Well the insecurities have calmed a bit, not fully but a bit. I feel like I can't really blame him for the history being there because I don't know when it was looked at and I was on other websites when we were broken up and if he looked on my history it would be there. I am going to give the benefit of the doubt which in the past before all this craziness I would have done. Guess it takes time to get over and don't forget that if he is doing something I will find out eventually since S has always been a horrible liar.
ON to other news my other married coupel friends are throwing us an engagement party at the end of this month so that should be interesting and even better I AM GETTING A NEW COMPUTER. Whoo hoo my computer at work is great but alot of things are blocked that I want to access and my old laptop is about 4 years old and not connecting to the internet! SO I am using the corporate discount and this reimbersment plan so I don't have to pay anything up front. Have to love the corporate world (do just enough little thigns for your drones so they will keep working and not kill themselves). I am going to be a dork and go check on its status right now.....
Showing posts with label relationship. Show all posts
Showing posts with label relationship. Show all posts
Wednesday, August 8, 2007
Friday, March 30, 2007
Bro's before Hoes? Part one
Grrrr yesterday was a bit rough.
I went out with my good friend Cell guy who has always been there and I pretty much know he is really into me if not in love with me, but its weird because since I have known him either I have been involved (with S.) or he has as well. Besides that Cell guy has always been a great friend and so much fun. Sorry I am off on a tangent again, but on Wednesday night we went out to his friend Harpie (will explain later) who I like a lot but found some qualities a little disconcerting.
We went to her apartment drank some wine (my one true weakness) and began discussing our relationship troubles. My bitter diatribe recounted the situation with S. while Cell guy battled with the sex issues with his recent ex and lastly Harpie had a ten year relationship with a emotional abusive manipulative good looking liar. This is the moment I began to dub Harpie her name. This woman is gorgeous, nice, smart, but very bitter and obviously has a thing for Cell guy and in turn Cell guy was very attentive to her as well. They work together and get along very well. So I was a little bit of the third wheel but I was ok. I was a little weirded out to see that Cell guy acted like he liked her like he did with me when we hung out. Hmmm ok so that is why Cell guy has pretty girls as friends.
Honestly it was weird but I didn’t care that much and even said to Cell guy “You should go for it, she seems to be into you.” He was a little taken aback mentioning well what about wanting you, etc. I told him “I love you to death but I am not anywhere near that what’s so ever.” Not that Cell guy is in total “friend” zone (he is attractive) but we are good friends and unless we were in love or I just couldn’t control my attraction for him, I won’t wreck a three year friendship for me to screw him on the rebound.
So conversation of Cell guys ex came up and Harpie just went on a tirade about how they shouldn’t be with her, she’s a bitch, etc. Uhhhh hello I know the ex and she is a sweetheart amazing person except a cold fish in the sack. This does not make her the most horrible person in the world. She kept on it and looked to me more and more desperate for Cell guy. So as Harpie and I are outside smoking I started asking if she was into Cell guy. My premonition (which it was not hard to see) was correct and she really wanted to be with him. I politely said “you need to be careful with the bashing of the ex since they are so recently broken up….you don’t want Cell guy to be with you unless he is fully done with the ex. Resentment could build otherwise.” Then I brought up how I don’t understand how she hates her so much since she is so nice. We debated back and forth but when it comes down to it. WOMEN are horrible to each other if it is over a man. This is one aspect of being a woman I cannot stand. We will turn on each other as opposed to put the blame where it belongs nine times out of ten. We will forgive a cheating bastard and give the single woman the nickname skank whore. Do not get me wrong sometimes this is warranted but men do not exhibit this ridiculous reaction. They are logical and recognize where the anger should truly lie. I felt like Harpie how can you be so cold hearted when you pretended to be friends with the ex (whom I need to reiterate she is possibly one of the sweetest women I have ever met) but are trying to be a relationship breaker for your own gain? How about some comradery? Bro’s before hoes mentality would be nice within the vagina community. I bet a lot less women would put up with as much shit from a relationship and maybe, just maybe men would be forced to think about others feeling (yes I am a little bitter, but I do recognize there are women like this as well)
I think Harpie was a little annoyed at my honesty but I diverted the attention and got us back to laughing. At this point Hot Man (guy I met on Myspace) text me and I texted back and in a little bit of a drunken place called him. We had a 30 minute conversation and it was really nice. He seemed intelligent, funny….and the best trait he was almost in the same exact situation as I. Hmmm both emotionally bitter people just wanting some distraction. This could be perfect. He has either messaged me or talked to me since the say he messaged me so this could be a perfect rebound…..
The story gets more interesting but I will continue it later tonight.
I went out with my good friend Cell guy who has always been there and I pretty much know he is really into me if not in love with me, but its weird because since I have known him either I have been involved (with S.) or he has as well. Besides that Cell guy has always been a great friend and so much fun. Sorry I am off on a tangent again, but on Wednesday night we went out to his friend Harpie (will explain later) who I like a lot but found some qualities a little disconcerting.
We went to her apartment drank some wine (my one true weakness) and began discussing our relationship troubles. My bitter diatribe recounted the situation with S. while Cell guy battled with the sex issues with his recent ex and lastly Harpie had a ten year relationship with a emotional abusive manipulative good looking liar. This is the moment I began to dub Harpie her name. This woman is gorgeous, nice, smart, but very bitter and obviously has a thing for Cell guy and in turn Cell guy was very attentive to her as well. They work together and get along very well. So I was a little bit of the third wheel but I was ok. I was a little weirded out to see that Cell guy acted like he liked her like he did with me when we hung out. Hmmm ok so that is why Cell guy has pretty girls as friends.
Honestly it was weird but I didn’t care that much and even said to Cell guy “You should go for it, she seems to be into you.” He was a little taken aback mentioning well what about wanting you, etc. I told him “I love you to death but I am not anywhere near that what’s so ever.” Not that Cell guy is in total “friend” zone (he is attractive) but we are good friends and unless we were in love or I just couldn’t control my attraction for him, I won’t wreck a three year friendship for me to screw him on the rebound.
So conversation of Cell guys ex came up and Harpie just went on a tirade about how they shouldn’t be with her, she’s a bitch, etc. Uhhhh hello I know the ex and she is a sweetheart amazing person except a cold fish in the sack. This does not make her the most horrible person in the world. She kept on it and looked to me more and more desperate for Cell guy. So as Harpie and I are outside smoking I started asking if she was into Cell guy. My premonition (which it was not hard to see) was correct and she really wanted to be with him. I politely said “you need to be careful with the bashing of the ex since they are so recently broken up….you don’t want Cell guy to be with you unless he is fully done with the ex. Resentment could build otherwise.” Then I brought up how I don’t understand how she hates her so much since she is so nice. We debated back and forth but when it comes down to it. WOMEN are horrible to each other if it is over a man. This is one aspect of being a woman I cannot stand. We will turn on each other as opposed to put the blame where it belongs nine times out of ten. We will forgive a cheating bastard and give the single woman the nickname skank whore. Do not get me wrong sometimes this is warranted but men do not exhibit this ridiculous reaction. They are logical and recognize where the anger should truly lie. I felt like Harpie how can you be so cold hearted when you pretended to be friends with the ex (whom I need to reiterate she is possibly one of the sweetest women I have ever met) but are trying to be a relationship breaker for your own gain? How about some comradery? Bro’s before hoes mentality would be nice within the vagina community. I bet a lot less women would put up with as much shit from a relationship and maybe, just maybe men would be forced to think about others feeling (yes I am a little bitter, but I do recognize there are women like this as well)
I think Harpie was a little annoyed at my honesty but I diverted the attention and got us back to laughing. At this point Hot Man (guy I met on Myspace) text me and I texted back and in a little bit of a drunken place called him. We had a 30 minute conversation and it was really nice. He seemed intelligent, funny….and the best trait he was almost in the same exact situation as I. Hmmm both emotionally bitter people just wanting some distraction. This could be perfect. He has either messaged me or talked to me since the say he messaged me so this could be a perfect rebound…..
The story gets more interesting but I will continue it later tonight.
Monday, March 26, 2007
Plane has crashed and burned...
Ohhh it is finally done with S.! THANK GOD I FOUND OUT NOW! I always said hope for nothing, expect the worse with him. I was so mad and it ended nasty which I did intentionally so that there would be no back and forth. I got him pretty mad with the mean comments I put out there. I brought up things I know are his soft spots (which I never have in any fight with him in the past) but without going into all the details I can say without a doubt this burning plane of a relationship has finally crashed. I feel so many emotions, anger, sadness, relief, and indifference all at the same time. I am sure it will come in waves over the next year or so of healing. I need to drop off his key and some stuff but I am just going to give it to mutual friends so I don’t have to deal with it. I wonder how I allowed myself to be so blind when in the past I never did that. How could I go from the nice guys to this, thank god I never did marry him! He will be someone else’s problem and I will no longer be his crutch. It’s a new day and the next few months are going to be hard but you know what I will survive this and one day just look back and laugh at how I was ever with this guy for so long. Thank god for this blog, my journal, my open book of feelings. And thank god for my friends and family they are the best ever. Back to work and on with a new chapter in my life.
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