I"m "small tits" Maid of Honor!

TOOOO MANY THINGS AT ONCE! I swear between work being fucking insane, searching for a new job, preparing for my teaching job, wedding planning for me and my girlfriends wedding (I am her maid of honor and her wedding is a month before mine) and trying to have somewhat of a life I feel totally pulled at the strings. I usually love this kind of chaos and it keeps me really focused but I think a mixture of broken foot, no exercise, and lack of sleep is making me crankier than usual. So I sit here at work and try to not talk to anyone and keep plugging away.

Last night S. and I picked out a cake and it was great because they brought you out like 20 samples of different cakes to try. Hmmm why are my pants getting tight again? I pretty much let S. pick it out since I am not a cake person to begin with. Sure I am going to do the feeding each other bullshit, but besides that I probably won’t have any. I know I am weird but give me a back of chips over sweets any day. Do they have that? A potato chip wedding cake? Fine I will just take a salt lick.

As for tonight I am going to order my bridesmaids dress for the wedding that I am one of the maid of honors for. She finally picked out a freaking dress for us. Not a huge fan of it only because it is made for bigger girls (her sister is bigger and fitted first) with HUGE tits and I was spat on by god and given tiny, perky tits. So alterations are dire for my “big tit” dress.

Onto venting about being in this wedding.

First some background. My girlfriend whom we will call Goth girl (she really isn’t Gothic but has long black hair and the palest skin you have ever seen) is getting basically remarried in May. She married her husband last June in Vegas and is now having a church wedding. That is fine, I get it…Have a church wedding with everything but my problem with Goth girl are three things.

1. She is a complete and utter procrastinator and even worse indecisive.
2. I feel like I am a Maid of honor because I am organized and have money.
3. Cheapest person in the world but yet picked the most expensive dresses.

Let’s bitch about the first point shall we? She has taken forever with everything and the only thing that really bothered my about this is her dresses. Thank you for waiting 4 months before the wedding to tell us finally (after 5 trips to dress shops and changing your mind like 50 million times) which dress we are wearing. Now I have a couple of days to come up with 200 dollars so I can maybe get the dress in time to alter it.

As for the wonderful pleasure of being Maid of Honor my other girl Dirty Hippie is as well. Goth Girl and I have been best friends forever, pretty much since we were 15 but over the years, time and space (she works third shift and is married, while I work first shift) has not stopped her from being my best friend but we definitely don’t see each other as much. Dirty Hippie has been best friends with both of us for about 8 years and I think is closer to Goth girl than I am. They see each other a lot more, etc. Now I know this is bitchy to say but I think Goth girl made me MOH as well since Dirty Hippie is still in grad school and very unorganized (she is a free spirit). So I am kind of stuck taking care of everything.

Finally Goth Girl is the cheapest friend I have ever had (she is getting better slowly, her husband is a good influence on her and tipping, hehe) but yet she is shopping at high end shops and was a little unimpressed with us booking a fabulous weekend for her bachelorette party in Springfield MA with a suite, stripper and VIP access to some great restaurants and clubs. No good enough you say? Well then screw you! I will take that hot exotic dancer and get a spanking all by myself.

P.S. I really do love Goth girl, just needed to vent a bit.

Weddings and my persona

Well I start my other new job tonight….Bartender! Yes I am reverting back to collage and graduate school days to help carry the wedding load. Nice to see my advanced degree and experience is worth something right? So in the next few months my life is going to suck. I am going to most likely be working 5-7 days a week. Hence I will have very little life but a nice wedding? Is that a good trade off? Can I just rant for a second….the wedding industry is fucking crazy and inflated. They completely over charge for everything because they can. I so wanted to do Jamaica but my 91 year old grandmother made that impossible so I am stuck hosting a huge Irish catholic breeding wedding. I come from a family of 4 daughters and my dad is from a family of 11 children. Tack on spouses and the lack of birth control and you have somewhere around 60 immediate cousins. Hey don’t get me wrong, I am glad my family enjoys sex even in their old age (ewww) but come on.

Well onto other things, I am waiting to hear from that job. I asked two friends from work to write me recommendations and my coworker Safety guy (whom is recently dating my sister who I set her up with) sent me back a mock response and I just about pissed myself.

From: Safety Guy
Sent: Thursday, October 04, 2007 1:51 PM
To: Quarterlife Crisis Girl
Subject: FW: reference check

Remember all those times you called me douche bag. Well now it’s time for payback. See below for my response (in red).

________________________________________
From: New Company HR lady
Sent: Thursday, October 04, 2007 1:29 PM
To: Safety Guy
Subject: reference check

Dear Safety Guy.

Quarterlife Crisis Girl has applied for a position at new Whiz Bangy Science Company and has listed you as one of her references. Would you be so kind as to complete the following reference questionnaire and e-mail your reply? Thank you,

Applicant’s name QuarterlifeCrisis Girl

Reference Name Safety Guy
Safety & Environmental Department



How long have you know the applicant? About a year and a half.


In what capacity did you interact with her? I’ve never actually worked on a project with her, but I’ve gone out drinking with her on a number of occasions.


Please describe the applicant's job responsibilities. Not sure. All I know is she spends way too much time bullshitting with other employees. Plus when she doesn’t call in sick she is usually hung-over. On the rare occasion that she isn’t hung-over, she is screwing off on the internet or sending out raunchy emails.


Could you provide a specific example where the applicant took a process from start to finish and was the real driving force behind its completion? She’s really good at opening a beer and finishing it. Does that count?


What was the applicant’s greatest strength? She doesn’t forget anything, especially when you piss her off.


What is an area the applicant can continue to work to develop? She sucks at beer pong.


Would you hire the applicant? Actually when you flat out ask the questions, I would probably say no. But I would definitely recommend partying with her.


Nice to know I still have the title of “BEST PARTY ANIMAL EVER”



Cited from: http://www.robertburridge.com/newsletter/artsyfartsy_may07/index.html