Friday, December 18, 2009

Wait..it's CHRISTMAS!!

So I am not a ba humbug christmas person but the christmas cheer has definately not been on the forefront with me. I have done absolutely no shopping, no decorating and besides eating the shitty food of the season I have no real feeling of the holiday spirit.

The weird thing is that I like it this way. I do not have any bad past holidays on the contrary I had quite the christmases as a kid. Yet, since we are all adults with no children yet and everyone has what they want it has become the same time of year for me.

Most of my family and friends are strugleing with this recession and some of my friends have big expensive things coming up like having babies and what not. So when Mom asks me what I want for christmas I respond " A house" so since you can't get that lets just forego the gift giving and get drunk on some good wine together.

Sometimes I wish that excitment you feel when you wake up early in the morning the day of christmas and you run down the stairs and start shaking presents. Guess that will come down the road when I give birth to numerous spawns of Satan.

On a completely other bitching note I am a little irritated and hurt by some of my friends. Two of them are pregnant and I have been trying to be there alot for both of them. I go out of my way to do things so they feel included since we have always been a big party group. One of them I would make sure every saturday I go over her house from 9-11pm and leave when she is tired so she doesn't feel left out (we would go to a local bar after that) and the other one never wanted a kid got knocked up, is having a nervous breakdown and guess who is always their to help her out. ME!

Onto why I am bitching about them. They both have told me they worried about being odd women out and wish the group would do more from the bar. OK I will step up and host a pampered chef party at my house on a monday, cater it and get all the ladies together so it will not be focused around booze. Seems like a good idea right? Well one of the fucking pregnant chicks decides to go shopping and the gym and is too tired to go, and the other bitch forgets to call me at all. NO text, call, facebook anything to let me know she is not going. Thanks for letting me know where I stand on the grand scheme of things.

Usually I would call and just talk to them about why this is bothering me, but this time I am just fed up and don't feel like talking to either of them...or else I will blow up at two emotional bitchy pregnant women who will give me the whole "I don't get it label" which I think is bullshit. Both these women said to me " you won't understand until your married" Well I got married and It didn't change life all that much. Sorry if you both had some grandious idea of how your husband would be and then let you down. GRRRRRRRR....so fucking pissed. I know I sound like a whiney bitch but honestly it gets my pissed off. So I think I will be silent for a bit and then try to talk but for now (I know this will not last I do love them both like sisters) go fuck off you self richious pregnant chicks.

Monday, December 7, 2009

Need to get motivated

Alright QLCG you need to get your fat ass in gear and start the following...

1. GO TO THE FUCKING GYM!

2. STOP EATING EVERYTHING IN SIGHT

3. STOP PROCRASTINATING IN WORK

4. STOP EATING

I am not one of those girls who complains alot about her weight but I am officially back to my college weight. Which is equal to beer guzzling, cafeteria no excercise weight. Hence my clothes are starting to not fit. What do I do about it.........................................................................................................................................................................Oh sorry I was showing a sandwich in my mouth. So I finally signed up for another gym since my favorite gym closed. FUCK me it's hard enough for me to go without hating the place. Well hopefully booking the bachelorette party to Vegas will help me get my fat ass in gear.

Hopefully..

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Reunions and such.

So I took on the role of dork and organized my 10 year reunion. Now what you have to understand is that unlike many people I LOVED high school.

I was not miss cheerleader or popular but more of a social floater. I had my 3-4 close girlfriends and then was nice to everyone from the hot top of the food chain girls (which I will comment on later) down to the dorky band geek. I never cared what group you were in and was involved with everyone.

I have always been a weirdo in the sense that I went to tons of raves, partied like I lived in the seventies but also got straight A's in advanced science courses and was in National honor society. Hence my parents did not know what to do with me. I would come home from a boys house get yelled at and then praised for making honor roll. So in high school I think I was dubbed smart, science, art party girl. Try that dichotomy on for size.

So besides my tangent I started organizing this trip down memory lane like 8 months ago. It went over very well but there are a few things that went well and other things that pissed the fucking shit out of me.

A. I hate that I (via facebook) asked everyone about dates and venues and everyone seemed excited and good. Then a week before all these idiots had lame excuses to not go. Uhhh hello fuckface you knew about this 8 months ago, 6 months ago, 4 months ago, 1 month ago...when I sent out repeat reminders. If you had a kid I maybe understand it....besides that your just fucking lame in my book.

B. I need to not show my fun alchololic side so much to people. As a good part of my family we over compensate with school and jobs to hopefully cover up our extreme party habits. Do not get me wrong work, and responsibilities come first ALWAYS but if I have a free night...YOU better believe I will be three sheets to the wind dancing, laughing all night followed by a cab ride home, a bill I regret and a hazy recollection of what happened. I feel as if this is my last year before I have to pony up, have children and be responsible for real!

C. I love that the really hot girls who had boobs in high school were either fat, single, or gong nowhere. On the other side I loved seeing the dorky girls either got hot, have amazing lives and hot husbands and happy lives. It has got to feel good to finally realize high school is just a speck of nothing when it comes to your whole life.

D. To the cheap people who showed up without paying all I can say is go fuck yourself. I HATE cheap people they should be shot just on principle.

Overall the reunion was alot of fun and worth the work....although the school can find someone else at the twenty year mark to do it next time.

P.S. Booked my trip to Vegas for May with some girls.....can only imagine the stories.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

This weekend!

So I took last friday up and got ready for my college girlfriend to come up and visit from PA. As I said before the poor thing is going through a nasty breakup and needed to get away. I was happy to obliged and for most of the weekend she held it together. Some of the highlights...

1. Went to a sex toy party on saturday which was great we both got some new vibrators and such, had a good laugh but wish it was a bit more hetro and homosexual mix. I am straight but she is gay so I am sure all the products to help dick wouldn't apply alot..although maybe being disgusted by penises as opposed to missing her ex's vagina was a good thing???

2. Attended a Halloween costume party that was held for charity. We dressed up likes skanks accordingly and had a blast. My college friend (we will call her Lezzy) Lezzy can some how get straight women to hit on her all night and it is so funny to see the husbands or boyfriends to be all attention whores. They stand on the sidelines like "Look at me, why don't you want dick!" where as Lezzy gives the attention to only women! It really is hilarious since alot of men cannot understand why a woman wouldn't want a man (EYEs ARE ROLLLING).

3. Lezzy kept it together until 11pm on sunday which was awful to see her crying and sobbing. We were up till 2:30am and I was exhausted the next day but was glad to see her feeling better after work on monday. I almost didn't want to see her go but she had to work.

Overall it was a fabulous weekend but all I can say is I hope her horrible ex dies a slow lonely death and never finds happiness again. Sorry I'm a bitch and I said it!

Friday, October 23, 2009

A bad worker

I do not know what my issue it...I have been so busy that I took today off. Last minute vacation. So tell me why I am doing laundry and cleaning my condo! I have no idea how two people make so much fucking laundry.

On another note my good girlfriend from college is coming up to visit. I wish it wasn't from a bad situation though. The poor thing was with her partner for years and she recently got dumped. I feel so bad and hate to see her in pain! I wish I could take all the pain away but I know (I think everyone has been there) besides listening to her and time will help.

Well maybe alot of wine, and bitching will help...

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Traveling and my little bugger

My hubby and I have been fabulous since I have been gone alot lately, hehe! I went to a business trip for 3 days, a concert with my girlfriends over night, and then left for three days to watch my little bugger aka nephew. So I have been gone for a whole week or so the last month.

He actually seemed to miss me and I definately missed my bed. It's funny though because unlike alot of my friends me and S are not on the phone all the time. We really only talk if something needs to get done or if I am traveling I will call for a quick goodnight. I see my friends text and chat about nothing to their signifcant others and honestly am like....why? Unless you have kids to talk about I live with you! Plus S is not the biggest phone talker anyways.

On another note I watched my nephew aka little bugger for three days for my sister so she and her husband could go away for their anniversary. He was adorable and a little attention whore. Love him to death but glad to get back to adult conversation. I found myself talking baby talk when I got back and quickly gave myself a quick kick in the ass.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

So tired...

The last couple of weeks have been kind of crazy but this last couple of days in particular. I am working all week like normal but went to a sex toy party on monday. First off I have been to many of them and second, alot of the products I have already bought or used over the years. I have always been up for crazy and some kinky. From furry hand cuffs to vibrators, and games, etc. I love going to these parties because there are always two types of women there.

A: the crazy outgoing sexually expressive drinkers

B: the more quiet prude unsure girls

I am part of group A but love to people watch and talk to group B. Some of the women are down right petrefied, some are curious and others just got dragged by a friend and look like they want to kill themselves via a dildo to the head. The best are the younger girls who obviously have never masturbated or would never admit to it.

To this I try to get them talking about why it is soooo important to do this. Without practice and exploration there is no way to direct the man as to where to go and what to do. Don't get me wrong when you start a hot steamy relationship you get wet just by the guy touching you but over time and the ultimate need to achieve the G-Spot orgasm this needs to be done and alot.

I hate that women are raised to think this is dirty and of course are wonderful double standard of the virgin and the whore, but seriously sex is supposed to be the ultimate sex game and to win the game it takes practice.

On a side note I took great pleasure when the host asked me some questions about her products, hehehe!

So that set up for a later night than usual but was worth it, since I got a great new toy. (Dammit need to stop spending money) I go to work as usual and then helped pick up a shift at the bar (I have been working on friday night shift at a local divey bar for the past couple of months, hence the saving and not spending), which turned out to be insane. We GOT SLAMMED, and I didn't get home till way late and then had to do more work.

I am exhausted! The only thing that I miss about my old job working as a corporate engineer is that on days I was hung over or not feeling well I could hide in my cubicle and look really busy on my computer. When in reality you were blogging, etc but nobody bothered you.

Hopefully since I dragged my ass out pretty ealry today I can make it an early day today and maybe a nap?

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Note to self...

Some of the following are things I need to remember for future reference!

1. Calling an old Italian lady a "pit bull" even as a compliment...will never be taken as a compliment.
Pittbull

2. Doing no exercise does contribute to my ass getting fat.

3. Heels working behind the bar is just fucking retarded.

4. Smoking pot (no matter how long it has been) will make you want to eat and contribute to number 2.

5. Husband does not like when I vomit from to much drinking then come in and try to make out with him and have sex...well when he is sober at least.
Vomit girl

6. Using quarters to buy wine or liquor only makes you look like a drunk.

On another note I am so excited to finally talk to a friend and so excited she has moved to the northeast! She is going to rock out (even though she doesn't see it yet!)

Friday, August 28, 2009

So glad its almost the weekend!

Hmmmm, I have been thinking lately. I am an alcoholic, yet I do not mind it. I am a complete partier. How will this translate when I grow up? Wait I am almost thirty I know but I feel pretty much around 15 give or take. I went to the beach with the hubby and some friends and as soon as we sat down and jumped in the water all I kept thinking and looking for was a bar. I know...I know it was only noon, but all I kept thinking was it's a day off I want a margarita!

Why does wine have to be sooo wonderful and magical? How does it always know how to make me feel? Give me that fuzzy feeling? Most men can't get it even after years!

Why does Jack daniels know how to get the party started!? Make me do things that maybe isn't classy but gives great memories!

These questions are what I ponder on a friday during work...HENCE why I am an alcoholic!

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Finally a weekend off...

My whole summer has been CRAZY....good but crazy. Between weddings, bachelorette parties, cristenings, etc it seems every weekend I was driving mad distances. Again it was all for fun exciting things but it is the worst feeling when you feel more exhausted after the weekend then you do before.

Finally this weekend I did not go ANYWHERE outside of my hometown which was wonderful. I am officially becoming old and lame. I worked at the local bar on friday (was a regular and now serving the regular for some extra cash) and then saturday went to a friends house and the said local bar. It was wonderful and spent the rest of the drunken night having loving, open talks with my husband, hehe! How is it drunk talks are either amazing or all out brawls!

The best day was sunday...Slept in, made pancakes for breakfast than booted the husband out for golf. I literally did 4 loads of laundry, cleaned the condo, watched a lifetime movie and took a nap. These things are becoming almost better than sex (not toally, but a close second)!

As I type this I realize I am becoming an old hag who needs to get a drug addicition or something to keep my life interesting, hehehe!

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Punching in face

So you now know about my close girlfriends flaws and all. First off I recognize why I love these girls because FLAWS and all we love each other and accept each other...which lets be honest is hard to find for over 15 years.

Butttttt..... sometimes I love my friends but one I just wanted to punch in the face a couple of days ago!

Negative nelly (NN) was on the phone with me complaining about something as usual when I asked if she has talked to Hairstylista lately. She said no and I told her she was pregnant. Now let me preface this that Hairstylista is married three years, has a house, audi car and a great job. Although not planned and not at all expected it is a good thing. So I told NN and her first reaction is almost disgust and said "I thought she didn't want one right now?" Seriously wanted to put hands through the phone and knock her out. Can you pretend to be happy for your friend. You may never want kids but really? I told her to act surprised and happy for her. Sometimes people just surprise me or actually do not surprise me....

I know this is cornnnnnney but Kelly Clarkson is coming to concert around me in the fall and I am so fucking excited. Yes I will be one of the few adults getting off from the great music lyrics of Kelly Clarkson! What about it????

Punching friends in face..

I have been very lucky to have amazing friends over the years. I have a group of girlfriends that I have been friends with over 8-15 years (Hey what can I say I am very good at calling people, hehehe)! They are all amazing and different, very different...which is funny because we usually get along so great.

Let me list them quickly with a little background so you can understand future stories (good and bad) that may arise.

1.: Hairstrylista: One of my best friends of all time, sweet, fun, loving, and always been there for me. She was the maid of honor in my wedding and I hers. I laugh because she is sooo GUCCI, and I am Marshalls clearance but the things that she lacks (self esteem, and speaking about her feelings) I force her and the things I lack (control, and poise) she gives back to me. She can be a bitch to her husband, well for most men in her life. Luckily her husband is super laid back (also my huybbys best friend) and he is a lifer (aka off the boat irish catholic) and loves hairstylista to death.

2. Negative Nelly: The name says alot. This girl has been friends with me since highschool. She is beautiful, sooo smart (she is my science buddy), and very out going but as the name points out.....Negative! She can be sooo fun and amazing but honestly she is never happy with current situation EVER. It's either her school husband, house, dog, etc. She is so great in other fasions but sometimes I want to shake her like a case of baby shaken syndrome and force her to look at how her life is pretty fucking great.

3. The giver: This friend of me is such a wonderful giving person who has the most infectious laugh and smile. She is amazing in the fact that she put herself through community college, college, and onto a pretty ivy league graduate program. ALL ON HER OWN! She is a great role model and sooo much fun. Problem is she is a social worker and what do they day about doctors being patients? Well Social workers are the same. She can help others but has been in and out of a relationship with a loser, drug addict who has cheated, stole and going nowhere for about 4-5 years. She can't seem to say goodbye. She thinks she can save him or even worse does not think she deserves better. Can't save one who doesn't want to be saved but I keep trying to get her busy so the calls will be less and less to the douchbag.

4. The Party animal: This is the best friend who no matter where you are or what you are doing if you want a fun time she is up for it. You cannot not have a good time with this friend. This is great but as we get older the recovery gets harder and harder plus this friend is an only child and a bit drmamatic aka biligerant drunk. It's a fifty fifty chance wether she will start a fight with someone, or you by the end of the night.

5. Italian Princess: She was my saviour when Husband and I broke up (before he came cralwing back, hehehe!) ABOUT 2 YEARS ago. We were both broken hearted and clung to each other since it seemed like we were the only two who were single and miserable. She is a sweetheart and gorgeous but at the same time her priorities are a bit fucked. She will by a new 2000 dollar tattoe instead of saving to move out of her parents house. Did I mention she is 28?

6.: Coworker: Drop dead gorgeous but another only child who has never had much bad happen in her life. This is not a bad thing but it means any little thing is a huge dramatic panic attack. She gets every guy after her but still complains about not being skinny, etc. She is a blast at every party and very smart. Overall a great person but parents definately fucked up her self esteem.

Those are my girls good and bad, so I guess I should put my listing up to..

7.: Me: LOUD, know it all who will give anything to my friends and family at the drop of a hat. A control freak who is the most open out of the group but expects too much sometimes from people. Little too much of a partier but went the furthest in school who comes from a large family.

Will continue story later....

Friday, August 7, 2009

Love happy hours with old coworkers

I love being able to go to happy hour with old coworkers because of the following reasons....

1. Since you do not work there anymore more people buy you drinks (cha ching)
2. Never tire of conversation since you haven't seen them in 4-6 months
3. More drinks bought for you...
4. Doing tequila shots with old boss while talking about smoking weed
5. Can listen to work bullshit and realize that it doesn't affect you anymore..
6. keeping contacts is great in this crappy economy
And best reasons...

7. LOTS of drinks bought for you...

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Ambien is the best for me and my hubby....

Life it good, really good right now! Made it through first year of marriage and haven't killed him yet and vice versa, hehehe! Although I have found a new love that makes for a perfect triangle in my marriage. AMBIEN CR!

I for years have been an insomniac and light sleeper....seriously I have had to use ear plugs my whole life and still wake up. SOOOOO every once in a while I will pop an Ambien CR. Well let me tell you an incident occur ed that made my husband love it even more and not because I was well rested in the morning.

One night I was out with my coworker and we partied it up, had a blast but by the time I got home I was pretty blasted (hehehe, like my play on words, lame I know) and I took a Ambien CR. Well few minutes later the sleepiness kicks in and the last thing I remember is walking into the bedroom and taking my clothes off to jump into bed. Woke up refreshed and a little hung over but overall great. I work, run errands and then come home. The following conversation ensues as I walk through the door to my husband....

H: You were such a dirty girl last night (with a huge grin)
Me: What are you talking about?
H: You were so hot last night! I have never heard you talk like that ever!?
Me: We had sex last night? (totally confused)
H: No, you gave me the most mind blowing 45 minute blow job ever and the shit that came out of your mouth! Ha, I can't even repeat it....
Me: What the fuck are you talking about, I don't remember any of it
H starts laughing alot
H: You don't remember it????
Me: You are so lying...that never happened
H: Swear on my families life...you talked worse than a porn star crack whore who hadn't had a hit in two days...
Me: No shit....wish I could remember any of it
H: We guess we must dub you the "PHANTOM SUCKER"
Me: It must have been Ambien I took last night, side effects are memory lost
H: And sucking mad dick????
Me: apparently.....
H: Do we have more Ambien I think it should be a nightly thing.....

So far that has only happened once, guess it's no surprise that I don't do anything like sleep walk, drive a car, etc.....I am the slut who talks like a porn star and sucks a mean dick.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Soooooo drunk...

So at this my point in my life I am pretty calm, pretty much stay in during the week and get alot of sleep. Seriously last night I crawled into bed last night at 9:45pm...yes I am officially old! But damn that sleep was almost orgasmic.

Yet when i say that...I went to work with my boss today (which is always stressfull!) and came home to a kick boxing class. I got a call from a good friend of mine which we will call social worker. She is all good wors a "saver" she will do everything for others but behind it all does not think she deserve the same. So long story short she has been with a crack addict the last 5 years even though she is ivy league. Plus even more than that she is the most caring, understanding person I have ever met. So how do you make a person like that feel like they can vent on you and it is not a burden.......that is my issue.

Besides that shit I am pretty drunk....when I get drunk I think tooo much! I think that is most people but my issue is I want to type it down but with my crappy skills of typing makes it a little difficult...not that you would know this but I clear about every word in the last 5 paragraphs.

I want to say all that I think but I actually feel like I might puke....don't think less of me, actually I don't give a flying fuck because I know after vomitting and passing out I will be in pass out heaven. (deep down inside my catholic guilt will make me regret all of this, but until tomorrow)

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

So much, yet still the same!

Well I am a complete blogger loser! This new job, well not so new anymore has definitely been sucking me dry. Not in a bad way just alot of work and with trying to keep a life, go to the gym it has been tricky.

Some updates for the few who read (all three, hehehe)

I am going to FUCKING Jamaica in a month! Whoo hoo, so excited and we are going with thirteen people total. It is so amazing and will probably be the last time we can all coordinate something like this. My only issue is......my girlfriends are all about 5'2 and 90 lbs! If I have to listen to them comment on how fat they are one more time I am going to force feed them 25 whoppers with whip cream on them. I on the other hand wish I could loose about 10 lbs but hey all I would have to do is stop eating! I am pretty good about the gym but not about food. I don't always eat crap I just have no control over portion size. My hubby on the other hand has to fight to keep weight on so this makes for an interesting dynamic when it comes to me trying to eat healthy.

Work is good and I had my first review which went exactly how I pictured it. With all these retarded corporate reviews you could be the most perfect person but there is ALWaYS something to work on. So go in there and be proactive about all the fucked up shit you need to fix and they drool over it. If you have a excel on how you are planning to change your flaw remember your boss may start masturbating in front of you.

My sister had a baby! First baby of all my sisters and can I say BITCH! She had the baby in 2 hours, no drugs and this was her first time. The baby was 9.8 lbs and she only gained twenty! You must deduct a pound or two for her MASSIVE TITS and overall my sister literally only gained like 8 lbs! What the fuck and honestly she looked amazing, like those fake TV births where they still look like models! Don't get me wrong my sister is amazing and she deserves it like no other, but I have some feelings that karma will get me for no being a do gooder like my sister by having a 27 hour labor with a 50 lbs kid!

Finally I want to rip my nose off, finally at the age of 27 I have contracted allergies! Yes, I say contracted! How can I never have them and no go into sneezing fits wanting to rip my eyeballs out so I can use a wire brush to scratch them. I am going to bed early....

P.S. turning 28 in a month.....starting to feel old and soon will have to change this website from quarter life crisis to old bitch!

Monday, February 23, 2009

Alergies, Business trip, and being good.

So I am off again to a business trip where we get pumped and learn new things...I actually need this since I feel like I am in a slump with my job. Do not get me wrong I love it but sometimes you start to feel like you are living in groundhog day. I will say one thing I love my coworkers and we always have a blast.

There is this once douchebag boss (not mine but my coworkers) who irritates the fuck out of me, it is like pulling teeth to pretend I actually like this guy. I get the feeling he feels the same but we have to play nice. He is a corporate, compliance nazi who gives people in our field basically a bad name, plus he is a mean, micromanaging boss! Errrr thank god he is not my boss and I really only deal with him a few times a year...

As for my head and eyes I want to rip them out, I can't stop sneezing and my eyes look like I smoked a hge blunt without the euphoric effect! I basically am allergic to certain types of white wines and I instead of steering clear of it I down a magnum at a birthday party last night. Hence the red faced, snot nosed reaction....even better my roomie and coworker has a stomach bug from her kids! Please pray that I do not get sick either....

Well back to rbbing my nose raw and some sleep.

Friday, January 2, 2009

New Years, birthdays and a little bitterness...

Well I have survived two siblings birthdays, and new years which basically means I am BROKE. I need to turn a new leaf with money. I don't get what my problem is? I do not buy shoes, bags, or clothes, no my issue is going out, partying and buying crazy things like toilet paper. I need a new year and need to seriously change my budgeting skills. Plus I need to loose about 10-15 lbs and soon. With my new budgeting new clothes would be out of the question.

Besides my crappy lack of control my New years was fun. It was a New Years/Sisters 30th birthday which was a little too much fun. Between beer pong, shots, a whole lotta wine I had a serious hangover yesterday. AKA spent most of day between bathroom and bed. I haven't had that bad of a day since college.

The party was great but my parents came and as much as I love my rents my mother is always dealing with some sort of stress that most times she puts on herself. This time my old decrepid grandmother who is the epitome of 50's house wife whose life is over because she does not have a man or children to take care of, is slowly sucking the life out of my mother. So instead of kissing my new husband at New Years I was consoling my mother. Oh well what to do...

On a completely different note I have been having dreams that S cheated on my with my two sisters and really didn't seem to care. I woke up seriously pissed and almost wanted to bash his sleepy little head in before I contained myself! Anyone know what a cheating husband in your dreams means? Please tell me it has to do with winning the lottery!