Long weekends are fun

Ahhh sorry for the previous post as you can tell I was wasted and drunk! Not that I don't always want S. attention but sometimes (I know this is hard to believe, hehe) I am an attention whore with him, hehe! Example, I got pretty drunk this weekend (God, I love 4 day weekends) and he went to a bar with a friend (down the street) but here is the kicker didn't mention he was going so here me and my friends are at this house and my fiance and my friends husband apparently just took a walk. Uhhh ok normal sober Me would just get ahold of him make sure he is ok and go on with my bad self....but drunk Me gets mad goes to the bar has a shot and then goes to another bar without them and telling S. to make a point. Then I come back and proceed to argue with him till I pass out. Now the weird thing is I do care that he doesn't tell me where he is going....the night before he thought i had left the party we were at and got worried, but apparently it is ok for him to leave. I guess the booze basically ruins my delivery. I get irritated at him and myself for different reasons. With him it feels like a double standards sometimes. Its ok for him but not for me, but i do the same thing as well. Ahhh apparently i had called up an ex that night I got pissed at S. as well. I didn't meet up and have would not have done anything but it is so childish for me to like call this guy I know likes me still and use him to make me feel better. SHIT, I need to grow up, not drink so much, or lock S. in a closet for only me to take out (as needed).

Guilt

I know i shouldn't but I feel guilty! Guilty that I got S back and I want MAC girl to have the same. Not per se with her asshole ex (whom she is still talking to) but with a nice guy. I sometimes wish she was a little more willing to get herself out there. I forced myself to date before S and I got back together. She is more reserved (fun as hell with me) but not with men. So she came over last night (with a bottle of great organic wine) and we just hung out and watched TV. It was good to see her and she got semi excited about a tattoo boy but I wish she would put herself out there a bit more. So we are going out tonight which should be fun (I really shouldn't spend the money) since we always have a blast. I need to watch my intake because i am doing lunch with Mamma dukes, but who am I kidding I am going to get shitfaced. I guess I just feel bad because she is still hurting and I never want to see my friends that way. Say a prayer she meets the man of her dreams tonight.

Keep the Hate ALIVE!

Anger that is all I feel right now after that email S. sent me. How can you email me that I need to lay off the sauce when you are a blatant alcoholic! Well let me give you some background…when S. and I first met I was just out of college and still living the young partying life. I was no better I was partying on Tuesday night till the following Monday when I had to recoup for one night. I was only going to grad classes three nights a week and working part time so I after being gone for 4 years from my close friends loved to go out. Yet over the last 4 years I started to grow up and realize that getting smashed every night or weekend was not a good thing and getting kind of old. Well S. still on the weekends would get so fucking smashed that it was ridiculous. COME on at 28 you are still acting like you are 18. The last couple of years I realized this kid (which is what he is) does not know how to hold his liquer and is border line alcoholic. AND NOW YOU ARE TELLING ME I should watch what I am drinking, GO FUCK YOURSELF! I am not the one that has done more AA mandated classes and community service. Holy shit what was I thinking about being with this guy.
Other part of email that pisses me off to the point that I want to bludgeon him to death (of course I would never do that) is the “can you do me a favor and help me out with this?” Again my new response to anything S. says to me is going to be GO FUCK YOURSELF! You are asking me for help….how selfish are you? Me, ME, MEMEMEMEME! Always about him and what he needs. Sure…S I will help you save money so you can get a cheap flight go visit your rents and fuck random beach sluts, UHHHH I think not. So I decided to just not respond to the email. I am going to leave him hanging and not speak to him at all. I feel as though I am getting better and stronger everyday. I still miss him but I am realizing that he is not good enough for me. I am going to continue to go to the gym, date (I have a nice prospect tonight and so much better than the hot gym retard), and make sure I look fabulous the next time I see that piece of shit at the wedding. Well better get back to work…thank god I have this blog to express myself, it is helping so much. I can’t wait for the day I look back and realize I made the best decision getting rid of that selfish, alcoholic, basket case.