but still party more than my siblings including my younger sister. So I know that I have flaws as well but luckily the people about me love me anyways.

Youngest sister: Only child: Now Only child is called that because although biologically she isn't an only child in reality she is. She is 6 years younger than I am she is the baby. Hence overall she is rotten spoiled brat. She has everything done by my mother and does not appear to appreciate any of it. Besides being rotten, she is gorgeous, smart and extrememly talented singer. She goes to college for Opera right now and can blow your mind with her voice. Sometimes when she sings I forget how she knows how to bend my parents to her will. She is also very strong and bitchy and I say that in a good way. I do not believe Only child will be swindled by anyone and if she could just get off my mom's tit she will be even stronger.

So that is my family and while I talk about bad stuff overall we are all very close and have been lucky to live in such a loving intact family where i basically have 5 best friends for the rest of my life.



Thursday, August 30, 2007

Old friends, and the beach

Everyone has that one friend who is always alot of fun and a big partier, but with that always brings drama and craziness. Only child I have been friends with for ten years and even how we met was dramatic.
There I was talking to a girlfriend in the middle of latin class when I get yelled at by the teacher. Ok I was talking so I diserved it and just stopped talking when all of a sudden Only child spoke up and started yelling at the teacher because she had stopped me from telling the story and that the teacher should go fuck herself. Well needless to say Only child was sent to the principals office and we were best friends ever since. Now it has been a long path up and downs but we are still close and she is visiting this week to find a job since she is moving back from Florida in October.
So luckily I had Wednesday off since Only child was coming home on tuesday. Only child is an attractive woman who can drink like a man, so you always know you are going to be partying when she is around. She is so much fun but sometimes the liver can only take so much. Well shot after shot we went and had a blast...surprisingly enough I outdrank her. She has appeared to slow down a bit in her old age, hehehe.
The next morning I woke up and we went to the beach which was so relaxing but I got burned around my tits and ass and that is it. Are the sun gods playing a joke on me...not only is my bra killing me but itching your boobs and underwire every two second does not appear to help me move forward in my career, hehe!


Tuesday, August 28, 2007

New rule

I think there should be a new rule for cohabitating and or married couples. Both parties must get up at the same time. I do not care about when you go to bed but waking up and seeing you sound asleep rolling over into the middle of the bed while I fumble around, exhausted, and jealous I am not in there with you is to much to handle. How can I allow the corporate monster to dictate my ability to lay next to a hot guy and cuddle. FUCK the real job and insurance...FUCK IT! End of rant.


Mortgage papers bring us closer together.

After 50 million papers and my wrist almost falling off, S. and I finally completed the mortgage application. The lady who is are mortgage officer was very informative and nice but her name is Marnie.? Marnie, what kind of name is that? Is that a mixture between irish and shit talk? Oh well besides that the application is done and 350 dollars was given for the assesment. Its so funny how many fee's start coming up and even more funny is how S. is starting to sound more and more like his and my father. How all these fee's are just another way for the government to strong arm us, etc. Uhhhhh did my father come and morph into your body because if he did I need to puke since i have been having sex with my dad!


Monday, August 27, 2007

Different weekend

Hmm lets see this weekend was fun and different. First off let me tell you I went out on friday with my girlfriends but have you ever been brought out with a friend due to vengenge? Let me explain Hair stylist was fighting with her husband so we went out for a drink around 4pm. She wanted to vent which is great but apparently her husband was mad and decided to make plans to go out just to piss his wife off. So then my girlfriend wants to go out even more to prove a point or something. So basically S. and I are being pulled in opposite positions because our friends who are supposed to be upset decide to act like pubescent little children. But on the bright side i got to hang out with my two girlfriends in my old watering holes. I have not been to those bars in a while (used to go all the time when I lived near there) . The nice thing is by the time I got home my man was naked and passed out.
Well after a few more drinks and debating with a McDonald worker (how can you not have a fucking chesseburger, YOU ARE MCDONALDS!) at 1am in the morning I get into bed and S. wakes up. He is half drunk, tired and deliriously funny. He starts asking for tacos and wants me to drive him while licking my armpit and rubbing against me (yes we have a weird sense of humor, hehe) but eventually we passed out.
Saturday afternoon I had the most amazing sex session ever. Whenever S. gets too little sleep from partying and has to go to work he comes home energized or is it delerious? Well whatever it is he ususally pounces on me and we have some hot afternoon sex! Well saturday was no exceptions. I came fucking 4 times! He was all about me, me, me, and did I mention me! I will say this S. and I have had issues (just read all the beginnning of this blog) but our sex life has never been one of them! Damn I am getting a hot shiver just thinking about it.
Sunday was the Engagement party and it was alot of fun but I think I should have ate more and drank less wine....Oh and taking a couple of hits of pot while your family is there does not make you look like a mature soon to be wife. Oh well my family knows i think it is more other people that thought that. How is it I was mature the night before but when I have an audience I can't stop drinking the wine. Mmmm red red lovely wine. I swear if I was asked to give up sex or wine (and I love both) it would definately take me a few minutes to decide.

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Condo and a computer

Holy shit it has been a great couple of busy and great days. First off my new whiz bangy computer came in, WHOOOO Hooo, but it is having issues connecting to public wi-fi so I will spend today’s lunch hour at Panera and on the phone trying to figure it out.
On the relationship front S. and I are buying a condo together! I know its fucking crazy huh? I was going to do it myself but then he gave me the whole “us” and “we” speech and I broke down. I need to start letting myself become more vulnerable and open up. Guess you can’t gain anything unless you try huh? I will hopefully post pics when we are in and settled. I have to fax some shit to the mortgage company so I have to jet but once this craziness is settled I will report on the dynamic of a large Irish catholic family with 4 daughters….hmmmmm scary for m
y father isn’t it.


Monday, August 20, 2007

The Company Picnic and yeager

Well this friday was the company picnic! Which actually was nice since it was 11-4pm I did not have to wake up early. Basically it is mandatory and everyone had to either go or take a vacation day. Hmmm give up a beach day when I can sleep in anyways! FUCK Nah....so I sucked it up and went to the picnic. It started out fabulous having to wait in traffic to get to the camp ground. I kept thinking, wait is this the right way to the picnic or is there a beatles reunion concert where John Lennon came back from the dead. It took an hour to go about 5 miles. BUT low and behold at the end of it was the company manager to give me a bag and towel with our companies name on it. Ohhh thank you good sir this company towel will make me forget that i am underpaid and that the whole company is crazy. It was different to see people in regular clothing and by the looks of some of my cowoworkers they liked my short denim skirt and tank top as well. I basically hung out with Safety guy and R&D guy for the day. I then went and started to drink with two coworkers and this proceeded until the end of the night. Next year I will remember to take a flask so when I can drink. Drinking would make me forget quicker that I hate my job before a towel will.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

What is it with men and doctors

Listen I understand that men are considered the physically stronger (definately not mentally, hehe) but sometimes I am amazed at how men react to being sick. Take S. he will not take anything even advil if his head felt like a screwdriver was implanted in it, but to be honest he complains alot more than when I get sick. I think I was usued to just dealing with being sick on my own. I come from a family of 4 daughters (will fill you in on family later I promise) so attention was few and far between. Don't get me wrong, I have fallen ill and S. has been wonderful but what I cannot understand is how men will do nothing to help themselves heal or the complete oposite. A great post from "The company Bitch" (love that blog, if we lived closer I am positive we would drink alot together) showed how men universally react to sickness. So when people ask me why I think men live shorter than women on average. I reply "Because they are big babies who won't go to the fucking doctor!"
New Computer should be shipping out tomorrow, WHOOO fucking hoo! I get a new whiz bangy gorgeous laptop. Now I just have to wait for it to be delivered! I realize as time goes by I have very little to no patience! Well I guess I should revise, I can wait for certain things. Wine, sex, HBO series, things of that nature. Can not wait for computers, in lines, sales, sex, food, and people who are late. Back to pretending to work and send out more resumes (time to move up and on!)

Monday, August 13, 2007

Lobsters and Fat!

It never ceases to amaze me how my weekends can be equivalent to a rollercoaster ride. Alcohol is sometimes so great but other times it is just the perfect elixir for disaster. Friday we somehow started to drink and by the end of the night I was crying to S. He actually dealt with it very well and took care of me. Saturday I cleaned, worked out and watched a movie before everyone came over to drink. I stayed relatively (you cannot expect me to say no to wine) sober and passed out until we woke up to go to a big state beach in R.I.
It was gorgeous out and very crowded. Not to sound awful but I can totally see how America is becoming an obese nation. It is one thing to be an adult and large but when I saw children between the ages of 3-10 and they were obese! I wanted to fucking smack the parents but when I would see the parents they were knowing on some friend chicken or giving some candy to their beastly children. I understand that weight is hard to keep in check but dooming your poor children before they even hit puberty. Let’s not forget how awful childhood is for most kids without adding 50-100 extra lbs. I think that is why deep down inside I have always fallen in love with thin tall guys. I want to make my children’s chance of having one less thing to worry about higher than if I get with someone with a crappy metabolism. (I know this all sounds horribly shitty but come on lets face it, everyone has body issues so adding to it makes it worse). I am not perfect but I work out 4-6 times a week and try to eat mostly healthy (not yesterday but sometimes you need to indulge).
After the beach we went to this restaurant that was a high end all you can eat buffet. For 70 dollars you can have as much lobster, prime rib, crap legs, sides, desserts as you can handle. Well S. definitely made this place loose money considering he downed 4 lobsters, 2 steaks and everything else under the sun. So overall the weekend was good and bad but I guess that is what makes life so interesting!

Friday, August 10, 2007

Can it get any better!?

Can we say shitty day (SHITTY DAY)! As I am driving home I hear this crazy noise coming from the left side front tire and realized this shitbox car needs to go to the shop. GREAT no car! How the fuck am I going to get home. I had to call my father! HA am I fifteen again. Thank god my dad is so laid back and chill (guess you have to be with 4 daughters and a wife) and came to pick me up and brought me home.
I get home and had to clean up cat shit (bad cleo, why are you making me look back in front of S.) and did some laundry. I look down and there is a letter from my gyno and as I open it up it turns out I have abnormal cells in my cervix and have to get it scrapped to make sure i do not have any cancer. WHOOOO fucking whoo. Can someone shoot me in the other foot. I did have a great sex session (bent over in front of a mirror with my wild hair and his hot body, mmmmm I need to stop touching myself at work) and a good night sleep but come on! Why does everything happen at once. WHAT THE FUCK! Oh well what is a girl to do (hmmm bottle of wine and S. dick sounds good right about now).

Thursday, August 9, 2007

Holy shit I have to get out of the house I am living in...I am becoming so jaded and more and more depressed and I am starting to outwardly express it. I think the man thing is getting to me a bit too much! I don't know why I let the random comments, etc get to me but they do. I basicalyl got into a debate with S last night over stereotypes pertaining to men and women. Please do not be shocked but he was the one who was saying it is unfair to put labels on men and women. WHAT!? Roles have reversed in this fight and then we kind of made up and had sex, but I couldn't get off. This is not usually but I didn't fake it and S. got weirded out and then I felt bad. He said I seemed not into it, which I replied I was but i don't want to fake an orgasm. He said well maybe he just wasn't into it, which of course made me feel bad. Fuck I need to move out before this starts to affect my sex life. I refuse to let that happen. I have to get a good fuck today if it kills me!

Wednesday, August 8, 2007

A Little better

Well the insecurities have calmed a bit, not fully but a bit. I feel like I can't really blame him for the history being there because I don't know when it was looked at and I was on other websites when we were broken up and if he looked on my history it would be there. I am going to give the benefit of the doubt which in the past before all this craziness I would have done. Guess it takes time to get over and don't forget that if he is doing something I will find out eventually since S has always been a horrible liar.
ON to other news my other married coupel friends are throwing us an engagement party at the end of this month so that should be interesting and even better I AM GETTING A NEW COMPUTER. Whoo hoo my computer at work is great but alot of things are blocked that I want to access and my old laptop is about 4 years old and not connecting to the internet! SO I am using the corporate discount and this reimbersment plan so I don't have to pay anything up front. Have to love the corporate world (do just enough little thigns for your drones so they will keep working and not kill themselves). I am going to be a dork and go check on its status right now.....

Tuesday, August 7, 2007

I hate being crazy in love...

Why am I so fucking insecure? I can feel it creeping up slowely and seeping through my veins making me jittery and nervous. I couldn't help myself and checked out the email on S. phone and there were websites on there that were problems with us in the past. Now I don't know how long ago it was since there are no time stamps and I don't want to jump down his throught since I was on websites when we were broken up as well and I am getting them unsubscribed all the time. I feel so fucking crazy sometimes and don't know how to handle it. I find myself reviterting to a pathetic female that I hate and despise. Don't say anything because it may be wrong and you could push him away, things are so good, pick your battles. What the fuck I don't know what to do? I love him but his past mistakes make it so hard for me and plus lets not forget that women never fucking forget. We may forgive but we never ever FORGET. I wish I could. Sometimes I wish I could be like Kate Winslet from that "Spotless eternal mind suinshine" movie. Just erase bad memories or S all together. I feel like he loves me and he is being faithful but my insecurities are driving me insane. I am going to have to stay away from booze and let this thought sink for a bit until I either realize I am crazy or I need to bring it up. This man somehow (not even knowing) makes me so crazy. Somedays in a good way and others in a shitty way. We had such an amazing love session and as I lay down I almost wanted to cry (I didn't) because I love him so much that it hurts to think he doesn't love me the same. Is too much love and passion good for a person. We have been together for about 4 and a half years and I still am crazy about him. I worry that he will fuck me over, I worry that I will push him away, I am afraid that I am wasting my time on him, but at the same time I am worried that I could walk away from this man whom I love more than myself. God why is this man so important to me, has the shit he pulled inadvertantly made me a pathetic girl or am I just in love and realizing that a real lasting relationship is hard and comes with trials. When is too much too much? I don't even know if i should give him the benefit of the doubt or just assume he fucked up? What is easier? Fuck I need to do some work and stop harping like I always fucking do....

Monday, August 6, 2007

Free drinks leads to a broken toe..

Blurry Flashes of Saturday night include:

1. Free drinks from a bartender who has a crush on me (this is not good since I have absolutely no fucking control.)
2. Dancing alot in stilletto's
3. Falling down a flight of stairs at the bar.
4. Not being allowed into the second bar because I was so drunk
5. Puking on the side of my friends house
6. Walking home barefoot

Results the next day to my crazy drunken night

1. ciggerette burn on leg
2. huge scrap on knee cap
3. broken toe
4. horrible hang over

Apparently for me massive amounts of drinks equals a good time but not without the drunken scars to prove it.

Thursday, August 2, 2007

The answer to no sleep

I was completely exhausted yesterday after little sleep on tuesday (thunderstorms still get to me) and then I went to a kick ass cardio and abs class. So as I walk in the door I was not my normal peppy self but more quiet and sullen due to the jello I called my muscles and brain. S. was a little concerned and went into sweet mode and decieded I need to go out for dinner and a few margarita's. It was very nice and then back home we went where the games were on. I lasted about a half an hour and I got up and went to bed. Now S. knows if you want some you have a 20 minute window from after that moment if we are going to bed at different times. No matter how tired or sick I will never withold sex from him (God for bid he did it to me) but he did not make it in so I passed out. ALLLLLLLLLLLL night I tossed and turned, woke up every two hours. IT FUCKING SUCKED and I am sure it sucked for S as well since i kept him up with my body flailings. As I wake up in a daze I apoligized to S for my shenanigans.

Me: I am so sorry if you didn't sleep well last night
S. You were definately moving around but its ok
Me: I don't know what the hell my problem is, I even went to bed early. What the fuck?
S. I know why you didn't sleep well!
Me: Oh really why is that?
S. Because we didn't have sex...(with a grin)
Me: Hmmmmm that definately could be it, guess that can't happen again can it because I need to sleep.
S. I love your thinking. Anything where I can help you sleep better i am on board.

NOTE: This theory of S. could be true since an journal article has linked lack of sperm to depression (which includes symptoms of sleeplessness).

Wednesday, August 1, 2007

Back to normal...

So with summer as most people are my schedule is fucked up! So many parties, BBQ's, weddings, drinking, beach, etc. You get the idea hence I have no set schedule...but I am taking it back goddammit! I am going to make my life bornig and border loser if it takes everything I have. I want to go back to laundry, cleaning, and the gym! I want to get up go to work, go to the gym, clean, eat dinner, watch TV and thenhave great sex a ciggerette and pass out next to S. Hmmm what the fuck is wrong with me! Before I wanted a life, now i have it and I want no life, hehe! Uhhhhh can we say I am totally a gemini!