I"m "small tits" Maid of Honor!

TOOOO MANY THINGS AT ONCE! I swear between work being fucking insane, searching for a new job, preparing for my teaching job, wedding planning for me and my girlfriends wedding (I am her maid of honor and her wedding is a month before mine) and trying to have somewhat of a life I feel totally pulled at the strings. I usually love this kind of chaos and it keeps me really focused but I think a mixture of broken foot, no exercise, and lack of sleep is making me crankier than usual. So I sit here at work and try to not talk to anyone and keep plugging away.

Last night S. and I picked out a cake and it was great because they brought you out like 20 samples of different cakes to try. Hmmm why are my pants getting tight again? I pretty much let S. pick it out since I am not a cake person to begin with. Sure I am going to do the feeding each other bullshit, but besides that I probably won’t have any. I know I am weird but give me a back of chips over sweets any day. Do they have that? A potato chip wedding cake? Fine I will just take a salt lick.

As for tonight I am going to order my bridesmaids dress for the wedding that I am one of the maid of honors for. She finally picked out a freaking dress for us. Not a huge fan of it only because it is made for bigger girls (her sister is bigger and fitted first) with HUGE tits and I was spat on by god and given tiny, perky tits. So alterations are dire for my “big tit” dress.

Onto venting about being in this wedding.

First some background. My girlfriend whom we will call Goth girl (she really isn’t Gothic but has long black hair and the palest skin you have ever seen) is getting basically remarried in May. She married her husband last June in Vegas and is now having a church wedding. That is fine, I get it…Have a church wedding with everything but my problem with Goth girl are three things.

1. She is a complete and utter procrastinator and even worse indecisive.
2. I feel like I am a Maid of honor because I am organized and have money.
3. Cheapest person in the world but yet picked the most expensive dresses.

Let’s bitch about the first point shall we? She has taken forever with everything and the only thing that really bothered my about this is her dresses. Thank you for waiting 4 months before the wedding to tell us finally (after 5 trips to dress shops and changing your mind like 50 million times) which dress we are wearing. Now I have a couple of days to come up with 200 dollars so I can maybe get the dress in time to alter it.

As for the wonderful pleasure of being Maid of Honor my other girl Dirty Hippie is as well. Goth Girl and I have been best friends forever, pretty much since we were 15 but over the years, time and space (she works third shift and is married, while I work first shift) has not stopped her from being my best friend but we definitely don’t see each other as much. Dirty Hippie has been best friends with both of us for about 8 years and I think is closer to Goth girl than I am. They see each other a lot more, etc. Now I know this is bitchy to say but I think Goth girl made me MOH as well since Dirty Hippie is still in grad school and very unorganized (she is a free spirit). So I am kind of stuck taking care of everything.

Finally Goth Girl is the cheapest friend I have ever had (she is getting better slowly, her husband is a good influence on her and tipping, hehe) but yet she is shopping at high end shops and was a little unimpressed with us booking a fabulous weekend for her bachelorette party in Springfield MA with a suite, stripper and VIP access to some great restaurants and clubs. No good enough you say? Well then screw you! I will take that hot exotic dancer and get a spanking all by myself.

P.S. I really do love Goth girl, just needed to vent a bit.

I know pronounce you Mrs. Gimp!

So first things first! I am officially teaching a college course at a community college! Extra cash for the wedding (which I ordered my dress, see below) and I get to pretend I know what the fuck I am talking about. I did it in Graduate school and was a teaching assistant but that was years ago and I was more of a slacker then. The woman who hired me seems really cool but serious about her job so I am going to have to step it up. I have a week off of work next week so I can hopefully get a lot of lesson plans done then. Hmmmm, strange to say that and think I will be molding impressionable college kids in drinking…I mean learning. I am sure I will have lots of stories from the classroom in the next semester.

I still have a broken foot, which sucks but like I said before…PERCOCETS are my friend. All you need is a pain pill and a glass of wine and TA DAH I am in heaven. S. has been amazing through all of this and really shows he loves me by doing the unthinkable. He holds my purse every where we go. You may not think this is a big deal and luckily he doesn’t either but it is interesting to see a grown hot man with a zebra print purse in his hand. I think sometimes you have to get hurt to see how much that person is capable of taking care of you and S. is doing a fabulous job! Much praise to him for cleaning out my car from snow, cooking, and pampering me…all the while telling me I am beautiful with this fucking boot and my gimp like limp. His new nickname is Hop along Cassidy which I find amusing during sex, hehe.

Well I am going to get back to work and low and behold is the following dress (except the sash will be the color of lettuce green) I will be wearing when I subject myself to a lifetime of monogamy, hehe!