Monday, January 28, 2008

Molding our youth.

I am about a half an hour away from teaching a class. Yes, QLCG was hired to teach Intro to Biology to college kids. How might you ask? Shit if I know? I am pretty convincing in interveiws but deep down I sometimes laugh and think "HA you retards think I am smart enough to do this, HA!"

Granted I did go through alot of school for sciences (hence why I am an alcoholic) but seriously I wonder why anyone would trust me? I don't even trust myself. I am a self proclaimed bullshit artist. I make people believe shit I don't even believe and not to toot my own horn but I am good at it.

Hopefully these non-science majors will not have bullshit radar since I am pretty sure most college kids have a little of the gift as well.

Wish me luck!

Friday, January 25, 2008

Art and water aerobics

Have I ever mentioned what amazing artists my parents are? I was lucky to be raised in a family of artists. My parents were both Fine art majors and surrounded us with art, culutre, music, etc. They also were well versed in History, politics and science so I feel very lucky to have such a diverse childhood.

My mother after years of slaving away in her own graphic design business she has gotten back to her roots and started to paint with oils and pastels again. At 55 years old she is not only getting alcolades for her work (gallery, shows, etc) but also doing something she loves.

I have been lucky and honored to do some modeling for her but recently she had S. and I pose for her for a selection she is doing of night romatic poses. A gallery is having a show and that is the theme. Since I am anonymous and have never shown what I look like I figure the following painting is anonymous enough since you can't see our faces but get the idea.

While posing S. and I almost felt like we were in a porn with my mother as the director, hehe! What do you think?

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On another note I have started to go to Water aerobics at my gym since I can't really do anything else due to my broken foot. I walked in earlier this week and I was the only person below the age of 50! My fellow aerobic freaks looked alot like this....

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Well maybe not that sexy but you get the idea!

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Sorry.

Not much of a mood to blog, my grandmother died on friday and I went to a wake and funeral the last couple of days. Only fun thing is the irish like to party and drink after a funeral and not cry. So I somehow ended up loaded by 4 pm, and passed out till 8pm. Woke up and then could not sleep all night. I will write something more witty or funny tomorrow.

Friday, January 18, 2008

A MEME!

One of my friends sent me a meme with the following questions below. I don't do these alot but why not right?

1. Four Jobs I have had in my life:

Engineer
Research Scientist
Public Relations Assistant
Bartender

2. Four films I can watch over and over again:

Braveheart
Chronicles of Riddick
Waiting
Forest Gump

3. Four places I have lived

Connecticut
Pennsylvania
That is it...I am so fucking lame, HUH!

4. Four TV shows I watch

Law & Order (all of them including SVU, Criminal Intent and the orginal)
Nip/Tuck
The L word
Californication

5. Four places I went on vacation

Cape Cod, MA
Dominican Republic
Jamaica
I am going to Los Cabos Mexico in June!

6. Four internet sites I visit alot

Post Secret Blog
Go fug yourself
Drew Curtus' Fark. com
Job sites to find a new one

7. Four dishes I couldn't/wouldn't want to eat

Tounge
Monkey brains
mashed potatos
escargot

8. Four dishes I love:

Sushi
Steak and potatoes
Breakfast food (eggs, pancakes, bacon)
Garlic flavored triscuits with garden vegetable cream cheese (It's a dish to me)

9. Four places I would like to be right now:

At home in bed naked with my fiance sleeping
Los Cabos, Mexico
Greece
At a bar sipping a glass of wine

10. Four people to tag:

I'm a craigslist whore
Confessions of my so called life

A girl's relationship with Seattle
Habitat for Inhumanity

Thursday, January 17, 2008

I"m "small tits" Maid of Honor!

TOOOO MANY THINGS AT ONCE! I swear between work being fucking insane, searching for a new job, preparing for my teaching job, wedding planning for me and my girlfriends wedding (I am her maid of honor and her wedding is a month before mine) and trying to have somewhat of a life I feel totally pulled at the strings. I usually love this kind of chaos and it keeps me really focused but I think a mixture of broken foot, no exercise, and lack of sleep is making me crankier than usual. So I sit here at work and try to not talk to anyone and keep plugging away.

Last night S. and I picked out a cake and it was great because they brought you out like 20 samples of different cakes to try. Hmmm why are my pants getting tight again? I pretty much let S. pick it out since I am not a cake person to begin with. Sure I am going to do the feeding each other bullshit, but besides that I probably won’t have any. I know I am weird but give me a back of chips over sweets any day. Do they have that? A potato chip wedding cake? Fine I will just take a salt lick.

As for tonight I am going to order my bridesmaids dress for the wedding that I am one of the maid of honors for. She finally picked out a freaking dress for us. Not a huge fan of it only because it is made for bigger girls (her sister is bigger and fitted first) with HUGE tits and I was spat on by god and given tiny, perky tits. So alterations are dire for my “big tit” dress.

Onto venting about being in this wedding.

First some background. My girlfriend whom we will call Goth girl (she really isn’t Gothic but has long black hair and the palest skin you have ever seen) is getting basically remarried in May. She married her husband last June in Vegas and is now having a church wedding. That is fine, I get it…Have a church wedding with everything but my problem with Goth girl are three things.

1. She is a complete and utter procrastinator and even worse indecisive.
2. I feel like I am a Maid of honor because I am organized and have money.
3. Cheapest person in the world but yet picked the most expensive dresses.

Let’s bitch about the first point shall we? She has taken forever with everything and the only thing that really bothered my about this is her dresses. Thank you for waiting 4 months before the wedding to tell us finally (after 5 trips to dress shops and changing your mind like 50 million times) which dress we are wearing. Now I have a couple of days to come up with 200 dollars so I can maybe get the dress in time to alter it.

As for the wonderful pleasure of being Maid of Honor my other girl Dirty Hippie is as well. Goth Girl and I have been best friends forever, pretty much since we were 15 but over the years, time and space (she works third shift and is married, while I work first shift) has not stopped her from being my best friend but we definitely don’t see each other as much. Dirty Hippie has been best friends with both of us for about 8 years and I think is closer to Goth girl than I am. They see each other a lot more, etc. Now I know this is bitchy to say but I think Goth girl made me MOH as well since Dirty Hippie is still in grad school and very unorganized (she is a free spirit). So I am kind of stuck taking care of everything.

Finally Goth Girl is the cheapest friend I have ever had (she is getting better slowly, her husband is a good influence on her and tipping, hehe) but yet she is shopping at high end shops and was a little unimpressed with us booking a fabulous weekend for her bachelorette party in Springfield MA with a suite, stripper and VIP access to some great restaurants and clubs. No good enough you say? Well then screw you! I will take that hot exotic dancer and get a spanking all by myself.

P.S. I really do love Goth girl, just needed to vent a bit.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

SLUG

I am completely sick of this broken foot! Damn you heels for getting me into this. I have been unable to go to the gym, work out, barely even walk for the last month and a half because of this injury.

Oh and did I mention this was all over the holidays. Which basically means I am getting fatter and fatter by the second. Granted I am tall so others don't seem to notice (maybe they are being kind, hehe) but I can feel it in my pants and clothes. WTF! I need to move around, on top of getting huge I feel like a slug with Narcolepsy. All I do is feel tired. I just took a quick cat nap at work in a meeting room. I know I can totally get caught but I figure it is best to not fall asleep at my desk.

I go back to the doctors in like three weeks and all I want to hear is "Go on SLUG work your little heart out!" Is that too much to ask.

P.S. S is not helping the situation, keeps feeding me and feeding me!

P.S.S: Haven't heard anything about the job yet, think I am going to email the guy soon.

Monday, January 14, 2008

I don't wanna grow up I'm a toys R us kid.

Why oh why do I decide that partying to 4:30am on Saturday night is a good idea? I never recover well and usually sleep away the day. Well that is exactly what I did! I partied so fucking late, and then slept in until 3:30pm! I haven’t slept that long since college and I feel like a piece of useless shit.

Overall the weekend was fun; I hung out with friends on Friday and then went to a catered party on Saturday night. Left early and started to party hard core, until 4:30am rolled around and I forced S. to pass out with me.

I did get some wedding stuff done this weekend including some bridesmaids dressed picked out and also registering. Can I just tell you that registering is fun and weird at the same time? I basically go around with this scanner that beeps whenever to want something and scan it. It kind of felt like Christmas, but I couldn’t bring myself to go too crazy since I realize people have there own bills as well. I did pick out a breathalyzer, and some great sheets, hehe! Gotta love BED, BATH and BEYOND.

I also picked out flowers and was so thankful for the amazing deal I got where I basically saved about a thousand dollars. So I changed my motif a bit but hey saving a thousand dollars and not putting a deposit down rocked (she said I was trustable, OH YEAH!). So instead of orchids only I am using Lilies, daises, roses and carnations. It should be gorgeous and if not then I will be the first bride to not carry any tacky looking flowers.

Well enough about wedding shit (seriously I feel super pretentious discussing it) and discuss job opportunities. So that guy who gave S. his card appears to totally be able to help me get a job as a pharmaceutical sales rep! OHHH fuck YA! I am so psyched and need to get the hell out of this job. I need something new and better and not a fucking cubicle. I would work out of my home; get a company car, corporate credit card, and hopefully more money. More importantly I would have a future in a career I would actually like, and lets face it the perks are amazing! I am waiting for a call back with that company and have a phone interview with another company this Friday. So everyone once again say a prayer, sacrifice an animal, or something to help me get one of these jobs.

Another UPDATE one of my longtime girlfriends just had a baby, which is actually super bizarre to think about because we used to smoke pot, date older guys, get thrown down to the principal office and generally be a pain in the ass. Now she has a little spawn of her own. It almost makes it real that everyone is growing up. Yeah weddings and houses are being bought but to me real adulthood begins when you have a child. It is no longer about you and your life changes. Well that is what they say right? So I am going to visit her and her new husband (she will be his third wife, crazy huh?) and the new baby. Hopefully I won’t freak out and run away screaming “I don’t want to grow up, you can’t make me!”

Friday, January 11, 2008

Why isn't it June?

So here are some pics (I love tripadvisor since they give real photos from travelers that have been there)of the amazing resort we are going to and on other news I have a phone interveiw with two companies in the next two weeks for a new job. Please say a prayer I need to get the fuck out of this cubicle!

Rooftop Jacuzzi area! SWEET!
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Other part of resort
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Gorgeous Scenery
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Swim up bar and pool
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Our bedroom (Hope once they find out we are honeymooners they will upgrade us?!)
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Fire pits near rooftop jacuzzi
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Thursday, January 10, 2008

I Desire some hooky time

Yesterday was great! S. and I played Hooky from work and we have not done that in ages. We basically stayed up late (called out early) and slept until 11am. Naked and warm in bed we had amazing lazy sex (where you spoon while having sex so limited energy except to cum is needed) and then I made him breakfast.

After breakfast we just bummed around naked all day (GOD I love having our own place) and I got a little planning for the wedding done. We are booking our honeymoon which I cannot wait. It is called Desire resort in Los Cabos, México. It is a nude, adult only resort that looks gorgeous.

We went to Hedonism in Jamaica last February and it was amazing so this place is similar just newer. S. and I hate wearing clothes and if we could move to one of these resorts we would. Best part is we are staying for 10 days! None of this week bullshit, plus lets face it you basically spend two days traveling so we will have 8 real vacation days.

These resorts are fabulous, no people under 21 and they do them nights at the clubs at night. Things like retro, lingerie, and toga. Last year we dressed up for the Pimp and Ho night and let me tell you S. and I went overboard. He even had a PIMP cup like Lil John, YEAH!

On another note I am planning my girlfriends bachelorette party (I am a maid of honor) and in the process of booking a stripper. Low and behold I didn’t know he would call me at work. This could be an interesting conversation. I think I need to keep my voice down while I ask questions, hehehe!

Monday, January 7, 2008

The wedding shit.

So I know I haven't posted much about my upcoming wedding, I guess I do not want to be one of those bridezilla's but I have gotten alot done. I actually got into a little tiff with S. last night over money regarding the wedding. Not a big one but definately annoying to fight about honeymoons and him getting a second job.

I actually have had to get a second (technically third) to help pay for this wedding due to a huge fucking irish catholic family and the soul sucking over priced market they call a wedding mill. I am teaching a community college intor to Bio class starting the end of this month which will help me with about 4 grand. S. on the other hand just keeps working but not going above. I wouldn't care except he is hell bent on going away for 2 weeks to Jamaica. I would love to but I don't think it is in our budget. AKA....go get another fucking job if you want it that bad. Hmmmm maybe I should have delievered that better. So we went to bed angry at each other, which I am learning to do (doesn't happen very often).

I am sure it will blow over and hopefully my researching and googling skills will help me land a great deal. Sometimes I just don't even want the whole wedding crap anyway....to annoying and stressful.

Back to work.....

Thursday, January 3, 2008

Sooo cold...

It is so fucking cold outside I feel like my nipples are going to fall off!

On another note, I am going to see Aaron Lewis (from Staind) accoustic style tonight! Whoo hoo love that fucking guy and his music.

Guess my nipples aren't that important....

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

Can you believe it...

I seriously have not done a lick of real work today! I have had stupid pointless meetings and surfing the web. I just can't get into any of it. I need to get on the job hunt today. I am such a cyclical person. I will be so diligent and anal retentive for like 2 months than nothing. I seriously hope my bosses never realize that they are paying me to

1. write my blog
2. post discussions on criagslist
3. email everyone all the fucking time
4. look up new jobs and wedding shit
5. smoke ciggerettes
6. be a lazy piece of shit

Why do I want to leave this job again?

Honestly I know this sounds like an excuse but I hate my fucking job so I usually have very little motivation. I get what needs to be done and I am somehow faster than my coworkers but I really could be working faster and better.

Onto other news do you remember Greek guy? He is the back and forth guy who I could have really seen myself with but he was horrible in bed and after several attempts i couldn't break myself from S. (who is amazing in bed and I have been in love with for 4 years). Honestly I used to call him whenver S. and I were fighting to make myself feel better (I know I can be a fucking bitch sometimes) but it is hard because pretty much besides the sex thing greek guy was great.

So I get an email out of the blue from him and he was asking about me getting married and I replied back. The next email I got was from him saying he was getting married. Whoah...not that I am not happy for him but we talked in April and he had just broken up with a long term live in girlfriend and I know he wasn't dating anyone (He asked me out) and all of a sudden 8 months later he is getting married? Hey I guess to each their own, rushing isn't for me but some people don't mind. He is pushing to meet for drinks which I am all about but I get this weird feeling he is doing it to prove to me he is over me, which honeslty I don't care...So I am going to go to see what the deal is (update to follow). I hope he isn't so fucking bizarre in bed with his fiance as he was with me..the poor thing.

The laziest woman in the world update!

Happy New Years to everyone!

I want to say happy new years to my bloggers and hope everyone had a great holiday! I was unable to blog at all due to my fear of losing anonymity at home. There have definitely been times when I wanted to write but god forbid the history came up and I was found out. I need this place to be raw and crazy, even if it is one sided.

The last 11 days off from work was fabulous and at the same time totally and completely unproductive. I basically accomplished nothing, slept in till 11am everyday and my condo is dirtier than when I first started vacation. I did order centerpieces (I really need to get on the fucking ball with this wedding), scrubbed the shower, cleaned sporadically and celebrated my youngest sisters 21st birthday. That is it! Over 11 wonderful days and that is it.

I did the Christmas visit etc which was tedious but fun, but overall I was a useless piece of shit. Plus I can feel myself getting fatter and fatter as we speak considering since I broke my foot the gym has been null and void. All of the Christmas parties, and get togethers filled my fat ass with chocolate, cookies and lots of booze. I can totally understand how people who just sit around gain weight. I would just sit in front of the TV and all of a sudden I would be hungry. It’s like nothing else would register in my brain except food.

So I will highlight a little bit of fun I did have over the holidays.

Sister’s 21st birthday: It was a blast but hobbling around with a broken foot is not as fun as one would expect. Honestly I just thought people would be fooled and think my limping was a sign of drunkenness. No such luck and somehow even though I had the broken foot and was on pain killers and drinking my two girlfriends ended up puking all over the place that night. Classy, I know.

Christmas Eve: I attended the annual Christmas eve party for my fathers side of the family. Now this is the huge Irish catholic drunk family which looks like a huge house party than an intimate family affair. This year my sister invited her boyfriend Safety guy who I am friends with and I hooked her up with. He mentioned his fear of how “meeting the family was a big step, blah, blah, blah” So I replied “ Well Safety guy you do know what happens when you meet the family right? We suck your soul out and your whole fucking life with crumble into nothing.” He laughed and eventually went. I am sure he did not expect me to pay two of my little cousins to approach him and ask for his soul, hehehe! Have to have some humor right?

Christmas: Christmas was fun, and low key which I like. S. got me the regular, typical good gifts. Gift cards, perfume, body stuff, etc. I was happy since this year there was not much I wanted. I still think the best gift was the huge pack of batteries (I think it was 30 AA batteries) he got so my vibrator and clit massager would never be without, hehe! Gotta love this man.

New Years: Went to an amazing dinner with three of my girls (S had to work until 11pm) and drank fabulous wine and had amazing sushi. We all got a little dressed up and tried to feel high class before the inevitable drunkenness to follow. I got back and partied it up until 5:30am in the morning. This late night extravaganza never happens anymore (not since my raving drug induced days) but I had S. three male cousins (and in the wedding) over crashing at our place. Try being the host to four guys after being drunk. I basically have no food anymore in my condo. It was a blast and I felt the after effects yesterday. There are more stories involved with New Year’s that I will post later but for now I will get back to my crappy job and remember that 2008 is hopefully going to be a new and amazing year!

(P.S. Looking at this post I cannot believe how little I can fucking right about due to my slothness over my break. I need to not eat, actually work at work and get on the fucking ball!)