Mini Breakdown

Have you ever felt so pulled at every direction in your life at once that you thought you were going to explode? That is how I feel right now. Let me list off what I am doing right now.

1. Full time Engineer job- this place is crazy and getting worse everyday! I am so glad I am getting out of here
2. Teaching job- How am I back to studying? This is a lot more than I had anticipated and basically adding a second job makes me have almost 70 hr work weeks.
3. Planning a wedding – which actually is more stressful paying for it.
4. Trying to get a new job- had to study a lot for this too, who new getting a new job would be so fucking stressful. This is a little better since I got the offer now I have to take the drug test and wait for the background check.
5. Dealing with a best friend who after 10 years is getting help with her bulimia. This is emotionally draining since her family is not being as supportive as they should be.
6. Being the made of honor for my best girlfriends wedding…just stuffed over a hundred shower invites.
7. Grandmother dying…enough said.
8. Add on trying to pay bills, keep condo clean and get some sleep.

Sometimes I am fine but last night my girlfriend who is going through this tough time needed me but then got defensive (as any recovering addicted person deals with) and I just broke down after I left. Not so much just because of her but because of everything. I am so thankful for my whole life and would never change anything sometimes I just wish there was more time….especially for sleep. I can feel the exercise and sleep deprivation making it harder and harder to remember shit.
Then I think how the fuck do people do all of this and then have kids? WTF? How do they do it? I give so much props to my mother who did all of it with her own graphic design company, but tack on 4 kids too. I need to go bring her a huge bottle or red tonight and thank her profusely.