Friday, December 21, 2007
Happy Holidays!
Hey everyone I just wanted to say have a Happy Holiday and drinks lots for me. I have the next 11 days off so I may not be able to blog since I don't blog from home. I really want to stay anonylmous if possible and history is a bitch on the computer. If I can I will update but if not I am sure i will have tons of stories when I get back. Merry Christmas, Happy Haunekha, and Happy Kwanza!
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Why isn't it friday?
OHHHH why isn’t it Friday? I can’t stand this anticipation of waiting for tomorrow and more importantly the 11 days off after that! I keep thinking it is Friday only to be shot down by some dumb ass coworker celebrating that they took tomorrow off so his vacation can start early. (I hope you die) On a good note my Boss gave me a bottle of wine for a Christmas gift and I also got movie tickets, Whoo hoo. I know that sounds lame but I really wanted to go see “I am legend” (I LOVE ZOMBIE MOVIES) and/or “P.S. I love you” (I know total chick flick, so shoot me).
As for the Christmas party last night it was fun. I always feel out of place at those things only because I am a perverted, outgoing, drunk who doesn’t know when to shut up and everyone else has class or at least old enough to find other things funny in like than “dick and ass” jokes. Sometimes it is hard to relate as well because most people are married, divorced with kids, etc. I look at them with my cosmopolitan in hand and say “kids, szmidz I can’t even take care of myself, hehe”. I know this will change but for now I love my life with only a condo and fiancé to worry about (don’t piss on our fucking rug!). I actually went home kind of early since my broken foot started to feel good after the third martini and I figured this was not a good sign.
My foot is getting slowly better and the pain pills are great, except with any type of drug you start to build tolerance. When I first took two I felt like I was in heaven, now it just makes me kind of tired. So I gave a good ole call to the doctor’s receptionist to see if she could hook me up with some more….BOOO ya! I swear if you have a real injury they just don’t care. So I think I am going to save a few for new years to make the night and my foot bearable.
On the Christmas front I am almost done Christmas shopping and I have to take my younger sister out this weekend for her 21st birthday! I am so excited she is the last one out of the 4 of us to be 21. We can all officially and legally get drunk now, hehehe! I think someone is going to puke and it is not going to be me. (I need to say that over and over to myself) I am pretty sure there will be some great stories to tell on Monday. Remind me to tell you the story of my 21st birthday which included 17 shots, four mixed drinks and 4 beers. Uhhhh it was a long night that is for sure.
Back to work while I stare at my bottle of cabernet sauvignon dreaming of next week and freedom.
As for the Christmas party last night it was fun. I always feel out of place at those things only because I am a perverted, outgoing, drunk who doesn’t know when to shut up and everyone else has class or at least old enough to find other things funny in like than “dick and ass” jokes. Sometimes it is hard to relate as well because most people are married, divorced with kids, etc. I look at them with my cosmopolitan in hand and say “kids, szmidz I can’t even take care of myself, hehe”. I know this will change but for now I love my life with only a condo and fiancé to worry about (don’t piss on our fucking rug!). I actually went home kind of early since my broken foot started to feel good after the third martini and I figured this was not a good sign.
My foot is getting slowly better and the pain pills are great, except with any type of drug you start to build tolerance. When I first took two I felt like I was in heaven, now it just makes me kind of tired. So I gave a good ole call to the doctor’s receptionist to see if she could hook me up with some more….BOOO ya! I swear if you have a real injury they just don’t care. So I think I am going to save a few for new years to make the night and my foot bearable.
On the Christmas front I am almost done Christmas shopping and I have to take my younger sister out this weekend for her 21st birthday! I am so excited she is the last one out of the 4 of us to be 21. We can all officially and legally get drunk now, hehehe! I think someone is going to puke and it is not going to be me. (I need to say that over and over to myself) I am pretty sure there will be some great stories to tell on Monday. Remind me to tell you the story of my 21st birthday which included 17 shots, four mixed drinks and 4 beers. Uhhhh it was a long night that is for sure.
Back to work while I stare at my bottle of cabernet sauvignon dreaming of next week and freedom.
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
The Mad Pisser
I fully believe my fiancé has a sleepwalking/pissing problem that I do not know how to remedy. Every Tuesday S. usually goes out with friends for “big ass beer night” which includes bringing your own cup (any size) and draft beer for only three dollars. Sometimes I tag along and sometimes I don’t. (I love to do girlie stuff when he isn’t around like mud masks, and hair treatments)
Well last night I did not and I got a lot of Christmas wrapping done and watched Nip tuck (LOVE THAT SHOW). S. came home pretty early and he looked buzzed but not blatantly drunk or anything. We go to bed and within 20 minutes he get’s up with a groan and then gets down on both knees and almost starts to piss on a antique trunk we have in our bedroom. As I give him a good slap and drag him to the bathroom he is speaking incoherently about “2006 being sexy and retarded like I was”. He really didn’t make any sense but he did piss in the toilet (thank god).
He then proceeded to pass out on the floor in the fetal position. Granted S. looks hot naked on the bathroom floor but I know he wasn’t that drunk. Two seconds later he crawls to bed and passes out. I need to reiterate that when he came home he talked to me, wasn’t crazy drunk but basically looked like he had about 3 beers, happy but slightly tired.
I am beginning to think it is a sleepwalking problem because when S. is drunk you can tell from a mile away. He has done this before in the past 4 years but usually after massive amount of drinking. Not until the last two times did I notice it might not have anything to do with the liquor or beer. So does anyone have any idea how to stop a sleepwalking pisser?
Work News: I am attending the holiday dinner/party….MUST remember to not drink much and break other foot.
Well last night I did not and I got a lot of Christmas wrapping done and watched Nip tuck (LOVE THAT SHOW). S. came home pretty early and he looked buzzed but not blatantly drunk or anything. We go to bed and within 20 minutes he get’s up with a groan and then gets down on both knees and almost starts to piss on a antique trunk we have in our bedroom. As I give him a good slap and drag him to the bathroom he is speaking incoherently about “2006 being sexy and retarded like I was”. He really didn’t make any sense but he did piss in the toilet (thank god).
He then proceeded to pass out on the floor in the fetal position. Granted S. looks hot naked on the bathroom floor but I know he wasn’t that drunk. Two seconds later he crawls to bed and passes out. I need to reiterate that when he came home he talked to me, wasn’t crazy drunk but basically looked like he had about 3 beers, happy but slightly tired.
I am beginning to think it is a sleepwalking problem because when S. is drunk you can tell from a mile away. He has done this before in the past 4 years but usually after massive amount of drinking. Not until the last two times did I notice it might not have anything to do with the liquor or beer. So does anyone have any idea how to stop a sleepwalking pisser?
Work News: I am attending the holiday dinner/party….MUST remember to not drink much and break other foot.
Monday, December 17, 2007
I know pronounce you Mrs. Gimp!
So first things first! I am officially teaching a college course at a community college! Extra cash for the wedding (which I ordered my dress, see below) and I get to pretend I know what the fuck I am talking about. I did it in Graduate school and was a teaching assistant but that was years ago and I was more of a slacker then. The woman who hired me seems really cool but serious about her job so I am going to have to step it up. I have a week off of work next week so I can hopefully get a lot of lesson plans done then. Hmmmm, strange to say that and think I will be molding impressionable college kids in drinking…I mean learning. I am sure I will have lots of stories from the classroom in the next semester.
I still have a broken foot, which sucks but like I said before…PERCOCETS are my friend. All you need is a pain pill and a glass of wine and TA DAH I am in heaven. S. has been amazing through all of this and really shows he loves me by doing the unthinkable. He holds my purse every where we go. You may not think this is a big deal and luckily he doesn’t either but it is interesting to see a grown hot man with a zebra print purse in his hand. I think sometimes you have to get hurt to see how much that person is capable of taking care of you and S. is doing a fabulous job! Much praise to him for cleaning out my car from snow, cooking, and pampering me…all the while telling me I am beautiful with this fucking boot and my gimp like limp. His new nickname is Hop along Cassidy which I find amusing during sex, hehe.
Well I am going to get back to work and low and behold is the following dress (except the sash will be the color of lettuce green) I will be wearing when I subject myself to a lifetime of monogamy, hehe!
I still have a broken foot, which sucks but like I said before…PERCOCETS are my friend. All you need is a pain pill and a glass of wine and TA DAH I am in heaven. S. has been amazing through all of this and really shows he loves me by doing the unthinkable. He holds my purse every where we go. You may not think this is a big deal and luckily he doesn’t either but it is interesting to see a grown hot man with a zebra print purse in his hand. I think sometimes you have to get hurt to see how much that person is capable of taking care of you and S. is doing a fabulous job! Much praise to him for cleaning out my car from snow, cooking, and pampering me…all the while telling me I am beautiful with this fucking boot and my gimp like limp. His new nickname is Hop along Cassidy which I find amusing during sex, hehe.
Well I am going to get back to work and low and behold is the following dress (except the sash will be the color of lettuce green) I will be wearing when I subject myself to a lifetime of monogamy, hehe!
Friday, December 14, 2007
Great Quotes about Alcohol!
IN the spirit of all the parties that surround the Holidays I thought I would include some great quotes about Alcohol...which is my first love, hehe! Write back soon to update on the foot (percocets rule), and the wonders of corporate christmas!
"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink
I feel shame. Then I look into the glass and think
about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes
and dreams .. If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out
of work and their dreams would be shattered.
Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this wine and let their
dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
~ Jack Handy
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the
Hell happened to your bra and panties.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they
wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're
going to feel all day. "
~Frank Sinatra
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are
tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
~ Henny Youngman
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are
laughing WITH you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not."
~ Stephen Wright
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk,
we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin.
When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all
get drunk and go to heaven!"
~ Br ian O'Rourke
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
~ Benjamin Franklin
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a
spaz.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Without question, the greatest invention in the
history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the
wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does
not go nearly as well with pizza."
~ Dave Barry
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends
over and over again that you love them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
To some, it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group.
Salvation in a can!
~Dave Howell
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically
converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin,of Cheers.
One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory
to his buddy Norm. Here's how it went:
" Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move
as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the
slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first This natural
selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and
health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the
weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate
as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we
know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and
weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer
eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more
efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few
beers."
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are
whispering when you are not
"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink
I feel shame. Then I look into the glass and think
about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes
and dreams .. If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out
of work and their dreams would be shattered.
Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this wine and let their
dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
~ Jack Handy
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the
Hell happened to your bra and panties.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they
wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're
going to feel all day. "
~Frank Sinatra
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are
tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
~ Henny Youngman
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are
laughing WITH you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not."
~ Stephen Wright
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk,
we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin.
When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all
get drunk and go to heaven!"
~ Br ian O'Rourke
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
~ Benjamin Franklin
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a
spaz.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Without question, the greatest invention in the
history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the
wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does
not go nearly as well with pizza."
~ Dave Barry
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends
over and over again that you love them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
To some, it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group.
Salvation in a can!
~Dave Howell
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically
converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin,of Cheers.
One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory
to his buddy Norm. Here's how it went:
" Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move
as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the
slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first This natural
selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and
health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the
weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate
as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we
know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and
weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer
eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more
efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few
beers."
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are
whispering when you are not
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Save the wine!
This little bugger
plus
divided by
Equals
(P.S. this is not my foot aka I shave my legs but the swelling and blackness are dead on. My foot is like a big balck fucking sausage!)
Can you believe it! I was so embarressed! There I am at this posh party starting to walk down the stairs as I tell the group of 15 in front of me "Hey everyone I would love to PLAAYYYYAHHHHH! I swear I fell in slow motion. The dog, steps and wine all came crashing together and as I fell forward all I could think was "SAVE THE WINE!" Not save the dog, or save me but rather the really great tasting red wine I had in my hand. So I broke my foot but the dog and wine was ok (I didn't spill a drop which everyone gave me a round of applause for, hehe).
On a side note percocets with wine are the best combo ever at night!
plus
divided by
Equals
(P.S. this is not my foot aka I shave my legs but the swelling and blackness are dead on. My foot is like a big balck fucking sausage!)
Can you believe it! I was so embarressed! There I am at this posh party starting to walk down the stairs as I tell the group of 15 in front of me "Hey everyone I would love to PLAAYYYYAHHHHH! I swear I fell in slow motion. The dog, steps and wine all came crashing together and as I fell forward all I could think was "SAVE THE WINE!" Not save the dog, or save me but rather the really great tasting red wine I had in my hand. So I broke my foot but the dog and wine was ok (I didn't spill a drop which everyone gave me a round of applause for, hehe).
On a side note percocets with wine are the best combo ever at night!
Friday, December 7, 2007
Porn tapes, jobs, and happy hour, OH MY!
So apparently it is true that when one door closes (or gets slammed in your face leaving you bleeding all over your self with your teeth in hand) than another opens. I got an email from a friend of a friend who works for another company and might have openings. We are possibly getting together for coffee on Thursday to discuss my goals, etc.
Hmmm must dress very sexy (not slutty) for this middle aged guy in power. Have to make him want me and than dazzle him with my brains. YES I am getting desperate and will resort to using my long legs to get in the door….so shoot me.
On other fronts I am going for a happy hour today….I need to drink (honestly I am not an alcoholic). I find myself getting jealous of S. because his schedule is so lax and he can pretty much stay out as late as he can while I am stuck home because I am still trying to go to the gym in the morning before I have to be at the office at 8am. So he went out with some of our friends to the strip club and I stayed home, did laundry and watched TV. Although after a couple of glasses of wine I started to think of something sexy and creative to do for S.
Then it dawned on me……I will videotape me masturbating for his little stash of porn and slip it in. Can I tell you that I give mad props to people in the porn industry now? It was difficult to set up camera, lighting, sound, music, clothing (lack of clothing) and watch everything you do so you appear sexy. Well the first take came out ok, but not good enough so I made the second one and liked it a lot better. I just need to pick up a DVD recordable CD than slip it in his collection so one day when I am not around, BAM he will get a great video of his fiancé, dancing around, touching herself and using a vibrator….I know its not a gang bang but hey I can only do so much alone, hehehe.
P.S. on another note I emailed R&D boy to go to the happy hour and he is going. Little crushes are nice to have. Sometimes I just fantasize about what it would be like to fuck him. God I love tall, cute, geeky guys.
Hmmm must dress very sexy (not slutty) for this middle aged guy in power. Have to make him want me and than dazzle him with my brains. YES I am getting desperate and will resort to using my long legs to get in the door….so shoot me.
On other fronts I am going for a happy hour today….I need to drink (honestly I am not an alcoholic). I find myself getting jealous of S. because his schedule is so lax and he can pretty much stay out as late as he can while I am stuck home because I am still trying to go to the gym in the morning before I have to be at the office at 8am. So he went out with some of our friends to the strip club and I stayed home, did laundry and watched TV. Although after a couple of glasses of wine I started to think of something sexy and creative to do for S.
Then it dawned on me……I will videotape me masturbating for his little stash of porn and slip it in. Can I tell you that I give mad props to people in the porn industry now? It was difficult to set up camera, lighting, sound, music, clothing (lack of clothing) and watch everything you do so you appear sexy. Well the first take came out ok, but not good enough so I made the second one and liked it a lot better. I just need to pick up a DVD recordable CD than slip it in his collection so one day when I am not around, BAM he will get a great video of his fiancé, dancing around, touching herself and using a vibrator….I know its not a gang bang but hey I can only do so much alone, hehehe.
P.S. on another note I emailed R&D boy to go to the happy hour and he is going. Little crushes are nice to have. Sometimes I just fantasize about what it would be like to fuck him. God I love tall, cute, geeky guys.
Thursday, December 6, 2007
A delicious dinner with an appetizer of job disappointment
OK, OK I am a loser….NO second interview. BOOOOOO! Dammit I really wanted that job and I thought the interview went well. Only thing that sucked was that their was only one position and like 20 applicants. Should have fucked both interviewers, maybe then I would have gotten it, hehe.
Sometimes I get so frustrated with job hunting because it is a never ending vicious cycle. You have to have experience but how do you get experience when no one hires you if you are new to the field. I had this problem out of grad school….you don’t have enough experience..Uhhh yeah I had to get that masters you wanted but apparently I was supposed to be working full time as well. I am not too depressed just more bummed. I learned right out of graduate school how to not get myself stressed over lost jobs, just keep truckin. (What the hell did I just say truckin…must be influences from going to school in PA)
Only saving grace last night was S. he made the most amazing dinner last night since we had another couple over last night. Very adult party with appetizers, wine and discussion. I think I can get used to this…so I thought I would show you how amazing S is at his current profession (sous chef).
He made a stacked, layered side which had sweet potatoes, butternut squash, sautéed peaches with a layer of gorgonzola cheese on top. (So fucking good I almost had an orgasm at the table. He prepared rack of lamb with a fig chutney sauce on the side which he cooked perfectly. S is so great at presentation and I love receiving it. I am not a horrible cook but S. definitely kicks my ass in the kitchen and he always makes my coworkers green with envy when I bring leftovers to work.
See the layered side, you have no idea how fucking delicious it was!
I think my new favorite meat is lamb (luckily he gets it for free or cheap because apparently the rack he bought would have cost us 90 DOLLARS, crazy why would any meat cost that much, who know but I love it.
Back to the job search and pretending to enjoy my job.
Sometimes I get so frustrated with job hunting because it is a never ending vicious cycle. You have to have experience but how do you get experience when no one hires you if you are new to the field. I had this problem out of grad school….you don’t have enough experience..Uhhh yeah I had to get that masters you wanted but apparently I was supposed to be working full time as well. I am not too depressed just more bummed. I learned right out of graduate school how to not get myself stressed over lost jobs, just keep truckin. (What the hell did I just say truckin…must be influences from going to school in PA)
Only saving grace last night was S. he made the most amazing dinner last night since we had another couple over last night. Very adult party with appetizers, wine and discussion. I think I can get used to this…so I thought I would show you how amazing S is at his current profession (sous chef).
He made a stacked, layered side which had sweet potatoes, butternut squash, sautéed peaches with a layer of gorgonzola cheese on top. (So fucking good I almost had an orgasm at the table. He prepared rack of lamb with a fig chutney sauce on the side which he cooked perfectly. S is so great at presentation and I love receiving it. I am not a horrible cook but S. definitely kicks my ass in the kitchen and he always makes my coworkers green with envy when I bring leftovers to work.
See the layered side, you have no idea how fucking delicious it was!
I think my new favorite meat is lamb (luckily he gets it for free or cheap because apparently the rack he bought would have cost us 90 DOLLARS, crazy why would any meat cost that much, who know but I love it.
Back to the job search and pretending to enjoy my job.
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
So funny
Ok, I just found a hilarious blog which I think will be my new addiction. It's called "Hot chicks with Douchebags" It is to funny and sometimes I think the same things this guy does when he goes out. Only thing is sometimes I don't think the chicks he thinks are hot..are hot but he makes up with a hilarious snide remark, hehehe!
Razors are better than interviews!
So today is my interview…I am nervous but not too nervous. I am going to the “dentist” early today for the interview. I am nervous not because of the actual interview but more that I want the job so bad so I can get the hell out of here.
The main problem I have had with getting interviews is that I am basically changing careers. I would not be changing fields but my career within the field. I have been putting resume and cover letters to any and every company to try and so far I got one phone interview (decided I didn’t have enough experience) and this actual interview so I know this might be my only chance for a while. The new job would be a great start to a new year and I would get a new company care, corporate credit card, etc. The pay would be pretty much the same as I make now but I get way better bonuses each quarter if I make or exceed my goals.
As I prepare for this interview (hmm why did I chose the field of science again?) I think back to the two worst interviews of my life. Before I graduated grad school interviews had always been a breeze for me. Basically if I could get an interview I would get the job. Of course the jobs up to that point included waitress, marketing assistant, bartender and retail clerk. Not very impressive but my outgoing personality and success with such childish interviews gave me a bloated sense of confidence in the interviewing arena.
So when I got my first interview with Yale to be a research assistant I was excited and pretty much thought “hey how could they not want me?” HA believe me after this interview I could understand. I went in and the PhD dick head completely blindsided me with a chemistry test. What chemistry test on a fucking interview with no calculator? I completely froze and blanked. WORSE time ever to blank. I basically looked like a retard that couldn’t complete a math equation. He was particularly snide as he made it abundantly clear that I was an idiot. (Most PhD’s have a holier than god, I am king of the world complex) I couldn’t believe I fucked it up so much but realized it was best to have my first “real” interview go horribly wrong rather than a job I really wanted.
A couple more interviews my confidence grew. I would get further and further with a phone interview, then a first interview, but never got the job. I would prepare more and more for each new prospect. I then landed an interview for a state job with a lab and again felt prepared but not prepared enough. As I walked in I was greeted by two PhD’s who actually appeared nice and humble but after a few minutes of bullshit they brought be into a lab…to give me a practical. If you don’t know what a practical basically it is when you have to perform techniques (in my case lab techniques) with people watching and judging you. It is very intense and nerve wracking but what was worse apparently the lab had an issue with mold and had bleached the lab from top to bottom. The lab wrecked of bleach and it was so strong that paired with the stress of them watching me perform I almost PASSED out! Yup, gray in the face, short breaths, eyes in the back of the head, passed out. Do you have any idea how fucking embarrassing it is to be 24 and almost pass out. Luckily the rest of the interview went great, I even got a 90 on the timed math tes (with a calculator this time, hehe) and I really clicked with the guy who would be my boss. I actually made it to the third and final interview where I was told it was between me and one other guy. Turned out he knew more about botany than I (damn hippie, hehe JK).
In the end it turned out OK the job I have now paid about 15,000 dollars more a year and they had benefits. So today I want out of my current job but serio0usly cannot wait for the interview to be over with. Maybe I will be asked to swallow razors while saying the alphabet backwards? That truly does not seem so bad just as long as I get the fucking job! Say a prayer, sacrifice an animal, do anything so that I get this job!
The main problem I have had with getting interviews is that I am basically changing careers. I would not be changing fields but my career within the field. I have been putting resume and cover letters to any and every company to try and so far I got one phone interview (decided I didn’t have enough experience) and this actual interview so I know this might be my only chance for a while. The new job would be a great start to a new year and I would get a new company care, corporate credit card, etc. The pay would be pretty much the same as I make now but I get way better bonuses each quarter if I make or exceed my goals.
As I prepare for this interview (hmm why did I chose the field of science again?) I think back to the two worst interviews of my life. Before I graduated grad school interviews had always been a breeze for me. Basically if I could get an interview I would get the job. Of course the jobs up to that point included waitress, marketing assistant, bartender and retail clerk. Not very impressive but my outgoing personality and success with such childish interviews gave me a bloated sense of confidence in the interviewing arena.
So when I got my first interview with Yale to be a research assistant I was excited and pretty much thought “hey how could they not want me?” HA believe me after this interview I could understand. I went in and the PhD dick head completely blindsided me with a chemistry test. What chemistry test on a fucking interview with no calculator? I completely froze and blanked. WORSE time ever to blank. I basically looked like a retard that couldn’t complete a math equation. He was particularly snide as he made it abundantly clear that I was an idiot. (Most PhD’s have a holier than god, I am king of the world complex) I couldn’t believe I fucked it up so much but realized it was best to have my first “real” interview go horribly wrong rather than a job I really wanted.
A couple more interviews my confidence grew. I would get further and further with a phone interview, then a first interview, but never got the job. I would prepare more and more for each new prospect. I then landed an interview for a state job with a lab and again felt prepared but not prepared enough. As I walked in I was greeted by two PhD’s who actually appeared nice and humble but after a few minutes of bullshit they brought be into a lab…to give me a practical. If you don’t know what a practical basically it is when you have to perform techniques (in my case lab techniques) with people watching and judging you. It is very intense and nerve wracking but what was worse apparently the lab had an issue with mold and had bleached the lab from top to bottom. The lab wrecked of bleach and it was so strong that paired with the stress of them watching me perform I almost PASSED out! Yup, gray in the face, short breaths, eyes in the back of the head, passed out. Do you have any idea how fucking embarrassing it is to be 24 and almost pass out. Luckily the rest of the interview went great, I even got a 90 on the timed math tes (with a calculator this time, hehe) and I really clicked with the guy who would be my boss. I actually made it to the third and final interview where I was told it was between me and one other guy. Turned out he knew more about botany than I (damn hippie, hehe JK).
In the end it turned out OK the job I have now paid about 15,000 dollars more a year and they had benefits. So today I want out of my current job but serio0usly cannot wait for the interview to be over with. Maybe I will be asked to swallow razors while saying the alphabet backwards? That truly does not seem so bad just as long as I get the fucking job! Say a prayer, sacrifice an animal, do anything so that I get this job!
Friday, November 30, 2007
I love her!
Ok, I am exhausted (Repeat after me I AM NOT GOING TO MURDER MY FIANCE) from no sleep again but I love ALICIA KEYES and her new song. I love her voice, lyrics and the fact that she is one hot curvy chick! I do wonder somtimes if she is a lesbian which hey maybe I could turn to the other side for her!?
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Hilarious
I THINK YOU'RE THE FATHER OF ONE OF MY KIDS
A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him.
She says hello.
He's rather taken back because he can't place where he knows her from.
So he says, 'Do you know me?' to which she replies, 'I think you're the father of one of my kids.'
Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, 'My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery???'
She looks into his eyes and says calmly, 'No, I'm your son's teacher.'
A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him.
She says hello.
He's rather taken back because he can't place where he knows her from.
So he says, 'Do you know me?' to which she replies, 'I think you're the father of one of my kids.'
Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, 'My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery???'
She looks into his eyes and says calmly, 'No, I'm your son's teacher.'
The "List"
The other day for some odd reason I started to think of my “list”. Everyone has the “list” of their sexual partners and how different parts of your life and outlook change the type of lovers you have. I think pre-sex was the best training for me to have a really healthy sex life. I figure hey why not share with everyone (plus as time goes it gets more and more difficult to remember) in the internet world.
When I was younger I was a tomboy, sports, and a lot of guy friends. This actually helped me not have sex until I got to college. I would hear true insight at what men think and how sex is. Plus lest not forget how fertile my family is on both sides. My father comes from a family of 11 kids and all married which gives me something about 45 blood cousins (crazy sexual Irish Catholics with no protection).
I basically realized I did not want to be a practicing post for most men, because face it I didn’t know my body and most men around that age don’t either. So when all the girls I knew said sex was so great, years down the road admitted that sex then was a mish mosh of awkwardness like two fish flopping on the sand. Plus the big O didn’t occur for a majority of my girlfriends, while the teenage guy pounding away got his. Do not get me wrong this is not all the guys fault I didn’t even start masturbating till college, so how do I expect a man to know how to please me when I didn’t? I couldn’t fathom having sex which wasn’t going to make me feel great for the risk of being knocked up. I wasn’t going to let crappy sex ruin four years of partying which was on the horizon.
I did have one situation which I still debate with friends as to whether it is considered sex but I will list that with the others. So without no further ado the list!
1. First love (oh to be young and naive): He was the first guy I got butterflies for and who also broke my heart. I never cared about someone before, even if they broke up with me. This is the debate: He was the first guy I did anything with included a debacle of a hand job (rug burn), and getting naked. We basically attempted to have sex when I was 16 and when I say attempted I mean he put it in, I freaked and he took it out. No thrusting, no pain, no movement, and no ejaculation…so do you consider that sex for the first time?
2. Senior guy: I was a freshman, he was a cute senior, I was drunk and just decided to do it. Nothing special, wasn’t forced (I showed up at his door later that evening) and honestly didn’t even want to be with him. I think my curiosity at that point was so high about what the fuss was about that I just did it with this nice guy I knew wanted to be with me, so if I got emotionally attached it would last at least a little while. Well needless to say I was so disappointed…that’s it? This is what everyone is talking about? It didn’t hurt, it pretty much didn’t do anything. At the end I started to get dressed and he stammered “Aren’t you going to stay over?” I looked back and replied “Uhhh no thanks, don’t feel like doing the walk of shame, thanks and we're still friends right?”
3. Big Dick boy: This guy who I met was white but had the biggest dick I have ever encountered! I mean like 8-9 inches. This was a huge change and actually not for the better. I couldn’t be on top and other positions were uncomfortable. I dated him about 4 months but still didn’t orgasm but didn’t quite wince as much.
4. Latin Lover: This was a great experience not that I orgasmed but I finally felt some passion and the guy’s dick was perfect. We did it in the basement bathroom of our dorm because we both had roommates that knew we had boyfriend/girlfriends. I can say one thing Latin men say the most amazing things to you and are so much fun in bed…downside usually sluts so a relationship is never going to happen.
5. Short guy: He was a guy I dated in the summer that I met on E at a rave. We talked and talked but when we stood up he was about 5 inches shorter. I am 5’10 so you get the drift. I dated him for the summer and fucked him in my car near a lake. Good times but I never found my panties.
6. Virgin: I took a guy’s virginity in college. I was so drunk and invited him back, started having sex, went to turn on the lights, fell over a fan, continued to have sex till I got sick and passed out. Sooo romantic for the guy. In my defense I didn’t know I took his V card till a mutual friend told me. I actually felt so guilty I continued to date him and guess what? I fell head over hells in love with him and was with him for 4 years! He and I explored each others bodies; I finally experienced an orgasm and anal sex. We did everything under the sun and both found our sexuality together.
7. S. : He was the first time I had ever truly cheated. The guy in college that I was seeing never made it official but with Virgin boy we were engaged! I don’t know what happened but I fell for S. immediately mentally and physically. The sexual tension was so high I felt like orgasming when he looked at me. I resisted for over three months and we hung out a lot. S. and I became a couple after I crushed poor virgin, who to this day I fell awful about.
8. Threesome: On one of S and I breakups, I found out S. was already sleeping/dating someone else within a day or two of breaking up. He had met her at the bar the night we broke up and took her home. I was enraged, hurt and distraught so one night while hanging out with two good friends of mine (not my normal group but grad school peeps) my girlfriend (who has been with both sexes) started hitting on me, one thing lead to another and my other guy friend was coming over anyways so when he got there we invited him in. The weird thing about the threesome was that both parties wanted me so a lot of focus was on me. They wouldn’t fuck each other only me. I can honestly say it was fun, different and at some points way to much stimulus. I held that secret as a “fuck” you to S even when we got back together. I thought” Hahha, something you always wanted and I got it without you!” He eventually found out and still isn’t truly comfortable about it. Hey you fucked me over and I had a threesome.
9. Greek boy: He was another one when S and I broke up (only twice over 4 ½ years) and he was such an amazing person. He could have been the only man that swayed me from S. He was adorable, tall, dark, handsome, hilarious, smart, rich, and sweet but one major problem. He was awful in bed and weird about it too. I think he had a virgin whore complex? He really liked me and I him, so he couldn’t just fuck me. I was the virgin and fucking me would make me a whore. Hmmm I like being both. So we have done the back and forth thing, always calling over the last three years when both of our love lives are in peril. But timing and his lackluster performance has made it so my children will never be Greek and I will not be rich. DAMMIT, hehe.
10. Hot Idiot Boy: He was the one guy I slept with this last time S and I broke up (remember all the whining I did at the start of the blog when I thought it was over) and he was so gorgeous but seriously needed a helmet! I thought he was devoid of any personality and retarded. His sexual techniques were far from spectacular and too fast for my liking. In his defense I was super aggressive and acting like a porn star out of anger at S. so that might make anyone not perform to well the one time you have sex.
So there you have it my 10 ½ guys (hmm some say 11) I have on my list. Not everyone knows about all of them, and some do but now all my Blogger friends know. I think 11 over 8 years isn’t too bad? Let me tell you thank god for the two 4 year relationships I had because I have a feeling it would be in the 30 if I wasn’t.
When I was younger I was a tomboy, sports, and a lot of guy friends. This actually helped me not have sex until I got to college. I would hear true insight at what men think and how sex is. Plus lest not forget how fertile my family is on both sides. My father comes from a family of 11 kids and all married which gives me something about 45 blood cousins (crazy sexual Irish Catholics with no protection).
I basically realized I did not want to be a practicing post for most men, because face it I didn’t know my body and most men around that age don’t either. So when all the girls I knew said sex was so great, years down the road admitted that sex then was a mish mosh of awkwardness like two fish flopping on the sand. Plus the big O didn’t occur for a majority of my girlfriends, while the teenage guy pounding away got his. Do not get me wrong this is not all the guys fault I didn’t even start masturbating till college, so how do I expect a man to know how to please me when I didn’t? I couldn’t fathom having sex which wasn’t going to make me feel great for the risk of being knocked up. I wasn’t going to let crappy sex ruin four years of partying which was on the horizon.
I did have one situation which I still debate with friends as to whether it is considered sex but I will list that with the others. So without no further ado the list!
1. First love (oh to be young and naive): He was the first guy I got butterflies for and who also broke my heart. I never cared about someone before, even if they broke up with me. This is the debate: He was the first guy I did anything with included a debacle of a hand job (rug burn), and getting naked. We basically attempted to have sex when I was 16 and when I say attempted I mean he put it in, I freaked and he took it out. No thrusting, no pain, no movement, and no ejaculation…so do you consider that sex for the first time?
2. Senior guy: I was a freshman, he was a cute senior, I was drunk and just decided to do it. Nothing special, wasn’t forced (I showed up at his door later that evening) and honestly didn’t even want to be with him. I think my curiosity at that point was so high about what the fuss was about that I just did it with this nice guy I knew wanted to be with me, so if I got emotionally attached it would last at least a little while. Well needless to say I was so disappointed…that’s it? This is what everyone is talking about? It didn’t hurt, it pretty much didn’t do anything. At the end I started to get dressed and he stammered “Aren’t you going to stay over?” I looked back and replied “Uhhh no thanks, don’t feel like doing the walk of shame, thanks and we're still friends right?”
3. Big Dick boy: This guy who I met was white but had the biggest dick I have ever encountered! I mean like 8-9 inches. This was a huge change and actually not for the better. I couldn’t be on top and other positions were uncomfortable. I dated him about 4 months but still didn’t orgasm but didn’t quite wince as much.
4. Latin Lover: This was a great experience not that I orgasmed but I finally felt some passion and the guy’s dick was perfect. We did it in the basement bathroom of our dorm because we both had roommates that knew we had boyfriend/girlfriends. I can say one thing Latin men say the most amazing things to you and are so much fun in bed…downside usually sluts so a relationship is never going to happen.
5. Short guy: He was a guy I dated in the summer that I met on E at a rave. We talked and talked but when we stood up he was about 5 inches shorter. I am 5’10 so you get the drift. I dated him for the summer and fucked him in my car near a lake. Good times but I never found my panties.
6. Virgin: I took a guy’s virginity in college. I was so drunk and invited him back, started having sex, went to turn on the lights, fell over a fan, continued to have sex till I got sick and passed out. Sooo romantic for the guy. In my defense I didn’t know I took his V card till a mutual friend told me. I actually felt so guilty I continued to date him and guess what? I fell head over hells in love with him and was with him for 4 years! He and I explored each others bodies; I finally experienced an orgasm and anal sex. We did everything under the sun and both found our sexuality together.
7. S. : He was the first time I had ever truly cheated. The guy in college that I was seeing never made it official but with Virgin boy we were engaged! I don’t know what happened but I fell for S. immediately mentally and physically. The sexual tension was so high I felt like orgasming when he looked at me. I resisted for over three months and we hung out a lot. S. and I became a couple after I crushed poor virgin, who to this day I fell awful about.
8. Threesome: On one of S and I breakups, I found out S. was already sleeping/dating someone else within a day or two of breaking up. He had met her at the bar the night we broke up and took her home. I was enraged, hurt and distraught so one night while hanging out with two good friends of mine (not my normal group but grad school peeps) my girlfriend (who has been with both sexes) started hitting on me, one thing lead to another and my other guy friend was coming over anyways so when he got there we invited him in. The weird thing about the threesome was that both parties wanted me so a lot of focus was on me. They wouldn’t fuck each other only me. I can honestly say it was fun, different and at some points way to much stimulus. I held that secret as a “fuck” you to S even when we got back together. I thought” Hahha, something you always wanted and I got it without you!” He eventually found out and still isn’t truly comfortable about it. Hey you fucked me over and I had a threesome.
9. Greek boy: He was another one when S and I broke up (only twice over 4 ½ years) and he was such an amazing person. He could have been the only man that swayed me from S. He was adorable, tall, dark, handsome, hilarious, smart, rich, and sweet but one major problem. He was awful in bed and weird about it too. I think he had a virgin whore complex? He really liked me and I him, so he couldn’t just fuck me. I was the virgin and fucking me would make me a whore. Hmmm I like being both. So we have done the back and forth thing, always calling over the last three years when both of our love lives are in peril. But timing and his lackluster performance has made it so my children will never be Greek and I will not be rich. DAMMIT, hehe.
10. Hot Idiot Boy: He was the one guy I slept with this last time S and I broke up (remember all the whining I did at the start of the blog when I thought it was over) and he was so gorgeous but seriously needed a helmet! I thought he was devoid of any personality and retarded. His sexual techniques were far from spectacular and too fast for my liking. In his defense I was super aggressive and acting like a porn star out of anger at S. so that might make anyone not perform to well the one time you have sex.
So there you have it my 10 ½ guys (hmm some say 11) I have on my list. Not everyone knows about all of them, and some do but now all my Blogger friends know. I think 11 over 8 years isn’t too bad? Let me tell you thank god for the two 4 year relationships I had because I have a feeling it would be in the 30 if I wasn’t.
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
So busy
I have been insanely busy at work while trying to secure a new job. I have a interveiw next week but we also have an Audit so I am trying to figure out a great lie for my boss, while trying to study for the interview. I also got a response back from another company located in San Diego. My job would still be in the Northeasy but training there would be cool (never been to Cali). I have been spending alot of time on the internet looking at other companies, putting out resume after resume in hopes of a career change. So I have been neglecting my blogger, my outlet, my sanity. I will update more stories at lunch but for now back to the corporate slavery I love!
Monday, November 26, 2007
Thanskgiving 2007
I can honestly say I had a great thanksgiving! In a previous post I spoke how the sisters wanted to cook and they did. The only thing i prepared was green bean casserole and I brought a bunch of beer and wine. The food was overall pretty good, no major disasters and I met my older sister's new bulldog puppy called Stella. Oh my god the dog was so adorable and almost made me run out the house and purchase a dog. I restrained myself because a one bedroom condo would definitely be torture for any type of dog.
Alot of partying went on since I had a four day weekend. The girls all went out on Friday to downtown and besides one girlfriend leaving early we all had a blast. Sometimes it is nice to go out, drink, dance and flirt. It reminds me that I still have it. I of course was a good girl and did not do anything more than chat, flirt and imagine in my head what sex would be like with this cute guy. Hey men have their porn and we have random guys at the bar.
Last night S. made dinner for me and my parents and it was nice and low key. My parents are hilarious and my dad keeps showing me how cool he is. He made us look up this hilarious clip on you tube and I about pissed my pants. I feel like they are finally seeing me not only as their daughter but an adult.
I am back to work and it is great because my two bosses are out! Whooo hooo so it is nice and quiet. I will get some work done but not really, hehe. I also had a phone interview for a new position and I got offered a real interview. Only problem is that it is the week of an audit we are having here...hmmm how do I lie about getting out of work to go try for another job?..say a prayer that I get the job.
Alot of partying went on since I had a four day weekend. The girls all went out on Friday to downtown and besides one girlfriend leaving early we all had a blast. Sometimes it is nice to go out, drink, dance and flirt. It reminds me that I still have it. I of course was a good girl and did not do anything more than chat, flirt and imagine in my head what sex would be like with this cute guy. Hey men have their porn and we have random guys at the bar.
Last night S. made dinner for me and my parents and it was nice and low key. My parents are hilarious and my dad keeps showing me how cool he is. He made us look up this hilarious clip on you tube and I about pissed my pants. I feel like they are finally seeing me not only as their daughter but an adult.
I am back to work and it is great because my two bosses are out! Whooo hooo so it is nice and quiet. I will get some work done but not really, hehe. I also had a phone interview for a new position and I got offered a real interview. Only problem is that it is the week of an audit we are having here...hmmm how do I lie about getting out of work to go try for another job?..say a prayer that I get the job.
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Curse of the bartender
I have aquired a great skill over the years due to working as a bartender for years. It is the ability to hear numerous conversations at once. During graduate school I bartended at numerous restuarants and bars and over time you learn to listen more carefully to the customers and hone in on 5 different customers at once. Most importantly this was used so you can interact with a drunk person on a intimate level and that meant more drinks and tips. People want to feel that even strangers care about them and their lives.
Yet this skill I have aquired makes it very difficult at work to concentrate. Example my crazy, pathetic, pubic hair chest, mid life crisis coworker is going through an on and off divorce. (He cheated on her for years because she got fat, nice guy huh?) So I constantly hear his conversations with his ex wife and his lawyers. Then I can hear my boss repromanding a hourly worker for being late the 5th time in the last two months. I overhear the ladies talking shit about some other lady who happens to be 10 pounds lighter.
I guess what sucks about this skill is that over time it just makes me realize how shitty people truley are. Do not get me wrong I am no saint but seriously I thought as we got oldr the whole "talking behind someone's back" would become less and less aparent. Errr apparently it is just replaced with "being civil". How is it we cna rationalize talking shit and being overall horrible and say we are just being professional?
I think that is one of the things I hate about corporate world. Everyone is fake...I have always been the type of person to let you know how I feel about you. If I don't like you I do not become some dramatic bitch I just won't go out of my way to be friends with you. I would want the same thing but in corporate world it is all about politics..or is it soothing everyone's ego?
Is all this ego soothing equivalent how schools are giving ribbons to everyone at school instead of the winner? What is happening to people? I am thinking to deeply before a 4 day vacation! Everyone pray my work will let us out early!!
Have a Happy Thankgiving Everyone!
Yet this skill I have aquired makes it very difficult at work to concentrate. Example my crazy, pathetic, pubic hair chest, mid life crisis coworker is going through an on and off divorce. (He cheated on her for years because she got fat, nice guy huh?) So I constantly hear his conversations with his ex wife and his lawyers. Then I can hear my boss repromanding a hourly worker for being late the 5th time in the last two months. I overhear the ladies talking shit about some other lady who happens to be 10 pounds lighter.
I guess what sucks about this skill is that over time it just makes me realize how shitty people truley are. Do not get me wrong I am no saint but seriously I thought as we got oldr the whole "talking behind someone's back" would become less and less aparent. Errr apparently it is just replaced with "being civil". How is it we cna rationalize talking shit and being overall horrible and say we are just being professional?
I think that is one of the things I hate about corporate world. Everyone is fake...I have always been the type of person to let you know how I feel about you. If I don't like you I do not become some dramatic bitch I just won't go out of my way to be friends with you. I would want the same thing but in corporate world it is all about politics..or is it soothing everyone's ego?
Is all this ego soothing equivalent how schools are giving ribbons to everyone at school instead of the winner? What is happening to people? I am thinking to deeply before a 4 day vacation! Everyone pray my work will let us out early!!
Have a Happy Thankgiving Everyone!
Monday, November 19, 2007
I have been tagged!
One of my favorite blogs "Girl and Cents" (Alison) tagged me (much obliged) so I guess I will bare my soul about 7 facts that you may not know.
1. I sucked on my thumb until I was 12 years old...I was very ashamed of this but for some reason my spark of interest in boys helped aleviate this nasty habit.
2.I hate my feet, my big toe looks like a head! My feet are huge and I can tell you many shoes on display for a six are not as cute when brought out in a ten.
3. I do not get off from having sex by being on top and I didn't like the "rabbit". All of my girlfriends live my it, but I do not. I love my clit massager and plain pink vibrator as for being on top I think I am too lazy and I enjoy doggie style better.
4. I am working in a field that I have not gone for school for at all! It is so true that most jobs are all about who you know. I applied for 10 jobs in my field and made it to second interveiws with no hire. My first interview at this corporate comapny (through a friend) I got it within two weeks.
5. I have set my sister up with two guys in the past 4 years and both wanted me first. I figured "hey she looks like me but she is nicer and has a bigger bust!" She still doesn't know that her current boyfriend and an ex both asked me out first.
6. My foavorite snack is "roasted garlic" triscuits with veggie cream cheese. At one point I thought triscuits was going to discontinue this line of cracker so I wrote letter after letter making complaints how my main staple of food would be destroyed if this were to happen. Safe to say it was not discontinued but my friends all still pick on me for caring about crackers.
7. I give better advice to people than I take myself.
I now tag some of my peeps:
Confessions of my so called life
A girls Relationship with seattle
Habitat for INhumanity
1. I sucked on my thumb until I was 12 years old...I was very ashamed of this but for some reason my spark of interest in boys helped aleviate this nasty habit.
2.I hate my feet, my big toe looks like a head! My feet are huge and I can tell you many shoes on display for a six are not as cute when brought out in a ten.
3. I do not get off from having sex by being on top and I didn't like the "rabbit". All of my girlfriends live my it, but I do not. I love my clit massager and plain pink vibrator as for being on top I think I am too lazy and I enjoy doggie style better.
4. I am working in a field that I have not gone for school for at all! It is so true that most jobs are all about who you know. I applied for 10 jobs in my field and made it to second interveiws with no hire. My first interview at this corporate comapny (through a friend) I got it within two weeks.
5. I have set my sister up with two guys in the past 4 years and both wanted me first. I figured "hey she looks like me but she is nicer and has a bigger bust!" She still doesn't know that her current boyfriend and an ex both asked me out first.
6. My foavorite snack is "roasted garlic" triscuits with veggie cream cheese. At one point I thought triscuits was going to discontinue this line of cracker so I wrote letter after letter making complaints how my main staple of food would be destroyed if this were to happen. Safe to say it was not discontinued but my friends all still pick on me for caring about crackers.
7. I give better advice to people than I take myself.
I now tag some of my peeps:
Confessions of my so called life
A girls Relationship with seattle
Habitat for INhumanity
Friday, November 16, 2007
Retarded Friday!
Hahahaha! I just realized it is Friday, Hahaha, all day I thought it was thursday until the Janitor said "almost time for the weekend!" My reaction "Huh" As a wave of confusion, disbelief and then happiness came rushing over me. Big glass of wine....HERE I COME and fuck this crazy place.
P.S. I got a 4% raise, hmmm they act like I should be grateful. Uhhh isn't that less than the normal rate of inflation? Well at least it is friday!
P.S. I got a 4% raise, hmmm they act like I should be grateful. Uhhh isn't that less than the normal rate of inflation? Well at least it is friday!
Thanksgiving, war and an electric knife.
Whoo hoo finally had sex last night! I honestly can say a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I was a little scared as I got on top and started the motions. I had a horrible nightmare the night before that I broke his back while fucking him. Apparently he was in good enough shape to work it!
Besides that update I wanted to discuss the holiday thanksgiving coming up and how I really could do without it. Thanksgiving is ok but I find myself more a supporter of partying holidays like Halloween and New Years. Thanksgiving is boring to me and too much work. GREAT most women across the U.S. have to wake up at 4 in the morning to start a turkey while the men sit around with beers and have fun. I feel for all women but when it comes to my own family there has been a war with split forces.
There are three sides to this war. One side is my mother and I, against my three sisters, while my father is neutral like Switzerland. Basically my three sisters want to have the traditional thanksgiving with the turkey stuffing and crap where as my mother and I just want to go to a nice restaurant for a thanksgiving dinner.
In the past parts of my family contribute something and we all come together at the rents house, but the past two years my oldest sister has been MIA and the youngest has never contributed a thing. So usually it is my mother, one sister and me (with S. help of course) who did all the work. Somehow S. and I got conned into making the sides which is a feat within itself. Having to wake up and make 6-8 sides after a night of partying (the night before thanksgiving is considered one of the busiest bar nights of the year) is more difficult than you think. My eldest sister one year went to her husband’s family and last year brought food to elderly people with no family (she is a saint).
So this year my mother and I were like “Fuck it” lets just go out to a nice dinner so nobody has to work hard or clean up. OHHHH no my sisters just couldn’t let that happen. God forbid we do not have a normal thanksgiving. I on the other hand think spending time with my family is what is important not slaving away in a kitchen.
What is funny about my sisters bitching about it is that the eldest cannot cook to save her life (she is the epitome of D.I.N.K. yuppie who orders take out) and the youngest sister is the baby whose life is too important and busy to be bothered with such things. Uhhhh, OK so why the hell do you want this massive dinner?
My mother and I finally surrendered but under certain rules…I am not cooking. I will purchase wine, booze and S. said he wants to make his special green bean casserole AND that is it. My mother isn’t going to do anything, hehe. After 28 years of cooking for all of us I figure we are old enough to cook for her.
On a different note…how in the hell does my father always seem immune to this shit, he isn’t involved, he doesn’t have to cook, NOTHING!? I love him but seriously how is it most men I know (work with a lot of them) do not get flustered about this holiday, only the women?
Fuck that! I say all women unite and do nothing, I mean anything on this holiday. MAKE the men cook and clean while we sit and watch “Sex and the city” reruns. Let them wear an apron and worry about gravy! How is it after all of the hard work you see a man carving the piece of shit bird? I say take that electric knife and shove it where the sun doesn’t shine. Hmmm need to calm down I am starting to sound like a man hater, which I am not but sometimes I just do not get tradition (apparently my sisters do?)
What are all my Blogger friends doing for Thanksgiving?
Besides that update I wanted to discuss the holiday thanksgiving coming up and how I really could do without it. Thanksgiving is ok but I find myself more a supporter of partying holidays like Halloween and New Years. Thanksgiving is boring to me and too much work. GREAT most women across the U.S. have to wake up at 4 in the morning to start a turkey while the men sit around with beers and have fun. I feel for all women but when it comes to my own family there has been a war with split forces.
There are three sides to this war. One side is my mother and I, against my three sisters, while my father is neutral like Switzerland. Basically my three sisters want to have the traditional thanksgiving with the turkey stuffing and crap where as my mother and I just want to go to a nice restaurant for a thanksgiving dinner.
In the past parts of my family contribute something and we all come together at the rents house, but the past two years my oldest sister has been MIA and the youngest has never contributed a thing. So usually it is my mother, one sister and me (with S. help of course) who did all the work. Somehow S. and I got conned into making the sides which is a feat within itself. Having to wake up and make 6-8 sides after a night of partying (the night before thanksgiving is considered one of the busiest bar nights of the year) is more difficult than you think. My eldest sister one year went to her husband’s family and last year brought food to elderly people with no family (she is a saint).
So this year my mother and I were like “Fuck it” lets just go out to a nice dinner so nobody has to work hard or clean up. OHHHH no my sisters just couldn’t let that happen. God forbid we do not have a normal thanksgiving. I on the other hand think spending time with my family is what is important not slaving away in a kitchen.
What is funny about my sisters bitching about it is that the eldest cannot cook to save her life (she is the epitome of D.I.N.K. yuppie who orders take out) and the youngest sister is the baby whose life is too important and busy to be bothered with such things. Uhhhh, OK so why the hell do you want this massive dinner?
My mother and I finally surrendered but under certain rules…I am not cooking. I will purchase wine, booze and S. said he wants to make his special green bean casserole AND that is it. My mother isn’t going to do anything, hehe. After 28 years of cooking for all of us I figure we are old enough to cook for her.
On a different note…how in the hell does my father always seem immune to this shit, he isn’t involved, he doesn’t have to cook, NOTHING!? I love him but seriously how is it most men I know (work with a lot of them) do not get flustered about this holiday, only the women?
Fuck that! I say all women unite and do nothing, I mean anything on this holiday. MAKE the men cook and clean while we sit and watch “Sex and the city” reruns. Let them wear an apron and worry about gravy! How is it after all of the hard work you see a man carving the piece of shit bird? I say take that electric knife and shove it where the sun doesn’t shine. Hmmm need to calm down I am starting to sound like a man hater, which I am not but sometimes I just do not get tradition (apparently my sisters do?)
What are all my Blogger friends doing for Thanksgiving?
Thursday, November 15, 2007
Daily Rants
Can I just rant a bit about life?
How is it that thanksgiving has not even passed and Christmas commercials, decorations, music and crap is being plastered everywhere? Every year it gets started earlier and earlier…by the time I am forty Christmas will be celebrated and after new years I will want to rip my eyes out due to sale signs for Christmas being put up again.
No sex in four days!!!! This shit is bothering me and even worse I have not masturbated either. I know this sounds strange but S. is home all day and it is a one bedroom condo. I don’t feel like its right to just leave and do my thing? See I have a whole set up of lights off, candle set, music on…basically I truly fuck myself but masturbation has always been a backup or used for erotica during sex. I know it is not right to feel this way but I feel like it would just put it right up in his face that you can’t fuck me right now. He said he felt good enough last night for me to be on top but I am too petrified to even do that. God forbid I start riding him and go buck wild without realizing he is crying in pain and really fucked hi back up for good! How could I live with myself and even more how would you explain it to the doctor?
Work sucks, work sucks, work sucks….the interview process is not going great, shit the getting a call back is not going great. I am basically trying to change fields but within the same type of companies. So I have to do a little more networking or start sleeping with bosses? Any takers? (Hmm did I mention I haven’t had sex in four days?)
I will reiterate how much corporate companies suck for anything more than a higher paycheck and better benefits. Yesterday I had to go to a focus/training/waste of my fucking time seminar group thing. Basically our company was under a huge global company but we decide to separate and become a stand alone company. We are still a global force but lots of changes have and will continue to occur. So they have us in groups of ten with all different departments, standing for two hours going over stupid colorful maps trying to shove down our throat the mission of the new company and how much we should love all the ridiculous hard work that is coming. All the while they are bashing the old company…when it suddenly hits me. Didn’t they do the same fucking thing the last time they switched companies? They always make it sound like big better changes are going to occur, and they are all about the customer! BULLSHIT…it is going to be the same crap day in and day out and nothing will matter but the bottom line. Fucking strategic department!
I need to go on a diet starting soon; I can feel my pants getting tight. I gauge my weight by my clothes since I cannot at this time go out and buy a whole new wardrobe if I gain a few. I guess being poor has its advantages.
That is my rant and I can honestly tell you I feel so much better and relaxed after I purge all my annoyances on my blog. Blog I love you and your way to make me feel cleansed of all the stupid, annoying (really not the end of the world but drives me nuts) things in life.
How is it that thanksgiving has not even passed and Christmas commercials, decorations, music and crap is being plastered everywhere? Every year it gets started earlier and earlier…by the time I am forty Christmas will be celebrated and after new years I will want to rip my eyes out due to sale signs for Christmas being put up again.
No sex in four days!!!! This shit is bothering me and even worse I have not masturbated either. I know this sounds strange but S. is home all day and it is a one bedroom condo. I don’t feel like its right to just leave and do my thing? See I have a whole set up of lights off, candle set, music on…basically I truly fuck myself but masturbation has always been a backup or used for erotica during sex. I know it is not right to feel this way but I feel like it would just put it right up in his face that you can’t fuck me right now. He said he felt good enough last night for me to be on top but I am too petrified to even do that. God forbid I start riding him and go buck wild without realizing he is crying in pain and really fucked hi back up for good! How could I live with myself and even more how would you explain it to the doctor?
Work sucks, work sucks, work sucks….the interview process is not going great, shit the getting a call back is not going great. I am basically trying to change fields but within the same type of companies. So I have to do a little more networking or start sleeping with bosses? Any takers? (Hmm did I mention I haven’t had sex in four days?)
I will reiterate how much corporate companies suck for anything more than a higher paycheck and better benefits. Yesterday I had to go to a focus/training/waste of my fucking time seminar group thing. Basically our company was under a huge global company but we decide to separate and become a stand alone company. We are still a global force but lots of changes have and will continue to occur. So they have us in groups of ten with all different departments, standing for two hours going over stupid colorful maps trying to shove down our throat the mission of the new company and how much we should love all the ridiculous hard work that is coming. All the while they are bashing the old company…when it suddenly hits me. Didn’t they do the same fucking thing the last time they switched companies? They always make it sound like big better changes are going to occur, and they are all about the customer! BULLSHIT…it is going to be the same crap day in and day out and nothing will matter but the bottom line. Fucking strategic department!
I need to go on a diet starting soon; I can feel my pants getting tight. I gauge my weight by my clothes since I cannot at this time go out and buy a whole new wardrobe if I gain a few. I guess being poor has its advantages.
That is my rant and I can honestly tell you I feel so much better and relaxed after I purge all my annoyances on my blog. Blog I love you and your way to make me feel cleansed of all the stupid, annoying (really not the end of the world but drives me nuts) things in life.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)