I so need to put my crazy emotions out there…this blog is definitely therapeutic for me. So I started the weekend out going strong “KEEP the hate alive” has been my motto and it seems to be working. No contact with S. and I was doing good. Work was insane (I will post a whole other blog about that) so when 5pm came around I actually went to happy hour with co-workers and I had a pretty good time. Around 7pm I had gotten a hold of a new friend we will call Leslie and we agreed to meet up since she had recently dumped her super toxic boyfriend as well. She brought a friend which we will dub bootylicious and we had a couple of glasses of wine and headed out to the bars near my house. We had a good time and it was nice to laugh.
I hate when you are the only single girl out of your core group. I love my friends and they try very hard but they are all wrapped up in their own lives to be around as much as I would like them to. So I have been reaching out to new people which is a good thing.
Came home and passed out, the single life is not helping my liver what’s so ever and I seriously need to relax but of course the birthday party on Saturday for my girlfriend Hairstylist was going to be interesting. Her husband is best friends with S. and he was somewhat disinvested. I did not feel bad at any point because I offered to go away for the weekend and let S. go but Hairstylist was not having it. I stopped by my mothers arts dance charity event for a bit and then went over Hairstylists and began to drink heavily. The night was fun and started to get blurry by the end, I luckily just passed out and that was that.
I wake up with a wicked headache and to numerous calls from the Toxic S. and apparently my friends saw this and kept deleting the call log. Well Toxic S. is persistent and I awoke to “I miss you baby”..BABY that’s what I get after 4 years a “baby”. I was so irritated and pissed, he was probably so drunk he didn’t know which fucking baby he was texting. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR I had a great workout due to him even with a hangover. He texted me in the early “Sorry I called you I just miss you, no response necessary” and at first I wasn’t going to respond but I did. “I miss you too but you did this all, it sucks wish I was enough for you.” Then nothing….all day I went to the gym, cleaned my house, watched a movie and then went over to Hairstylists to watch the new shot The Tudors on Showtime. The night consisted of wine and pizza, which was a little hard to take due to not having greasy food for a while but I got down two slices. I began getting more and more tipsy and please shoot me now I called the fucking toxic bastard. I am so lame…his father called me earlier and I wanted to let him know but we all know that is a lie. I just wanted to talk to him because I am so fucking pathetic. A long talk and me visiting (damn him, and my weak ways) we had a good night but when I left this morning I was so mad at myself. It was weird because we talked about how this was the right thing to do and how it is for the best. I even said to him…see we are so open in communication that we can talk about our own breakup. When people tell you to make a clean break they are definitely correct because I felt like shit in the morning and just bolted. I bolted like I was doing the walk of shame in college. I told him I loved him and that was that. I snuck out in hopes that no one would see me. See the pathetic lame woman who keeps allowing herself to care about this fucking piece of shit. I calmed myself as I drove to work and I am feeling better and better. I need to keep reminding me what a horrible person he is. He just lies and lies over and over. The weird thing is I know S. has love for me but he is so screwed up that he can’t offer me what I need or want. This is going to be a rough road ahead although everyday I feel stronger and stronger and I will be able to get over this schmuck and move on. I vow to myself to never let myself get dragged down again by such a toxic person.
On a side note the Greek emailed me back, and hot boy called but didn’t make a date with me yet. More posting will come with this craziness.
P.S. this whole blog will not be about just me dating, but the craziness of this crap is all I can focus on so bear with me.
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