What the fuck is wrong with me? I consider myself a somewhat intelligent girl (maybe I went to grad school to over compensate?) and yesterday I had full intention of going to a happy hour for a coworker who is leaving, having one beer and then going home. So can someone please answer me how I didn’t get home until 1am and somehow ended up at the strip club with 4 guys?
Ok enough bitching about not dealing well with peer pressure (apparently I am a bad after school special) and not onto bitching about my man. OK I love S. more than life itself but the question is will my insecurities (which are totally warranted after everything we went through) going to make this relationship harder than it should be? I felt somewhat bad for something home late but I did invite him out with my coworkers last night and he declined. I don’t know why I should feel bad, S has come home late drunk and woken me up..yet something in me gets me all worried that he is really angry at me for coming home so late. I am such a fucking typical girl…worrying about shit he probably doesn’t think more than a second about. Then I start thinking he is doing stuff he shouldn’t and I get all fucking paranoid. I can’t believe I am so insecure.
Sometimes I think it isn’t such a good idea me and him? Other days I know it is hard but I know he is the one and only man I could see myself getting old with. FUCK, FUCK, FUCK! I think it is bullshit when people say they knew for certain that this was the one I was going to spend the rest of my life with? (Hmmm maybe I am the one with the commitment issues, hehe)
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