I'm drunk

I am so drunk....toooo much wine and too much fun. I am here at my frineds house consuming so much wine, shots and beer that I realize that I love S. but I don't know if he can give me everything I want. I am here and there is a girl who when we were broke up he tried to have sex with. Now I only know this because he was being honest with me but now I knwo which makes me feel shitty. Part of me knows in the futere he will not give me attention like he .....somewhat does now which is going to suck so much. How di you make it stay fresh. How do you compete with everyday bullshit? How do you amek yourself feel pretty when you are 50? I don't know....I just don't fucking know! Fuck men and fuck myself because I care.... I am sure I will wake up tomorrow not so drunk and not worry so much. But for now I am wasted and worry about my man not caring.