Thanksgiving, war and an electric knife.

Whoo hoo finally had sex last night! I honestly can say a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I was a little scared as I got on top and started the motions. I had a horrible nightmare the night before that I broke his back while fucking him. Apparently he was in good enough shape to work it! 

Besides that update I wanted to discuss the holiday thanksgiving coming up and how I really could do without it. Thanksgiving is ok but I find myself more a supporter of partying holidays like Halloween and New Years. Thanksgiving is boring to me and too much work. GREAT most women across the U.S. have to wake up at 4 in the morning to start a turkey while the men sit around with beers and have fun. I feel for all women but when it comes to my own family there has been a war with split forces.

There are three sides to this war. One side is my mother and I, against my three sisters, while my father is neutral like Switzerland. Basically my three sisters want to have the traditional thanksgiving with the turkey stuffing and crap where as my mother and I just want to go to a nice restaurant for a thanksgiving dinner.

In the past parts of my family contribute something and we all come together at the rents house, but the past two years my oldest sister has been MIA and the youngest has never contributed a thing. So usually it is my mother, one sister and me (with S. help of course) who did all the work. Somehow S. and I got conned into making the sides which is a feat within itself. Having to wake up and make 6-8 sides after a night of partying (the night before thanksgiving is considered one of the busiest bar nights of the year) is more difficult than you think. My eldest sister one year went to her husband’s family and last year brought food to elderly people with no family (she is a saint).

So this year my mother and I were like “Fuck it” lets just go out to a nice dinner so nobody has to work hard or clean up. OHHHH no my sisters just couldn’t let that happen. God forbid we do not have a normal thanksgiving. I on the other hand think spending time with my family is what is important not slaving away in a kitchen.

What is funny about my sisters bitching about it is that the eldest cannot cook to save her life (she is the epitome of D.I.N.K. yuppie who orders take out) and the youngest sister is the baby whose life is too important and busy to be bothered with such things. Uhhhh, OK so why the hell do you want this massive dinner?

My mother and I finally surrendered but under certain rules…I am not cooking. I will purchase wine, booze and S. said he wants to make his special green bean casserole AND that is it. My mother isn’t going to do anything, hehe. After 28 years of cooking for all of us I figure we are old enough to cook for her.

On a different note…how in the hell does my father always seem immune to this shit, he isn’t involved, he doesn’t have to cook, NOTHING!? I love him but seriously how is it most men I know (work with a lot of them) do not get flustered about this holiday, only the women?

Fuck that! I say all women unite and do nothing, I mean anything on this holiday. MAKE the men cook and clean while we sit and watch “Sex and the city” reruns. Let them wear an apron and worry about gravy! How is it after all of the hard work you see a man carving the piece of shit bird? I say take that electric knife and shove it where the sun doesn’t shine. Hmmm need to calm down I am starting to sound like a man hater, which I am not but sometimes I just do not get tradition (apparently my sisters do?)

What are all my Blogger friends doing for Thanksgiving?

I am officialy insane

FUCK me, fuck life, fuck everything…well not everything. I seriously don’t know what my problem is. Well that is a lie I do know what my problem is. I love S. but I am totally insecure and because of past issues with him have become a total jealous girlfriend who is suspicious of everything. When S. and I first started dating 4 years ago it was never like that, EVER. He would say over and over how great it was to be with a girl who wasn’t the jealous type. See I always have had guy friends and didn’t sleep with them so I assumed that guys could handle the same, well low and behold early in the relationship after a drunken night when I wasn’t around S. did not show me the same restraint. Hence a breakup, and him crawling after me for a while. I was devastated and didn’t know how to react. Up to this point I had never been or at least never found out about someone cheating on me. Now I know why would you take him back why? Well I do love him (ewwww) but also I have had sex with no emotion, know sometimes it doesn’t mean anything and people make mistakes. All of these are true but let’s face it when it comes to S. I am just fucking pathetic. I have accepted this, well sorta.

After getting back together, couples counseling and a lot of ups and downs we are still together but I still can’t get over the issues from the past. Unless he is giving me all his attention I start to get suspicious I do those horrible snooping and what not. I find myself trying to calm my insecurities but then I will get drunk and they all come out. Example I have S. passwords to most of his accounts and yesterday one was changed….hmmm instead of thinking something normal like the computer asked for a change or whatever I immediately think the worse. He is cheating on me…I have no proof, no indication, he hangs out with me, moved in with me, bought me a ring, etc. etc. etc. but I can’t help the horrible thoughts running through my head. It makes me do things like check the history on the computer and things of that nature. Part of me is just looking for things to go wrong. When we got back together I told him “Be prepared for someone who will always be suspicious, I did forgive but women never forget.” Then I ask why do I do this, why do I stay, why can’t I let go. Why is it so hard to move on and let this go…I just want to be normal again. I want to be secure that even if he is attracted to others (which we all are) he will not act on it. I think we have been through a lot which is good and shows we are both in for the long haul, but I can’t help and think….S. is great now but what about 10 years down the road. He is going to get complacent and seven year itch will set in and some tramp half my age will hit on him while I am at home watching the three kids, which in turn will cause me to stab him and spend twenty years in prison. (God I sound crazy huh!)



Sometimes begin friends with men (don’t get me wrong I love my girls too) just helps you feel more depressed about how men are. Since these guy friends are open and honest in front of me you hear the true thinking’s of men and honestly women it is as crude, macho, and perverted as you think. Most men think this way some just know not to say it out loud while others don’t. I have numerous guy friends who to the outside world are exactly what a woman wants, I mean “chick flick” guy in shining armor. Yet their thought process is still the same as the dickhead player. Now they act on their impulses less if at all but still they think the same. This started to get me super depressed when I lived with the 4 guys for about 3-4 months. Sometimes you think, what’s the point! I will get old and they will want younger and hotter. Other days I have faith and think men can rise above that crap. I guess I am just having a bad day, and my insecurities are really coming out.

Thank god for this blog because here I can spew all my craziness out and not actually launch it on any poor person in my life. It helps to just vent and place all the crazy ramblings in my head out there so that it isn’t just stuck up there. If you keep it stuck in your brain it will drive you insane. So I guess it is better to sound insane on my anonymous blog than BE insane in real life right?

I officially own a condo and it is adorable. After my lawyer/Uncle started yelling at my realtor at the closing everything was smooth sailing, hehe! We bought a flat screen 46 inch Aquos TV which S. wanted to make love to and moved everything in on Saturday. Can I tell you how much I love being a women on the those days. Its universally known for any man who is moving to get another man to help. I will help you open the doors and unpack but I am not about moving huge couches, tables and beds. Thank god for ovaries and men's outdated view that we are too weak to handle it. It works in my advantage and I am fine with that.

Basically all weekend we just spent unpacking and decorating. S. was amazing and is great with tools. He didn't complain once and the place is looking more and more like home. We have very different changes. I want to repaint the cabinets and refinish our bedroom set but besides that everything else is new. With that said having a whole new bathroom is the most amazing thing not only because of the obvious advantages but I CAN TAKE A BATH! I have not taken a fucking bath in over 4 years. I am not a crazy anal retentive clean person but there was no way I was laying in the bath where 4 guys clean their dirty feet and jerk off on a weekly basis. So today on my lunch break I am going to buy a really nice bubble bath to just soak. Ahhhh that might be as orgasmic as well.....a orgasm.

It feels so fabulous to own our own place for some reason it makes me feel more adult! I know I know that sounds retarded but at the same time it is true. Well back to pretending to be an adult.

P.S. Say a prayer I have an interview tomorrow...which means I am calling out of work to take the interview.

What is it with men and doctors

Listen I understand that men are considered the physically stronger (definately not mentally, hehe) but sometimes I am amazed at how men react to being sick. Take S. he will not take anything even advil if his head felt like a screwdriver was implanted in it, but to be honest he complains alot more than when I get sick. I think I was usued to just dealing with being sick on my own. I come from a family of 4 daughters (will fill you in on family later I promise) so attention was few and far between. Don't get me wrong, I have fallen ill and S. has been wonderful but what I cannot understand is how men will do nothing to help themselves heal or the complete oposite. A great post from "The company Bitch" (love that blog, if we lived closer I am positive we would drink alot together) showed how men universally react to sickness. So when people ask me why I think men live shorter than women on average. I reply "Because they are big babies who won't go to the fucking doctor!"

Holy shit I have to get out of the house I am living in...I am becoming so jaded and more and more depressed and I am starting to outwardly express it. I think the man thing is getting to me a bit too much! I don't know why I let the random comments, etc get to me but they do. I basicalyl got into a debate with S last night over stereotypes pertaining to men and women. Please do not be shocked but he was the one who was saying it is unfair to put labels on men and women. WHAT!? Roles have reversed in this fight and then we kind of made up and had sex, but I couldn't get off. This is not usually but I didn't fake it and S. got weirded out and then I felt bad. He said I seemed not into it, which I replied I was but i don't want to fake an orgasm. He said well maybe he just wasn't into it, which of course made me feel bad. Fuck I need to move out before this starts to affect my sex life. I refuse to let that happen. I have to get a good fuck today if it kills me!