So I am a pharmaceutical sales rep aka legal drug dealer and let me tell you how can some of these crazies be doctors? Doctors who save and hold people's lives in their hands.
Example: " I think I am going to get hand guns for every exam room since people are getting more and more ghetto."
WHAT the fuck!? Really, I am not anti gun but seriously? And the worst part is I have to not totally call him a fuckface and retard, so I respond: " Can you pass the bread"
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Answer me this...
OK I love my husband but sometimes just sometimes...
How is it I feel like I give everything, and he gets mad and I give him everything he wants but not everything I want. Maybe more than that I get mad because he gets mad at me because of things he has done to me...
I sit there and call him before I do anything, clean the whole place all the time, (I am not the best cook, I will give him that), work hard to make more money aka saving for a moter cycle for him, and constantly jump on his bones.
Now after being not giving the same response (which I didn't take in a bad way) but more in a way that "Hey I will be the exact same way you have been to me" I get a bad response. Please answer me this?
How do I mirror your exact reaction that you have given me then you make me feel bad? Not in a bitchy horrible way but I really let alot of shit go most of my girlfriends dont...what so ever! Now I am no where near perfect but seriously I try to only react to the same I am given, but I get this girly reaction from a guy's guy!
So please tell me.....why should I put up with this reaction, HUH?
I suck a good dick, never ask for money, love him, give him compliments, and boost his ego....I get why are you going out (he went out the night before), watches porn, and overall acts like a lesbian lover. On a side note I am irritated and had a couple of glasses a wine, hmmmm maybe I am a little pissed off.
How is it I feel like I give everything, and he gets mad and I give him everything he wants but not everything I want. Maybe more than that I get mad because he gets mad at me because of things he has done to me...
I sit there and call him before I do anything, clean the whole place all the time, (I am not the best cook, I will give him that), work hard to make more money aka saving for a moter cycle for him, and constantly jump on his bones.
Now after being not giving the same response (which I didn't take in a bad way) but more in a way that "Hey I will be the exact same way you have been to me" I get a bad response. Please answer me this?
How do I mirror your exact reaction that you have given me then you make me feel bad? Not in a bitchy horrible way but I really let alot of shit go most of my girlfriends dont...what so ever! Now I am no where near perfect but seriously I try to only react to the same I am given, but I get this girly reaction from a guy's guy!
So please tell me.....why should I put up with this reaction, HUH?
I suck a good dick, never ask for money, love him, give him compliments, and boost his ego....I get why are you going out (he went out the night before), watches porn, and overall acts like a lesbian lover. On a side note I am irritated and had a couple of glasses a wine, hmmmm maybe I am a little pissed off.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Hmmm fantasies
Ok so I love S. more than life itself and we have a great sex life but honestly the other night I fantaqsized I was having sex with Edward from the Twilight series! Seriously I just saw the movie and damn was the guy hot! Only thing that kind of upset me was the actor is only 22! Holy shit I officially am starting to feel old.
I feel like I am 18 in my mind but apparently the clock does not stop. I am starting to get smile lines! WHAT THE HECK! I need to stop laughing and smiling apparently.
On the front Thanksgiving is coming up and I really could do without. Do not get me wrong my family is great and we have a blast but Thanksgiving is not my favorite holiday, food is ok but kind of boring. I am not a football person and most of the parts of the dinner I could do without. I hate cranberry sauce, mashed potatoes (I know my parents want to kill me), and candied yams...so pretty much I only enjoy stuffing, and the turkey. Now I am a grown woman and will eat all of it but could do without. For S. it is a great day since he is a garbage compact man with a wooden leg. (Seriously annoying that he never gains any weight!)
I am sure I will have some ridicuolous stories from the night before or the day of so if I don't write before that I hope everyone has a great thanksgiving with their families and friends.
I feel like I am 18 in my mind but apparently the clock does not stop. I am starting to get smile lines! WHAT THE HECK! I need to stop laughing and smiling apparently.
On the front Thanksgiving is coming up and I really could do without. Do not get me wrong my family is great and we have a blast but Thanksgiving is not my favorite holiday, food is ok but kind of boring. I am not a football person and most of the parts of the dinner I could do without. I hate cranberry sauce, mashed potatoes (I know my parents want to kill me), and candied yams...so pretty much I only enjoy stuffing, and the turkey. Now I am a grown woman and will eat all of it but could do without. For S. it is a great day since he is a garbage compact man with a wooden leg. (Seriously annoying that he never gains any weight!)
I am sure I will have some ridicuolous stories from the night before or the day of so if I don't write before that I hope everyone has a great thanksgiving with their families and friends.
Monday, November 24, 2008
Pulled in every direction
Do you ever feel like you are being pullled in every direction. I love my life, I love my family and I love my friends but sometimes just sometimes I fell like it is too much.....
A. my best friend has an eating disorder and usually a mess, but I finally told her I would not be her friend if she wouldn't get help. She did but I feel like I need to keep her okay...
B. One of my friends has a boyfriend who is a crackhead, but the craziest thing is she is brilliant who has gone to a grad school that is an ivy league and is kind nice and good..
C. My sister had a miscarriage and now is pregnant about 18 weeks and happy but always on edge
D. My other girlfriend is broken up with a guy who hit her before she dumped him and I think she should not talk to him....
So with all of this happening I think a few thoughts
A. WHAT the fuck is going on, how did this happen
B. I need to not talk to anyone
C. How do I help all of these people that I love
D. I feel so lucky to be me
So mix all of that together and what you get is someone who is exhausted and happy to have friends but someone who prays that everyone will be happy. I have too many friends and my husband who se eme as this rock adn I am there but they never listen they never care, they keep spiraling out of control...I can only try and sometimes that does not feel enough....
A. my best friend has an eating disorder and usually a mess, but I finally told her I would not be her friend if she wouldn't get help. She did but I feel like I need to keep her okay...
B. One of my friends has a boyfriend who is a crackhead, but the craziest thing is she is brilliant who has gone to a grad school that is an ivy league and is kind nice and good..
C. My sister had a miscarriage and now is pregnant about 18 weeks and happy but always on edge
D. My other girlfriend is broken up with a guy who hit her before she dumped him and I think she should not talk to him....
So with all of this happening I think a few thoughts
A. WHAT the fuck is going on, how did this happen
B. I need to not talk to anyone
C. How do I help all of these people that I love
D. I feel so lucky to be me
So mix all of that together and what you get is someone who is exhausted and happy to have friends but someone who prays that everyone will be happy. I have too many friends and my husband who se eme as this rock adn I am there but they never listen they never care, they keep spiraling out of control...I can only try and sometimes that does not feel enough....
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
HOLY SHIT!
I know I am the worst blogger ever, and there is no one to blame but myself. Soooo lets try and sum up the last 5 months. Started my new whiz bangy job which I love. I am a legal drg dealer who wines and dines medical professionals (I have lots of great fucked up stories to come...). I also got married which was great and it went so well and was a blast (lots of stories too) and still have a tendency to drink to much.
I still have the quarterlife craziness, hmmm all of a sudden I have become a baby machine or should be because to my parents there is absolutely no other reason to get married. My new name should be Mrs. Resistant to become a breeding machine just yet. Luckily my sister just got pregnant so that should hold them off for a while. I mean really what other parents besides irish catholics are asking you a month before you walk down the aisle when you are getting knocked up (after they offer you a drink). My response is " I have spent this long not trying to get pregnant and I would like to drink at my wedding?"
Lots of drama with the friends which will dedicate whole blogs for each of them. Luckily and knock on wood I have no craziness as of now. Family good, Husband good (sounds way to weird and almost snooty to say that shit) and work is good. I am holding my breath that this will last since I have never had happiness in all three at once ever. THANK you for that right now. I will be better about keeping up with this since I miss all of my bloggers!
I still have the quarterlife craziness, hmmm all of a sudden I have become a baby machine or should be because to my parents there is absolutely no other reason to get married. My new name should be Mrs. Resistant to become a breeding machine just yet. Luckily my sister just got pregnant so that should hold them off for a while. I mean really what other parents besides irish catholics are asking you a month before you walk down the aisle when you are getting knocked up (after they offer you a drink). My response is " I have spent this long not trying to get pregnant and I would like to drink at my wedding?"
Lots of drama with the friends which will dedicate whole blogs for each of them. Luckily and knock on wood I have no craziness as of now. Family good, Husband good (sounds way to weird and almost snooty to say that shit) and work is good. I am holding my breath that this will last since I have never had happiness in all three at once ever. THANK you for that right now. I will be better about keeping up with this since I miss all of my bloggers!
Sunday, May 18, 2008
Need to stop traveling
I am so freaking tired, I am still at training which is crazy but this friday I left early for one of my best friends wedding. I was a co-maid of honor in her wedding. It was over 4 hours to get home which sucked (should have only taken 2 hours) but the rehearsal was fun and the wedding was great. A little disorganized but alot of fun. I have never seen a bride more nervous in my entire life. The poor thing was so beautiful but she got so nervous and blotchy. I kept trying to make her laugh. You actually would have been proud of me I was a smash hit with my speech and I didn't get to drunk, a little but not too drunk.
SO I have one more week of fucking training (sorry just a little sick of all the traveling) and then in three weeks will be my wedding. CRAZY shit and hopefully I won't be a blotchy bride either. Need to remember to drink a little before the ceremony.
SO I have one more week of fucking training (sorry just a little sick of all the traveling) and then in three weeks will be my wedding. CRAZY shit and hopefully I won't be a blotchy bride either. Need to remember to drink a little before the ceremony.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Crazy Bachelorette Party
Ohhh my god, My bbachelorette party was so freaking amazing! I had the best time with thirteen girlfriends of mine. I basically can sum it up in a nutshell. I got drunk, sold life savers off my chest and rode a bull until my skirt went up to my neck and my ass was shown to the whole city of Boston. Like I said, I don't go down without a bang!
On other news I am still at training and it is fun but really stressful. So much info at once but my main problem is not the science part more the sales, you have to work toward this certain verbage and algorythym which is not me. Now talking to everyone they basically say that it is not that way in the field but with any training you have to tell them what they want to hear. SO I swallow what they want and vomit it back out. Thank god for the amazing chicks I have met, it feels like 4 years of college all rolled into 4 weeks. I do feel a bit sad because S is home as sick as a dog and he is alone. I hate being sick alone so I feel extra guilty. Not that he has said anything but again Catholic guilt has come up in my veins.
So I go to bed feeling guilty, dirty from my bachelorrette party and tired from being so fake. Wish me luck, hehehe!
On other news I am still at training and it is fun but really stressful. So much info at once but my main problem is not the science part more the sales, you have to work toward this certain verbage and algorythym which is not me. Now talking to everyone they basically say that it is not that way in the field but with any training you have to tell them what they want to hear. SO I swallow what they want and vomit it back out. Thank god for the amazing chicks I have met, it feels like 4 years of college all rolled into 4 weeks. I do feel a bit sad because S is home as sick as a dog and he is alone. I hate being sick alone so I feel extra guilty. Not that he has said anything but again Catholic guilt has come up in my veins.
So I go to bed feeling guilty, dirty from my bachelorrette party and tired from being so fake. Wish me luck, hehehe!
Thursday, May 1, 2008
I'm a bitch
OK I am going to revert to being a bitch (sometimes I can't help it) plus this is supposed to be the forum where I say what I really feel as opposed to what I would ever act upon. I am at training, for a whole month. You heard right....a whole month I have this great suite with a great roommate (she is from manhatten) and I have met a bucnh of cool people. But I need you to imagine a bunch of sale people. Phamraceutical sales people which mean Type A personality, good looking people who are alot of fun.
This is so great where everyone is fun. I can talk to anyone but at the same time you can figure out in three days the male whores and dirty sluts (did I mention I am a bitch). Now when I say this... I do not mean jealousy I mean guys who are married and have three kids below 6 and women who offer themselves up to two guys at once.
Part of me is torn because the girls are a bit younger and in my impetuous days I was a cock tease...BIG time. I would talk a big game but never act, and I loved attention from guys. Whatever who am I kidding I still do but not from men who have stated they are married and have kids. Hmmm I wonder if this upsets me because i AM GETTING MARRIED IN 5 WEEKS. Besides that I feel Like I hold women up to a higher standard.
There is this amazingly beautiful girl in my class, I mean I want to be her. She is hot, sweet and appears to be nice. So in my eyes I am like holy shit she has it all. Well then I see her offer herself to two guys, not jokingly.....for real. I am flabergasted because she could have any man in the crowd and she is settling for any lame ass guy paying attention to her. This is the core of me bothers me. NO women for any matter should be like this...but this girl is model hot. So I am a bitch when I say... SHE IS A SLUT.
So even though everyone is so great...guys and girls included I can't help but realize I am getting old. I think it's crazy for the hot girl to be like that and upsetting for the married man to act like such a douchebag. I seriously do not know when and where my party lifestyle made me become such a bitch?
Excuse me while I go change my depends and put on golden girls....
This is so great where everyone is fun. I can talk to anyone but at the same time you can figure out in three days the male whores and dirty sluts (did I mention I am a bitch). Now when I say this... I do not mean jealousy I mean guys who are married and have three kids below 6 and women who offer themselves up to two guys at once.
Part of me is torn because the girls are a bit younger and in my impetuous days I was a cock tease...BIG time. I would talk a big game but never act, and I loved attention from guys. Whatever who am I kidding I still do but not from men who have stated they are married and have kids. Hmmm I wonder if this upsets me because i AM GETTING MARRIED IN 5 WEEKS. Besides that I feel Like I hold women up to a higher standard.
There is this amazingly beautiful girl in my class, I mean I want to be her. She is hot, sweet and appears to be nice. So in my eyes I am like holy shit she has it all. Well then I see her offer herself to two guys, not jokingly.....for real. I am flabergasted because she could have any man in the crowd and she is settling for any lame ass guy paying attention to her. This is the core of me bothers me. NO women for any matter should be like this...but this girl is model hot. So I am a bitch when I say... SHE IS A SLUT.
So even though everyone is so great...guys and girls included I can't help but realize I am getting old. I think it's crazy for the hot girl to be like that and upsetting for the married man to act like such a douchebag. I seriously do not know when and where my party lifestyle made me become such a bitch?
Excuse me while I go change my depends and put on golden girls....
Training
Well I am here in NJ for training...definately alot of cool people and some not so cool. I will update soon and miss having sex with S. Guess my good ole vibrator will have to do.
P.S. I never knew after 4 years that my vibrator glows in the dark, hehehe!
P.S. I never knew after 4 years that my vibrator glows in the dark, hehehe!
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Hmmm is S picking up or...
SO I didn't go to bed until 2 am, due to my masturbation and blogging late last night (had to catch up on all my favorites, you know who you are!) and get this!
This morning at like 6 am S gets up and gives me the normal kiss goodbye while I am in bed, and I kind of wake up hug him and tell him "Ohhh I wish you could just stay in bed with me!" then roll over and go to bed.
He leaves the room and then comes back (not sure of time frame I was asleep) and he says Hey if you can give me a ride I can stay an extra half hour (his car is in the shop and has been taking the bus)I of course agree and he gets naked comes back to bed and we have great sex.
WHAT the hell?
Is he a mind reader....or looked at the history on our computer and saw me looking up tons of scottish/irish porn? I think the latter and you know what?
GOOD I got my sex
Remind self to continue to look up porn so he remembers that I need sex too.
This morning at like 6 am S gets up and gives me the normal kiss goodbye while I am in bed, and I kind of wake up hug him and tell him "Ohhh I wish you could just stay in bed with me!" then roll over and go to bed.
He leaves the room and then comes back (not sure of time frame I was asleep) and he says Hey if you can give me a ride I can stay an extra half hour (his car is in the shop and has been taking the bus)I of course agree and he gets naked comes back to bed and we have great sex.
WHAT the hell?
Is he a mind reader....or looked at the history on our computer and saw me looking up tons of scottish/irish porn? I think the latter and you know what?
GOOD I got my sex
Remind self to continue to look up porn so he remembers that I need sex too.
My masterbation dilemma
SO I am here at 1:30 am alone after masturbating to some Scottish porn. OK not trying to get to crazy but I am sort of pissed off and a little upset. I don't know what is wrong with me and sometimes S. See the major problem I know is me and sometimes I feel like a guy who is in a girls body.
Don't take that the wrong way I don't want to be a man, but I think my view of sex is sometimes distorted or at least I feel that way due to the numerous women I know in my life and how they view it.
I have tons of friend who are married, living with their man, or been in long term relationships and all of them are ok with sex every once in a while and when I say once in a while I mean probably could go for months.
I on the other hand want it all the time...I would say I want it everyday or close to it. Here is when I think I am like a man. I feel like I am the one always initiatating sex. Since we have moved in together since October S and I have sex but not as much. I feel like a guy who was duped. Don't get me wrong he doesn't turn me down and I know we have been together for five years but come on....why can't you act like I am a sex goddess and you want to fuck me like you did the first couple of years.
I feel like sex is a barometer but also (which this is the fucked up part) I validate myself and this relationship by how much he wants to have sex, make love, or fuck me. (See I apparently have a invisible dick).
SO tonight I come home after having a nice dinner with my dinner and S and I watch some TV and he gets up and says I am going to bed. I finish my cigarette and go to walk into the bedroom and he is all in bed not in bed like I want to fuck you but I am in bed and want to sleep. I walk in and say:
"Hey don't go to bed"
He replies: What's wrong..
Me: Is everything ok, do we not fuck as much because we live together?
S.: Of course not we have sex like 4-5 times a week
Me: Uhhh we only had sex like twice this week?
S.: No Honey I still think you are sexy?
Me: I know I just feel like I am always inititating, I want you to want me too.
S. I do want you, what is the problem...
Me: I'm sorry I just feel like sex is a barometer
S.: It is and I think we are great
Me: OH ok hun
Me thinking: FUCK me right now, I am naked next to you telling you I want to have more sex
Him and what he does: rolls over and goes to bed after giving me a kiss
Back to now: OK I understand sex shouldn't be everything but COME ON! Don't most men complain about their wives not wanting to have sex! I know he watched porn and I know, I know..... we do have sex more than most people I guess.
Maybe I am just insecure....maybe scared. Is it too much to ask for him to want to fuck me like he did when we first met? Probably....so what do I do?
Go outside in the living room while he is sleeping and look up some Scottish porn and masturbate. Yes you heard right masturbate when I have an able body man in the next room.
I pause to sip my glass and think how crazy is this! We aren't even married and have kids? Isn't that when it is supposed to ch age, fall beside the waist line...since your kids are number one and sleep sounds more sexual than sex? Jeeeeez I love S so much and when we do have sex it is fabulous. Truth be told he is the best lay I have ever had, but sometimes I want him to want me more. God I do sound like a needy girl so I guess that changes my perception on feeling like a man.
Plus I am leaving in three days for like four weeks for training. Gotta love that then when I get back three weeks later is our wedding. I have no fear in marrying him I just wish I didn't want sex so much. Wish I was like my girlfriends and just didn't care. Wish I could go without...wish I didn't have to use porn when a hot sexy man is in the other room. DAMN I am going to go back to my wine, have a cigarette and then crawl into bed with a hot sexy man who didn't want to fuck me tonight.
The question is....am I just being insecure or crazy?
Don't take that the wrong way I don't want to be a man, but I think my view of sex is sometimes distorted or at least I feel that way due to the numerous women I know in my life and how they view it.
I have tons of friend who are married, living with their man, or been in long term relationships and all of them are ok with sex every once in a while and when I say once in a while I mean probably could go for months.
I on the other hand want it all the time...I would say I want it everyday or close to it. Here is when I think I am like a man. I feel like I am the one always initiatating sex. Since we have moved in together since October S and I have sex but not as much. I feel like a guy who was duped. Don't get me wrong he doesn't turn me down and I know we have been together for five years but come on....why can't you act like I am a sex goddess and you want to fuck me like you did the first couple of years.
I feel like sex is a barometer but also (which this is the fucked up part) I validate myself and this relationship by how much he wants to have sex, make love, or fuck me. (See I apparently have a invisible dick).
SO tonight I come home after having a nice dinner with my dinner and S and I watch some TV and he gets up and says I am going to bed. I finish my cigarette and go to walk into the bedroom and he is all in bed not in bed like I want to fuck you but I am in bed and want to sleep. I walk in and say:
"Hey don't go to bed"
He replies: What's wrong..
Me: Is everything ok, do we not fuck as much because we live together?
S.: Of course not we have sex like 4-5 times a week
Me: Uhhh we only had sex like twice this week?
S.: No Honey I still think you are sexy?
Me: I know I just feel like I am always inititating, I want you to want me too.
S. I do want you, what is the problem...
Me: I'm sorry I just feel like sex is a barometer
S.: It is and I think we are great
Me: OH ok hun
Me thinking: FUCK me right now, I am naked next to you telling you I want to have more sex
Him and what he does: rolls over and goes to bed after giving me a kiss
Back to now: OK I understand sex shouldn't be everything but COME ON! Don't most men complain about their wives not wanting to have sex! I know he watched porn and I know, I know..... we do have sex more than most people I guess.
Maybe I am just insecure....maybe scared. Is it too much to ask for him to want to fuck me like he did when we first met? Probably....so what do I do?
Go outside in the living room while he is sleeping and look up some Scottish porn and masturbate. Yes you heard right masturbate when I have an able body man in the next room.
I pause to sip my glass and think how crazy is this! We aren't even married and have kids? Isn't that when it is supposed to ch age, fall beside the waist line...since your kids are number one and sleep sounds more sexual than sex? Jeeeeez I love S so much and when we do have sex it is fabulous. Truth be told he is the best lay I have ever had, but sometimes I want him to want me more. God I do sound like a needy girl so I guess that changes my perception on feeling like a man.
Plus I am leaving in three days for like four weeks for training. Gotta love that then when I get back three weeks later is our wedding. I have no fear in marrying him I just wish I didn't want sex so much. Wish I was like my girlfriends and just didn't care. Wish I could go without...wish I didn't have to use porn when a hot sexy man is in the other room. DAMN I am going to go back to my wine, have a cigarette and then crawl into bed with a hot sexy man who didn't want to fuck me tonight.
The question is....am I just being insecure or crazy?
Friday, April 11, 2008
Dispicable
OK, I deserve a lashing or rather a flogging...like one of those crazy monks who whipped themselves senseless while the black plague was taking over Europe. I have been so horrible at keeping up my blog. I swear it is not you...it's me and that is not a breakup line either. Between the new job, my girlfriends wedding, and my wedding life is so fucking crazy. So onto something interesting in my life.
Can I tell you how much I love my job...seriously I know this sounds crazy but the hype is true about Pharmaceuitcal reps. Most of them are gorgeous especially the women. I have met some of my territories counter parts and can I just tell you DAMN! This should make me feel insecure but rather it makes me feel pretty. I was picked to be in this elite club of people with no souls who hock drugs, make money and never pay for a car or gas. I know I know this sounds so horrible but after years of college, and grad school being poor it is wonderful to know I am going to be ok. (AKA I secretly feel like a souless beast in comparison to my friends who work for non-profits and help the world but I can't help wanting to work hard and see results).
Ok now that I completely sounded like an asshole in the first paragraph let me explain why I do what I do. See I have this inner relization that I am not a very classy or tactful person. I swear to much, drink to much, etc. So I overcompensate for this by doing things like going to grad school, getting jobs with prestige and or money to make it look like I am a respectable person in society...whne deep down in side I love to watch shows like Maury. "YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER" and drink wine out of a box. Hmmm years of being poor have ingrained this into me.
It's funny and weird though because even though I want money, confortable life, etc I still never spend alot of money on myself. I am not a handbag girl..and believe it or not I own one. Yup you heard it right ONE BAG. Actually the bag I have no is a hand me down Coach bag from like 3 seasons ago (I would never know that, but whatever) and this occured because my one back strap completely fell apart. I have never had a nice, new car until now because again I cannot see spending that much money on something that will depreciate.
I would rather spend money on going out, a condo, memories...or lots of wine rather than material things. I am the queen of Marshalls and have never purchased GUCCI, Dolce and Gabbana, or any other designer who I think a 80 tank top is too much. Yet, most of my friends do. They all have tons of clothes, nice cars, bags, shoes, etc. While I am finding a two for one deal at the sale rack.
The other day S. made the most poingant observation. I had just come in from cleaning the inside of my car and I was talking to one of my best friends on the phone and she mentioned how she had washed the car but only the outside. We were laughing and saying we need to switch off so our cars would be fully cleaned. As I hung up S. stated "No suprirse there"
I repleid "What?"
S. returned with " You washed the inside and all of your friends wash their outside. See it just shows you that you care about what is inside and comfortable for you, while your girlfriends all care about the outside and what other people think"
I was stunned and realized it was true that most of my friends are slumming it with me since I never cared about stuff like that. Yet it makes me wonder why I gravitate to people who do. Is it because I want to be like that or try to change them....Well whatever it is it seems to be working.
Well off to scratch my ass, drink boxed wine, and watch Maury.
Can I tell you how much I love my job...seriously I know this sounds crazy but the hype is true about Pharmaceuitcal reps. Most of them are gorgeous especially the women. I have met some of my territories counter parts and can I just tell you DAMN! This should make me feel insecure but rather it makes me feel pretty. I was picked to be in this elite club of people with no souls who hock drugs, make money and never pay for a car or gas. I know I know this sounds so horrible but after years of college, and grad school being poor it is wonderful to know I am going to be ok. (AKA I secretly feel like a souless beast in comparison to my friends who work for non-profits and help the world but I can't help wanting to work hard and see results).
Ok now that I completely sounded like an asshole in the first paragraph let me explain why I do what I do. See I have this inner relization that I am not a very classy or tactful person. I swear to much, drink to much, etc. So I overcompensate for this by doing things like going to grad school, getting jobs with prestige and or money to make it look like I am a respectable person in society...whne deep down in side I love to watch shows like Maury. "YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER" and drink wine out of a box. Hmmm years of being poor have ingrained this into me.
It's funny and weird though because even though I want money, confortable life, etc I still never spend alot of money on myself. I am not a handbag girl..and believe it or not I own one. Yup you heard it right ONE BAG. Actually the bag I have no is a hand me down Coach bag from like 3 seasons ago (I would never know that, but whatever) and this occured because my one back strap completely fell apart. I have never had a nice, new car until now because again I cannot see spending that much money on something that will depreciate.
I would rather spend money on going out, a condo, memories...or lots of wine rather than material things. I am the queen of Marshalls and have never purchased GUCCI, Dolce and Gabbana, or any other designer who I think a 80 tank top is too much. Yet, most of my friends do. They all have tons of clothes, nice cars, bags, shoes, etc. While I am finding a two for one deal at the sale rack.
The other day S. made the most poingant observation. I had just come in from cleaning the inside of my car and I was talking to one of my best friends on the phone and she mentioned how she had washed the car but only the outside. We were laughing and saying we need to switch off so our cars would be fully cleaned. As I hung up S. stated "No suprirse there"
I repleid "What?"
S. returned with " You washed the inside and all of your friends wash their outside. See it just shows you that you care about what is inside and comfortable for you, while your girlfriends all care about the outside and what other people think"
I was stunned and realized it was true that most of my friends are slumming it with me since I never cared about stuff like that. Yet it makes me wonder why I gravitate to people who do. Is it because I want to be like that or try to change them....Well whatever it is it seems to be working.
Well off to scratch my ass, drink boxed wine, and watch Maury.
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Holy shit sooo long..
Holy shit it has been way to long since I have posted and for anyone who still might be reading this I apoligize. Well lets do some updates shall we.
I started my new job and thus far it is fabulous. I have a new car, computer, the works. Only thing that sucks is the home study. I feel like I am back in grad school studying the shit out of drugs and human anatomy. Luckily my genetics background seems to help. My coworkers that I have met so far seem really cool and like me. Talkative open people who are driven. My boss is great not a micromanager bitch like my college department head where I am teaching. That is a whole other story.
The last day at my other job was great. More than 50 people showed up for my happy hour, which made me feel cool and I got extremely drunk without spending a cent. We then went to the strip club and I got a great lapdance. I literally closed my eyes and just felt the hot stripper on me. Not to sound to weird but I can understand why men love it. Women are so soft to the touch and feel amazing.....I think the booze got to me, hehehe
The wedding season and crazy shit started last weekend. Basically every weekend I have either weddings, showers, bachelorette parties or shit going on. I have become a little obsessive about looking at my registry (yes I am one of those women I hate, but be rest assured I don't bore others with wedding talk)
I had the best sex last night can I just tell you! Talk about hot all around the room, upside down, every which way hot sex. I really needed it with all the stress so even though S will never read this thank you for being such a hot lay after 5 years.
Well back to studying and being lame but rest assure I am going to start posting more regulary now that I have my own computer through work (cannot have S. find me out).
I started my new job and thus far it is fabulous. I have a new car, computer, the works. Only thing that sucks is the home study. I feel like I am back in grad school studying the shit out of drugs and human anatomy. Luckily my genetics background seems to help. My coworkers that I have met so far seem really cool and like me. Talkative open people who are driven. My boss is great not a micromanager bitch like my college department head where I am teaching. That is a whole other story.
The last day at my other job was great. More than 50 people showed up for my happy hour, which made me feel cool and I got extremely drunk without spending a cent. We then went to the strip club and I got a great lapdance. I literally closed my eyes and just felt the hot stripper on me. Not to sound to weird but I can understand why men love it. Women are so soft to the touch and feel amazing.....I think the booze got to me, hehehe
The wedding season and crazy shit started last weekend. Basically every weekend I have either weddings, showers, bachelorette parties or shit going on. I have become a little obsessive about looking at my registry (yes I am one of those women I hate, but be rest assured I don't bore others with wedding talk)
I had the best sex last night can I just tell you! Talk about hot all around the room, upside down, every which way hot sex. I really needed it with all the stress so even though S will never read this thank you for being such a hot lay after 5 years.
Well back to studying and being lame but rest assure I am going to start posting more regulary now that I have my own computer through work (cannot have S. find me out).
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Karma, rain and the bus
So this past week my fiancé and family have been carting me around like I was a child since my beater of a car crapped out on me. You seriously do not realize how much you need and utilize your car until you need tampons and it is raining like a monsoon outside.
This Saturday I was determined to make it to the Stop and Stop a couple of miles up the street to get feminine products and stuff for lunch during the week (do not have a car to go get anything), but of course when I look outside it is raining buckets. OH well that is not going to stop my mission. My mission to show everyone that I am no yuppie suburbanite who cannot take a bus or walk some where! So I log onto the local bus transit to see which line I should take and can I tell you something crazy? Bus schedules are the most confusing fucking shit ever! Yes, I have a college and graduate degree, yes I work as a biomedical engineer and yet I can’t figure out a simple diagram of different buses. Oh and of course after I figure it out I realize it is the line for during the week and I had to start all over.
Ok I know where the bus comes, what time it comes and when I need to get it back, so I grab my umbrella and go outside to wait. Can you believe in my head I kept thinking “Don’t look like a homeless person?” Uhhh I almost hit myself! In my head I am thinking, when did I become this snot….I don’t even own a car! Well Karma knew I was thinking horrible thoughts and brought a huge SUV by my bus stop and drove through a huge puddle which covered me! Honestly I deserved it for acting so self righteous that minute.
So 5 minutes go by and I am soaked, I mean up to my knees soaked and it was not a nice warm summery trickle but a freezing bone chilling “Little women” Beth dying of pneumonia rain. I am chattering my teeth when low and behold I see the bus coming from the opposite direction and not stopping! I run, chase and scream after this bus, while I look like a soaked 5’10’ inch rat and my umbrella broke. I was left there on the corner with no umbrella, and no bus. FUCK!
I was defeated and I knew it. I am a slave to technology and luxury and when I say luxury I mean a 1995 Mazda protégé which has tons of dents but always brought me where I needed to go. So I walked across the street to get some wine and booze and as I was walking back I realized why having a brown bag over your booze was a good thing in the rain.
This Saturday I was determined to make it to the Stop and Stop a couple of miles up the street to get feminine products and stuff for lunch during the week (do not have a car to go get anything), but of course when I look outside it is raining buckets. OH well that is not going to stop my mission. My mission to show everyone that I am no yuppie suburbanite who cannot take a bus or walk some where! So I log onto the local bus transit to see which line I should take and can I tell you something crazy? Bus schedules are the most confusing fucking shit ever! Yes, I have a college and graduate degree, yes I work as a biomedical engineer and yet I can’t figure out a simple diagram of different buses. Oh and of course after I figure it out I realize it is the line for during the week and I had to start all over.
Ok I know where the bus comes, what time it comes and when I need to get it back, so I grab my umbrella and go outside to wait. Can you believe in my head I kept thinking “Don’t look like a homeless person?” Uhhh I almost hit myself! In my head I am thinking, when did I become this snot….I don’t even own a car! Well Karma knew I was thinking horrible thoughts and brought a huge SUV by my bus stop and drove through a huge puddle which covered me! Honestly I deserved it for acting so self righteous that minute.
So 5 minutes go by and I am soaked, I mean up to my knees soaked and it was not a nice warm summery trickle but a freezing bone chilling “Little women” Beth dying of pneumonia rain. I am chattering my teeth when low and behold I see the bus coming from the opposite direction and not stopping! I run, chase and scream after this bus, while I look like a soaked 5’10’ inch rat and my umbrella broke. I was left there on the corner with no umbrella, and no bus. FUCK!
I was defeated and I knew it. I am a slave to technology and luxury and when I say luxury I mean a 1995 Mazda protégé which has tons of dents but always brought me where I needed to go. So I walked across the street to get some wine and booze and as I was walking back I realized why having a brown bag over your booze was a good thing in the rain.
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Need some control
I don't know what it was but today at the Business Unit Meeting this morning I almost jumped across a bunch of engineers to punch a "planning" asshole boss in his face.
Nahh not really but I got so fucking heated that I left the meeting. Sometimes just sometimes I want to rip apart certain people who work in my company.
Long story short Planning was upset that a product was not on time. Now if we were making pens, or a toy truck I can understand the demand to rush things through....but we make SUTURES and biomedical equipment.
So I ask?
Do you want me to rush the batch of absorbable sutures that will be inserted into your overweight wife when she gets her stomach tied up?
Good sir, would you like to forgoe the quality of a staple that will go into your bratty only child's heart?
Hmmmmm would you like me to just pass a crappy bowel ring so your bile from your stomach falls into your intestines? Actually this douchebag would deserve it.
He wasn't even directing it toward me, but the snarky attitude he had made me want to scream "GO FUCK YOURSELF you retard!" but instead like a good little corporate droid who does not want to burn bridges (only 3 more days to go) I left the meeting pretending having to go to the bathroom. Plus I think I saved myself from being arrested.
Nahh not really but I got so fucking heated that I left the meeting. Sometimes just sometimes I want to rip apart certain people who work in my company.
Long story short Planning was upset that a product was not on time. Now if we were making pens, or a toy truck I can understand the demand to rush things through....but we make SUTURES and biomedical equipment.
So I ask?
Do you want me to rush the batch of absorbable sutures that will be inserted into your overweight wife when she gets her stomach tied up?
Good sir, would you like to forgoe the quality of a staple that will go into your bratty only child's heart?
Hmmmmm would you like me to just pass a crappy bowel ring so your bile from your stomach falls into your intestines? Actually this douchebag would deserve it.
He wasn't even directing it toward me, but the snarky attitude he had made me want to scream "GO FUCK YOURSELF you retard!" but instead like a good little corporate droid who does not want to burn bridges (only 3 more days to go) I left the meeting pretending having to go to the bathroom. Plus I think I saved myself from being arrested.
Monday, March 10, 2008
Keep telling myself over and over...
ONE MORE WEEK...don't kill anyone or go postal. You can do it! One more week.
On a different note I had a great relaxing weekend pretty much movies, wine and sex. It was nice but I felt like I was 15 again asking for a ride from my friend. So tonight I have to teach my class and hopefully not kill any of my students either. Why oh why do I have to do all this shit for a wedding. Eloping is sounding better and better everyday.
On a different note I had a great relaxing weekend pretty much movies, wine and sex. It was nice but I felt like I was 15 again asking for a ride from my friend. So tonight I have to teach my class and hopefully not kill any of my students either. Why oh why do I have to do all this shit for a wedding. Eloping is sounding better and better everyday.
Thursday, March 6, 2008
My major flaw
It is time to share my flaws with my fellow bloggers. I do have them even though my life is so perfect (HAHA, hope you got the sarcasm in that) but I am plagued with pitfalls like everyone else. I believe my biggest flaw is also my biggest savior. Let me explain…
My biggest flaw has two parts
A. I talk a lot
B. I am open about everything
When I say I talk a lot, I do…I can’t help myself, I feel all of these thoughts racing through my head a million miles a minute and I can’t help letting them all spill out like word vomit. I can’t write as well or as fast as I can speak. This does not always make for a bad situation because even though I talk a lot I talk with humor and hopefully (not all the time) intelligence. With me around there is no awkward moment on a date, at a party, etc. I just keep the conversation going with open ended questions. I am sure for my fiancé, family and friends who have been around me for years and have to interact with me more than a couple hours this can be annoying.
I have had to learn that in the morning S. just can’t function with thoughts for about an hour. He can grunt, scratch, and eat but thought process and speaking skills seem to be devoid. At first when you are all infatuated and in love I would worry “Oh my god is it me?” “Is he getting tired of me already?” Of course over the years this has dissipated and I have to control myself to not jam pack my poor fiancé’s head with jibber jabber (did I just say that, hehe) until a little later.
As for the second part of the flaw I have definitely been open to people maybe I shouldn’t have. I figure that by being open with everything I never get in trouble, give the wrong impression and people know who and what I stand for, but you and I both know some people have really rigid, conservative ways and unfortunately I am the person who will make them feel the most uncomfortable. I just can’t comprehend not speaking your mind, or being closed off. I feel less anxiety, stress, problems, etc not only with my fiancé, family, but life. I have a crazy open communication with the people I love because I force them to be that way since I am. I do wish sometimes I wasn’t so open because I have definitely felt like an ass. Example of the following “foot way down in the back of throat” syndrome
Background of scene: Went over to a friend’ house (In college) and waiting in dining area with mother. I have not seen my friend or his family in a while.
After a typical how are you doing conversation she asks where I am working?
Me: “Oh, I work at the Mall in the salad, smoothie bar which is a great thing because it reminds me why I am in school.”
Mother: “Do a lot of people from our town work there?”
Me: “Oh yeah I work with a bunch of loser skanky girls from our town, who got knocked up an ruined their life before the age of 20, again another constant reminder of why I have to do something with my life and not disappoint my parents.”
Right at that moment my friend’s sister who is 19 comes around the corner knocked up and looking pretty skanky.
I must have looked so dumbfounded and embarrassed because all I can do was stutter over myself.
Me: “Oh well, you must be, uhhh different than those girls…you aren’t skanky in the least bit, uhhh got to go, great seeing you.”
My friend could not stop making fun of me the whole night and I have never gone over that house again.
My biggest flaw has two parts
A. I talk a lot
B. I am open about everything
When I say I talk a lot, I do…I can’t help myself, I feel all of these thoughts racing through my head a million miles a minute and I can’t help letting them all spill out like word vomit. I can’t write as well or as fast as I can speak. This does not always make for a bad situation because even though I talk a lot I talk with humor and hopefully (not all the time) intelligence. With me around there is no awkward moment on a date, at a party, etc. I just keep the conversation going with open ended questions. I am sure for my fiancé, family and friends who have been around me for years and have to interact with me more than a couple hours this can be annoying.
I have had to learn that in the morning S. just can’t function with thoughts for about an hour. He can grunt, scratch, and eat but thought process and speaking skills seem to be devoid. At first when you are all infatuated and in love I would worry “Oh my god is it me?” “Is he getting tired of me already?” Of course over the years this has dissipated and I have to control myself to not jam pack my poor fiancé’s head with jibber jabber (did I just say that, hehe) until a little later.
As for the second part of the flaw I have definitely been open to people maybe I shouldn’t have. I figure that by being open with everything I never get in trouble, give the wrong impression and people know who and what I stand for, but you and I both know some people have really rigid, conservative ways and unfortunately I am the person who will make them feel the most uncomfortable. I just can’t comprehend not speaking your mind, or being closed off. I feel less anxiety, stress, problems, etc not only with my fiancé, family, but life. I have a crazy open communication with the people I love because I force them to be that way since I am. I do wish sometimes I wasn’t so open because I have definitely felt like an ass. Example of the following “foot way down in the back of throat” syndrome
Background of scene: Went over to a friend’ house (In college) and waiting in dining area with mother. I have not seen my friend or his family in a while.
After a typical how are you doing conversation she asks where I am working?
Me: “Oh, I work at the Mall in the salad, smoothie bar which is a great thing because it reminds me why I am in school.”
Mother: “Do a lot of people from our town work there?”
Me: “Oh yeah I work with a bunch of loser skanky girls from our town, who got knocked up an ruined their life before the age of 20, again another constant reminder of why I have to do something with my life and not disappoint my parents.”
Right at that moment my friend’s sister who is 19 comes around the corner knocked up and looking pretty skanky.
I must have looked so dumbfounded and embarrassed because all I can do was stutter over myself.
Me: “Oh well, you must be, uhhh different than those girls…you aren’t skanky in the least bit, uhhh got to go, great seeing you.”
My friend could not stop making fun of me the whole night and I have never gone over that house again.
Monday, March 3, 2008
Just remember before the good must come....
Sometimes I feel like God, Buddha, Siddartha, Allah or whoever is up there likes to fuck around with me a bit…nothing horrible but always reminds me to keep a level head.
I have this amazing crazy time right now between the new job, teaching, and wedding shit that I feel pulled in two but this weekend was very ironic to say the least. I got my wedding dress and it is gorgeous and makes me feel amazing but two weeks before my new job my shit box car decides to shit the bed. What the fuck! Seriously two weeks before I get a new car!
So here I am reverting back to 15 and calling people and coordinating rides. It’s so weird not having a car because until you don’t have one you never really appreciate how much you use one. I actually forgot for a second that I didn’t have one and said to S. “I am going to get alcohol tonight”…. walked out into the parking lot and then looked around like a confused senile old lady until I realized I was car less. Luckily the liquor store is less than a block away! I felt like a homeless alcoholic walking home in the dark with a brown paper bag. (Side note: why the hell did my fiancé not offer to come and carry his own damn microbrew?)
On a different note need to remind myself over and over again that 3 martinis, 4 glasses of wine and two shots may seem fun in the beginning but your need to vomit will over take that fun. Lying on the floor of your bathroom is not acceptable at 26.Please say this over and over to yourself….
I have this amazing crazy time right now between the new job, teaching, and wedding shit that I feel pulled in two but this weekend was very ironic to say the least. I got my wedding dress and it is gorgeous and makes me feel amazing but two weeks before my new job my shit box car decides to shit the bed. What the fuck! Seriously two weeks before I get a new car!
So here I am reverting back to 15 and calling people and coordinating rides. It’s so weird not having a car because until you don’t have one you never really appreciate how much you use one. I actually forgot for a second that I didn’t have one and said to S. “I am going to get alcohol tonight”…. walked out into the parking lot and then looked around like a confused senile old lady until I realized I was car less. Luckily the liquor store is less than a block away! I felt like a homeless alcoholic walking home in the dark with a brown paper bag. (Side note: why the hell did my fiancé not offer to come and carry his own damn microbrew?)
On a different note need to remind myself over and over again that 3 martinis, 4 glasses of wine and two shots may seem fun in the beginning but your need to vomit will over take that fun. Lying on the floor of your bathroom is not acceptable at 26.Please say this over and over to yourself….
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
I gave my notice!
I did it! I let them know that I was leaving…it went well but my poor direct boss looked devastated and rightfully so. Not because the company will not survive without me but rather a shit load of work is going to be coming her way. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I am sure they will give me a lot more weight with work and it is going to be a long two weeks but hopefully it will go by fast. Update will follow soon.
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
My Disorder
I want to tell everyone of my disorder. I have been ingrained and raised with this horrible thing called….
Catholic Guilt
Let me give you a little bit of background as to how this disorder was acquired. I was born to two catholic loving parents who dragged all four of us to church every weekend. I was also placed in catholic private middle school and high school (all girls if you can believe). Over the years my parents were not brim stone and fire but masters of guilt. Guilt of letting people down, always doing everything I can and going above and beyond. This is a good quality in that I always over achieved in life, love and friends but this disorder has made me ridiculously guilty of things most people would not be. Do not get the wrong impression I am no saint and I do not pray with a group or wear a habit, Hell I don’t even go to church right now but this guilt is always there no matter what.
Catholic guilt is different than regular guilt because it is not just an action and reaction guilt it is a constant underlying feeling. I can even say it is not a guilt that I will burn in hell but just a guilt that I am not doing enough or I am hurting someone.
Most of my friends and family love this because it makes me go above and beyond. Example of things I did in the last two weeks that exude this disorder…
1. Valentines day: I have been working two jobs, interviewing for a new one, planning a wedding, and trying to keep up with normal errands of life but seeing my fiancé doing laundry (which is normally my job when my life is not so hectic) made me feel so bad that I got him a iPOD.
2. I am so afraid to tell my bosses that I am quitting. I feel horrible leaving them in a lurch even though I know business is business.
3. My friend lost a job but was the one who basically helped me get my new one so I have redone his resume, wrote him a fucking great cover letter and have helped him by faxing it out searching for jobs, etc. (P.S. he is doing a lot as well with interviews, etc)
4. I call my mom like 5 times a week and still try to impress her and help her every chance I get.
5. My girlfriend who has the eating disorder I always feel like I am not doing enough so this week or next I have to try to convince her parents to go to a support group with me just so that they can wake the fuck up and help her instead of living in denial.
6. Whenever I call out I feel awful.
If you look at these things in reality they just make me look like a caring person who goes out of my way to help, which is partly true but to me it is all due to this damn guilt. Most people can balance it but for some reason I can’t and do I want to? My guilt has always made me go above and beyond with my life, especially professional. The need to show my parents and impress them (don’t ask me where it came from they tell me over and over how great I am) had elevated me to higher education and a great job.
Better yet I have to learn from my parents how to instill this into my children do I don’t end up with a crazy crackwhore or loser son.
Catholic Guilt
Let me give you a little bit of background as to how this disorder was acquired. I was born to two catholic loving parents who dragged all four of us to church every weekend. I was also placed in catholic private middle school and high school (all girls if you can believe). Over the years my parents were not brim stone and fire but masters of guilt. Guilt of letting people down, always doing everything I can and going above and beyond. This is a good quality in that I always over achieved in life, love and friends but this disorder has made me ridiculously guilty of things most people would not be. Do not get the wrong impression I am no saint and I do not pray with a group or wear a habit, Hell I don’t even go to church right now but this guilt is always there no matter what.
Catholic guilt is different than regular guilt because it is not just an action and reaction guilt it is a constant underlying feeling. I can even say it is not a guilt that I will burn in hell but just a guilt that I am not doing enough or I am hurting someone.
Most of my friends and family love this because it makes me go above and beyond. Example of things I did in the last two weeks that exude this disorder…
1. Valentines day: I have been working two jobs, interviewing for a new one, planning a wedding, and trying to keep up with normal errands of life but seeing my fiancé doing laundry (which is normally my job when my life is not so hectic) made me feel so bad that I got him a iPOD.
2. I am so afraid to tell my bosses that I am quitting. I feel horrible leaving them in a lurch even though I know business is business.
3. My friend lost a job but was the one who basically helped me get my new one so I have redone his resume, wrote him a fucking great cover letter and have helped him by faxing it out searching for jobs, etc. (P.S. he is doing a lot as well with interviews, etc)
4. I call my mom like 5 times a week and still try to impress her and help her every chance I get.
5. My girlfriend who has the eating disorder I always feel like I am not doing enough so this week or next I have to try to convince her parents to go to a support group with me just so that they can wake the fuck up and help her instead of living in denial.
6. Whenever I call out I feel awful.
If you look at these things in reality they just make me look like a caring person who goes out of my way to help, which is partly true but to me it is all due to this damn guilt. Most people can balance it but for some reason I can’t and do I want to? My guilt has always made me go above and beyond with my life, especially professional. The need to show my parents and impress them (don’t ask me where it came from they tell me over and over how great I am) had elevated me to higher education and a great job.
Better yet I have to learn from my parents how to instill this into my children do I don’t end up with a crazy crackwhore or loser son.
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