Quarter Life Crisis-Almost 30!

Vegas..

2011-04-05T10:31:00.001-04:00

Vegas blew big balls...I know, I know it should have been fun but work kept us locked up from 7am to like 9pm at night so I barely saw the sun and since I am carrying my husbands spawn I couldn't even enjoy the night life.

Only good thing that happened is a club promoter approached my friend and I am wanted to comp us in and some drinks. It felt great to be approached considering I feel like a bloated, pregnant loser, LOL.

Yeah that was the only thing good about the week....

Vegas + Work = Crap

2011-03-27T11:06:00.001-04:00

So I am going to Vegas for a week for work....now before you get all excited please remember two things.

1. It is for work so we will be in conference rooms all day and night
2. I am pregnant..

So this trip is going to suck balls and basically I cannot do anything sinful in Sin city and will have a 3 hour jet lag.

Sorry to be a pain and so whiney but to go to Vegas under these circumstances is just plain cruel. I have gone before for a bachelorette party and that is how you do Vegas.

My review..

2011-03-18T11:24:00.003-04:00

The dreaded annual review at work. The only good thing is my numbers rocked this year and I was lucky to have my old boss (he was recently laid off, I survived thank god) and he wrote me the most amazing review. I seriously wanted to cry and cannot believe he is gone. He hired me and seriously was the best BOSS ever. Nobody ever had a bad word to say about this guy EVER!

I have been seriously spoiled with bosses since I have had "big girl" jobs from graduate school so it is no surprise I am getting what I deserve now. My new boss is the epitome of DOUCHE BAG! Micromanaging, negative, crazy, ocd asshole. I literally was like " I might half to quit" even in this economy and a new house. Well then I found out I was carrying the spawn of my husband and can't do much. I need the paid time off after I have the kid and also money saved for daycare. So I will have to swallow my pride and deal with this crackpot till the end of the year. Plus, pregnant stripper is never hot, LOL.

I guess I should look at the postive I am sure there will be GREAT stories for my blog.

As for being preggo here are my stats

Weight: gained one pound but that is do to cupcakes and candy than the baby
Boobs: GETTING MASSIVE and I am loving it

Feeling good though :-)

Bummed out and...

2011-03-14T21:15:00.003-04:00

Today I am bummed...work has me bummed. See I work in pharmaceutical sales and this last year I have worked really hard to try and get to the top of the pack. Well every year at the end the company sends the top eight people to Haiwaii and lavish them with gifts and respect...guess where I landed.

NUMBER 9!!!!!

Yup you heard it right this loser landed right outside the pack. No glory no trips and because I am knocked up no wine to drown my misery. I am totally a drown my sorrows kind of girl but can't so I am officially bummed.

That is all for tonight

seriously jealous...

2011-03-12T14:08:00.004-05:00

So I am super excited to be preggo and besides the awful morning sickness I feel ready for this part of my life but today is the first time I feel jealous.

We all know from this blog I work very hard but I also play hard. I have always been a partier and love a good time and a good drink. So far I have been ok with forgoing the wine and my smokes (quit cold turnkey) but today is the annual Saint Patty's day parade and every year we have a tradition to go early and it is the only day I actually drink really early like 9am early. We do kegs and eggs...and the day usually becomes a big tailgating, bar hopping, crazy fun day. Well obviously I don't drink while preggo but the hubster still went and I am home with my thumb up my ass, since most of my friends are going as well. My mother is coming over later and I already went and ran some errands, but damn I wish I had a green tounge, and crazy people around me shouting and being nuts when the parade goes by.

I am sure this wont be the last time I am feeling the sting of jealousy but for today it is the first and I am going to try to not stew in it!

HOLY SHIT

2011-03-10T11:50:00.002-05:00

So.....guess what? You will never guess!? I am KNOCKED THE FUCK UP! I am carrying S's spawn and excited. It was definately planned so no crying for this girl like some of my poor friends (aka negative nelly had an IUD and never really wanted kids but poof she has a 8 month old, LOL).

The only thing that sucked was I found out two days before our mexican vacation so no effing margaritas or ciggerettes for me. I have completely quit and gone cold turkey. As for morning sickness I am the queen of it to the point that I was hopitalized, yeah you heard me. They had to tranquilze me like a horse. At one point the nurse asked my husband if I was a drug seeker because nothing was working. He laughed and said "uh does wine count?" Thank god that only last for 10 days and I am back to my normal self. Good thing about the experince is I lost like 7 pounds bad part besides the almost cracking of a rib from dry heaving..my skin totally broke out from only having one shower over ten days due to being in and out of drug induced coma.

The spawn is fine and so am I so this blog will become a blog about pregnancy for the next ten months and me dealing with all the craziness and also the jealousy I will feel for not enjoying my vices.

TODAY: 8 weeks and 1 day
WEIGHT: 152 lbs (love it)
PANTS: still fit
BOOBS: getting bigger by the minute (I love the free upgrade)

Well I will be back to update on the spawn very soon..

Hangover..

2011-01-21T20:20:00.003-05:00

Honestly getting old is not helping my social life. Or maybe it was not eating dinner then consuming 6 glasses of wine, a beer and two shots. Ahhhh then I woke up with a nasty hangover and couldn't eat anything all day.

I was the epitome of sloth today and thank god I had a snow day from work. I don't know what type of work I would have accomplished today. I think the only thing I would have maybe accomplished was to not puke on myself. Couldn't promise to not vomit on others but...

I finally after a three hour nap felt a little better and actually kept some food down, and I am actually going to stay in tonight on a friday. I am getting so fucking old. On a better note I am watching one of my favorite shows ever! Sparticuz on starz. The first season was amazing, and this is the second year and it is so visceral, violent and crazy. The gladiators are so gorgeous...its just raw testosterone and it is HOT.

Something about Roman times. You wouldn't know this but I was the student who studies Latin in highschool. I kind of wished I had kept up with it. I can't translate like I used to but I still love the history of the ancient times. It is insane to think how people survived with all of the craziness and absolutely no technology. There was no law and just sex.

Well back to recooperating and watching sexy roman men kill each other...

SNOW DAY

2011-01-18T14:13:00.002-05:00

Another snow day here in New England. It was not so much snow as ice. As for me I need to accomplish the following things.

1. Admin work for work
2. Clean car out for ride along with Boss
3. More admin work
4. Actually cook dinner (I am a complete domestic failure but try)
5. Get some sexy time in
6. Watch a movie
7. Try to not gain anymore weight

I think 5 and 6 are a given...the rest???

Monday how I loath you

2011-01-17T11:04:00.002-05:00

Monday....possibly the worst day ever. Why can I not be independently weathly! Ahhh to dream. On another note I basically am trying to get knocked up. I know crazy huh but basically everything is in line. I am married, good job, just bought a 4 bedroom gorgeous house in an adorable neighborhood and now I just need a baby.

This is the thing I honestly assumed it would just happen considering I come from a crazy, breeding, irish catholic family. Seriously I have something crazy like 40 immediate cousins and my parents had 4 with my little sister was the last one and my mom was 40! So I kind of assumed that as soon as I stopped birth control it would just happen. Well so far it has been over 6 months and nothing. I am regular and apparently ovualting and having tons of sex but nothing.

How did it go from being a teenager thinking that if any penis came close enough it would equal 9 months of misery to wanting it and nothing?

Oh well at least bumping uglies is the work it takes!

So productive

2011-01-16T14:20:00.002-05:00

I felt very domestic this weekend! I was extremely hung over yesterday so I thought...Hey why not clean the house top to bottom as you are not trying to puke on yourself and bash your head in from all the pain.

I literally cleaned the kitchen, dining room, floors, did laundry, bathrooms. You name it I cleaned it. See I have to jump on the cleaning train when it comes through since it doesn't show all the time. So I not only felt great about a clean abode (including the toilets that I had occupied the night before in a drunken stupor) but my hangover slowely dissapated.

Who says hangovers can ruin a day :-)

On another note I am not hungover today but feel fucking lazy as shit. I don't even want to take a shower. Bad sign I know....

Thank god it is Friday...

2011-01-14T12:49:00.002-05:00

I usually don't say this but I am so happy it is Friday. Work hasn't been so crazy except for my coworkers. I do not know what is in the water but sometimes I think I need to drink it so I can become nuts as well. This weekend looks like it is going to be fun. AND WHEN I SAY FUN I MEAN LOTS OF WINE.

Work..

2011-01-11T11:31:00.002-05:00

I love my job...honestly I do, but like most jobs there are things that annoy the piss out of me. I work closely with two partenrs and normally they are great but sometimes I want to strangle them. It is funny because as friends I get along great and most times as coworkers but sometimes I just want to rip out there hair and give them a good kick in the face. Sorry....and thanks for the vent.

Needs to stop..

2011-01-11T08:35:00.001-05:00

pushing the snooze button. Seriously I think it has some crazy hold on me....

Holy old....

2011-01-10T14:44:00.003-05:00

So again I have no excuse for my complete laziness on this blog. Yes life is crazy but so is everyones.

Honestly the big issue over the last couple of years is that I work form home now. You may be wondering "Working from home that must be fabulous?" It is but the main issue is that my husband does not and has never known about this blog. Considering it started due to our breakup and what I felt was a break down, I prefer to keep him out of my blog.

So with alot of changes going on (most of them good :-) we have really only had the shared computer and I can not risk him seeing it in the history, etc. So with that being said I am going to bring you up to pace.

I am one year away from 30! What the hell! Can I tell you that the gray hair and the wrinkles are starting. It is so crazy. I literally look into the mirror and am like..."Who is that old hag?"

As for turning old, at the same token J and I have bought our dream house so we have moved from the one bedroom condo to a four bedroom with two and a half bathroom house on a culdesac in an adorable neighborhood. Perfect for having babies in. Yes I said it! Babies! I will brouch that subject at a furthur date. We have been waiting to find a good tenant for the condo and are going to tighten our belts to keep this great house and the condo.

Luckily I won a 4 day luxury vacation in Rivera Maya in Februaury for being such a great sales person (eyes roll) but however I won it, it couldn't be more perfect timing. We had saved over twenty five thousand dollars over the last year and it was so nice to have that coushin, but it wasn't really a cusion but a goal. Not all of it is gone but most of it and we have a 30 year huge mortgage to show in a new construction gorgeous house. Scary but great at the same time. So after years of partying (god I love to party) and good times it is time to settle. And when I say settle I mean going back to cheap liquor and house parties.

It needs to be summer and soon...

2010-02-17T12:19:00.002-05:00

I am usually an upbeat person and laid back but this weather shit has got to go. I live in the northeast and the snow is killing me. It is getting more difficult to get up and yet I want to go to bed early. I seriously feel like a bear hibernating.

On a different note there is something in the water where I am. 7 women I know are knocked up. Seriously this is nuts, some planned, most not and all I keep thinking is I have to keep the hubby away from me until May (not seriously or anything) because of the bachelorette party I am attending in VEGAS! Yes, ladies and gentlemen I am going to Vegas with 6 girls and I am so freaking excited! It will be the chick version of "The Hangover". I hope to remember the crazy stories so I can post them here. I shouldn't be spending the money since we are trying to save for a house but since I am maid of honor I just couldn't bring myself to offend the bride..wink, wink.

Well let me think about the warmth in Vegas before I kill myself or someone else in this snow ridden state.

Wait..it's CHRISTMAS!!

2009-12-18T12:09:00.002-05:00

So I am not a ba humbug christmas person but the christmas cheer has definately not been on the forefront with me. I have done absolutely no shopping, no decorating and besides eating the shitty food of the season I have no real feeling of the holiday spirit.

The weird thing is that I like it this way. I do not have any bad past holidays on the contrary I had quite the christmases as a kid. Yet, since we are all adults with no children yet and everyone has what they want it has become the same time of year for me.

Most of my family and friends are strugleing with this recession and some of my friends have big expensive things coming up like having babies and what not. So when Mom asks me what I want for christmas I respond " A house" so since you can't get that lets just forego the gift giving and get drunk on some good wine together.

Sometimes I wish that excitment you feel when you wake up early in the morning the day of christmas and you run down the stairs and start shaking presents. Guess that will come down the road when I give birth to numerous spawns of Satan.

On a completely other bitching note I am a little irritated and hurt by some of my friends. Two of them are pregnant and I have been trying to be there alot for both of them. I go out of my way to do things so they feel included since we have always been a big party group. One of them I would make sure every saturday I go over her house from 9-11pm and leave when she is tired so she doesn't feel left out (we would go to a local bar after that) and the other one never wanted a kid got knocked up, is having a nervous breakdown and guess who is always their to help her out. ME!

Onto why I am bitching about them. They both have told me they worried about being odd women out and wish the group would do more from the bar. OK I will step up and host a pampered chef party at my house on a monday, cater it and get all the ladies together so it will not be focused around booze. Seems like a good idea right? Well one of the fucking pregnant chicks decides to go shopping and the gym and is too tired to go, and the other bitch forgets to call me at all. NO text, call, facebook anything to let me know she is not going. Thanks for letting me know where I stand on the grand scheme of things.

Usually I would call and just talk to them about why this is bothering me, but this time I am just fed up and don't feel like talking to either of them...or else I will blow up at two emotional bitchy pregnant women who will give me the whole "I don't get it label" which I think is bullshit. Both these women said to me " you won't understand until your married" Well I got married and It didn't change life all that much. Sorry if you both had some grandious idea of how your husband would be and then let you down. GRRRRRRRR....so fucking pissed. I know I sound like a whiney bitch but honestly it gets my pissed off. So I think I will be silent for a bit and then try to talk but for now (I know this will not last I do love them both like sisters) go fuck off you self richious pregnant chicks.

Need to get motivated

2009-12-07T12:30:00.002-05:00

Alright QLCG you need to get your fat ass in gear and start the following...

1. GO TO THE FUCKING GYM!

2. STOP EATING EVERYTHING IN SIGHT

3. STOP PROCRASTINATING IN WORK

4. STOP EATING

I am not one of those girls who complains alot about her weight but I am officially back to my college weight. Which is equal to beer guzzling, cafeteria no excercise weight. Hence my clothes are starting to not fit. What do I do about it.........................................................................................................................................................................Oh sorry I was showing a sandwich in my mouth. So I finally signed up for another gym since my favorite gym closed. FUCK me it's hard enough for me to go without hating the place. Well hopefully booking the bachelorette party to Vegas will help me get my fat ass in gear.

Hopefully..

Reunions and such.

2009-12-03T13:03:00.002-05:00

So I took on the role of dork and organized my 10 year reunion. Now what you have to understand is that unlike many people I LOVED high school.

I was not miss cheerleader or popular but more of a social floater. I had my 3-4 close girlfriends and then was nice to everyone from the hot top of the food chain girls (which I will comment on later) down to the dorky band geek. I never cared what group you were in and was involved with everyone.

I have always been a weirdo in the sense that I went to tons of raves, partied like I lived in the seventies but also got straight A's in advanced science courses and was in National honor society. Hence my parents did not know what to do with me. I would come home from a boys house get yelled at and then praised for making honor roll. So in high school I think I was dubbed smart, science, art party girl. Try that dichotomy on for size.

So besides my tangent I started organizing this trip down memory lane like 8 months ago. It went over very well but there are a few things that went well and other things that pissed the fucking shit out of me.

A. I hate that I (via facebook) asked everyone about dates and venues and everyone seemed excited and good. Then a week before all these idiots had lame excuses to not go. Uhhh hello fuckface you knew about this 8 months ago, 6 months ago, 4 months ago, 1 month ago...when I sent out repeat reminders. If you had a kid I maybe understand it....besides that your just fucking lame in my book.

B. I need to not show my fun alchololic side so much to people. As a good part of my family we over compensate with school and jobs to hopefully cover up our extreme party habits. Do not get me wrong work, and responsibilities come first ALWAYS but if I have a free night...YOU better believe I will be three sheets to the wind dancing, laughing all night followed by a cab ride home, a bill I regret and a hazy recollection of what happened. I feel as if this is my last year before I have to pony up, have children and be responsible for real!

C. I love that the really hot girls who had boobs in high school were either fat, single, or gong nowhere. On the other side I loved seeing the dorky girls either got hot, have amazing lives and hot husbands and happy lives. It has got to feel good to finally realize high school is just a speck of nothing when it comes to your whole life.

D. To the cheap people who showed up without paying all I can say is go fuck yourself. I HATE cheap people they should be shot just on principle.

Overall the reunion was alot of fun and worth the work....although the school can find someone else at the twenty year mark to do it next time.

P.S. Booked my trip to Vegas for May with some girls.....can only imagine the stories.

This weekend!

2009-10-27T11:40:00.002-04:00

So I took last friday up and got ready for my college girlfriend to come up and visit from PA. As I said before the poor thing is going through a nasty breakup and needed to get away. I was happy to obliged and for most of the weekend she held it together. Some of the highlights...

1. Went to a sex toy party on saturday which was great we both got some new vibrators and such, had a good laugh but wish it was a bit more hetro and homosexual mix. I am straight but she is gay so I am sure all the products to help dick wouldn't apply alot..although maybe being disgusted by penises as opposed to missing her ex's vagina was a good thing???

2. Attended a Halloween costume party that was held for charity. We dressed up likes skanks accordingly and had a blast. My college friend (we will call her Lezzy) Lezzy can some how get straight women to hit on her all night and it is so funny to see the husbands or boyfriends to be all attention whores. They stand on the sidelines like "Look at me, why don't you want dick!" where as Lezzy gives the attention to only women! It really is hilarious since alot of men cannot understand why a woman wouldn't want a man (EYEs ARE ROLLLING).

3. Lezzy kept it together until 11pm on sunday which was awful to see her crying and sobbing. We were up till 2:30am and I was exhausted the next day but was glad to see her feeling better after work on monday. I almost didn't want to see her go but she had to work.

Overall it was a fabulous weekend but all I can say is I hope her horrible ex dies a slow lonely death and never finds happiness again. Sorry I'm a bitch and I said it!

A bad worker

2009-10-23T15:53:00.002-04:00

I do not know what my issue it...I have been so busy that I took today off. Last minute vacation. So tell me why I am doing laundry and cleaning my condo! I have no idea how two people make so much fucking laundry.

On another note my good girlfriend from college is coming up to visit. I wish it wasn't from a bad situation though. The poor thing was with her partner for years and she recently got dumped. I feel so bad and hate to see her in pain! I wish I could take all the pain away but I know (I think everyone has been there) besides listening to her and time will help.

Well maybe alot of wine, and bitching will help...

Traveling and my little bugger

2009-10-13T13:49:00.002-04:00

My hubby and I have been fabulous since I have been gone alot lately, hehe! I went to a business trip for 3 days, a concert with my girlfriends over night, and then left for three days to watch my little bugger aka nephew. So I have been gone for a whole week or so the last month.

He actually seemed to miss me and I definately missed my bed. It's funny though because unlike alot of my friends me and S are not on the phone all the time. We really only talk if something needs to get done or if I am traveling I will call for a quick goodnight. I see my friends text and chat about nothing to their signifcant others and honestly am like....why? Unless you have kids to talk about I live with you! Plus S is not the biggest phone talker anyways.

On another note I watched my nephew aka little bugger for three days for my sister so she and her husband could go away for their anniversary. He was adorable and a little attention whore. Love him to death but glad to get back to adult conversation. I found myself talking baby talk when I got back and quickly gave myself a quick kick in the ass.

So tired...

2009-09-16T12:53:00.003-04:00

The last couple of weeks have been kind of crazy but this last couple of days in particular. I am working all week like normal but went to a sex toy party on monday. First off I have been to many of them and second, alot of the products I have already bought or used over the years. I have always been up for crazy and some kinky. From furry hand cuffs to vibrators, and games, etc. I love going to these parties because there are always two types of women there.

A: the crazy outgoing sexually expressive drinkers

B: the more quiet prude unsure girls

I am part of group A but love to people watch and talk to group B. Some of the women are down right petrefied, some are curious and others just got dragged by a friend and look like they want to kill themselves via a dildo to the head. The best are the younger girls who obviously have never masturbated or would never admit to it.

To this I try to get them talking about why it is soooo important to do this. Without practice and exploration there is no way to direct the man as to where to go and what to do. Don't get me wrong when you start a hot steamy relationship you get wet just by the guy touching you but over time and the ultimate need to achieve the G-Spot orgasm this needs to be done and alot.

I hate that women are raised to think this is dirty and of course are wonderful double standard of the virgin and the whore, but seriously sex is supposed to be the ultimate sex game and to win the game it takes practice.

On a side note I took great pleasure when the host asked me some questions about her products, hehehe!

So that set up for a later night than usual but was worth it, since I got a great new toy. (Dammit need to stop spending money) I go to work as usual and then helped pick up a shift at the bar (I have been working on friday night shift at a local divey bar for the past couple of months, hence the saving and not spending), which turned out to be insane. We GOT SLAMMED, and I didn't get home till way late and then had to do more work.

I am exhausted! The only thing that I miss about my old job working as a corporate engineer is that on days I was hung over or not feeling well I could hide in my cubicle and look really busy on my computer. When in reality you were blogging, etc but nobody bothered you.

Hopefully since I dragged my ass out pretty ealry today I can make it an early day today and maybe a nap?

Note to self...

2009-09-03T14:49:00.004-04:00

Some of the following are things I need to remember for future reference!

1. Calling an old Italian lady a "pit bull" even as a compliment...will never be taken as a compliment.

2. Doing no exercise does contribute to my ass getting fat.

3. Heels working behind the bar is just fucking retarded.

4. Smoking pot (no matter how long it has been) will make you want to eat and contribute to number 2.

5. Husband does not like when I vomit from to much drinking then come in and try to make out with him and have sex...well when he is sober at least.

6. Using quarters to buy wine or liquor only makes you look like a drunk.

On another note I am so excited to finally talk to a friend and so excited she has moved to the northeast! She is going to rock out (even though she doesn't see it yet!)

So glad its almost the weekend!

2009-08-28T13:47:00.002-04:00

Hmmmm, I have been thinking lately. I am an alcoholic, yet I do not mind it. I am a complete partier. How will this translate when I grow up? Wait I am almost thirty I know but I feel pretty much around 15 give or take. I went to the beach with the hubby and some friends and as soon as we sat down and jumped in the water all I kept thinking and looking for was a bar. I know...I know it was only noon, but all I kept thinking was it's a day off I want a margarita!

Why does wine have to be sooo wonderful and magical? How does it always know how to make me feel? Give me that fuzzy feeling? Most men can't get it even after years!

Why does Jack daniels know how to get the party started!? Make me do things that maybe isn't classy but gives great memories!

These questions are what I ponder on a friday during work...HENCE why I am an alcoholic!

Finally a weekend off...

2009-08-25T12:12:00.002-04:00

My whole summer has been CRAZY....good but crazy. Between weddings, bachelorette parties, cristenings, etc it seems every weekend I was driving mad distances. Again it was all for fun exciting things but it is the worst feeling when you feel more exhausted after the weekend then you do before.

Finally this weekend I did not go ANYWHERE outside of my hometown which was wonderful. I am officially becoming old and lame. I worked at the local bar on friday (was a regular and now serving the regular for some extra cash) and then saturday went to a friends house and the said local bar. It was wonderful and spent the rest of the drunken night having loving, open talks with my husband, hehe! How is it drunk talks are either amazing or all out brawls!

The best day was sunday...Slept in, made pancakes for breakfast than booted the husband out for golf. I literally did 4 loads of laundry, cleaned the condo, watched a lifetime movie and took a nap. These things are becoming almost better than sex (not toally, but a close second)!

As I type this I realize I am becoming an old hag who needs to get a drug addicition or something to keep my life interesting, hehehe!

Punching in face

2009-08-13T14:14:00.002-04:00

So you now know about my close girlfriends flaws and all. First off I recognize why I love these girls because FLAWS and all we love each other and accept each other...which lets be honest is hard to find for over 15 years.

Butttttt..... sometimes I love my friends but one I just wanted to punch in the face a couple of days ago!

Negative nelly (NN) was on the phone with me complaining about something as usual when I asked if she has talked to Hairstylista lately. She said no and I told her she was pregnant. Now let me preface this that Hairstylista is married three years, has a house, audi car and a great job. Although not planned and not at all expected it is a good thing. So I told NN and her first reaction is almost disgust and said "I thought she didn't want one right now?" Seriously wanted to put hands through the phone and knock her out. Can you pretend to be happy for your friend. You may never want kids but really? I told her to act surprised and happy for her. Sometimes people just surprise me or actually do not surprise me....

I know this is cornnnnnney but Kelly Clarkson is coming to concert around me in the fall and I am so fucking excited. Yes I will be one of the few adults getting off from the great music lyrics of Kelly Clarkson! What about it????

Punching friends in face..

2009-08-13T10:58:00.003-04:00

I have been very lucky to have amazing friends over the years. I have a group of girlfriends that I have been friends with over 8-15 years (Hey what can I say I am very good at calling people, hehehe)! They are all amazing and different, very different...which is funny because we usually get along so great.

Let me list them quickly with a little background so you can understand future stories (good and bad) that may arise.

1.: Hairstrylista: One of my best friends of all time, sweet, fun, loving, and always been there for me. She was the maid of honor in my wedding and I hers. I laugh because she is sooo GUCCI, and I am Marshalls clearance but the things that she lacks (self esteem, and speaking about her feelings) I force her and the things I lack (control, and poise) she gives back to me. She can be a bitch to her husband, well for most men in her life. Luckily her husband is super laid back (also my huybbys best friend) and he is a lifer (aka off the boat irish catholic) and loves hairstylista to death.

2. Negative Nelly: The name says alot. This girl has been friends with me since highschool. She is beautiful, sooo smart (she is my science buddy), and very out going but as the name points out.....Negative! She can be sooo fun and amazing but honestly she is never happy with current situation EVER. It's either her school husband, house, dog, etc. She is so great in other fasions but sometimes I want to shake her like a case of baby shaken syndrome and force her to look at how her life is pretty fucking great.

3. The giver: This friend of me is such a wonderful giving person who has the most infectious laugh and smile. She is amazing in the fact that she put herself through community college, college, and onto a pretty ivy league graduate program. ALL ON HER OWN! She is a great role model and sooo much fun. Problem is she is a social worker and what do they day about doctors being patients? Well Social workers are the same. She can help others but has been in and out of a relationship with a loser, drug addict who has cheated, stole and going nowhere for about 4-5 years. She can't seem to say goodbye. She thinks she can save him or even worse does not think she deserves better. Can't save one who doesn't want to be saved but I keep trying to get her busy so the calls will be less and less to the douchbag.

4. The Party animal: This is the best friend who no matter where you are or what you are doing if you want a fun time she is up for it. You cannot not have a good time with this friend. This is great but as we get older the recovery gets harder and harder plus this friend is an only child and a bit drmamatic aka biligerant drunk. It's a fifty fifty chance wether she will start a fight with someone, or you by the end of the night.

5. Italian Princess: She was my saviour when Husband and I broke up (before he came cralwing back, hehehe!) ABOUT 2 YEARS ago. We were both broken hearted and clung to each other since it seemed like we were the only two who were single and miserable. She is a sweetheart and gorgeous but at the same time her priorities are a bit fucked. She will by a new 2000 dollar tattoe instead of saving to move out of her parents house. Did I mention she is 28?

6.: Coworker: Drop dead gorgeous but another only child who has never had much bad happen in her life. This is not a bad thing but it means any little thing is a huge dramatic panic attack. She gets every guy after her but still complains about not being skinny, etc. She is a blast at every party and very smart. Overall a great person but parents definately fucked up her self esteem.

Those are my girls good and bad, so I guess I should put my listing up to..

7.: Me: LOUD, know it all who will give anything to my friends and family at the drop of a hat. A control freak who is the most open out of the group but expects too much sometimes from people. Little too much of a partier but went the furthest in school who comes from a large family.

Will continue story later....

Love happy hours with old coworkers

2009-08-07T10:10:00.003-04:00

I love being able to go to happy hour with old coworkers because of the following reasons....

1. Since you do not work there anymore more people buy you drinks (cha ching)
2. Never tire of conversation since you haven't seen them in 4-6 months
3. More drinks bought for you...
4. Doing tequila shots with old boss while talking about smoking weed
5. Can listen to work bullshit and realize that it doesn't affect you anymore..
6. keeping contacts is great in this crappy economy
And best reasons...

7. LOTS of drinks bought for you...

Ambien is the best for me and my hubby....

2009-08-06T15:02:00.003-04:00

Life it good, really good right now! Made it through first year of marriage and haven't killed him yet and vice versa, hehehe! Although I have found a new love that makes for a perfect triangle in my marriage. AMBIEN CR!

I for years have been an insomniac and light sleeper....seriously I have had to use ear plugs my whole life and still wake up. SOOOOO every once in a while I will pop an Ambien CR. Well let me tell you an incident occur ed that made my husband love it even more and not because I was well rested in the morning.

One night I was out with my coworker and we partied it up, had a blast but by the time I got home I was pretty blasted (hehehe, like my play on words, lame I know) and I took a Ambien CR. Well few minutes later the sleepiness kicks in and the last thing I remember is walking into the bedroom and taking my clothes off to jump into bed. Woke up refreshed and a little hung over but overall great. I work, run errands and then come home. The following conversation ensues as I walk through the door to my husband....

H: You were such a dirty girl last night (with a huge grin)
Me: What are you talking about?
H: You were so hot last night! I have never heard you talk like that ever!?
Me: We had sex last night? (totally confused)
H: No, you gave me the most mind blowing 45 minute blow job ever and the shit that came out of your mouth! Ha, I can't even repeat it....
Me: What the fuck are you talking about, I don't remember any of it
H starts laughing alot
H: You don't remember it????
Me: You are so lying...that never happened
H: Swear on my families life...you talked worse than a porn star crack whore who hadn't had a hit in two days...
Me: No shit....wish I could remember any of it
H: We guess we must dub you the "PHANTOM SUCKER"
Me: It must have been Ambien I took last night, side effects are memory lost
H: And sucking mad dick????
Me: apparently.....
H: Do we have more Ambien I think it should be a nightly thing.....

So far that has only happened once, guess it's no surprise that I don't do anything like sleep walk, drive a car, etc.....I am the slut who talks like a porn star and sucks a mean dick.

Soooooo drunk...

2009-05-14T01:48:00.002-04:00

So at this my point in my life I am pretty calm, pretty much stay in during the week and get alot of sleep. Seriously last night I crawled into bed last night at 9:45pm...yes I am officially old! But damn that sleep was almost orgasmic.

Yet when i say that...I went to work with my boss today (which is always stressfull!) and came home to a kick boxing class. I got a call from a good friend of mine which we will call social worker. She is all good wors a "saver" she will do everything for others but behind it all does not think she deserve the same. So long story short she has been with a crack addict the last 5 years even though she is ivy league. Plus even more than that she is the most caring, understanding person I have ever met. So how do you make a person like that feel like they can vent on you and it is not a burden.......that is my issue.

Besides that shit I am pretty drunk....when I get drunk I think tooo much! I think that is most people but my issue is I want to type it down but with my crappy skills of typing makes it a little difficult...not that you would know this but I clear about every word in the last 5 paragraphs.

I want to say all that I think but I actually feel like I might puke....don't think less of me, actually I don't give a flying fuck because I know after vomitting and passing out I will be in pass out heaven. (deep down inside my catholic guilt will make me regret all of this, but until tomorrow)

So much, yet still the same!

2009-05-05T19:57:00.003-04:00

Well I am a complete blogger loser! This new job, well not so new anymore has definitely been sucking me dry. Not in a bad way just alot of work and with trying to keep a life, go to the gym it has been tricky.

Some updates for the few who read (all three, hehehe)

I am going to FUCKING Jamaica in a month! Whoo hoo, so excited and we are going with thirteen people total. It is so amazing and will probably be the last time we can all coordinate something like this. My only issue is......my girlfriends are all about 5'2 and 90 lbs! If I have to listen to them comment on how fat they are one more time I am going to force feed them 25 whoppers with whip cream on them. I on the other hand wish I could loose about 10 lbs but hey all I would have to do is stop eating! I am pretty good about the gym but not about food. I don't always eat crap I just have no control over portion size. My hubby on the other hand has to fight to keep weight on so this makes for an interesting dynamic when it comes to me trying to eat healthy.

Work is good and I had my first review which went exactly how I pictured it. With all these retarded corporate reviews you could be the most perfect person but there is ALWaYS something to work on. So go in there and be proactive about all the fucked up shit you need to fix and they drool over it. If you have a excel on how you are planning to change your flaw remember your boss may start masturbating in front of you.

My sister had a baby! First baby of all my sisters and can I say BITCH! She had the baby in 2 hours, no drugs and this was her first time. The baby was 9.8 lbs and she only gained twenty! You must deduct a pound or two for her MASSIVE TITS and overall my sister literally only gained like 8 lbs! What the fuck and honestly she looked amazing, like those fake TV births where they still look like models! Don't get me wrong my sister is amazing and she deserves it like no other, but I have some feelings that karma will get me for no being a do gooder like my sister by having a 27 hour labor with a 50 lbs kid!

Finally I want to rip my nose off, finally at the age of 27 I have contracted allergies! Yes, I say contracted! How can I never have them and no go into sneezing fits wanting to rip my eyeballs out so I can use a wire brush to scratch them. I am going to bed early....

P.S. turning 28 in a month.....starting to feel old and soon will have to change this website from quarter life crisis to old bitch!

Alergies, Business trip, and being good.

2009-02-23T22:15:00.003-05:00

So I am off again to a business trip where we get pumped and learn new things...I actually need this since I feel like I am in a slump with my job. Do not get me wrong I love it but sometimes you start to feel like you are living in groundhog day. I will say one thing I love my coworkers and we always have a blast.

There is this once douchebag boss (not mine but my coworkers) who irritates the fuck out of me, it is like pulling teeth to pretend I actually like this guy. I get the feeling he feels the same but we have to play nice. He is a corporate, compliance nazi who gives people in our field basically a bad name, plus he is a mean, micromanaging boss! Errrr thank god he is not my boss and I really only deal with him a few times a year...

As for my head and eyes I want to rip them out, I can't stop sneezing and my eyes look like I smoked a hge blunt without the euphoric effect! I basically am allergic to certain types of white wines and I instead of steering clear of it I down a magnum at a birthday party last night. Hence the red faced, snot nosed reaction....even better my roomie and coworker has a stomach bug from her kids! Please pray that I do not get sick either....

Well back to rbbing my nose raw and some sleep.

New Years, birthdays and a little bitterness...

2009-01-02T13:06:00.002-05:00

Well I have survived two siblings birthdays, and new years which basically means I am BROKE. I need to turn a new leaf with money. I don't get what my problem is? I do not buy shoes, bags, or clothes, no my issue is going out, partying and buying crazy things like toilet paper. I need a new year and need to seriously change my budgeting skills. Plus I need to loose about 10-15 lbs and soon. With my new budgeting new clothes would be out of the question.

Besides my crappy lack of control my New years was fun. It was a New Years/Sisters 30th birthday which was a little too much fun. Between beer pong, shots, a whole lotta wine I had a serious hangover yesterday. AKA spent most of day between bathroom and bed. I haven't had that bad of a day since college.

The party was great but my parents came and as much as I love my rents my mother is always dealing with some sort of stress that most times she puts on herself. This time my old decrepid grandmother who is the epitome of 50's house wife whose life is over because she does not have a man or children to take care of, is slowly sucking the life out of my mother. So instead of kissing my new husband at New Years I was consoling my mother. Oh well what to do...

On a completely different note I have been having dreams that S cheated on my with my two sisters and really didn't seem to care. I woke up seriously pissed and almost wanted to bash his sleepy little head in before I contained myself! Anyone know what a cheating husband in your dreams means? Please tell me it has to do with winning the lottery!

Hahaha

2008-12-09T21:03:00.002-05:00

So I am a pharmaceutical sales rep aka legal drug dealer and let me tell you how can some of these crazies be doctors? Doctors who save and hold people's lives in their hands.

Example: " I think I am going to get hand guns for every exam room since people are getting more and more ghetto."

WHAT the fuck!? Really, I am not anti gun but seriously? And the worst part is I have to not totally call him a fuckface and retard, so I respond: " Can you pass the bread"

Answer me this...

2008-12-09T00:25:00.002-05:00

OK I love my husband but sometimes just sometimes...

How is it I feel like I give everything, and he gets mad and I give him everything he wants but not everything I want. Maybe more than that I get mad because he gets mad at me because of things he has done to me...

I sit there and call him before I do anything, clean the whole place all the time, (I am not the best cook, I will give him that), work hard to make more money aka saving for a moter cycle for him, and constantly jump on his bones.

Now after being not giving the same response (which I didn't take in a bad way) but more in a way that "Hey I will be the exact same way you have been to me" I get a bad response. Please answer me this?

How do I mirror your exact reaction that you have given me then you make me feel bad? Not in a bitchy horrible way but I really let alot of shit go most of my girlfriends dont...what so ever! Now I am no where near perfect but seriously I try to only react to the same I am given, but I get this girly reaction from a guy's guy!

So please tell me.....why should I put up with this reaction, HUH?

I suck a good dick, never ask for money, love him, give him compliments, and boost his ego....I get why are you going out (he went out the night before), watches porn, and overall acts like a lesbian lover. On a side note I am irritated and had a couple of glasses a wine, hmmmm maybe I am a little pissed off.

Hmmm fantasies

2008-11-25T19:17:00.003-05:00

Ok so I love S. more than life itself and we have a great sex life but honestly the other night I fantaqsized I was having sex with Edward from the Twilight series! Seriously I just saw the movie and damn was the guy hot! Only thing that kind of upset me was the actor is only 22! Holy shit I officially am starting to feel old.
I feel like I am 18 in my mind but apparently the clock does not stop. I am starting to get smile lines! WHAT THE HECK! I need to stop laughing and smiling apparently.
On the front Thanksgiving is coming up and I really could do without. Do not get me wrong my family is great and we have a blast but Thanksgiving is not my favorite holiday, food is ok but kind of boring. I am not a football person and most of the parts of the dinner I could do without. I hate cranberry sauce, mashed potatoes (I know my parents want to kill me), and candied yams...so pretty much I only enjoy stuffing, and the turkey. Now I am a grown woman and will eat all of it but could do without. For S. it is a great day since he is a garbage compact man with a wooden leg. (Seriously annoying that he never gains any weight!)
I am sure I will have some ridicuolous stories from the night before or the day of so if I don't write before that I hope everyone has a great thanksgiving with their families and friends.

Pulled in every direction

2008-11-24T01:20:00.003-05:00

Do you ever feel like you are being pullled in every direction. I love my life, I love my family and I love my friends but sometimes just sometimes I fell like it is too much.....
A. my best friend has an eating disorder and usually a mess, but I finally told her I would not be her friend if she wouldn't get help. She did but I feel like I need to keep her okay...

B. One of my friends has a boyfriend who is a crackhead, but the craziest thing is she is brilliant who has gone to a grad school that is an ivy league and is kind nice and good..

C. My sister had a miscarriage and now is pregnant about 18 weeks and happy but always on edge

D. My other girlfriend is broken up with a guy who hit her before she dumped him and I think she should not talk to him....

So with all of this happening I think a few thoughts

A. WHAT the fuck is going on, how did this happen

B. I need to not talk to anyone

C. How do I help all of these people that I love

D. I feel so lucky to be me

So mix all of that together and what you get is someone who is exhausted and happy to have friends but someone who prays that everyone will be happy. I have too many friends and my husband who se eme as this rock adn I am there but they never listen they never care, they keep spiraling out of control...I can only try and sometimes that does not feel enough....

HOLY SHIT!

2008-11-18T17:20:00.002-05:00

I know I am the worst blogger ever, and there is no one to blame but myself. Soooo lets try and sum up the last 5 months. Started my new whiz bangy job which I love. I am a legal drg dealer who wines and dines medical professionals (I have lots of great fucked up stories to come...). I also got married which was great and it went so well and was a blast (lots of stories too) and still have a tendency to drink to much.
I still have the quarterlife craziness, hmmm all of a sudden I have become a baby machine or should be because to my parents there is absolutely no other reason to get married. My new name should be Mrs. Resistant to become a breeding machine just yet. Luckily my sister just got pregnant so that should hold them off for a while. I mean really what other parents besides irish catholics are asking you a month before you walk down the aisle when you are getting knocked up (after they offer you a drink). My response is " I have spent this long not trying to get pregnant and I would like to drink at my wedding?"
Lots of drama with the friends which will dedicate whole blogs for each of them. Luckily and knock on wood I have no craziness as of now. Family good, Husband good (sounds way to weird and almost snooty to say that shit) and work is good. I am holding my breath that this will last since I have never had happiness in all three at once ever. THANK you for that right now. I will be better about keeping up with this since I miss all of my bloggers!

Need to stop traveling

2008-05-18T21:32:00.002-04:00

I am so freaking tired, I am still at training which is crazy but this friday I left early for one of my best friends wedding. I was a co-maid of honor in her wedding. It was over 4 hours to get home which sucked (should have only taken 2 hours) but the rehearsal was fun and the wedding was great. A little disorganized but alot of fun. I have never seen a bride more nervous in my entire life. The poor thing was so beautiful but she got so nervous and blotchy. I kept trying to make her laugh. You actually would have been proud of me I was a smash hit with my speech and I didn't get to drunk, a little but not too drunk.
SO I have one more week of fucking training (sorry just a little sick of all the traveling) and then in three weeks will be my wedding. CRAZY shit and hopefully I won't be a blotchy bride either. Need to remember to drink a little before the ceremony.

Crazy Bachelorette Party

2008-05-15T22:55:00.003-04:00

Ohhh my god, My bbachelorette party was so freaking amazing! I had the best time with thirteen girlfriends of mine. I basically can sum it up in a nutshell. I got drunk, sold life savers off my chest and rode a bull until my skirt went up to my neck and my ass was shown to the whole city of Boston. Like I said, I don't go down without a bang!
On other news I am still at training and it is fun but really stressful. So much info at once but my main problem is not the science part more the sales, you have to work toward this certain verbage and algorythym which is not me. Now talking to everyone they basically say that it is not that way in the field but with any training you have to tell them what they want to hear. SO I swallow what they want and vomit it back out. Thank god for the amazing chicks I have met, it feels like 4 years of college all rolled into 4 weeks. I do feel a bit sad because S is home as sick as a dog and he is alone. I hate being sick alone so I feel extra guilty. Not that he has said anything but again Catholic guilt has come up in my veins.
So I go to bed feeling guilty, dirty from my bachelorrette party and tired from being so fake. Wish me luck, hehehe!

I'm a bitch

2008-05-01T23:43:00.003-04:00

OK I am going to revert to being a bitch (sometimes I can't help it) plus this is supposed to be the forum where I say what I really feel as opposed to what I would ever act upon. I am at training, for a whole month. You heard right....a whole month I have this great suite with a great roommate (she is from manhatten) and I have met a bucnh of cool people. But I need you to imagine a bunch of sale people. Phamraceutical sales people which mean Type A personality, good looking people who are alot of fun.
This is so great where everyone is fun. I can talk to anyone but at the same time you can figure out in three days the male whores and dirty sluts (did I mention I am a bitch). Now when I say this... I do not mean jealousy I mean guys who are married and have three kids below 6 and women who offer themselves up to two guys at once.
Part of me is torn because the girls are a bit younger and in my impetuous days I was a cock tease...BIG time. I would talk a big game but never act, and I loved attention from guys. Whatever who am I kidding I still do but not from men who have stated they are married and have kids. Hmmm I wonder if this upsets me because i AM GETTING MARRIED IN 5 WEEKS. Besides that I feel Like I hold women up to a higher standard.
There is this amazingly beautiful girl in my class, I mean I want to be her. She is hot, sweet and appears to be nice. So in my eyes I am like holy shit she has it all. Well then I see her offer herself to two guys, not jokingly.....for real. I am flabergasted because she could have any man in the crowd and she is settling for any lame ass guy paying attention to her. This is the core of me bothers me. NO women for any matter should be like this...but this girl is model hot. So I am a bitch when I say... SHE IS A SLUT.
So even though everyone is so great...guys and girls included I can't help but realize I am getting old. I think it's crazy for the hot girl to be like that and upsetting for the married man to act like such a douchebag. I seriously do not know when and where my party lifestyle made me become such a bitch?
Excuse me while I go change my depends and put on golden girls....

Training

2008-05-01T10:35:00.000-04:00

Well I am here in NJ for training...definately alot of cool people and some not so cool. I will update soon and miss having sex with S. Guess my good ole vibrator will have to do.

P.S. I never knew after 4 years that my vibrator glows in the dark, hehehe!

Hmmm is S picking up or...

2008-04-24T14:12:00.002-04:00

SO I didn't go to bed until 2 am, due to my masturbation and blogging late last night (had to catch up on all my favorites, you know who you are!) and get this!

This morning at like 6 am S gets up and gives me the normal kiss goodbye while I am in bed, and I kind of wake up hug him and tell him "Ohhh I wish you could just stay in bed with me!" then roll over and go to bed.

He leaves the room and then comes back (not sure of time frame I was asleep) and he says Hey if you can give me a ride I can stay an extra half hour (his car is in the shop and has been taking the bus)I of course agree and he gets naked comes back to bed and we have great sex.

WHAT the hell?

Is he a mind reader....or looked at the history on our computer and saw me looking up tons of scottish/irish porn? I think the latter and you know what?

GOOD I got my sex

Remind self to continue to look up porn so he remembers that I need sex too.

My masterbation dilemma

2008-04-24T01:15:00.003-04:00

SO I am here at 1:30 am alone after masturbating to some Scottish porn. OK not trying to get to crazy but I am sort of pissed off and a little upset. I don't know what is wrong with me and sometimes S. See the major problem I know is me and sometimes I feel like a guy who is in a girls body.

Don't take that the wrong way I don't want to be a man, but I think my view of sex is sometimes distorted or at least I feel that way due to the numerous women I know in my life and how they view it.

I have tons of friend who are married, living with their man, or been in long term relationships and all of them are ok with sex every once in a while and when I say once in a while I mean probably could go for months.

I on the other hand want it all the time...I would say I want it everyday or close to it. Here is when I think I am like a man. I feel like I am the one always initiatating sex. Since we have moved in together since October S and I have sex but not as much. I feel like a guy who was duped. Don't get me wrong he doesn't turn me down and I know we have been together for five years but come on....why can't you act like I am a sex goddess and you want to fuck me like you did the first couple of years.

I feel like sex is a barometer but also (which this is the fucked up part) I validate myself and this relationship by how much he wants to have sex, make love, or fuck me. (See I apparently have a invisible dick).

SO tonight I come home after having a nice dinner with my dinner and S and I watch some TV and he gets up and says I am going to bed. I finish my cigarette and go to walk into the bedroom and he is all in bed not in bed like I want to fuck you but I am in bed and want to sleep. I walk in and say:

"Hey don't go to bed"

He replies: What's wrong..

Me: Is everything ok, do we not fuck as much because we live together?

S.: Of course not we have sex like 4-5 times a week

Me: Uhhh we only had sex like twice this week?

S.: No Honey I still think you are sexy?

Me: I know I just feel like I am always inititating, I want you to want me too.

S. I do want you, what is the problem...

Me: I'm sorry I just feel like sex is a barometer

S.: It is and I think we are great

Me: OH ok hun

Me thinking: FUCK me right now, I am naked next to you telling you I want to have more sex

Him and what he does: rolls over and goes to bed after giving me a kiss

Back to now: OK I understand sex shouldn't be everything but COME ON! Don't most men complain about their wives not wanting to have sex! I know he watched porn and I know, I know..... we do have sex more than most people I guess.

Maybe I am just insecure....maybe scared. Is it too much to ask for him to want to fuck me like he did when we first met? Probably....so what do I do?

Go outside in the living room while he is sleeping and look up some Scottish porn and masturbate. Yes you heard right masturbate when I have an able body man in the next room.

I pause to sip my glass and think how crazy is this! We aren't even married and have kids? Isn't that when it is supposed to ch age, fall beside the waist line...since your kids are number one and sleep sounds more sexual than sex? Jeeeeez I love S so much and when we do have sex it is fabulous. Truth be told he is the best lay I have ever had, but sometimes I want him to want me more. God I do sound like a needy girl so I guess that changes my perception on feeling like a man.

Plus I am leaving in three days for like four weeks for training. Gotta love that then when I get back three weeks later is our wedding. I have no fear in marrying him I just wish I didn't want sex so much. Wish I was like my girlfriends and just didn't care. Wish I could go without...wish I didn't have to use porn when a hot sexy man is in the other room. DAMN I am going to go back to my wine, have a cigarette and then crawl into bed with a hot sexy man who didn't want to fuck me tonight.

The question is....am I just being insecure or crazy?

Dispicable

2008-04-11T10:30:00.002-04:00

OK, I deserve a lashing or rather a flogging...like one of those crazy monks who whipped themselves senseless while the black plague was taking over Europe. I have been so horrible at keeping up my blog. I swear it is not you...it's me and that is not a breakup line either. Between the new job, my girlfriends wedding, and my wedding life is so fucking crazy. So onto something interesting in my life.

Can I tell you how much I love my job...seriously I know this sounds crazy but the hype is true about Pharmaceuitcal reps. Most of them are gorgeous especially the women. I have met some of my territories counter parts and can I just tell you DAMN! This should make me feel insecure but rather it makes me feel pretty. I was picked to be in this elite club of people with no souls who hock drugs, make money and never pay for a car or gas. I know I know this sounds so horrible but after years of college, and grad school being poor it is wonderful to know I am going to be ok. (AKA I secretly feel like a souless beast in comparison to my friends who work for non-profits and help the world but I can't help wanting to work hard and see results).

Ok now that I completely sounded like an asshole in the first paragraph let me explain why I do what I do. See I have this inner relization that I am not a very classy or tactful person. I swear to much, drink to much, etc. So I overcompensate for this by doing things like going to grad school, getting jobs with prestige and or money to make it look like I am a respectable person in society...whne deep down in side I love to watch shows like Maury. "YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER" and drink wine out of a box. Hmmm years of being poor have ingrained this into me.

It's funny and weird though because even though I want money, confortable life, etc I still never spend alot of money on myself. I am not a handbag girl..and believe it or not I own one. Yup you heard it right ONE BAG. Actually the bag I have no is a hand me down Coach bag from like 3 seasons ago (I would never know that, but whatever) and this occured because my one back strap completely fell apart. I have never had a nice, new car until now because again I cannot see spending that much money on something that will depreciate.

I would rather spend money on going out, a condo, memories...or lots of wine rather than material things. I am the queen of Marshalls and have never purchased GUCCI, Dolce and Gabbana, or any other designer who I think a 80 tank top is too much. Yet, most of my friends do. They all have tons of clothes, nice cars, bags, shoes, etc. While I am finding a two for one deal at the sale rack.

The other day S. made the most poingant observation. I had just come in from cleaning the inside of my car and I was talking to one of my best friends on the phone and she mentioned how she had washed the car but only the outside. We were laughing and saying we need to switch off so our cars would be fully cleaned. As I hung up S. stated "No suprirse there"
I repleid "What?"
S. returned with " You washed the inside and all of your friends wash their outside. See it just shows you that you care about what is inside and comfortable for you, while your girlfriends all care about the outside and what other people think"

I was stunned and realized it was true that most of my friends are slumming it with me since I never cared about stuff like that. Yet it makes me wonder why I gravitate to people who do. Is it because I want to be like that or try to change them....Well whatever it is it seems to be working.

Well off to scratch my ass, drink boxed wine, and watch Maury.

Holy shit sooo long..

2008-03-27T17:33:00.002-04:00

Holy shit it has been way to long since I have posted and for anyone who still might be reading this I apoligize. Well lets do some updates shall we.

I started my new job and thus far it is fabulous. I have a new car, computer, the works. Only thing that sucks is the home study. I feel like I am back in grad school studying the shit out of drugs and human anatomy. Luckily my genetics background seems to help. My coworkers that I have met so far seem really cool and like me. Talkative open people who are driven. My boss is great not a micromanager bitch like my college department head where I am teaching. That is a whole other story.

The last day at my other job was great. More than 50 people showed up for my happy hour, which made me feel cool and I got extremely drunk without spending a cent. We then went to the strip club and I got a great lapdance. I literally closed my eyes and just felt the hot stripper on me. Not to sound to weird but I can understand why men love it. Women are so soft to the touch and feel amazing.....I think the booze got to me, hehehe

The wedding season and crazy shit started last weekend. Basically every weekend I have either weddings, showers, bachelorette parties or shit going on. I have become a little obsessive about looking at my registry (yes I am one of those women I hate, but be rest assured I don't bore others with wedding talk)

I had the best sex last night can I just tell you! Talk about hot all around the room, upside down, every which way hot sex. I really needed it with all the stress so even though S will never read this thank you for being such a hot lay after 5 years.

Well back to studying and being lame but rest assure I am going to start posting more regulary now that I have my own computer through work (cannot have S. find me out).

Karma, rain and the bus

2008-03-12T09:18:00.000-04:00

So this past week my fiancé and family have been carting me around like I was a child since my beater of a car crapped out on me. You seriously do not realize how much you need and utilize your car until you need tampons and it is raining like a monsoon outside.

This Saturday I was determined to make it to the Stop and Stop a couple of miles up the street to get feminine products and stuff for lunch during the week (do not have a car to go get anything), but of course when I look outside it is raining buckets. OH well that is not going to stop my mission. My mission to show everyone that I am no yuppie suburbanite who cannot take a bus or walk some where! So I log onto the local bus transit to see which line I should take and can I tell you something crazy? Bus schedules are the most confusing fucking shit ever! Yes, I have a college and graduate degree, yes I work as a biomedical engineer and yet I can’t figure out a simple diagram of different buses. Oh and of course after I figure it out I realize it is the line for during the week and I had to start all over.

Ok I know where the bus comes, what time it comes and when I need to get it back, so I grab my umbrella and go outside to wait. Can you believe in my head I kept thinking “Don’t look like a homeless person?” Uhhh I almost hit myself! In my head I am thinking, when did I become this snot….I don’t even own a car! Well Karma knew I was thinking horrible thoughts and brought a huge SUV by my bus stop and drove through a huge puddle which covered me! Honestly I deserved it for acting so self righteous that minute.

So 5 minutes go by and I am soaked, I mean up to my knees soaked and it was not a nice warm summery trickle but a freezing bone chilling “Little women” Beth dying of pneumonia rain. I am chattering my teeth when low and behold I see the bus coming from the opposite direction and not stopping! I run, chase and scream after this bus, while I look like a soaked 5’10’ inch rat and my umbrella broke. I was left there on the corner with no umbrella, and no bus. FUCK!

I was defeated and I knew it. I am a slave to technology and luxury and when I say luxury I mean a 1995 Mazda protégé which has tons of dents but always brought me where I needed to go. So I walked across the street to get some wine and booze and as I was walking back I realized why having a brown bag over your booze was a good thing in the rain.

Need some control

2008-03-11T14:32:00.003-04:00

I don't know what it was but today at the Business Unit Meeting this morning I almost jumped across a bunch of engineers to punch a "planning" asshole boss in his face.

Nahh not really but I got so fucking heated that I left the meeting. Sometimes just sometimes I want to rip apart certain people who work in my company.

Long story short Planning was upset that a product was not on time. Now if we were making pens, or a toy truck I can understand the demand to rush things through....but we make SUTURES and biomedical equipment.

So I ask?

Do you want me to rush the batch of absorbable sutures that will be inserted into your overweight wife when she gets her stomach tied up?

Good sir, would you like to forgoe the quality of a staple that will go into your bratty only child's heart?

Hmmmmm would you like me to just pass a crappy bowel ring so your bile from your stomach falls into your intestines? Actually this douchebag would deserve it.

He wasn't even directing it toward me, but the snarky attitude he had made me want to scream "GO FUCK YOURSELF you retard!" but instead like a good little corporate droid who does not want to burn bridges (only 3 more days to go) I left the meeting pretending having to go to the bathroom. Plus I think I saved myself from being arrested.

Keep telling myself over and over...

2008-03-10T15:23:00.001-04:00

ONE MORE WEEK...don't kill anyone or go postal. You can do it! One more week.

On a different note I had a great relaxing weekend pretty much movies, wine and sex. It was nice but I felt like I was 15 again asking for a ride from my friend. So tonight I have to teach my class and hopefully not kill any of my students either. Why oh why do I have to do all this shit for a wedding. Eloping is sounding better and better everyday.

My major flaw

2008-03-06T09:46:00.002-05:00

It is time to share my flaws with my fellow bloggers. I do have them even though my life is so perfect (HAHA, hope you got the sarcasm in that) but I am plagued with pitfalls like everyone else. I believe my biggest flaw is also my biggest savior. Let me explain…

My biggest flaw has two parts

A. I talk a lot
B. I am open about everything

When I say I talk a lot, I do…I can’t help myself, I feel all of these thoughts racing through my head a million miles a minute and I can’t help letting them all spill out like word vomit. I can’t write as well or as fast as I can speak. This does not always make for a bad situation because even though I talk a lot I talk with humor and hopefully (not all the time) intelligence. With me around there is no awkward moment on a date, at a party, etc. I just keep the conversation going with open ended questions. I am sure for my fiancé, family and friends who have been around me for years and have to interact with me more than a couple hours this can be annoying.

I have had to learn that in the morning S. just can’t function with thoughts for about an hour. He can grunt, scratch, and eat but thought process and speaking skills seem to be devoid. At first when you are all infatuated and in love I would worry “Oh my god is it me?” “Is he getting tired of me already?” Of course over the years this has dissipated and I have to control myself to not jam pack my poor fiancé’s head with jibber jabber (did I just say that, hehe) until a little later.

As for the second part of the flaw I have definitely been open to people maybe I shouldn’t have. I figure that by being open with everything I never get in trouble, give the wrong impression and people know who and what I stand for, but you and I both know some people have really rigid, conservative ways and unfortunately I am the person who will make them feel the most uncomfortable. I just can’t comprehend not speaking your mind, or being closed off. I feel less anxiety, stress, problems, etc not only with my fiancé, family, but life. I have a crazy open communication with the people I love because I force them to be that way since I am. I do wish sometimes I wasn’t so open because I have definitely felt like an ass. Example of the following “foot way down in the back of throat” syndrome

Background of scene: Went over to a friend’ house (In college) and waiting in dining area with mother. I have not seen my friend or his family in a while.

After a typical how are you doing conversation she asks where I am working?

Me: “Oh, I work at the Mall in the salad, smoothie bar which is a great thing because it reminds me why I am in school.”

Mother: “Do a lot of people from our town work there?”

Me: “Oh yeah I work with a bunch of loser skanky girls from our town, who got knocked up an ruined their life before the age of 20, again another constant reminder of why I have to do something with my life and not disappoint my parents.”

Right at that moment my friend’s sister who is 19 comes around the corner knocked up and looking pretty skanky.

I must have looked so dumbfounded and embarrassed because all I can do was stutter over myself.

Me: “Oh well, you must be, uhhh different than those girls…you aren’t skanky in the least bit, uhhh got to go, great seeing you.”

My friend could not stop making fun of me the whole night and I have never gone over that house again.

Just remember before the good must come....

2008-03-03T08:57:00.002-05:00

Sometimes I feel like God, Buddha, Siddartha, Allah or whoever is up there likes to fuck around with me a bit…nothing horrible but always reminds me to keep a level head.

I have this amazing crazy time right now between the new job, teaching, and wedding shit that I feel pulled in two but this weekend was very ironic to say the least. I got my wedding dress and it is gorgeous and makes me feel amazing but two weeks before my new job my shit box car decides to shit the bed. What the fuck! Seriously two weeks before I get a new car!

So here I am reverting back to 15 and calling people and coordinating rides. It’s so weird not having a car because until you don’t have one you never really appreciate how much you use one. I actually forgot for a second that I didn’t have one and said to S. “I am going to get alcohol tonight”…. walked out into the parking lot and then looked around like a confused senile old lady until I realized I was car less. Luckily the liquor store is less than a block away! I felt like a homeless alcoholic walking home in the dark with a brown paper bag. (Side note: why the hell did my fiancé not offer to come and carry his own damn microbrew?)

On a different note need to remind myself over and over again that 3 martinis, 4 glasses of wine and two shots may seem fun in the beginning but your need to vomit will over take that fun. Lying on the floor of your bathroom is not acceptable at 26.Please say this over and over to yourself….

I gave my notice!

2008-02-27T15:07:00.001-05:00

I did it! I let them know that I was leaving…it went well but my poor direct boss looked devastated and rightfully so. Not because the company will not survive without me but rather a shit load of work is going to be coming her way. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I am sure they will give me a lot more weight with work and it is going to be a long two weeks but hopefully it will go by fast. Update will follow soon.

My Disorder

2008-02-26T09:31:00.000-05:00

I want to tell everyone of my disorder. I have been ingrained and raised with this horrible thing called….

Catholic Guilt

Let me give you a little bit of background as to how this disorder was acquired. I was born to two catholic loving parents who dragged all four of us to church every weekend. I was also placed in catholic private middle school and high school (all girls if you can believe). Over the years my parents were not brim stone and fire but masters of guilt. Guilt of letting people down, always doing everything I can and going above and beyond. This is a good quality in that I always over achieved in life, love and friends but this disorder has made me ridiculously guilty of things most people would not be. Do not get the wrong impression I am no saint and I do not pray with a group or wear a habit, Hell I don’t even go to church right now but this guilt is always there no matter what.

Catholic guilt is different than regular guilt because it is not just an action and reaction guilt it is a constant underlying feeling. I can even say it is not a guilt that I will burn in hell but just a guilt that I am not doing enough or I am hurting someone.

Most of my friends and family love this because it makes me go above and beyond. Example of things I did in the last two weeks that exude this disorder…

1. Valentines day: I have been working two jobs, interviewing for a new one, planning a wedding, and trying to keep up with normal errands of life but seeing my fiancé doing laundry (which is normally my job when my life is not so hectic) made me feel so bad that I got him a iPOD.
2. I am so afraid to tell my bosses that I am quitting. I feel horrible leaving them in a lurch even though I know business is business.
3. My friend lost a job but was the one who basically helped me get my new one so I have redone his resume, wrote him a fucking great cover letter and have helped him by faxing it out searching for jobs, etc. (P.S. he is doing a lot as well with interviews, etc)
4. I call my mom like 5 times a week and still try to impress her and help her every chance I get.
5. My girlfriend who has the eating disorder I always feel like I am not doing enough so this week or next I have to try to convince her parents to go to a support group with me just so that they can wake the fuck up and help her instead of living in denial.
6. Whenever I call out I feel awful.

If you look at these things in reality they just make me look like a caring person who goes out of my way to help, which is partly true but to me it is all due to this damn guilt. Most people can balance it but for some reason I can’t and do I want to? My guilt has always made me go above and beyond with my life, especially professional. The need to show my parents and impress them (don’t ask me where it came from they tell me over and over how great I am) had elevated me to higher education and a great job.

Better yet I have to learn from my parents how to instill this into my children do I don’t end up with a crazy crackwhore or loser son.

Things that make me smile.

2008-02-22T12:49:00.002-05:00

When life is so crazy (good but crazy) you have to look at the little things to cheer you up. Mine are as follows.

1. Winning free tickets to a male review this weekend. Nothing better than naked men in your face.

2. Getting your new job package via UPS at exactly the moment I get in from work.

3. Having a clean desk (just spent about 2 hours cleaning it)

4. Having amazing animal sex last night

5. 8 hours of sleep last night

6. Fiance doing two loads of laundry last night while I worked on invites

7. Thinking about honeymoon to Los Cabos

These things make me smile and remind me how great life is!

Mini Breakdown

2008-02-21T10:37:00.001-05:00

Have you ever felt so pulled at every direction in your life at once that you thought you were going to explode? That is how I feel right now. Let me list off what I am doing right now.

1. Full time Engineer job- this place is crazy and getting worse everyday! I am so glad I am getting out of here
2. Teaching job- How am I back to studying? This is a lot more than I had anticipated and basically adding a second job makes me have almost 70 hr work weeks.
3. Planning a wedding – which actually is more stressful paying for it.
4. Trying to get a new job- had to study a lot for this too, who new getting a new job would be so fucking stressful. This is a little better since I got the offer now I have to take the drug test and wait for the background check.
5. Dealing with a best friend who after 10 years is getting help with her bulimia. This is emotionally draining since her family is not being as supportive as they should be.
6. Being the made of honor for my best girlfriends wedding…just stuffed over a hundred shower invites.
7. Grandmother dying…enough said.
8. Add on trying to pay bills, keep condo clean and get some sleep.

Sometimes I am fine but last night my girlfriend who is going through this tough time needed me but then got defensive (as any recovering addicted person deals with) and I just broke down after I left. Not so much just because of her but because of everything. I am so thankful for my whole life and would never change anything sometimes I just wish there was more time….especially for sleep. I can feel the exercise and sleep deprivation making it harder and harder to remember shit.
Then I think how the fuck do people do all of this and then have kids? WTF? How do they do it? I give so much props to my mother who did all of it with her own graphic design company, but tack on 4 kids too. I need to go bring her a huge bottle or red tonight and thank her profusely.

I GOT THE JOB!

2008-02-19T11:49:00.001-05:00

I just got an offer and although I am pretending to think about it, I know I am taking it! I am so fucking excited. I get a 2008 chevy impala, corporate credit card, gas card, new computer, fax, crackberry, and lots of other bonuses. I am so fucking excited. Of course at work I have to pretend everything is fine and normal but I am sure tomorrow will be great when I drop the bomb that I am quitting. I will update more later today but it is almost lunch and I am starving.

I WANT THIS JOB!

2008-02-13T09:40:00.001-05:00

I totally fucking rocked my interview on Monday….which saved me from going down on two guys, hehehe. JK. No I was sooooo nervous the night before that I kept having nightmares all night and waking up. The following were nightmares of the night.

1. I overslept for the interview
2. I lost my voice in the interview after a very important question
3. Peed my pants in the interview

Needless to say I did not get much sleep but my adrenaline was running so high. The interview was only supposed to last about an hour and I had them in there for two, laughing no less. I felt so confident but reminded myself that I have felt that before only to be shot down. Well later that day they gave me a call and asked me for a second interview. Only thing that sucks is that it is tomorrow so I am going to have to call out of work. Hmmm need to think of a good excuse…. Diaherria is always a good one. Can’t prove or disprove what was coming out of my ass by any symptoms right?

So after giving my first test to my students….it is such a trip all of them calling me Ms. Quarterlifecrisisgirl, I am going to study like hell and pray for the best. I want this fucking job so bad! I was pumped up by one of the guys when he was describing the perks…let’s see.

New Company car (one of the following, I want the 300!)

Gas credit card (never have to pay for gas again) WHOOOO HOO!

AMEX corporate card to entertain physicians, etc (limit is $3000 dollars a month!)

Great base pay (same as now) but every quarter I can bonus up to $20,000! Can you fucking believe this?

Every single guy I have met in this company has a wife that stays at home with their kids and houses in high end towns in my state. I am so going to have S. stay home, cook, clean and be a stay at home dad! HAAHA! Everyone say a prayer I don’t bomb this interview tomorrow and I don’t piss my pants.

Life. What life?

2008-02-08T09:28:00.000-05:00

Whew life has been going in full speed for me lately…and believe me the bags under my eyes show it all. Over the last two weeks I have not had more than two minutes of free time and that is taken up by showers and going to the bathroom.

Let’s see a over view of why my life is so ridiculous from a typical week of mine.

Monday: Wake up at 5:45am to go to the gym (which the doctor allows me to only swim or cycle) and then off to work for 8am. I have been working a lot harder these days, not by choice but ever since two colleagues of mine quit (smart assholes) I am next in line for big projects. I have had to actually work as opposed to writing in my blog and searching the internet. From work I drive to my class for 5:20pm. Then I teach and give a lab. I don’t get out of the lab room until 9:50pm and the commute is 45 mins home so I prance in the door about 10:45 pm. This is when I make dinner and try to catch up with my fiancé. Proceed to sex and then sleep at midnight.

Tuesday: Wake up at 6:45 am and get to work for 8pm. Then I go to the gym after work, but then I work on grading and the next lecture for class. I didn’t get to bed until 1:30 am (probably shouldn’t of had sex at 1am either but what the hell!). I couldn’t even watch Nip/Tuck with my girls which pisses me off because there is nothing than a big bottle of red, Christian troy and bitching about life with my fabulous ladies.

Wednesday: Wake up at 6:45am go to work. Horrible weather always makes me want to kill myself on my daily commute. People drive like maniacs and then wonder how they spun out of control and get into an accident. Everyone else is subjected to slow commute and then there are the assholes who don’t follow the blatant signs that state “Left lane closed two miles up due to accident” NO instead of merging those fucking assholes keep driving forward until they get to the accident, force themselves into the lanes where other intelligent people already merged with no fucking problem. I make every effort to be that bitch and not let any of them in. Seriously traffic wouldn’t be as bad if you just merged two mile back! End of that rant….hehe.

Thursday: Woke up a little late for work, but it wasn’t too crazy yesterday and I actually did nothing but exciting laundry, went to the gym (which was curiously busy for a Thursday night at 8pm), did a little grocery shopping, and then made some dinner, while cleaning the bathroom, and taking a shower. I watched a little TV (I have a love hate relationship with “Lost” the show) and passed out at 11:30pm.

Friday: I wake up to a slight snow storm (always fun since I never watch the news and always get surprised) and now I am trying to catch up with my blogging. Then after work I am going for one drink at happy hour, picking up the fiancé to attend a opera with Mamma dukes, and then going to bed sober (hopefully).

For the weekend I have to make two lectures, get my hair done (haven’t done anything to my hair in 9 months and it shows) grade some quizzes, keep working on the loads of laundry we have, study for my interview on Monday (took the day off but somehow I agreed to do it at 8:30 am even though it is 40 minutes away, WTF is wrong with me) and then go to a dinner party. Don’t get me wrong my life is fabulous but I haven’t even been able to drink at all. I seriously just realized I haven’t had a glass of wine in like 10 days! Ok, Fuck everything else for the weekend….my new goal is to buy 6 magnum bottles of wine and down them all in a 24 hour period and catch up on all my favortie blogs. The rest of life can kiss my ass because my liver and blog addiction takes precedent.

All my blogger buddies please say a prayer I kick ass in my interview…I really don’t want to have to give Blow jobs to get a job! Hehehe.

SO FUCKING BUSY!

2008-02-04T15:30:00.000-05:00

Holy shit my life is so crazy right now...between work being hectic, teaching a class (already got in trouble with my boss, YEAH), wedding preperations, trying to get some excercise, phone interveiws, job interveiws, birthdays, superbowl and trying to have a relationship with my fiance I feel like I am drowning! There are not enough hours in the day!

Will report more I promise!

Molding our youth.

2008-01-28T16:34:00.000-05:00

I am about a half an hour away from teaching a class. Yes, QLCG was hired to teach Intro to Biology to college kids. How might you ask? Shit if I know? I am pretty convincing in interveiws but deep down I sometimes laugh and think "HA you retards think I am smart enough to do this, HA!"

Granted I did go through alot of school for sciences (hence why I am an alcoholic) but seriously I wonder why anyone would trust me? I don't even trust myself. I am a self proclaimed bullshit artist. I make people believe shit I don't even believe and not to toot my own horn but I am good at it.

Hopefully these non-science majors will not have bullshit radar since I am pretty sure most college kids have a little of the gift as well.

Wish me luck!

Art and water aerobics

2008-01-25T12:53:00.000-05:00

Have I ever mentioned what amazing artists my parents are? I was lucky to be raised in a family of artists. My parents were both Fine art majors and surrounded us with art, culutre, music, etc. They also were well versed in History, politics and science so I feel very lucky to have such a diverse childhood.

My mother after years of slaving away in her own graphic design business she has gotten back to her roots and started to paint with oils and pastels again. At 55 years old she is not only getting alcolades for her work (gallery, shows, etc) but also doing something she loves.

I have been lucky and honored to do some modeling for her but recently she had S. and I pose for her for a selection she is doing of night romatic poses. A gallery is having a show and that is the theme. Since I am anonymous and have never shown what I look like I figure the following painting is anonymous enough since you can't see our faces but get the idea.

While posing S. and I almost felt like we were in a porn with my mother as the director, hehe! What do you think?

On another note I have started to go to Water aerobics at my gym since I can't really do anything else due to my broken foot. I walked in earlier this week and I was the only person below the age of 50! My fellow aerobic freaks looked alot like this....

Well maybe not that sexy but you get the idea!

Sorry.

2008-01-23T09:20:00.000-05:00

Not much of a mood to blog, my grandmother died on friday and I went to a wake and funeral the last couple of days. Only fun thing is the irish like to party and drink after a funeral and not cry. So I somehow ended up loaded by 4 pm, and passed out till 8pm. Woke up and then could not sleep all night. I will write something more witty or funny tomorrow.

A MEME!

2008-01-18T09:24:00.000-05:00

One of my friends sent me a meme with the following questions below. I don't do these alot but why not right?

1. Four Jobs I have had in my life:

Engineer
Research Scientist
Public Relations Assistant
Bartender

2. Four films I can watch over and over again:

Braveheart
Chronicles of Riddick
Waiting
Forest Gump

3. Four places I have lived

Connecticut
Pennsylvania
That is it...I am so fucking lame, HUH!

4. Four TV shows I watch

Law & Order (all of them including SVU, Criminal Intent and the orginal)
Nip/Tuck
The L word
Californication

5. Four places I went on vacation

Cape Cod, MA
Dominican Republic
Jamaica
I am going to Los Cabos Mexico in June!

6. Four internet sites I visit alot

Post Secret Blog
Go fug yourself
Drew Curtus' Fark. com
Job sites to find a new one

7. Four dishes I couldn't/wouldn't want to eat

Tounge
Monkey brains
mashed potatos
escargot

8. Four dishes I love:

Sushi
Steak and potatoes
Breakfast food (eggs, pancakes, bacon)
Garlic flavored triscuits with garden vegetable cream cheese (It's a dish to me)

9. Four places I would like to be right now:

At home in bed naked with my fiance sleeping
Los Cabos, Mexico
Greece
At a bar sipping a glass of wine

10. Four people to tag:

I'm a craigslist whore
Confessions of my so called life
A girl's relationship with Seattle
Habitat for Inhumanity

I"m "small tits" Maid of Honor!

2008-01-17T14:11:00.000-05:00

TOOOO MANY THINGS AT ONCE! I swear between work being fucking insane, searching for a new job, preparing for my teaching job, wedding planning for me and my girlfriends wedding (I am her maid of honor and her wedding is a month before mine) and trying to have somewhat of a life I feel totally pulled at the strings. I usually love this kind of chaos and it keeps me really focused but I think a mixture of broken foot, no exercise, and lack of sleep is making me crankier than usual. So I sit here at work and try to not talk to anyone and keep plugging away.

Last night S. and I picked out a cake and it was great because they brought you out like 20 samples of different cakes to try. Hmmm why are my pants getting tight again? I pretty much let S. pick it out since I am not a cake person to begin with. Sure I am going to do the feeding each other bullshit, but besides that I probably won’t have any. I know I am weird but give me a back of chips over sweets any day. Do they have that? A potato chip wedding cake? Fine I will just take a salt lick.

As for tonight I am going to order my bridesmaids dress for the wedding that I am one of the maid of honors for. She finally picked out a freaking dress for us. Not a huge fan of it only because it is made for bigger girls (her sister is bigger and fitted first) with HUGE tits and I was spat on by god and given tiny, perky tits. So alterations are dire for my “big tit” dress.

Onto venting about being in this wedding.

First some background. My girlfriend whom we will call Goth girl (she really isn’t Gothic but has long black hair and the palest skin you have ever seen) is getting basically remarried in May. She married her husband last June in Vegas and is now having a church wedding. That is fine, I get it…Have a church wedding with everything but my problem with Goth girl are three things.

1. She is a complete and utter procrastinator and even worse indecisive.
2. I feel like I am a Maid of honor because I am organized and have money.
3. Cheapest person in the world but yet picked the most expensive dresses.

Let’s bitch about the first point shall we? She has taken forever with everything and the only thing that really bothered my about this is her dresses. Thank you for waiting 4 months before the wedding to tell us finally (after 5 trips to dress shops and changing your mind like 50 million times) which dress we are wearing. Now I have a couple of days to come up with 200 dollars so I can maybe get the dress in time to alter it.

As for the wonderful pleasure of being Maid of Honor my other girl Dirty Hippie is as well. Goth Girl and I have been best friends forever, pretty much since we were 15 but over the years, time and space (she works third shift and is married, while I work first shift) has not stopped her from being my best friend but we definitely don’t see each other as much. Dirty Hippie has been best friends with both of us for about 8 years and I think is closer to Goth girl than I am. They see each other a lot more, etc. Now I know this is bitchy to say but I think Goth girl made me MOH as well since Dirty Hippie is still in grad school and very unorganized (she is a free spirit). So I am kind of stuck taking care of everything.

Finally Goth Girl is the cheapest friend I have ever had (she is getting better slowly, her husband is a good influence on her and tipping, hehe) but yet she is shopping at high end shops and was a little unimpressed with us booking a fabulous weekend for her bachelorette party in Springfield MA with a suite, stripper and VIP access to some great restaurants and clubs. No good enough you say? Well then screw you! I will take that hot exotic dancer and get a spanking all by myself.

P.S. I really do love Goth girl, just needed to vent a bit.

SLUG

2008-01-15T11:21:00.000-05:00

I am completely sick of this broken foot! Damn you heels for getting me into this. I have been unable to go to the gym, work out, barely even walk for the last month and a half because of this injury.

Oh and did I mention this was all over the holidays. Which basically means I am getting fatter and fatter by the second. Granted I am tall so others don't seem to notice (maybe they are being kind, hehe) but I can feel it in my pants and clothes. WTF! I need to move around, on top of getting huge I feel like a slug with Narcolepsy. All I do is feel tired. I just took a quick cat nap at work in a meeting room. I know I can totally get caught but I figure it is best to not fall asleep at my desk.

I go back to the doctors in like three weeks and all I want to hear is "Go on SLUG work your little heart out!" Is that too much to ask.

P.S. S is not helping the situation, keeps feeding me and feeding me!

P.S.S: Haven't heard anything about the job yet, think I am going to email the guy soon.

I don't wanna grow up I'm a toys R us kid.

2008-01-14T13:56:00.000-05:00

Why oh why do I decide that partying to 4:30am on Saturday night is a good idea? I never recover well and usually sleep away the day. Well that is exactly what I did! I partied so fucking late, and then slept in until 3:30pm! I haven’t slept that long since college and I feel like a piece of useless shit.

Overall the weekend was fun; I hung out with friends on Friday and then went to a catered party on Saturday night. Left early and started to party hard core, until 4:30am rolled around and I forced S. to pass out with me.

I did get some wedding stuff done this weekend including some bridesmaids dressed picked out and also registering. Can I just tell you that registering is fun and weird at the same time? I basically go around with this scanner that beeps whenever to want something and scan it. It kind of felt like Christmas, but I couldn’t bring myself to go too crazy since I realize people have there own bills as well. I did pick out a breathalyzer, and some great sheets, hehe! Gotta love BED, BATH and BEYOND.

I also picked out flowers and was so thankful for the amazing deal I got where I basically saved about a thousand dollars. So I changed my motif a bit but hey saving a thousand dollars and not putting a deposit down rocked (she said I was trustable, OH YEAH!). So instead of orchids only I am using Lilies, daises, roses and carnations. It should be gorgeous and if not then I will be the first bride to not carry any tacky looking flowers.

Well enough about wedding shit (seriously I feel super pretentious discussing it) and discuss job opportunities. So that guy who gave S. his card appears to totally be able to help me get a job as a pharmaceutical sales rep! OHHH fuck YA! I am so psyched and need to get the hell out of this job. I need something new and better and not a fucking cubicle. I would work out of my home; get a company car, corporate credit card, and hopefully more money. More importantly I would have a future in a career I would actually like, and lets face it the perks are amazing! I am waiting for a call back with that company and have a phone interview with another company this Friday. So everyone once again say a prayer, sacrifice an animal, or something to help me get one of these jobs.

Another UPDATE one of my longtime girlfriends just had a baby, which is actually super bizarre to think about because we used to smoke pot, date older guys, get thrown down to the principal office and generally be a pain in the ass. Now she has a little spawn of her own. It almost makes it real that everyone is growing up. Yeah weddings and houses are being bought but to me real adulthood begins when you have a child. It is no longer about you and your life changes. Well that is what they say right? So I am going to visit her and her new husband (she will be his third wife, crazy huh?) and the new baby. Hopefully I won’t freak out and run away screaming “I don’t want to grow up, you can’t make me!”

Why isn't it June?

2008-01-11T14:23:00.000-05:00

So here are some pics (I love tripadvisor since they give real photos from travelers that have been there)of the amazing resort we are going to and on other news I have a phone interveiw with two companies in the next two weeks for a new job. Please say a prayer I need to get the fuck out of this cubicle!

Rooftop Jacuzzi area! SWEET!

Other part of resort

Gorgeous Scenery

Swim up bar and pool

Our bedroom (Hope once they find out we are honeymooners they will upgrade us?!)

Fire pits near rooftop jacuzzi

I Desire some hooky time

2008-01-10T09:18:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was great! S. and I played Hooky from work and we have not done that in ages. We basically stayed up late (called out early) and slept until 11am. Naked and warm in bed we had amazing lazy sex (where you spoon while having sex so limited energy except to cum is needed) and then I made him breakfast.

After breakfast we just bummed around naked all day (GOD I love having our own place) and I got a little planning for the wedding done. We are booking our honeymoon which I cannot wait. It is called Desire resort in Los Cabos, México. It is a nude, adult only resort that looks gorgeous.

We went to Hedonism in Jamaica last February and it was amazing so this place is similar just newer. S. and I hate wearing clothes and if we could move to one of these resorts we would. Best part is we are staying for 10 days! None of this week bullshit, plus lets face it you basically spend two days traveling so we will have 8 real vacation days.

These resorts are fabulous, no people under 21 and they do them nights at the clubs at night. Things like retro, lingerie, and toga. Last year we dressed up for the Pimp and Ho night and let me tell you S. and I went overboard. He even had a PIMP cup like Lil John, YEAH!

On another note I am planning my girlfriends bachelorette party (I am a maid of honor) and in the process of booking a stripper. Low and behold I didn’t know he would call me at work. This could be an interesting conversation. I think I need to keep my voice down while I ask questions, hehehe!

The wedding shit.

2008-01-07T13:18:00.001-05:00

So I know I haven't posted much about my upcoming wedding, I guess I do not want to be one of those bridezilla's but I have gotten alot done. I actually got into a little tiff with S. last night over money regarding the wedding. Not a big one but definately annoying to fight about honeymoons and him getting a second job.

I actually have had to get a second (technically third) to help pay for this wedding due to a huge fucking irish catholic family and the soul sucking over priced market they call a wedding mill. I am teaching a community college intor to Bio class starting the end of this month which will help me with about 4 grand. S. on the other hand just keeps working but not going above. I wouldn't care except he is hell bent on going away for 2 weeks to Jamaica. I would love to but I don't think it is in our budget. AKA....go get another fucking job if you want it that bad. Hmmmm maybe I should have delievered that better. So we went to bed angry at each other, which I am learning to do (doesn't happen very often).

I am sure it will blow over and hopefully my researching and googling skills will help me land a great deal. Sometimes I just don't even want the whole wedding crap anyway....to annoying and stressful.

Back to work.....

Sooo cold...

2008-01-03T11:44:00.000-05:00

It is so fucking cold outside I feel like my nipples are going to fall off!

On another note, I am going to see Aaron Lewis (from Staind) accoustic style tonight! Whoo hoo love that fucking guy and his music.

Guess my nipples aren't that important....

Can you believe it...

2008-01-02T15:13:00.001-05:00

I seriously have not done a lick of real work today! I have had stupid pointless meetings and surfing the web. I just can't get into any of it. I need to get on the job hunt today. I am such a cyclical person. I will be so diligent and anal retentive for like 2 months than nothing. I seriously hope my bosses never realize that they are paying me to

1. write my blog
2. post discussions on criagslist
3. email everyone all the fucking time
4. look up new jobs and wedding shit
5. smoke ciggerettes
6. be a lazy piece of shit

Why do I want to leave this job again?

Honestly I know this sounds like an excuse but I hate my fucking job so I usually have very little motivation. I get what needs to be done and I am somehow faster than my coworkers but I really could be working faster and better.

Onto other news do you remember Greek guy? He is the back and forth guy who I could have really seen myself with but he was horrible in bed and after several attempts i couldn't break myself from S. (who is amazing in bed and I have been in love with for 4 years). Honestly I used to call him whenver S. and I were fighting to make myself feel better (I know I can be a fucking bitch sometimes) but it is hard because pretty much besides the sex thing greek guy was great.

So I get an email out of the blue from him and he was asking about me getting married and I replied back. The next email I got was from him saying he was getting married. Whoah...not that I am not happy for him but we talked in April and he had just broken up with a long term live in girlfriend and I know he wasn't dating anyone (He asked me out) and all of a sudden 8 months later he is getting married? Hey I guess to each their own, rushing isn't for me but some people don't mind. He is pushing to meet for drinks which I am all about but I get this weird feeling he is doing it to prove to me he is over me, which honeslty I don't care...So I am going to go to see what the deal is (update to follow). I hope he isn't so fucking bizarre in bed with his fiance as he was with me..the poor thing.

The laziest woman in the world update!

2008-01-02T10:02:00.000-05:00

Happy New Years to everyone!

I want to say happy new years to my bloggers and hope everyone had a great holiday! I was unable to blog at all due to my fear of losing anonymity at home. There have definitely been times when I wanted to write but god forbid the history came up and I was found out. I need this place to be raw and crazy, even if it is one sided.

The last 11 days off from work was fabulous and at the same time totally and completely unproductive. I basically accomplished nothing, slept in till 11am everyday and my condo is dirtier than when I first started vacation. I did order centerpieces (I really need to get on the fucking ball with this wedding), scrubbed the shower, cleaned sporadically and celebrated my youngest sisters 21st birthday. That is it! Over 11 wonderful days and that is it.

I did the Christmas visit etc which was tedious but fun, but overall I was a useless piece of shit. Plus I can feel myself getting fatter and fatter as we speak considering since I broke my foot the gym has been null and void. All of the Christmas parties, and get togethers filled my fat ass with chocolate, cookies and lots of booze. I can totally understand how people who just sit around gain weight. I would just sit in front of the TV and all of a sudden I would be hungry. It’s like nothing else would register in my brain except food.

So I will highlight a little bit of fun I did have over the holidays.

Sister’s 21st birthday: It was a blast but hobbling around with a broken foot is not as fun as one would expect. Honestly I just thought people would be fooled and think my limping was a sign of drunkenness. No such luck and somehow even though I had the broken foot and was on pain killers and drinking my two girlfriends ended up puking all over the place that night. Classy, I know.

Christmas Eve: I attended the annual Christmas eve party for my fathers side of the family. Now this is the huge Irish catholic drunk family which looks like a huge house party than an intimate family affair. This year my sister invited her boyfriend Safety guy who I am friends with and I hooked her up with. He mentioned his fear of how “meeting the family was a big step, blah, blah, blah” So I replied “ Well Safety guy you do know what happens when you meet the family right? We suck your soul out and your whole fucking life with crumble into nothing.” He laughed and eventually went. I am sure he did not expect me to pay two of my little cousins to approach him and ask for his soul, hehehe! Have to have some humor right?

Christmas: Christmas was fun, and low key which I like. S. got me the regular, typical good gifts. Gift cards, perfume, body stuff, etc. I was happy since this year there was not much I wanted. I still think the best gift was the huge pack of batteries (I think it was 30 AA batteries) he got so my vibrator and clit massager would never be without, hehe! Gotta love this man.

New Years: Went to an amazing dinner with three of my girls (S had to work until 11pm) and drank fabulous wine and had amazing sushi. We all got a little dressed up and tried to feel high class before the inevitable drunkenness to follow. I got back and partied it up until 5:30am in the morning. This late night extravaganza never happens anymore (not since my raving drug induced days) but I had S. three male cousins (and in the wedding) over crashing at our place. Try being the host to four guys after being drunk. I basically have no food anymore in my condo. It was a blast and I felt the after effects yesterday. There are more stories involved with New Year’s that I will post later but for now I will get back to my crappy job and remember that 2008 is hopefully going to be a new and amazing year!

(P.S. Looking at this post I cannot believe how little I can fucking right about due to my slothness over my break. I need to not eat, actually work at work and get on the fucking ball!)

Happy Holidays!

2007-12-21T13:38:00.000-05:00

Hey everyone I just wanted to say have a Happy Holiday and drinks lots for me. I have the next 11 days off so I may not be able to blog since I don't blog from home. I really want to stay anonylmous if possible and history is a bitch on the computer. If I can I will update but if not I am sure i will have tons of stories when I get back. Merry Christmas, Happy Haunekha, and Happy Kwanza!

Why isn't it friday?

2007-12-20T13:57:00.000-05:00

OHHHH why isn’t it Friday? I can’t stand this anticipation of waiting for tomorrow and more importantly the 11 days off after that! I keep thinking it is Friday only to be shot down by some dumb ass coworker celebrating that they took tomorrow off so his vacation can start early. (I hope you die) On a good note my Boss gave me a bottle of wine for a Christmas gift and I also got movie tickets, Whoo hoo. I know that sounds lame but I really wanted to go see “I am legend” (I LOVE ZOMBIE MOVIES) and/or “P.S. I love you” (I know total chick flick, so shoot me).

As for the Christmas party last night it was fun. I always feel out of place at those things only because I am a perverted, outgoing, drunk who doesn’t know when to shut up and everyone else has class or at least old enough to find other things funny in like than “dick and ass” jokes. Sometimes it is hard to relate as well because most people are married, divorced with kids, etc. I look at them with my cosmopolitan in hand and say “kids, szmidz I can’t even take care of myself, hehe”. I know this will change but for now I love my life with only a condo and fiancé to worry about (don’t piss on our fucking rug!). I actually went home kind of early since my broken foot started to feel good after the third martini and I figured this was not a good sign.

My foot is getting slowly better and the pain pills are great, except with any type of drug you start to build tolerance. When I first took two I felt like I was in heaven, now it just makes me kind of tired. So I gave a good ole call to the doctor’s receptionist to see if she could hook me up with some more….BOOO ya! I swear if you have a real injury they just don’t care. So I think I am going to save a few for new years to make the night and my foot bearable.

On the Christmas front I am almost done Christmas shopping and I have to take my younger sister out this weekend for her 21st birthday! I am so excited she is the last one out of the 4 of us to be 21. We can all officially and legally get drunk now, hehehe! I think someone is going to puke and it is not going to be me. (I need to say that over and over to myself) I am pretty sure there will be some great stories to tell on Monday. Remind me to tell you the story of my 21st birthday which included 17 shots, four mixed drinks and 4 beers. Uhhhh it was a long night that is for sure.

Back to work while I stare at my bottle of cabernet sauvignon dreaming of next week and freedom.

The Mad Pisser

2007-12-19T10:34:00.000-05:00

I fully believe my fiancé has a sleepwalking/pissing problem that I do not know how to remedy. Every Tuesday S. usually goes out with friends for “big ass beer night” which includes bringing your own cup (any size) and draft beer for only three dollars. Sometimes I tag along and sometimes I don’t. (I love to do girlie stuff when he isn’t around like mud masks, and hair treatments)

Well last night I did not and I got a lot of Christmas wrapping done and watched Nip tuck (LOVE THAT SHOW). S. came home pretty early and he looked buzzed but not blatantly drunk or anything. We go to bed and within 20 minutes he get’s up with a groan and then gets down on both knees and almost starts to piss on a antique trunk we have in our bedroom. As I give him a good slap and drag him to the bathroom he is speaking incoherently about “2006 being sexy and retarded like I was”. He really didn’t make any sense but he did piss in the toilet (thank god).

He then proceeded to pass out on the floor in the fetal position. Granted S. looks hot naked on the bathroom floor but I know he wasn’t that drunk. Two seconds later he crawls to bed and passes out. I need to reiterate that when he came home he talked to me, wasn’t crazy drunk but basically looked like he had about 3 beers, happy but slightly tired.

I am beginning to think it is a sleepwalking problem because when S. is drunk you can tell from a mile away. He has done this before in the past 4 years but usually after massive amount of drinking. Not until the last two times did I notice it might not have anything to do with the liquor or beer. So does anyone have any idea how to stop a sleepwalking pisser?

Work News: I am attending the holiday dinner/party….MUST remember to not drink much and break other foot.

I know pronounce you Mrs. Gimp!

2007-12-17T12:03:00.000-05:00

So first things first! I am officially teaching a college course at a community college! Extra cash for the wedding (which I ordered my dress, see below) and I get to pretend I know what the fuck I am talking about. I did it in Graduate school and was a teaching assistant but that was years ago and I was more of a slacker then. The woman who hired me seems really cool but serious about her job so I am going to have to step it up. I have a week off of work next week so I can hopefully get a lot of lesson plans done then. Hmmmm, strange to say that and think I will be molding impressionable college kids in drinking…I mean learning. I am sure I will have lots of stories from the classroom in the next semester.

I still have a broken foot, which sucks but like I said before…PERCOCETS are my friend. All you need is a pain pill and a glass of wine and TA DAH I am in heaven. S. has been amazing through all of this and really shows he loves me by doing the unthinkable. He holds my purse every where we go. You may not think this is a big deal and luckily he doesn’t either but it is interesting to see a grown hot man with a zebra print purse in his hand. I think sometimes you have to get hurt to see how much that person is capable of taking care of you and S. is doing a fabulous job! Much praise to him for cleaning out my car from snow, cooking, and pampering me…all the while telling me I am beautiful with this fucking boot and my gimp like limp. His new nickname is Hop along Cassidy which I find amusing during sex, hehe.

Well I am going to get back to work and low and behold is the following dress (except the sash will be the color of lettuce green) I will be wearing when I subject myself to a lifetime of monogamy, hehe!

Great Quotes about Alcohol!

2007-12-14T09:08:00.000-05:00

IN the spirit of all the parties that surround the Holidays I thought I would include some great quotes about Alcohol...which is my first love, hehe! Write back soon to update on the foot (percocets rule), and the wonders of corporate christmas!

"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink

I feel shame. Then I look into the glass and think

about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes

and dreams .. If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out

of work and their dreams would be shattered.

Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this wine and let their

dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."

~ Jack Handy

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the
Hell happened to your bra and panties.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they

wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're

going to feel all day. "

~Frank Sinatra

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are
tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."

~ Henny Youngman

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are
laughing WITH you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not."

~ Stephen Wright

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk,

we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin.

When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all

get drunk and go to heaven!"

~ Br ian O'Rourke

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."

~ Benjamin Franklin

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a
spaz.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Without question, the greatest invention in the

history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the

wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does

not go nearly as well with pizza."

~ Dave Barry

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends
over and over again that you love them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To some, it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group.

Salvation in a can!

~Dave Howell

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically
converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin,of Cheers.

One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory
to his buddy Norm. Here's how it went:

" Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move
as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the
slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first This natural
selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and
health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the
weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate
as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we
know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and
weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer
eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more
efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few
beers."

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are
whispering when you are not

Save the wine!

2007-12-12T11:11:00.000-05:00

This little bugger

plus

divided by

Equals

(P.S. this is not my foot aka I shave my legs but the swelling and blackness are dead on. My foot is like a big balck fucking sausage!)

Can you believe it! I was so embarressed! There I am at this posh party starting to walk down the stairs as I tell the group of 15 in front of me "Hey everyone I would love to PLAAYYYYAHHHHH! I swear I fell in slow motion. The dog, steps and wine all came crashing together and as I fell forward all I could think was "SAVE THE WINE!" Not save the dog, or save me but rather the really great tasting red wine I had in my hand. So I broke my foot but the dog and wine was ok (I didn't spill a drop which everyone gave me a round of applause for, hehe).

On a side note percocets with wine are the best combo ever at night!

Porn tapes, jobs, and happy hour, OH MY!

2007-12-07T11:12:00.000-05:00

So apparently it is true that when one door closes (or gets slammed in your face leaving you bleeding all over your self with your teeth in hand) than another opens. I got an email from a friend of a friend who works for another company and might have openings. We are possibly getting together for coffee on Thursday to discuss my goals, etc.

Hmmm must dress very sexy (not slutty) for this middle aged guy in power. Have to make him want me and than dazzle him with my brains. YES I am getting desperate and will resort to using my long legs to get in the door….so shoot me.

On other fronts I am going for a happy hour today….I need to drink (honestly I am not an alcoholic). I find myself getting jealous of S. because his schedule is so lax and he can pretty much stay out as late as he can while I am stuck home because I am still trying to go to the gym in the morning before I have to be at the office at 8am. So he went out with some of our friends to the strip club and I stayed home, did laundry and watched TV. Although after a couple of glasses of wine I started to think of something sexy and creative to do for S.

Then it dawned on me……I will videotape me masturbating for his little stash of porn and slip it in. Can I tell you that I give mad props to people in the porn industry now? It was difficult to set up camera, lighting, sound, music, clothing (lack of clothing) and watch everything you do so you appear sexy. Well the first take came out ok, but not good enough so I made the second one and liked it a lot better. I just need to pick up a DVD recordable CD than slip it in his collection so one day when I am not around, BAM he will get a great video of his fiancé, dancing around, touching herself and using a vibrator….I know its not a gang bang but hey I can only do so much alone, hehehe.

P.S. on another note I emailed R&D boy to go to the happy hour and he is going. Little crushes are nice to have. Sometimes I just fantasize about what it would be like to fuck him. God I love tall, cute, geeky guys.

A delicious dinner with an appetizer of job disappointment

2007-12-06T09:08:00.000-05:00

OK, OK I am a loser….NO second interview. BOOOOOO! Dammit I really wanted that job and I thought the interview went well. Only thing that sucked was that their was only one position and like 20 applicants. Should have fucked both interviewers, maybe then I would have gotten it, hehe.

Sometimes I get so frustrated with job hunting because it is a never ending vicious cycle. You have to have experience but how do you get experience when no one hires you if you are new to the field. I had this problem out of grad school….you don’t have enough experience..Uhhh yeah I had to get that masters you wanted but apparently I was supposed to be working full time as well. I am not too depressed just more bummed. I learned right out of graduate school how to not get myself stressed over lost jobs, just keep truckin. (What the hell did I just say truckin…must be influences from going to school in PA)

Only saving grace last night was S. he made the most amazing dinner last night since we had another couple over last night. Very adult party with appetizers, wine and discussion. I think I can get used to this…so I thought I would show you how amazing S is at his current profession (sous chef).

He made a stacked, layered side which had sweet potatoes, butternut squash, sautéed peaches with a layer of gorgonzola cheese on top. (So fucking good I almost had an orgasm at the table. He prepared rack of lamb with a fig chutney sauce on the side which he cooked perfectly. S is so great at presentation and I love receiving it. I am not a horrible cook but S. definitely kicks my ass in the kitchen and he always makes my coworkers green with envy when I bring leftovers to work.

See the layered side, you have no idea how fucking delicious it was!

I think my new favorite meat is lamb (luckily he gets it for free or cheap because apparently the rack he bought would have cost us 90 DOLLARS, crazy why would any meat cost that much, who know but I love it.

Back to the job search and pretending to enjoy my job.

So funny

2007-12-04T10:34:00.000-05:00

Ok, I just found a hilarious blog which I think will be my new addiction. It's called "Hot chicks with Douchebags" It is to funny and sometimes I think the same things this guy does when he goes out. Only thing is sometimes I don't think the chicks he thinks are hot..are hot but he makes up with a hilarious snide remark, hehehe!

Razors are better than interviews!

2007-12-04T09:28:00.000-05:00

So today is my interview…I am nervous but not too nervous. I am going to the “dentist” early today for the interview. I am nervous not because of the actual interview but more that I want the job so bad so I can get the hell out of here.

The main problem I have had with getting interviews is that I am basically changing careers. I would not be changing fields but my career within the field. I have been putting resume and cover letters to any and every company to try and so far I got one phone interview (decided I didn’t have enough experience) and this actual interview so I know this might be my only chance for a while. The new job would be a great start to a new year and I would get a new company care, corporate credit card, etc. The pay would be pretty much the same as I make now but I get way better bonuses each quarter if I make or exceed my goals.

As I prepare for this interview (hmm why did I chose the field of science again?) I think back to the two worst interviews of my life. Before I graduated grad school interviews had always been a breeze for me. Basically if I could get an interview I would get the job. Of course the jobs up to that point included waitress, marketing assistant, bartender and retail clerk. Not very impressive but my outgoing personality and success with such childish interviews gave me a bloated sense of confidence in the interviewing arena.

So when I got my first interview with Yale to be a research assistant I was excited and pretty much thought “hey how could they not want me?” HA believe me after this interview I could understand. I went in and the PhD dick head completely blindsided me with a chemistry test. What chemistry test on a fucking interview with no calculator? I completely froze and blanked. WORSE time ever to blank. I basically looked like a retard that couldn’t complete a math equation. He was particularly snide as he made it abundantly clear that I was an idiot. (Most PhD’s have a holier than god, I am king of the world complex) I couldn’t believe I fucked it up so much but realized it was best to have my first “real” interview go horribly wrong rather than a job I really wanted.

A couple more interviews my confidence grew. I would get further and further with a phone interview, then a first interview, but never got the job. I would prepare more and more for each new prospect. I then landed an interview for a state job with a lab and again felt prepared but not prepared enough. As I walked in I was greeted by two PhD’s who actually appeared nice and humble but after a few minutes of bullshit they brought be into a lab…to give me a practical. If you don’t know what a practical basically it is when you have to perform techniques (in my case lab techniques) with people watching and judging you. It is very intense and nerve wracking but what was worse apparently the lab had an issue with mold and had bleached the lab from top to bottom. The lab wrecked of bleach and it was so strong that paired with the stress of them watching me perform I almost PASSED out! Yup, gray in the face, short breaths, eyes in the back of the head, passed out. Do you have any idea how fucking embarrassing it is to be 24 and almost pass out. Luckily the rest of the interview went great, I even got a 90 on the timed math tes (with a calculator this time, hehe) and I really clicked with the guy who would be my boss. I actually made it to the third and final interview where I was told it was between me and one other guy. Turned out he knew more about botany than I (damn hippie, hehe JK).

In the end it turned out OK the job I have now paid about 15,000 dollars more a year and they had benefits. So today I want out of my current job but serio0usly cannot wait for the interview to be over with. Maybe I will be asked to swallow razors while saying the alphabet backwards? That truly does not seem so bad just as long as I get the fucking job! Say a prayer, sacrifice an animal, do anything so that I get this job!

I love her!

2007-11-30T10:40:00.000-05:00

Ok, I am exhausted (Repeat after me I AM NOT GOING TO MURDER MY FIANCE) from no sleep again but I love ALICIA KEYES and her new song. I love her voice, lyrics and the fact that she is one hot curvy chick! I do wonder somtimes if she is a lesbian which hey maybe I could turn to the other side for her!?

Hilarious

2007-11-29T14:50:00.000-05:00

I THINK YOU'RE THE FATHER OF ONE OF MY KIDS

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him.

She says hello.

He's rather taken back because he can't place where he knows her from.

So he says, 'Do you know me?' to which she replies, 'I think you're the father of one of my kids.'

Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, 'My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery???'

She looks into his eyes and says calmly, 'No, I'm your son's teacher.'

The "List"

2007-11-29T09:58:00.000-05:00

The other day for some odd reason I started to think of my “list”. Everyone has the “list” of their sexual partners and how different parts of your life and outlook change the type of lovers you have. I think pre-sex was the best training for me to have a really healthy sex life. I figure hey why not share with everyone (plus as time goes it gets more and more difficult to remember) in the internet world.

When I was younger I was a tomboy, sports, and a lot of guy friends. This actually helped me not have sex until I got to college. I would hear true insight at what men think and how sex is. Plus lest not forget how fertile my family is on both sides. My father comes from a family of 11 kids and all married which gives me something about 45 blood cousins (crazy sexual Irish Catholics with no protection).

I basically realized I did not want to be a practicing post for most men, because face it I didn’t know my body and most men around that age don’t either. So when all the girls I knew said sex was so great, years down the road admitted that sex then was a mish mosh of awkwardness like two fish flopping on the sand. Plus the big O didn’t occur for a majority of my girlfriends, while the teenage guy pounding away got his. Do not get me wrong this is not all the guys fault I didn’t even start masturbating till college, so how do I expect a man to know how to please me when I didn’t? I couldn’t fathom having sex which wasn’t going to make me feel great for the risk of being knocked up. I wasn’t going to let crappy sex ruin four years of partying which was on the horizon.

I did have one situation which I still debate with friends as to whether it is considered sex but I will list that with the others. So without no further ado the list!

1. First love (oh to be young and naive): He was the first guy I got butterflies for and who also broke my heart. I never cared about someone before, even if they broke up with me. This is the debate: He was the first guy I did anything with included a debacle of a hand job (rug burn), and getting naked. We basically attempted to have sex when I was 16 and when I say attempted I mean he put it in, I freaked and he took it out. No thrusting, no pain, no movement, and no ejaculation…so do you consider that sex for the first time?
2. Senior guy: I was a freshman, he was a cute senior, I was drunk and just decided to do it. Nothing special, wasn’t forced (I showed up at his door later that evening) and honestly didn’t even want to be with him. I think my curiosity at that point was so high about what the fuss was about that I just did it with this nice guy I knew wanted to be with me, so if I got emotionally attached it would last at least a little while. Well needless to say I was so disappointed…that’s it? This is what everyone is talking about? It didn’t hurt, it pretty much didn’t do anything. At the end I started to get dressed and he stammered “Aren’t you going to stay over?” I looked back and replied “Uhhh no thanks, don’t feel like doing the walk of shame, thanks and we're still friends right?”
3. Big Dick boy: This guy who I met was white but had the biggest dick I have ever encountered! I mean like 8-9 inches. This was a huge change and actually not for the better. I couldn’t be on top and other positions were uncomfortable. I dated him about 4 months but still didn’t orgasm but didn’t quite wince as much.
4. Latin Lover: This was a great experience not that I orgasmed but I finally felt some passion and the guy’s dick was perfect. We did it in the basement bathroom of our dorm because we both had roommates that knew we had boyfriend/girlfriends. I can say one thing Latin men say the most amazing things to you and are so much fun in bed…downside usually sluts so a relationship is never going to happen.
5. Short guy: He was a guy I dated in the summer that I met on E at a rave. We talked and talked but when we stood up he was about 5 inches shorter. I am 5’10 so you get the drift. I dated him for the summer and fucked him in my car near a lake. Good times but I never found my panties.
6. Virgin: I took a guy’s virginity in college. I was so drunk and invited him back, started having sex, went to turn on the lights, fell over a fan, continued to have sex till I got sick and passed out. Sooo romantic for the guy. In my defense I didn’t know I took his V card till a mutual friend told me. I actually felt so guilty I continued to date him and guess what? I fell head over hells in love with him and was with him for 4 years! He and I explored each others bodies; I finally experienced an orgasm and anal sex. We did everything under the sun and both found our sexuality together.
7. S. : He was the first time I had ever truly cheated. The guy in college that I was seeing never made it official but with Virgin boy we were engaged! I don’t know what happened but I fell for S. immediately mentally and physically. The sexual tension was so high I felt like orgasming when he looked at me. I resisted for over three months and we hung out a lot. S. and I became a couple after I crushed poor virgin, who to this day I fell awful about.
8. Threesome: On one of S and I breakups, I found out S. was already sleeping/dating someone else within a day or two of breaking up. He had met her at the bar the night we broke up and took her home. I was enraged, hurt and distraught so one night while hanging out with two good friends of mine (not my normal group but grad school peeps) my girlfriend (who has been with both sexes) started hitting on me, one thing lead to another and my other guy friend was coming over anyways so when he got there we invited him in. The weird thing about the threesome was that both parties wanted me so a lot of focus was on me. They wouldn’t fuck each other only me. I can honestly say it was fun, different and at some points way to much stimulus. I held that secret as a “fuck” you to S even when we got back together. I thought” Hahha, something you always wanted and I got it without you!” He eventually found out and still isn’t truly comfortable about it. Hey you fucked me over and I had a threesome.
9. Greek boy: He was another one when S and I broke up (only twice over 4 ½ years) and he was such an amazing person. He could have been the only man that swayed me from S. He was adorable, tall, dark, handsome, hilarious, smart, rich, and sweet but one major problem. He was awful in bed and weird about it too. I think he had a virgin whore complex? He really liked me and I him, so he couldn’t just fuck me. I was the virgin and fucking me would make me a whore. Hmmm I like being both. So we have done the back and forth thing, always calling over the last three years when both of our love lives are in peril. But timing and his lackluster performance has made it so my children will never be Greek and I will not be rich. DAMMIT, hehe.
10. Hot Idiot Boy: He was the one guy I slept with this last time S and I broke up (remember all the whining I did at the start of the blog when I thought it was over) and he was so gorgeous but seriously needed a helmet! I thought he was devoid of any personality and retarded. His sexual techniques were far from spectacular and too fast for my liking. In his defense I was super aggressive and acting like a porn star out of anger at S. so that might make anyone not perform to well the one time you have sex.

So there you have it my 10 ½ guys (hmm some say 11) I have on my list. Not everyone knows about all of them, and some do but now all my Blogger friends know. I think 11 over 8 years isn’t too bad? Let me tell you thank god for the two 4 year relationships I had because I have a feeling it would be in the 30 if I wasn’t.

So busy

2007-11-28T08:53:00.000-05:00

I have been insanely busy at work while trying to secure a new job. I have a interveiw next week but we also have an Audit so I am trying to figure out a great lie for my boss, while trying to study for the interview. I also got a response back from another company located in San Diego. My job would still be in the Northeasy but training there would be cool (never been to Cali). I have been spending alot of time on the internet looking at other companies, putting out resume after resume in hopes of a career change. So I have been neglecting my blogger, my outlet, my sanity. I will update more stories at lunch but for now back to the corporate slavery I love!

Thanskgiving 2007

2007-11-26T10:38:00.000-05:00

I can honestly say I had a great thanksgiving! In a previous post I spoke how the sisters wanted to cook and they did. The only thing i prepared was green bean casserole and I brought a bunch of beer and wine. The food was overall pretty good, no major disasters and I met my older sister's new bulldog puppy called Stella. Oh my god the dog was so adorable and almost made me run out the house and purchase a dog. I restrained myself because a one bedroom condo would definitely be torture for any type of dog.

Alot of partying went on since I had a four day weekend. The girls all went out on Friday to downtown and besides one girlfriend leaving early we all had a blast. Sometimes it is nice to go out, drink, dance and flirt. It reminds me that I still have it. I of course was a good girl and did not do anything more than chat, flirt and imagine in my head what sex would be like with this cute guy. Hey men have their porn and we have random guys at the bar.

Last night S. made dinner for me and my parents and it was nice and low key. My parents are hilarious and my dad keeps showing me how cool he is. He made us look up this hilarious clip on you tube and I about pissed my pants. I feel like they are finally seeing me not only as their daughter but an adult.

I am back to work and it is great because my two bosses are out! Whooo hooo so it is nice and quiet. I will get some work done but not really, hehe. I also had a phone interview for a new position and I got offered a real interview. Only problem is that it is the week of an audit we are having here...hmmm how do I lie about getting out of work to go try for another job?..say a prayer that I get the job.

Curse of the bartender

2007-11-21T11:11:00.000-05:00

I have aquired a great skill over the years due to working as a bartender for years. It is the ability to hear numerous conversations at once. During graduate school I bartended at numerous restuarants and bars and over time you learn to listen more carefully to the customers and hone in on 5 different customers at once. Most importantly this was used so you can interact with a drunk person on a intimate level and that meant more drinks and tips. People want to feel that even strangers care about them and their lives.

Yet this skill I have aquired makes it very difficult at work to concentrate. Example my crazy, pathetic, pubic hair chest, mid life crisis coworker is going through an on and off divorce. (He cheated on her for years because she got fat, nice guy huh?) So I constantly hear his conversations with his ex wife and his lawyers. Then I can hear my boss repromanding a hourly worker for being late the 5th time in the last two months. I overhear the ladies talking shit about some other lady who happens to be 10 pounds lighter.

I guess what sucks about this skill is that over time it just makes me realize how shitty people truley are. Do not get me wrong I am no saint but seriously I thought as we got oldr the whole "talking behind someone's back" would become less and less aparent. Errr apparently it is just replaced with "being civil". How is it we cna rationalize talking shit and being overall horrible and say we are just being professional?

I think that is one of the things I hate about corporate world. Everyone is fake...I have always been the type of person to let you know how I feel about you. If I don't like you I do not become some dramatic bitch I just won't go out of my way to be friends with you. I would want the same thing but in corporate world it is all about politics..or is it soothing everyone's ego?

Is all this ego soothing equivalent how schools are giving ribbons to everyone at school instead of the winner? What is happening to people? I am thinking to deeply before a 4 day vacation! Everyone pray my work will let us out early!!

Have a Happy Thankgiving Everyone!

I have been tagged!

2007-11-19T12:10:00.000-05:00

One of my favorite blogs "Girl and Cents" (Alison) tagged me (much obliged) so I guess I will bare my soul about 7 facts that you may not know.

1. I sucked on my thumb until I was 12 years old...I was very ashamed of this but for some reason my spark of interest in boys helped aleviate this nasty habit.

2.I hate my feet, my big toe looks like a head! My feet are huge and I can tell you many shoes on display for a six are not as cute when brought out in a ten.

3. I do not get off from having sex by being on top and I didn't like the "rabbit". All of my girlfriends live my it, but I do not. I love my clit massager and plain pink vibrator as for being on top I think I am too lazy and I enjoy doggie style better.

4. I am working in a field that I have not gone for school for at all! It is so true that most jobs are all about who you know. I applied for 10 jobs in my field and made it to second interveiws with no hire. My first interview at this corporate comapny (through a friend) I got it within two weeks.

5. I have set my sister up with two guys in the past 4 years and both wanted me first. I figured "hey she looks like me but she is nicer and has a bigger bust!" She still doesn't know that her current boyfriend and an ex both asked me out first.

6. My foavorite snack is "roasted garlic" triscuits with veggie cream cheese. At one point I thought triscuits was going to discontinue this line of cracker so I wrote letter after letter making complaints how my main staple of food would be destroyed if this were to happen. Safe to say it was not discontinued but my friends all still pick on me for caring about crackers.

7. I give better advice to people than I take myself.

I now tag some of my peeps:

Confessions of my so called life

A girls Relationship with seattle

Habitat for INhumanity

Retarded Friday!

2007-11-16T16:40:00.001-05:00

Hahahaha! I just realized it is Friday, Hahaha, all day I thought it was thursday until the Janitor said "almost time for the weekend!" My reaction "Huh" As a wave of confusion, disbelief and then happiness came rushing over me. Big glass of wine....HERE I COME and fuck this crazy place.

P.S. I got a 4% raise, hmmm they act like I should be grateful. Uhhh isn't that less than the normal rate of inflation? Well at least it is friday!

Thanksgiving, war and an electric knife.

2007-11-16T11:41:00.001-05:00

Whoo hoo finally had sex last night! I honestly can say a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I was a little scared as I got on top and started the motions. I had a horrible nightmare the night before that I broke his back while fucking him. Apparently he was in good enough shape to work it! 

Besides that update I wanted to discuss the holiday thanksgiving coming up and how I really could do without it. Thanksgiving is ok but I find myself more a supporter of partying holidays like Halloween and New Years. Thanksgiving is boring to me and too much work. GREAT most women across the U.S. have to wake up at 4 in the morning to start a turkey while the men sit around with beers and have fun. I feel for all women but when it comes to my own family there has been a war with split forces.

There are three sides to this war. One side is my mother and I, against my three sisters, while my father is neutral like Switzerland. Basically my three sisters want to have the traditional thanksgiving with the turkey stuffing and crap where as my mother and I just want to go to a nice restaurant for a thanksgiving dinner.

In the past parts of my family contribute something and we all come together at the rents house, but the past two years my oldest sister has been MIA and the youngest has never contributed a thing. So usually it is my mother, one sister and me (with S. help of course) who did all the work. Somehow S. and I got conned into making the sides which is a feat within itself. Having to wake up and make 6-8 sides after a night of partying (the night before thanksgiving is considered one of the busiest bar nights of the year) is more difficult than you think. My eldest sister one year went to her husband’s family and last year brought food to elderly people with no family (she is a saint).

So this year my mother and I were like “Fuck it” lets just go out to a nice dinner so nobody has to work hard or clean up. OHHHH no my sisters just couldn’t let that happen. God forbid we do not have a normal thanksgiving. I on the other hand think spending time with my family is what is important not slaving away in a kitchen.

What is funny about my sisters bitching about it is that the eldest cannot cook to save her life (she is the epitome of D.I.N.K. yuppie who orders take out) and the youngest sister is the baby whose life is too important and busy to be bothered with such things. Uhhhh, OK so why the hell do you want this massive dinner?

My mother and I finally surrendered but under certain rules…I am not cooking. I will purchase wine, booze and S. said he wants to make his special green bean casserole AND that is it. My mother isn’t going to do anything, hehe. After 28 years of cooking for all of us I figure we are old enough to cook for her.

On a different note…how in the hell does my father always seem immune to this shit, he isn’t involved, he doesn’t have to cook, NOTHING!? I love him but seriously how is it most men I know (work with a lot of them) do not get flustered about this holiday, only the women?

Fuck that! I say all women unite and do nothing, I mean anything on this holiday. MAKE the men cook and clean while we sit and watch “Sex and the city” reruns. Let them wear an apron and worry about gravy! How is it after all of the hard work you see a man carving the piece of shit bird? I say take that electric knife and shove it where the sun doesn’t shine. Hmmm need to calm down I am starting to sound like a man hater, which I am not but sometimes I just do not get tradition (apparently my sisters do?)

What are all my Blogger friends doing for Thanksgiving?

Daily Rants

2007-11-15T09:46:00.000-05:00

Can I just rant a bit about life?

How is it that thanksgiving has not even passed and Christmas commercials, decorations, music and crap is being plastered everywhere? Every year it gets started earlier and earlier…by the time I am forty Christmas will be celebrated and after new years I will want to rip my eyes out due to sale signs for Christmas being put up again.

No sex in four days!!!! This shit is bothering me and even worse I have not masturbated either. I know this sounds strange but S. is home all day and it is a one bedroom condo. I don’t feel like its right to just leave and do my thing? See I have a whole set up of lights off, candle set, music on…basically I truly fuck myself but masturbation has always been a backup or used for erotica during sex. I know it is not right to feel this way but I feel like it would just put it right up in his face that you can’t fuck me right now. He said he felt good enough last night for me to be on top but I am too petrified to even do that. God forbid I start riding him and go buck wild without realizing he is crying in pain and really fucked hi back up for good! How could I live with myself and even more how would you explain it to the doctor?

Work sucks, work sucks, work sucks….the interview process is not going great, shit the getting a call back is not going great. I am basically trying to change fields but within the same type of companies. So I have to do a little more networking or start sleeping with bosses? Any takers? (Hmm did I mention I haven’t had sex in four days?)

I will reiterate how much corporate companies suck for anything more than a higher paycheck and better benefits. Yesterday I had to go to a focus/training/waste of my fucking time seminar group thing. Basically our company was under a huge global company but we decide to separate and become a stand alone company. We are still a global force but lots of changes have and will continue to occur. So they have us in groups of ten with all different departments, standing for two hours going over stupid colorful maps trying to shove down our throat the mission of the new company and how much we should love all the ridiculous hard work that is coming. All the while they are bashing the old company…when it suddenly hits me. Didn’t they do the same fucking thing the last time they switched companies? They always make it sound like big better changes are going to occur, and they are all about the customer! BULLSHIT…it is going to be the same crap day in and day out and nothing will matter but the bottom line. Fucking strategic department!

I need to go on a diet starting soon; I can feel my pants getting tight. I gauge my weight by my clothes since I cannot at this time go out and buy a whole new wardrobe if I gain a few. I guess being poor has its advantages.

That is my rant and I can honestly tell you I feel so much better and relaxed after I purge all my annoyances on my blog. Blog I love you and your way to make me feel cleansed of all the stupid, annoying (really not the end of the world but drives me nuts) things in life.

2007-11-14T10:03:00.000-05:00

Whooo it has been crazy at work ever since my coworker became free of this horrible corporate prison. Hmmm jealous a bit (hey I am trying to go on interviews and I have a few networking things coming up.)? Well the weekend was a big one and sometimes I do not know how life becomes so crazy for me. I think I am a magnet for drama from men and women all around me, whether you are a friend, family member or some fucking stranger on the street.

Friday night was quite calm I just visited a friend for a while and then crashed out early. On Saturday I went to an amazing dinner date with S. which was to die for. Granted I wish we had made reservations so we didn’t have to wait but the Hen I had was amazing, and you wouldn’t believe me if I told you. I ate spinach, which I fucking hate; I had it prepared almost like it was pan seared. It made to the texture different which is what I always hated about the limp wet spinach my mother forced me to eat as a kid.

After dinner we met up with S. boss who is a nice guy but the typical I am 50, want to look 30 so I can score chicks kind of guy. He works out all the time (not bad) but his attitude is kind of pathetic. YOU are not 30 anymore; it is ok to embrace getting older. Some of the hottest guys out there are better looking older…Brad Pitt, Robert Redford to name a few. Besides that he was fun and we had a few martini’s before we met up with Truck driver at his apt (which was actually S. and I old apartment too.) so S. could play darts and I could hand out with TD new girlfriend (she is so great and I am so happy for TD). Well more and more of my friends come over including MAC girl, Best friend couple, and others. We were all hanging around having a good time when all of a sudden (well not all of a sudden but like 10:30pm) the guys wanted to go to downtown. Ewww I really didn’t want to go. For some reason no one would go unless I went….makes no sense since in the past I have never stopped anyone from going out. After badgering me I was like sure just for a bit.

As we get into the bar (mind you everyone is drunk) we order drinks and make it up the stairs. No sooner do we get up there S. best friend (who is married to my best friend) wanted to dance, since his wife did not come out, S. decided to help him out by being a wing man. So I see S. trying to talk to this woman, who looks at S. and looks at best friend and is not having it. She gave the shoo away and S. is a bit drunk so he can be persistent. I couldn’t help myself and was like S. leave the woman alone she doesn’t want to dance with best friend. Well S. for some reason got all annoyed at the girl and me and went for a drink with best friend. On a side note, I can’t help but tell S. to stop because I hate when I go to bar and some guy nice or not does not get the hint and leave me alone. So even though S. had good intentions for best friend (which best friend didn’t care about the girl he just wanted to dance) I still think persistent guys can be annoying.

At the same time MAC girl came back from the bathroom and through the crowded club I can see she is pissed and annoyed. Some guy and girl were bothering her. The club skank thought Mac girl was rubbing up against her man, and the guy wasn’t helping the situation. After words were exchanged MAC girl just wanted out. OK, fine she wants to leave right after we got there. (Fuck I am thinking in my head…why are people still acting like they are in high school and why is MAC girl falling for it.). I told our other friends that I would bring her back and be back within twenty minutes. Well low and behold I go out and find that we are blocked in! So after trying to drive around (actually hit a car, but didn’t care since it was the fucker blocking about 15 cars in) and getting my car stuck the tow truck arrive like 45 mins. later. A huge fight ensues (not me but the ghetto fabulous of the town) and somehow I get sprite splashed in my face even though I didn’t say a fucking word! I was about to fucking slap someone when the cops showed up and broke it up. I was so fucking pissed the whole ordeal took over two hours. Needless to say I was not happy. I wasn’t pissed at my girlfriend directly but in my head I was thinking, I wouldn’t be here if you didn’t want to go. I would never say that and of course logically and sober I know it wasn’t her who blocked us in or the stupid attendant who ruined the night for us. Finally make it home and pass out around 4pm.

I realized that next morning that downtown is not for me. I prefer house gatherings or pubs. I will only go to the clubs unless I have too (birthdays, etc).

Next morning I get breakfast and went shopping with MAC girl. Can I tell you how much I love Trader Joe’s? I do not know if you have one but it basically is a great organic grocery store; imagine Whole foods on a smaller level. After that we went to Best Buy and I bought a jacket. Adorable red long pea coat for the winter…makes my long legs look even longer.

That day S. was going over to a coworker’s house for a football game while I was out with MAC girl. Around 7pm I invite cheap friend and some others over to watch “Tell me you love me” (Best HBO series EVER) and drink some wine. No sooner do my friends call I get a call from S. best friend. He is not doing so well. Well? What is he drunk? Errr no he hurt his back…and when I say hurt his back S was gray, couldn’t move and actually cried! I have seen S. with a broken nose, and arm and he never cried. The poor thing was completely falling apart. I felt so bad. He has been home the last three day’s basically on his back and on pain killers. Only good thing is he was able to make it to the bathroom last night.

So basically I am trying to get a shit load of work done now while fighting with insurance company about S. coverage for an MRI. This is such bullshit, fucking insurance companies suck. I love how you do not even talk to a human until about 20 minutes go by and then they are fucking retards! Grrrr ok sorry I need to go out have a cigarette and cuss at some people (JK.)

P.S. back injuries suck since you cannot have sex!

Short update

2007-11-13T13:50:00.001-05:00

I can't write to much since I was out yesterday and work is fucking crazy! My boss sucks and the work load is insane. Basically S. is out of commission since he might have a slipped disk or something so I spent yesterday tending to him (will post more on that) and I will explain why I am getting to old to go to the clubs (somebody threw sprite in my fucing face!). I will take a lunch tomorrow to blog my little head of but for now just have to make it through the day and make sure S. is ok.

P.S. Insurance companies and Human resources can suck my pink asshole!

Coworkers and stripclubs!

2007-11-09T09:42:00.000-05:00

Thank god I made it through yesterday and surprisingly enough I am not hung-over. I watched as the clock slowly ticked toward 5:00 pm. I hate when you just watch the clock, instead of feeling like 5 minutes it feels like 5 hours.

Once the “school” bell rang I bolted to the bar. Apparently everyone else did because cute R&D boy cut me off in the parking lot. I almost got mad and then he flashed his adorable smile at me. I am a sucker for cute…just can’t help it.

As I walk to the bar all I can think of is the crisp clean take of a Blue Moon beer. This beer has become a staple for me if I am not drinking wine, shots, or anything else. It is my beer of choice and something about its light but not watery flavor hits the spot every time.

I ask the bartender for a tall one and realize he is slurring…wait, what, how can this be? The bartender is more shit faced than anyone there, at 5pm no less! I asked him if he was ok with a smile on my face. Poor thing just got dumped and like a good dumpee he was self medicating. I guess I should clarify it was more like self mutilation/killing. He would take a shot with anyone who ordered it. Now with a group of 40 co-workers that would mean the bartender took about 12-15 shots in 2 hours. Poor thing could barely keep his eyes open or function by the end. I appeased his ego a bit when he started to hit on me, but its hard to take someone serious when his eyes continually roll in the back of their head when they are talking to you.

The happy hour was thrown for a co-worker of mine whom we will name Indian guy. In the beginning he and I didn’t particularly care for each other but over time we have grown respect and had a good time. It seems sometimes you become friends because you have to band together against “the corporate” beast.

My goal was to get Indian guy so shit faced he wouldn’t remember. I think I may have achieved it a little too much. Shot after shot (as well as the bartender) he gave the following speech.

Indian guy: “I just wanted to give a speech. You may think I am going to miss you….but I won’t! If you go into NJ and think of me you won’t be able to find me because there are too many Indians, but hey there aren’t too many bald one so you can try.”

Everyone is laughing at this point but I am not sure if they are trying to appease and diffuse the situation or they thought he was being sarcastic. I think Indian guy was both sarcastic and somewhat truthful. Who really stays in contact with colleagues except when you need someone? Unless you were friends during work to the point of hanging out besides happy hour you will most likely never talk again after a coworker leaves.

Around 8:30pm we decided to take it to the strip club and S., MAC girl, and my sister met us as well. I got S, and Indian guy a dance (not together you perverts) and paid women to grope me in front of other guys. Gotta love the strip club! Actually it was kind of nice to see that most of the women had real boobs except one girl who had these softballs….have to say it was a bit scary looking when she leaned back.

By the end of the night I just wanted to get home and for some reason S. said some shit that annoyed me so we started bickering…which lead to some hot sex.

I have come to the realization that I am a complete submissive. I love to be dominated! I am so in control in life and everything that in the sack I want to be over taken and have no control whatsoever. I even got a little kinky last night because I asked him to choke me. Not painful choke but just like holding me down. It was really hot (he looked a bit surprised and slightly scared but got into it after a while) and I have a smack on my ass to prove it.

So I ask of you out there what is the kinkiest thing you have done (hmmm there are a few including a threesome and dressing up as a school girl)?

Damn work

2007-11-08T12:00:00.000-05:00

Hmm can't write much have to finish a big projet before Happy hour tonight and the strip club. Thank you Asshole doucebag Boss I love last minute projects before a fun night. Thank you for stripping my life force a little more everyday. Will report in tomorrow with news of tonight's debauchery, I promise!!

Old friends does not always mean good friends.

2007-11-06T11:14:00.000-05:00

Ever have that friend that sometimes you think “Why am I friends with this girl?” Well Drama girl is that for me. Let me give you a little background on her first before I rant about last night’s drama.

Drama girl and I became friends in high school. We both went to a all girl private school and she was a year ahead of me. Maybe I should have realized how we became friends that Drama girl was all about drama.

I was sitting in Latin class with my friend School teacher and we were talking in class. I was telling a funny story about a date or something trivial when the teacher started yelling at me for talking. I sulked and kept quiet when out of nowhere a blond hair girl started yelling at the teacher to shut up and let me finish the story. To a teacher she yelled this. I turned around in disbelief as Drama girl got sent to the principals. We were friends ever since then. Drama girl was rough around the edges and so was I but I was an over achiever at school. Involved in everything from sports, NHS, musicals, art club, you name it I was involved in it. Drama girl was known around the school as a troubled girl who was trying everything and anything to get thrown out of school because she wanted to be in public school. I remember the dean of students taking me into his office and having a “talk” with me to examine whether being friends with Drama girl was in my best interest.

Now as we all know in high school your biggest concern is a boy you like, and which friend is getting a car first. So Drama girl and I flourished as friends. She is an only child of a divorced family so we always got to stay out late and I would just lie to my parents that I was “sleeping” over Drama girls when in fact we were sneaking into clubs or hanging out with boys. She was dramatic at times but when you are that young everything seems to be that way. She would cry about some boy and I would clean her up over and over again. She would listen as I lamented about not having big enough boobs to get Johnny’s attention, etc. For a while High school teacher and I got her to realize the world does not always revolve around her and things were good.

College came and I went away to PA for college while most of my friends went to state schools. I stayed in contact with all of them, came home during summers, etc. I was a little out of the loop which was expected but I never felt ostracized or anything. Actually whenever I came home I felt like nothing had changed and my girls still loved me. Now in college I had basically no drama and not to much responsibility so I was always upbeat and able to deal with the drama. It didn’t wear away at me and I felt like a confidant that was needed. (I have my own control issues which is a completely different blog)

When I came back home to attend grad school in state I was excited to be with my girls again (Drama girl, High school teacher, MAC girl, Hairstylist). I came back and we had a great year of partying and fun, but Drama girl was bartending and partying a lot so she had a second group of work friends so it was a perfect balance of time spent with her. Right around this time though Drama girl decided she was going to move down to FL since she went to school in she never went away and that it would be good for her to be on her own (she never moved out of her house while attending college). I was happy for her but knew I would miss her. All aside I do love Drama girl and she can be fun, smart and a good friend when she is not drunk or fucked up, I digress.

So for the next 3-4 years she was down in FL and we would do the catch up calls and visits, etc. but for the most part since there was little time to spend there was little time for drama.

Well fast forward to today….Drama girl moved back and brought her man with him. She has been home only about 2 weeks and has already gotten so smashed and proceeded to tell all of us girls what bad people we are. Last night the guys got together of my place to watch the game and all the ladies went over to Hairstylist place for a girls night. She was so drunk and a nasty drunk at that. Last night I wanted to murder her. She brought up an issue she had with something I said; now even though she was drunk I could understand where she was coming from and I apologized. I am not perfect, I fuck up, I am flawed, it happens but she kept harping on it. UHHHH hello I just fucking agreed with you and apologized. What the hell am I supposed to do; I can’t go back in time and change it. Fine then she starts to tell me I am a bitter person and it is all due to S. and the biggest mistake of my life is to marry him. Ahhh OK you have your right to your opinion but in the end it is my decision. Fine after listening to her slur and cry, laugh, and make no sense I got her back in.

The girls are more and more irritated with her since last night we all wanted a fun girl’s night with wine and Drama girl was being a nasty horrible drunk. She would tell my girl Hairstylist to fuck off and think we were giving her looks, etc. WHAT! Are we still in high school?

So she starts bitching about wanting to go over to my place to be with her man. OK I will bring you back there but I am coming back to the girls’ house to hang out. I bring her drunken ass over and drop her off when she asks why I am leaving? I just told you I was and she was getting mad. At this point I am like fine, be mad I don’t fucking care. I told the guys have fun and went back to the girls’ house.

All the ladies are mad and irritated at Drama girl ruining the night and we continued to hang and drink wine while trying to salvage some part of the evening. About an hour later the guys came home so I went back to my condo and I asked S. how the rest of the night was with Drama girl was. He continued to tell me how Drama girl wanted to talk to him and she went on and on about how happy she was for me and him. How we are perfect for each other and how we are going to be so happy. FUCK THAT….you are so hypocritical it makes me want to puke. I got so fucking heated. She was yelling at me for something of the similar nature and then you go on and on for an hour telling S. the complete opposite. Fucking Christ I can’t handle her and all this shit. I do not have the stamina and truth be told….we all have enough bullshit in our lives with family, relationships and work to have a person who is supposed to be my friend act this way.

So I ask myself why am I friends with her…I know we have been friends forever and she is good in a lot of ways but maybe I am changing or she isn’t? I don’t have the ability to deal with the constant drama day in and day out like I could when I was younger. She told me I was getting bitter and maybe I am a bit. I don’t know if it is bitter as more…I am not taking shit anymore so don’t think you can spoon your crazy off on me anymore. So I am not the QLC girl who would just smile, and bend over and take it. Not anymore and I am tired of over extending myself as well. So I have changed and if she considers it bitter I guess I am. I say it proud too because I have had a lot less emotional distress because of it.

I am very irritated and I am sure Drama girl and I will continue to be friends (it’s been like ten years) but sometimes with anyone you love, you just don’t like them very much right now.

Worth all the pain

2007-11-05T11:02:00.000-05:00

All I can say is every woman in America should go to a male review! It is so much fun and not as bad as you would think. The show is campier than anything, but the guys definitely show the women a good time. I will give you a play by play of the evening so you can get an idea of how much fun the night can be.

I get out of work and as I am driving home realize that I have a great plan to save me and the ladies some money. If you are a bachelorette party the bride gets in free and everyone else is half price. So we split the money down the line evenly but we saved everyone like 15 dollars by purchasing a tiara, sash, and beads for the ladies. I am the only one with a ring so we decided it would be my mock bachelorette party. Hmmm I like the sound of that.

So we meet up at my girl Social work girl’s house and start to drink…started out with a shot and a vodka mixed drink. My girl Party girl (can party like an alcoholic man) gave me a different shirt to wear in sprit of my mock bach party. Now this shirt was a white baby T with two pink hand prints on the boobs and showed my midriff off quite nicely. After a few laughs and shots we drive to the venue and continue to drink. We get in and realize I am the only “bachelorette” which causes more and more people to offer shots. Hmmm Quarter life crisis girl turn down a shot? I THINK NOT….this ends up bad later but fun at the time. Before the show started they did a raffle for the ladies where you can win the chance to rub down the dancers before they hit to floor. Well, well, well guess who won….Oh yeah I did!

So as I go in the back and rub down this amazing specimen he basically smacked my ass as I was leaving. Errr this is definitely different than the female strip club where touching and grouping is highly forbidden. I am giggling and return to my girls. Eventually the show starts and I am put in the hot seat for a bit. Basically the hot seat in on the stage and the dancer gives you a lab dance and when I mean lap dance I mean he puts his face in your crotch, caresses you as he gets naked, hehe! It was fabulous and I did enjoy his nice tan ass. The ladies got some great pictures and video….hmm remembers to never run for president. After that I continue to drink….now this is where it gets hazy. Uhhhh more like I don’t remember a fucking thing.

Apparently we went to three more bars and I just kept drinking…until the upchuck reflex kicked in. I was very good about not puking anywhere public but the next thing I remember if being put in a cab home. I remember slurring something about not taking the long way home and screwing me out of money to the cabbie which made no sense because I just threw him a twenty anyway without waiting for the change. I somehow made it into my condo. (Thank god for old people who go to bed early) and passed out. I woke up with the worst headache and hangover and realized I am getting old. So old that I slept most of the day away and did not drink at all while attending a party on Saturday. So basically the whole weekend was kind of ruined due to some hot stripper’s ass, but hey I wouldn’t have it any other way!

Catholic guilt and testicles

2007-11-02T12:37:00.000-04:00

Whooo hoo it is Friday which everyone knows for corporate bitches like myself is the best day of the week. All I have to do is pretend to work for about 6 of the eight hours today until that wonderful clock turns to five. Tonight holds a great treat as well. As I mentioned before….ALL MALE REVUE! Ohh yeah, I know I seem really excited but I also feel like it pushes to my female lib side as well. I constantly feel like women get the shaft. I know we are emotional, nesters, etc but come on who doesn’t like looking at hot guys getting naked. Plus I understand the whole fantasy concept. I love S. and fantasizing about another man does not make me love him any less or want to cheat. That is probably why strip clubs don’t bother me as it does some of my other girlfriends. Do not get me wrong if my man was going every night wasting money on other chicks’ tits then I would be pissed but the occasional stag or trip with the guys just doesn’t phase me. Plus usually means some hot sex at the end of the night too.

On the work front I am kind of bugging out because another person is leaving from my department which means way too much work and not enough people. This is compounded by my complete lack of motivation because I too want to leave. I have been putting resumes out there and hoping for the best. I wanted to yell at him because now I am going to look like a bigger bitch for leaving anytime soon. I know I shouldn’t care since they wouldn’t give two shits about me but sometimes my catholic guilt (years of private school will do that) gets to me. Only good thing is that it shouldn’t be an overnight thing, since we all know corporate job hunting and hiring is about as slow as my grandmother, but still it takes awhile to train at my work so I would basically be fucking over my department.

Ok, OK need to stop worrying about my job and think of six packs, glistening bodies and balls in my face. A smile is already starting….

P.S. question for everyone what is the shortest you have stayed at a career type job before you left?

The week is looking throbbing and hard...I mean up!

2007-10-31T10:03:00.000-04:00

This week is starting to look up. At the beginning of the week my boss was a complete bitch and flipping out which is no surprise since we are losing another engineer and the work load is insane to begin with. She gave me a hard time and I reminded myself over and over to not go postal on anyone. S. of course gets the brunt of my work venting since I know better than to vent to anyone within this company walls, you never know when people will open their mouth for their own sake. By doing this I have kept everyone on good terms and never had a complaint for 2 years. So S. is amazing at calming me and letting me release my anger with bitching and sex.

Well low and behold I get home yesterday and S. had drawn me a bath, was making dinner, cleaned up the condo, doing laundry, and ran all these errands for me. Can I tell you how much I love this man…I about fell over from just how amazing it felt that he did all that. So in return we went out with some friends for a few drinks (S has off on Wednesday so he always goes out) and I left early and made sure to order pizza and keep it warm for him. When he came home at 2 am he was ecstatic since you can’t find an open pizza joint at that hour. Sometimes it is so nice to do little things for each other. I am sooo corny I know but come on….sometimes you have to share the good things about your partner right?

The end of the week is looking fabulous as well. Going to get some six packs and balls in my face….AKA a male review! I am so excited and cannot wait for Friday. Seriously I think it is unfair that men have strip clubs everywhere and women do not have the same. Now I know there is no where near a market since most women are not comfortable with their sexuality but come on ladies the tides are turning, women are opening up sexually! Let’s make a market! Hmmmm maybe that is what I will do in the future open up a chain of strip clubs for women! Let’s see what would be a good name?

Martini Balls’
Cock and Wine
Six pack Luv

Hmm need to brain storm more….