I was thinking about money and how I have absolutely no idea how I have none. I don’t go crazy buying coach bags or shoes…Marshalls is a huge treat for me yet I still seem to work paycheck to paycheck. This notion is enhanced ten times in the fact that I made way less (I am talking like 35,000 dollars less) when I was in college and grad school and somehow I was able to afford more. Granted I have more bills but it just gets me thinking, what is the point of making more money when you are just going to spend it on crappy things like a mortgage, food and a car?
New revelation: I need to move to a warmer state and just live as a beach bum or a stripper (hey I won't be eating as much so my body should look fabulous).
On another note I am playing match maker to my sister and safety guy. Remember him he hit on me and I was and still am with S. so that was never going to happen, so I figured hey my sister looks just like me and overall is a nicer person. They have already gone on two dates, now it is out of my hands and maybe my sister can become the wife and mother she always wanted to be. Say a prayer, that is really her only dream and it may not be mine but I want my sisters to accomplish all of their dreams.

The weekend Part 1...

Well this weekend was definitely crazy, fun and a little much. Lets see first off I went to the happy hour which turned out to be a lot of fun, and I got the cute R&D guy to go, but I found out real soon that he is just as damaged as I am right now. He got dumped by his long term girlfriend of 5 years about a month ago. Hmmm ok this could be good right, two messed up young people coming together….WAIT no that is not good because we work together. So we talked flirted and he asked for my number (I gave it after numerous blue moons, hehe) before he left. Well as I am bounding from one coworker to another (So many people showed up due to the fact that it was 4 peoples birthdays) bantering I start talking to Safety Guy….ended up spilling my guts about S. when Hot gym boy texts me about ignoring his calls, blah blah. I was up front and told him “WE have nothing in common at all, so why are we pretending?” He said he wanted to be friends..Ahhh OK friends should be able to have conversations but that is fine. Ease your ego big man and call us friends. It’s too bad I am not really physically attracted to Safety guy because his personality ROCKS. He is too funny and I love a good sick sense of humor. I definitely had an ego boost all night considering I paid for barely any drinks, convinced a random guy to share his pitcher with me, and even got a guy I yelled buying me drinks.
Apparently men love bitches and this is fine right now because I am bitter and have a wall up. I don’t care if I ever see any of these guys I have been dating or talking to. So continuing with the night….
After drinking till midnight and seeing two coworkers making out whom were so mismatched and in my craziest dreams could not have see that coming, I decided enough was enough and walked Safety guy to his car and gave him a hug goodbye. As I am driving home I am mad, mad at S. and men in general. So I decided to act like a man and call Hot gym boy. I asked him what he was doing and told him to come to his house. He dropped his friends immediately and came home. I basically told him to shut up so we can have sex. He kept trying to talk and although he has a great body and not a bad package I was sorely disappointed with his stamina. I was in and out in 25 mins! I hate having to pretend getting off but what was I going to do, try and talk to this guy. So I left and he made it clear that he wanted me to call him and he doesn’t mind the booty call arrangement. This is good for me but I don’t know if I feel like training him. It was actually a little liberating to act like a man. Although I feel bad to a certain extent, basically I am releasing my anger out on random men when we all know it is coming from S. The worst part is I know this but I also know I am not going to stop. I went home and saw that S. was online and I called. I know I know, shoot me now. BUT before you condemn me I was in a good mood and we had a great talk, well I was good on the phone S. was depressed (probably a fucking act) and we talked openly about everything. I told him I am getting better and better and the not seeing him/sleeping with him was really good for me. It was a long conversation over an hour, but it was nice to talk and hear his voice. I can’t wait for the day when we can be best friends, but sometimes I know that will A. Never happen or B. Take like 10 years and us to both fall in love with someone else. Finally by 3:30am I passed out after a long night…
I woke up early and went to the gym (my saving grace through this whole thing) and then met up with Rec. Guy for an afternoon date. We went to a scrimmage game to the state school. I am not a fan of football but we did more chatting than anything. It was getting cold so we went to a restaurant and I actually ate some greasy bad food which felt like a brick afterwards. Now the thing about Rec. Guy is that he is a sweet normal guy who is not bad but he is kind of boring. We don’t really have the same sense of humor and although he is adorable and a good-looking guy he doesn’t get me excited. So I am going to have to break the news to him that I don’t think it is going anywhere. I made sure to pick up our last lunch so I didn’t feel guilty.
I will continue to the rest of the weekend later today but off to a meeting…

Dating update...

Ok so let’s recap with the dates…

Hot gym boy- BORDER LINE RETARDED. This was such a waste of a good looking guy, have avoided his calls and he has since stopped trying to contact me. Thank god!

Rec. Boy- had a really good time with him, a sweetheart. Good kisser but I didn’t have that I want to get in your pants feeling. Definitely going to see him again since I am not sure it is because of him and our chemistry or because I am still bitter, hehe

Financial Guy- Sweetheart but way too metro sexual for me. I might date him again but he is kind of far so I don’t know if it is worth it.

So I am chatting with others online but……There is this adorable, sexy R &D guy I met in training and I actually was excited and turned on by him. I was actually thinking naughty thoughts and he was fun. ONLY down fall, he is year younger than I. This could be bad since I just left one mid twenties guy who in the end didn’t want to grow up. Plus we work in the same building so I don’t know if it is so smart to shit where you eat. I will have to get a better “feel” (hmmm and not just figuratively) for him and see if this could be a good thing or a bad thing.

Greek guy- Low and behold (and no surprise) he called late last night and told me how he wants me but…he has a girlfriend. I told him just friends and figure your won shit out because I can’t promise anything right now. I will write about him later since he have done this song and dance for about 2 years now.

This dating thing isn’t half bad and I am thinking of S. less and less, and I feel stronger and stronger. Its not that I don’t miss him but the clean break (which I should have done along time ago) has definitely helped me gain clarity and understand that it is for the best and basically see him for the piece of shit he is. I found this great quote

“I don’t miss him; I miss who I thought he was!”

So god dam true. Well I will keep you posted of my dating shenanigans….

To drink green beer or not...

Well Saint Patrick’s Day is on a Saturday this year and I am pretty sure that is going to bring trouble. I haven’t really pin point what or who I am hanging out with this year, especially with all the drama with S. and the divorcee friends we share. The only person I made sure to snatch up was my long time best guy friend Barry.
We have been friends for 10 years and like an idiot I totally facilitated S. and Barry becoming best friends and now they live together L It is so awful to the point that when I broke it off I had to have a conversation with Barry to make him understand how I wouldn’t be able to have a lot of contact with him while I am trying to heal. I explained to him how seeing him made me think of S. and would make me grill him to probably hear information I “REALLY” didn’t want to hear. Plus Jay is best friends with S. to and he has a penis, so let’s not totally live in delusions that “dick” sticks together. In the past Barry has proven this point with me, and he claims it was not because of that but deep down every man has the bro’s before ho’s mentality and honestly I am a little jealous that women do not share the same mentality.
Luckily Barry is understanding and now it has been some time and S. and I are in the limbo, distance, limbo, dating, weird situation so I am not completely devastated (sounds very pathetic as I type it) and I miss Barry. It was great when things were good with S. I mean you have your best guy and best friend all under the same roof. Poor Barry was so funny and said “It’s like you broke up with me too, I was so used to you basically living with us, and this shit is crazy!”
So I made sure to get him before S. does hehehe not really but I know S. has other people to hang with and I miss Barry. Barry basically dropped his other plans and we are definitely doing some bar hopping on Sat. Night. I am sure somehow there will be drama of some sort whether it has to do with S. or not because lets face it tons of drunken people cramped in small area drinking green beer will always result in something crazy happening. To drink green beer or not is the question???

Can it get any worse!

So I have to ask myself "What the hell else can go wrong this month?" Is this seriously all occruing at the same time. I swear the old cliche is true BAD THINGS HAPPEN IN THREE. So S. and I broke up, I just couldn't take it anymore....granted I am still madly in love with him! But even though I technically broke it off with him (in a hysterical mess) I truley feel like he dumped me. After 4 years and so much bullshit what was I to do when he said " I don't think I ever want to get married" Well dumbass that means you don't want to marry me. He looked shocked when I ended it and the last three weeks have been back and forth, him showing up at my place upset, me calling him...DRAMA, DRAMA and more drama. I do not understand why i just can't let S. go? Is love this passionate and addictive healthy? Does not help that the sex is the most amazing in my life. Well I will continue in a bit the other crazy things occuring...but to all the quarter life babies out there I have a question....Is a live with too much passion a good thing for a real long term relationship?