Great Quotes about Alcohol!

IN the spirit of all the parties that surround the Holidays I thought I would include some great quotes about Alcohol...which is my first love, hehe! Write back soon to update on the foot (percocets rule), and the wonders of corporate christmas!


"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink

I feel shame. Then I look into the glass and think

about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes

and dreams .. If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out

of work and their dreams would be shattered.

Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this wine and let their

dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."

~ Jack Handy



WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the
Hell happened to your bra and panties.

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"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they

wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're

going to feel all day. "

~Frank Sinatra



WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are
tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.

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"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."

~ Henny Youngman



WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are
laughing WITH you.

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"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not."

~ Stephen Wright



WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.

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"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk,

we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin.

When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all

get drunk and go to heaven!"

~ Br ian O'Rourke



WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.

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"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."

~ Benjamin Franklin



WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a
spaz.

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"Without question, the greatest invention in the

history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the

wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does

not go nearly as well with pizza."

~ Dave Barry



WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends
over and over again that you love them.

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To some, it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group.

Salvation in a can!

~Dave Howell



WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically
converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.

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And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin,of Cheers.

One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory
to his buddy Norm. Here's how it went:



" Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move
as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the
slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first This natural
selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and
health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the
weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate
as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we
know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and
weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer
eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more
efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few
beers."



WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are
whispering when you are not

Sluts and drinking

This weekend is the best time of year for me. HALLOWEEN! I love to get dressed up and dress up slutty at that! Basically all of us girls should say what are costumes are
Slut 1
Slut 2
Slut 3
With little variation. Slut one kind of resembles a cat, slut 2 kind of represents a police officer, etc, etc. but overall they are basically the same outfit and I must admit it, I LOVE IT! What other time of year can I pretty much dress in nothing and not have people think I am an actual slut.

I will be curious as how this weekend goes since every year we throw a huge Halloween costume party with open bar, beer pong, a DJ and everything. Last year we had over 100 people and it was a blast. Well at one point I got so drunk that at the end of the night I started a fight with S…hmm need to remember to not be psychotic emotional train wreck when I drink. Sometimes booze just brings out the worse in me.

I am a total drunk crier. I cry about everything. Sometimes it’s about good stuff and sometimes its lame crying. I can remember when S and I got first got together I got so blasted that apparently I cried about how great he is and how happy I was. I am sure it was super attractive to have your new girlfriend with mascara and eye makeup smeared all over her face looking like a hooker that has been beaten up a bit. Sometimes I am surprise S hasn’t run for the hill, hehe JK.

The clincher is always Yeager and Jack. As soon as I start doing shots of hardcore liqueur I won’t stop and I continue to drink until I pass out, black out or cry. Hmmmm those are not wonderful endings to the night since even though there might be three possible endings I am always sure to wake up with a massive hangover. Plus as I am getting older (not too old) my body is not recovering as I used too.

I remember being able to go to school, sports practice, work and then party all night. I would go to raves or drink, etc and especially on the weekend. I was notorious (with my girls) to go to a rave on Friday, and Saturday with no sleep. Then in college I would drink 6 nights out of the week.

Mondays were margaritas, Tuesday was Karaoke, Wednesday was dollar pitcher night, Thursday was a local sports bar, and Friday and Saturday were spent in downtown. WTF! How was I able to do that let alone afford it? Sometimes I do question whether I am an alcoholic, but then I remember that wine is classy so there is no way I am one…..

Keep the Hate ALIVE!

Anger that is all I feel right now after that email S. sent me. How can you email me that I need to lay off the sauce when you are a blatant alcoholic! Well let me give you some background…when S. and I first met I was just out of college and still living the young partying life. I was no better I was partying on Tuesday night till the following Monday when I had to recoup for one night. I was only going to grad classes three nights a week and working part time so I after being gone for 4 years from my close friends loved to go out. Yet over the last 4 years I started to grow up and realize that getting smashed every night or weekend was not a good thing and getting kind of old. Well S. still on the weekends would get so fucking smashed that it was ridiculous. COME on at 28 you are still acting like you are 18. The last couple of years I realized this kid (which is what he is) does not know how to hold his liquer and is border line alcoholic. AND NOW YOU ARE TELLING ME I should watch what I am drinking, GO FUCK YOURSELF! I am not the one that has done more AA mandated classes and community service. Holy shit what was I thinking about being with this guy.
Other part of email that pisses me off to the point that I want to bludgeon him to death (of course I would never do that) is the “can you do me a favor and help me out with this?” Again my new response to anything S. says to me is going to be GO FUCK YOURSELF! You are asking me for help….how selfish are you? Me, ME, MEMEMEMEME! Always about him and what he needs. Sure…S I will help you save money so you can get a cheap flight go visit your rents and fuck random beach sluts, UHHHH I think not. So I decided to just not respond to the email. I am going to leave him hanging and not speak to him at all. I feel as though I am getting better and stronger everyday. I still miss him but I am realizing that he is not good enough for me. I am going to continue to go to the gym, date (I have a nice prospect tonight and so much better than the hot gym retard), and make sure I look fabulous the next time I see that piece of shit at the wedding. Well better get back to work…thank god I have this blog to express myself, it is helping so much. I can’t wait for the day I look back and realize I made the best decision getting rid of that selfish, alcoholic, basket case.